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FM, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:25:21 PM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By bteamleader: Wow, some of these replies. Presumably you had kids because you wanted them not because you needed another strong back on the plantation.  I assume you never met my parents! 
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:28:18 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Thanks, I know it's the right thing to do. I just wish I could do something that will get him to be a better man. I guess there's no substitute for maturity. Die is cast. I man has to find his own way. And 25 is a man. Sorry, Mom, he’s on his own. |
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USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:32:32 PM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Boy that's a load. Thanks. Not that I can influence you but my main concern is raising a good man. I believe a good man helps his parents when possible. If you think that's too much to ask, so be it. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By G3k: I've seen enough of your posts to automatically think your son is in the right. You could pay a guy 100 bucks to help but instead are creating family drama. Sounds smart. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much. |
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USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:32:33 PM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Yes what's obvious to me isn't always obvious to others. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By SuperX925: Thread started off with an incorrect premise which lead to three pages of replies that had little relevance to the issue. Thread OP is updated with correct premise now. Poor OPs lead to waste of time. Yes what's obvious to me isn't always obvious to others. 
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:36:51 PM EDT
[#5]
Is “asshole” now GTG in thread titles?
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:41:21 PM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DADGAD: It is not a leak in your kitchen. That would be very different. It is a leak in the kitchen of your husband's income earning rental property. The income he earns should pay for the upkeep on his properties. It seems as though your son may be sending you a message that he is not your husband's keeper. I can understand why. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DADGAD: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By G3k: I've seen enough of your posts to automatically think your son is in the right. You could pay a guy 100 bucks to help but instead are creating family drama. Sounds smart. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much.  Seriously people. Read the goddamn thread before posting. College finals has nothing to do with this discussion. Why the OP even mentioned it is a strong indicator that this whole thread is a huge troll or attention seeking post. |
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USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:43:24 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: No, he's always been very helpful. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By NotIssued: Is this the autistic son that wants to go to NYC? first time he tells you "No" you throw him to an arfcom shark frenzy? or is this the 2nd time? |
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:47:21 PM EDT
[Last Edit: WDEagle]
[#8]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By AaronR: first time he tells you "No" you throw him to an arfcom shark frenzy? or is this the 2nd time? Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By AaronR: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By NotIssued: Is this the autistic son that wants to go to NYC? first time he tells you "No" you throw him to an arfcom shark frenzy? or is this the 2nd time? That response was about her other Son, not the one in college. |
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PA, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:55:19 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Zak406]
[#9]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DADGAD: It is not a leak in your kitchen. That would be very different. It is a leak in the kitchen of your husband's income earning rental property. The income he earns should pay for the upkeep on his properties. It seems as though your son may be sending you a message that he is not your husband's keeper. I can understand why. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much. @dadgad You know I was on the fence with this until I read your post. I agree. A rental property is not the kids problem. Now I will be the first to say if my parents called me to help bury a dead body I’d be there in a minute with a shovel but I absolutely see where you are coming from. With that all being said. He’s 25. He should pay his own car insurance. Not because he told you no but because at 25 that is what you should do. As far as health insurance I don’t think you can legally remove him until he has his own but that will go away soon. I think ultimately op (no offense) raised him getting away with telling people no. Which is fine and dandy but I would think twice about helping him in the future. I think there is an expectation if you ask me for help and I help that some day you may need to repay the favor |
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:55:58 PM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: No, he's always been very helpful. He's 25. I'd just ask, and if he says no, let it go. And time to cut the cord. Don't know why he's in college at 25 (I skipped ahead and didn't read this all), but it's about time he take on all his expenses. He needs to be an adult at that age. Part of that ua being allowed to say no. |
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USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:56:08 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By SuperX925: Seriously people. Read the goddamn thread before posting. College finals has nothing to do with this discussion. Why the OP even mentioned it is a strong indicator that this whole thread is a huge troll or attention seeking post. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By SuperX925: Originally Posted By DADGAD: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By G3k: I've seen enough of your posts to automatically think your son is in the right. You could pay a guy 100 bucks to help but instead are creating family drama. Sounds smart. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much. Seriously people. Read the goddamn thread before posting. College finals has nothing to do with this discussion. Why the OP even mentioned it is a strong indicator that this whole thread is a huge troll or attention seeking post. |
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Posted: 4/27/2024 8:59:38 PM EDT
[#12]
If we were local and friends, I'd do it just to be kind, and I hate ladders. In fact, I'd carry the shit up the ladder and place it on the roof but I couldn't force myself to get off the ladder because I'm deathly afraid of heights, but the shit would get up the ladder.....
