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Posted: 4/29/2024 11:52:39 AM EDT
Sitting here at lunch with my wife at a restaurant.
I carefully open my straw. Tug the paper down ever so much enough to twist the other end tightly shut. Covertly raise the exposed end of the straw to my lips and attempt to shoot her between the eyes. Misfire. Tug it further out of battery and reshoot. Nope. Repeat failure drill. Still nada even with only 1 inch of engagement.  The F@#$ing restaurant straw industry has conspired to make the paper coverings on straws too tight to allow proper launching so nobody can have the satisfaction of shooting their loved one in the face. Im sure all to save the picking up of a few wrappers by wait staff. This is bull shit. 
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FL, USA
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Posted: 4/29/2024 11:54:54 AM EDT
[#1]
School cafeteria took all our straws away during the '68 insurrections. Fuck the Man, Man.
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Posted: 4/29/2024 11:56:43 AM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Nefarious1: School cafeteria took all our straws away during the '68 insurrections. Fuck the Man, Man.  Is that true? 
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Posted: 4/29/2024 11:58:06 AM EDT
[#3]
Paper or plastic?
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Posted: 4/29/2024 11:58:36 AM EDT
[#4]
That’s just the gun case.
Proper ammo is ice from yer Coke. |
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UT, USA
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Posted: 4/29/2024 12:04:38 PM EDT
[#5]
OP I am a jedi master of straw paper assassination.
proper steps: step 1: Tear off "bottom" paper of straw, remove 25-30% of the paper. Step 2: Pull paper off straw till only about 25% of the "top" of the straw has paper on it. About half or more paper is off the straw. Just the bottom 1/2" of the remaining paper is on the straw Step 3: Gently twist the "nose" of the paper into a cone. Just the very end. Maybe 1/4-1/2 inch Step 4: take aim and hard puff. Don't aim at eyes, will put an eye out Step 5: enjoy yelling, or silence, whichever one your wife does. caution, if you miss target, straw paper will go several tables over and irritate someone else. it's all about the nose cone and keeping it very straight and pointed, and it'll fly well and hit a lot harder than you think. |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 12:10:58 PM EDT
[#6]
I imagine someone got hit in the eye with the paper and required some kind of medical care. That's usually what happens for a product to get a safety warning or redesign.
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Posted: 4/29/2024 12:12:52 PM EDT
[#7]
This is why I now just roll it into a ball and toss it for cleavage.
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Posted: 4/29/2024 12:13:19 PM EDT
[#8]
Originally Posted By Ridgerunner9876: Sitting here at lunch with my wife at a restaurant. I carefully open my straw. Tug the paper down ever so much enough to twist the other end tightly shut. Covertly raise the exposed end of the straw to my lips and attempt to shoot her between the eyes. Misfire. Tug it further out of battery and reshoot. Nope. Repeat failure drill. Still nada even with only 1 inch of engagement. The F@#$ing restaurant straw industry has conspired to make the paper coverings on straws too tight to allow proper launching so nobody can have the satisfaction of shooting their loved one in the face. Im sure all to save the picking up of a few wrappers by wait staff. This is bull shit. On Saturday, I hit my wife in the eye from 7 feet away, while teaching my 3yo how to properly launch a straw wrapper. |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 12:13:30 PM EDT
[#9]
Yeah I'm sure that's the secret to marital bliss
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AZ, USA
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Posted: 4/29/2024 12:13:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: IT_Cowboy]
[#10]
They got rid of plastic straws for paper ones and then put plastic covers on the paper straws. I save all of mine for when I visit the ocean and then throw them all in at once.
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Posted: 4/29/2024 12:14:56 PM EDT
[#11]
You need to up your V02 max.
That said you're going to be dealing some serious ballistics at that pressure and should have an exfil plan that you understand inside and out. |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 12:16:34 PM EDT
[#12]
lol
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Posted: 4/29/2024 12:17:02 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By IT_Cowboy: They got rid of plastic straws for paper ones and then put plastic covers on the paper straws. I save all of mine for when I visit the ocean and then throw them all in at once. 
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WI, USA
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Posted: 4/29/2024 12:17:29 PM EDT
[#14]
About 30 years ago we were at Country Kitchen.
I soaked a wadded up piece of straw wrapper in water and pushed it into the end of my straw. My mother was not paying attention to me. I handed it to my mother and told her my straw didn’t work. She tried blowing through the straw. Nothing. Big inhalation. Big exhalation. The projectile nailed some blue-hair in the ear about 30 feet away. We left the restaurant very quickly. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/29/2024 1:54:13 PM EDT
[#15]
In the last days, the straws will be paper and the wrapper will be plastic
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OH, USA
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Posted: 4/29/2024 2:00:30 PM EDT
[#16]
Use to take the fancy toothpick with fletching out of the Big Boy sandwich, insert into a straw and shoot cork ceiling in Bob's Bigboy.
At the end of the school year there were hundreds of of "darts" in the cork as we passed it on and had everyone doing it. Shop wars with pea shooters got out of hand with line pressure, long tubing barrels and nasty projectiles. Fun stuff. |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 2:04:58 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By tc556guy: Yeah I'm sure that's the secret to marital bliss It kinda is. If I didnt pick on her, she would think something was wrong. We both believe and often say we have the best marriage we know of. What wife begs to run a mill to help out?  Attached File |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 2:06:36 PM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By JaredGrey: About 30 years ago we were at Country Kitchen. I soaked a wadded up piece of straw wrapper in water and pushed it into the end of my straw. My mother was not paying attention to me. I handed it to my mother and told her my straw didn’t work. She tried blowing through the straw. Nothing. Big inhalation. Big exhalation. The projectile nailed some blue-hair in the ear about 30 feet away. We left the restaurant very quickly. I laughed. |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 2:10:06 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By JKH62: Use to take the fancy toothpick with fletching out of the Big Boy sandwich, insert into a straw and shoot cork ceiling in Bob's Bigboy. At the end of the school year there were hundreds of of "darts" in the cork as we passed it on and had everyone doing it. Shop wars with pea shooters got out of hand with line pressure, long tubing barrels and nasty projectiles. Fun stuff. High pressure airline is no joke. Dad tells the story of a guy at the steel mill. Was gonna play a joke and shoot his buddy in the ass with a ball bearing out of a steel tube. At the last minute, he decided to shoot the block wall beside him instead. The 3/8 bearing made a nice hole in the block with lots of dust and a big noise.