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:07:27 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DADGAD: I may have missed a detail or two, but the son seems to be saying that he has his own life and doesn't need to stop everything to come take care of her husband's investments. Is that being ungrateful to a mother who pays for insurances, or is it taking a stand that he isn't responsible for taking care of another man's business. It may be in the posts that I missed or it may be in "the other side of the story" that we aren't hearing. Either way, it seems like the husband needs to take responsibility and pay for his own upkeep on his investments. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DADGAD: Originally Posted By SuperX925: Originally Posted By DADGAD: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By G3k: I've seen enough of your posts to automatically think your son is in the right. You could pay a guy 100 bucks to help but instead are creating family drama. Sounds smart. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much. Seriously people. Read the goddamn thread before posting. College finals has nothing to do with this discussion. Why the OP even mentioned it is a strong indicator that this whole thread is a huge troll or attention seeking post. The OP made it seem that the repair was scheduled for the week her son was taking his college final exams. That was not the case. The repair had been scheduled for the following week and the son had agreed to help, then crawfished. 90% of the replies defending the son are on the premise that the repair is scheduled for the finals week. I personally think the whole thread is bullshit. |
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:11:56 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By GenoGS: Umm, he's 25 he's the man he's going to be. It's unlikely he's going to become a "better man" here on out. It has nothing to do with maturity. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By GenoGS: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Thanks, I know it's the right thing to do. I just wish I could do something that will get him to be a better man. I guess there's no substitute for maturity. Umm, he's 25 he's the man he's going to be. It's unlikely he's going to become a "better man" here on out. It has nothing to do with maturity. |
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USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:12:22 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By SuperX925: The OP made it seem that the repair was scheduled for the week her son was taking his college final exams. That was not the case. The repair had been scheduled for the following week and the son had agreed to help, then crawfished. 90% of the replies defending the son are on the premise that the repair is scheduled for the finals week. I personally think the whole thread is bullshit.
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:13:39 PM EDT
[#16]
hmm.
My step dad's leaky roof would be a higher priority than my damn college exams. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:17:26 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DADGAD: I'm not reading five pages to figure it out. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DADGAD: Originally Posted By SuperX925: The OP made it seem that the repair was scheduled for the week her son was taking his college final exams. That was not the case. The repair had been scheduled for the following week and the son had agreed to help, then crawfished. 90% of the replies defending the son are on the premise that the repair is scheduled for the finals week. I personally think the whole thread is bullshit. All you had to do was read the OP completely. |
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:17:29 PM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DADGAD: It is not a leak in your kitchen. That would be very different. It is a leak in the kitchen of your husband's income earning rental property. The income he earns should pay for the upkeep on his properties. It seems as though your son may be sending you a message that he is not your husband's keeper. I can understand why. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DADGAD: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By G3k: I've seen enough of your posts to automatically think your son is in the right. You could pay a guy 100 bucks to help but instead are creating family drama. Sounds smart. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much. |
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:23:53 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By NotIssued: He's 25. I'd just ask, and if he says no, let it go. And time to cut the cord. Don't know why he's in college at 25 (I skipped ahead and didn't read this all), but it's about time he take on all his expenses. He needs to be an adult at that age. Part of that ua being allowed to say no. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:26:43 PM EDT
[#20]
Just a guess, but step-dad probably treated him like shit when he was younger and now it’s finally coming back full circle…
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USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:26:44 PM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: You skipped a lot of the details-it's after finals and he usually comes to visit so I asked him to help and he said he would and then backed out. Obviously his job and school is way more important. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By DADGAD: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By G3k: I've seen enough of your posts to automatically think your son is in the right. You could pay a guy 100 bucks to help but instead are creating family drama. Sounds smart. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much. Your priority seems to be your husband's rental properties. If he owns them on the premise that he is able to do the upkeep himself, then he needs to rethink whether they are good investments for him now that he is not as physically capable. If he is making money off them, he should spend some of that on their upkeep. I can understand your son not feeling a great sense of obligation towards taking care of someone else's business dealings. |
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:31:38 PM EDT
[#22]
His health insurance through you ends at age 26 IIRC, so that's a done deal.
OP, you are not being unreasonable. Some people just take longer to grow up than others. He will hopefully come around before you're gone, and appreciate you and his step-dad before it's too late. |
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CO, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:39:05 PM EDT
[#23]
Drop his car insurance and use the extra money to hire someone to fix the roof.
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:40:30 PM EDT
[Last Edit: dyezak]
[#24]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By TheKill: For one, her husband is not the kids' dad. He's stepdad. Step parents are rarely accepted by kids the way bio parents are, and that is probably a thread that runs through the whole dynamic. I told my stepkids on day one, "I'm not your dad, I don't want to replace your dad. Your relationship with your dad is your business, and our relationship just needs to have basic respect. Beyond that it can be whatever you want it to be". My wife on the other hand was pretty hard on them, on the rare occasions when they were disrespectful to me she told them a couple times, drill sgt style, that was not acceptable. She would remind them of all the things I did for our family, and tell them in no uncertain terms at about 120dB that they were to treat me with respect. It worked, but, as adults one kid really likes me and the other not so much. It's just a difficult dynamic. I had step parents on both sides. I am not unfamiliar with this dynamic. Regardless, there is something underlying that is unsaid and influencing the situation. Mom and Son need to heart to heart and hug this shit out. ETA: @QueenDeNile, your son has something to say he has never said. I don't want to jump the shark and guess what his issue is. But if you want things to be the way you are depicting your ideals in this thread...you need to get this out of your boy. What is the anger, or resentment, that is underlying his disposition. You don't have to agree with it, but you need for him to say it and get it off his chest. |
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SC, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:54:08 PM EDT
[#25]
Can the renters not help?
I wouldnt be all excited about working on a rental property roof either. At least its not too hot yet though. |
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:55:32 PM EDT
[#26]
No more payments. He's 25. It's time to cut the cord, mommy.
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:57:02 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By SuperX925: The OP made it seem that the repair was scheduled for the week her son was taking his college final exams. That was not the case. The repair had been scheduled for the following week and the son had agreed to help, then crawfished. 90% of the replies defending the son are on the premise that the repair is scheduled for the finals week. I personally think the whole thread is bullshit. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By SuperX925: Originally Posted By DADGAD: Originally Posted By SuperX925: Originally Posted By DADGAD: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By G3k: I've seen enough of your posts to automatically think your son is in the right. You could pay a guy 100 bucks to help but instead are creating family drama. Sounds smart. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much. Seriously people. Read the goddamn thread before posting. College finals has nothing to do with this discussion. Why the OP even mentioned it is a strong indicator that this whole thread is a huge troll or attention seeking post. The OP made it seem that the repair was scheduled for the week her son was taking his college final exams. That was not the case. The repair had been scheduled for the following week and the son had agreed to help, then crawfished. 90% of the replies defending the son are on the premise that the repair is scheduled for the finals week. I personally think the whole thread is bullshit. it certainly has spiraled but I learned from it (several pages back.) Best wishes! 
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Posted: 4/27/2024 9:59:09 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By SF1058: Just a guess, but step-dad probably treated him like shit when he was younger and now it's finally coming back full circle |
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Posted: 4/27/2024 10:01:34 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By dyezak: I had step parents on both sides. I am not unfamiliar with this dynamic. Regardless, there is something underlying that is unsaid and influencing the situation. Mom and Son need to heart to heart and hug this shit out. ETA: @QueenDeNile, your son has something to say he has never said. I don't want to jump the shark and guess what his issue is. But if you want things to be the way you are depicting your ideals in this thread...you need to get this out of your boy. What is the anger, or resentment, that is underlying his disposition. You don't have to agree with it, but you need for him to say it and get it off his chest. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By dyezak: Originally Posted By TheKill: For one, her husband is not the kids' dad. He's stepdad. Step parents are rarely accepted by kids the way bio parents are, and that is probably a thread that runs through the whole dynamic. I told my stepkids on day one, "I'm not your dad, I don't want to replace your dad. Your relationship with your dad is your business, and our relationship just needs to have basic respect. Beyond that it can be whatever you want it to be". My wife on the other hand was pretty hard on them, on the rare occasions when they were disrespectful to me she told them a couple times, drill sgt style, that was not acceptable. She would remind them of all the things I did for our family, and tell them in no uncertain terms at about 120dB that they were to treat me with respect. It worked, but, as adults one kid really likes me and the other not so much. It's just a difficult dynamic. I had step parents on both sides. I am not unfamiliar with this dynamic. Regardless, there is something underlying that is unsaid and influencing the situation. Mom and Son need to heart to heart and hug this shit out. ETA: @QueenDeNile, your son has something to say he has never said. I don't want to jump the shark and guess what his issue is. But if you want things to be the way you are depicting your ideals in this thread...you need to get this out of your boy. What is the anger, or resentment, that is underlying his disposition. You don't have to agree with it, but you need for him to say it and get it off his chest. |
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KY, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 10:16:40 PM EDT
[#30]
Queen, You and your husband have been more than accommodating. I understand your son has goals and aspirations and it sucks that the AF denied him. However in todays climate and the economy the way it is- we need to look after our family first, even if its helping his step-dad, he's helping mama (you). The amount of disrespect i feel on your behalf that he's concocting lies about plans on traveling to his sisters and finding all sorts of excuses not to help - I'd cut him off your health insurance and stop paying for auto insurance. He needs a come to jesus moment when real life and lack of safety nets slaps him in the face. At this point he probably feels entitled to everything left in your will at this point. It doesn't mean you don't love him, but it needs to be reciprocated and not taken for granted.