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Posted: 4/29/2024 2:12:57 PM EDT
[#20]
Originally Posted By Ridgerunner9876: Sitting here at lunch with my wife at a restaurant. I carefully open my straw. Tug the paper down ever so much enough to twist the other end tightly shut. Covertly raise the exposed end of the straw to my lips and attempt to shoot her between the eyes. Misfire. Tug it further out of battery and reshoot. Nope. Repeat failure drill. Still nada even with only 1 inch of engagement. The F@#$ing restaurant straw industry has conspired to make the paper coverings on straws too tight to allow proper launching so nobody can have the satisfaction of shooting their loved one in the face. Im sure all to save the picking up of a few wrappers by wait staff. This is bull shit. There's other ways of accomplishing this without needing a straw... |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 2:15:35 PM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Techsan02: There's other ways of accomplishing this without needing a straw... Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Techsan02: Originally Posted By Ridgerunner9876: Sitting here at lunch with my wife at a restaurant. I carefully open my straw. Tug the paper down ever so much enough to twist the other end tightly shut. Covertly raise the exposed end of the straw to my lips and attempt to shoot her between the eyes. Misfire. Tug it further out of battery and reshoot. Nope. Repeat failure drill. Still nada even with only 1 inch of engagement. The F@#$ing restaurant straw industry has conspired to make the paper coverings on straws too tight to allow proper launching so nobody can have the satisfaction of shooting their loved one in the face. Im sure all to save the picking up of a few wrappers by wait staff. This is bull shit. There's other ways of accomplishing this without needing a straw... Yep. The nerd gun I use to keep the cat off the counter works, too. But I usually just aim for her butt. Shoots too hard for the face. |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 5:35:28 PM EDT
[#22]
 Man dies after boss sticks compressed air hose up his butt | New York Post |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 5:39:21 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By nvroundman: This is why I now just roll it into a ball and toss it for cleavage. This is the way.
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Posted: 4/29/2024 5:44:14 PM EDT
[#24]
Nice strawman.
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Posted: 4/29/2024 6:03:13 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By hoodonit00: I imagine someone got hit in the eye with the paper and required some kind of medical care. That's usually what happens for a product to get a safety warning or redesign. Freedom be scary yo. 
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WA, USA
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Posted: 4/29/2024 6:04:55 PM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By hoodonit00: I imagine someone got hit in the eye with the paper and required some kind of medical care. That's usually what happens for a product to get a safety warning or redesign. I think you would do better over in Britain. |
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NY, USA
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Posted: 4/29/2024 6:06:28 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By nvroundman: This is why I now just roll it into a ball and toss it for cleavage. Glad I'm not the only one who does this... |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 6:46:22 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By tc556guy: Yeah I'm sure that's the secret to marital bliss |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 7:15:53 PM EDT
[#29]
Remember what they took from you.
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Posted: 4/29/2024 7:18:46 PM EDT
[#30]
Guess it's spitballs then
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Posted: 4/29/2024 7:30:15 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Nefarious1: School cafeteria took all our straws away during the '68 insurrections. Fuck the Man, Man. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 7:32:03 PM EDT
[#32]
Originally Posted By Ridgerunner9876: Sitting here at lunch with my wife at a restaurant. I carefully open my straw. Tug the paper down ever so much enough to twist the other end tightly shut. Covertly raise the exposed end of the straw to my lips and attempt to shoot her between the eyes. Misfire. Tug it further out of battery and reshoot. Nope. Repeat failure drill. Still nada even with only 1 inch of engagement. The F@#$ing restaurant straw industry has conspired to make the paper coverings on straws too tight to allow proper launching so nobody can have the satisfaction of shooting their loved one in the face. Im sure all to save the picking up of a few wrappers by wait staff. This is bull shit. This aggression will not stand, man! |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 7:32:49 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Ridgerunner9876: It kinda is. If I didnt pick on her, she would think something was wrong. We both believe and often say we have the best marriage we know of. What wife begs to run a mill to help out? https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/206831/20240428_152102_jpg-3201321.JPG Ooo love the cardboard chip blocker. |
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Posted: 4/29/2024 7:39:20 PM EDT
[#34]
Motherfuckers must pay
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Posted: 4/29/2024 11:10:39 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Fat_McNasty: Ooo love the cardboard chip blocker. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Fat_McNasty: Originally Posted By Ridgerunner9876: It kinda is. If I didnt pick on her, she would think something was wrong. We both believe and often say we have the best marriage we know of. What wife begs to run a mill to help out? https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/206831/20240428_152102_jpg-3201321.JPG Ooo love the cardboard chip blocker. @fatmcnasty But, did you catch the air nozzle mounted to point at the fixture so she doesn't have to pick it up each time? Hit the toggle clamp. Remove part. Mash air nozzle. Insert new part. Smash toggle. Hit go. About 30 second cycle for a robot. 45 for her. Repeat. |
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Posted: 4/30/2024 3:07:11 AM EDT
[#36]
Did you remember to take it off 'safe'?
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