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Posted: 4/27/2024 10:30:24 PM EDT
[#31]
From what I’m gathering it sounds like you’re voluntarily paying his insurance for him out of the kindness of your heart. It doesn’t sound like he’s asking for it. That’s a nice thing but you can’t expect to use it as a carrot in front of him to get what you want. Doesn’t sound like that’s really the case here tho.
That said. He should just fucking help you cause that’s what a loving son should do for loving parents, just how you’re paying his insurance to help him. |
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Posted: 4/27/2024 10:31:01 PM EDT
[#32]
OP sounds ridiculous and petty. Do you want your kid focusing on his education so he can better himself and his life or are you purposely trying to sabotage his success due to some weird self complex or crisis you might be going through? Seems like the latter to me.
You may not be aware, but you are distracting him during the most stressful time of his life so he can fix a roof that someone else neglected to maintain or replace properly before it became “his problem.” How fucking sad and pathetic. Go ahead and cancel the dude’s car insurance to prove your point. Lmao. He’ll just have to Uber everywhere or do what he has to in order to get by for now, but make no mistake, he will give you both the big middle finger and you will lose your son over it. If you don’t believe me, try it and let us know how things are in 10 years when you’re crippled, sad-assed husband who you are making excuses for is dead or in hospice and you are all alone with a son who DGAF about your senile, petty, whiny old ass. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/27/2024 10:56:59 PM EDT
[#33]
Fuck his useless sorry ass.
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Posted: 4/27/2024 11:07:28 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: I started him at 6 so he was 19 when he graduated from high school. He wanted to join the Air Force but was denied medically so he worked for two years and then went to college. Thanks. Like I said, I wouldn't push the issue. Just don't be there for him a few times and when he finally asks, just remind him that support is a 2 way street. |
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KS, USA
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Posted: 4/28/2024 12:16:45 AM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: So my autistic son is going to help. He is just a bit slower moving and it doesn't come natural to him. There's nothing wrong with that but my youngest son is more skilled and knows how to give his older brother directions that he can follow. Plus the two of them together will get the job done quickly. We can afford to hire help. That's not a bad idea asking the tenants to help but she's a single mom, her new love of her life is sketchy I would rather not have anything to do with either. We do need to fix the roof, she's been sitting with a bucket in her kitchen for over a month now (she just told us a few weeks ago.) Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By AndyandKevinsux: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Yes, me too, but we can do it, it will be quicker (and safer for my husband) with my youngest help. I can't go up and down ladders. My oldest will help but with his autism, he struggles with directions. So to be clear, its not your super autistic son who wont help, but some other asshole son, correct? Without knowing his history in terms of how he treats his parents, id be hesitant to just drop him from stuff. Final exams are insanely stressful, on top of any end of the semester projects or capstones. It took losing my mom when I was 22 to realize I should probably stop being an asshole to my parents. Now Id drop anything to help my dad out, if he needed it. Unless it was something really stupid then id probably bitch about helping, but still help. Does the rental property currently have tenets who could help for a mild break on rent? Tenant told you about the leak a few weeks ago and you delayed the repair so your son could help? |
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NV, USA
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Posted: 4/28/2024 12:17:52 AM EDT
[#36]
We talking exam Thursday, work Friday, and then voluntold show up on first day off after exam/work week to do a 2 hour round trip commute with fixing a roof in between on the first actual day off kid has probably seen in months?
Also should probably stop holding things over his head. He's probably dead sick of the guilt trip manipulation. Doesn't sound like you are helping him so much as trying to create things you can withhold or threaten to take away if he does not do what you want. Kid is probably ready to be done with the "help" with a constant side of guilt trip. He's 25 working and finishing school. Healthiest thing he can be doing is distancing himself from needy parents who demand his time as if they have a right to it. |
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Posted: 4/28/2024 12:24:16 AM EDT
[#37]
Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: …My son 25 is in the throws of finals …. ….We waited until after his finals to do the repairs. …. So which is it, during finals or no? Finals are more important than a roof repair. Roof repair can wait a week, finals can’t. If finals are done and he’s not willing to help then stop helping him. |
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KS, USA
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Posted: 4/28/2024 12:32:02 AM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By eolian: Can the renters not help? I wouldnt be all excited about working on a rental property roof either. At least its not too hot yet though. Renters have apparently been putting up with a leaking roof for several weeks after informing the landlord. It’s not their responsibility to fix the roof. That’s what they are paying the landlord to do. |
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Posted: 4/28/2024 12:56:22 AM EDT
[#39]
That’s right about the age my parents sold all their rental properties. They could no longer do the work themselves with us kids off managing our own lives and they didn’t want to pay for help.
Getting old sucks when you have to face your limitations. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/28/2024 12:58:00 AM EDT
[#40]
Cut him loose, he wants to be a big boy let him enjoy big boy problems. Let him realize how much he didn't appreciate the life line you extended him. Don't even give him a heads up. Just a notification that on such and such date that previously extended services that he received have been recendid and all future liabilities rely the sole responsibility of the individual.
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LA, USA
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Posted: 4/28/2024 1:21:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: killstick_engaged]
[#41]
Damn makes me grateful AF for my oldest, he's always done whatever I asked no matter how frustrating or annoying.
Just said 'ok dad' and doing whatever I asked. Then one day he started saying 'yes sir' and doing whatever I asked. But then, whenever my dad asked me to do something I'd say 'yes sir' and do it. So maybe he picked it up from that. Despite the shit show of the military I think he'd do well in it. Doesn't judge people for being weird, but hates when retards act out, and just does what he's told like a machine man. |
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Posted: 4/28/2024 1:29:37 AM EDT
[#42]
The guy got medically rejected from the air force, not sure what his issue is but maybe adhd. His older brother is autistic. His step dad has been injured for the last 2 years needing more help. His mom has been working multiple jobs and needing help. He grew up watching his parents care for his grandparents.
It sounds to me like he has a lot of weight on his shoulders from people needing him and having the expectation that he will dedicate his life to helping everyone in his family. But he has his own struggles and has been working hard to graduate with a useful degree debt free. That's seriously no small feat in 2024. He may be immaturely trying to set boundaries because he can't be the single savoir for all the needy people in his family and doesn't want to end up like what he saw growing up of his parents taking care of their parents for the rest of their lives. Not saying he's right. Just that he may be looking at your request from a different perspective than yours. |
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CA, USA
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Posted: 4/28/2024 2:01:12 AM EDT
[#43]
I'd sure as hell drop his insurance like a hot potato for not helping.
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Posted: 4/28/2024 2:20:05 AM EDT
[#44]
If during finals I can understand him saying "no". If finals aren't an issue perhaps presenting it as follows:
We are currently paying your car insurance at the rate of $1245 per year. We need your assistance with the roof, and estimate the time we would need your help at 16 hours. If you help us for that 16 hours we will continue to pay your car insurance for another year, if not, then the car insurance will be yours to pay. $1245 divided by 16 is a value of over $77 per hour. We would hope you would help us out of the goodness of your heart, but viewing it in a more "concrete" way may help. We are sorry it has come to this. |
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Posted: 4/28/2024 9:28:49 AM EDT
[#45]
"You pay for your bringing up when you bring up your own".
Universal truth. |
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Posted: 4/28/2024 9:33:20 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DADGAD: It is not a leak in your kitchen. That would be very different. It is a leak in the kitchen of your husband's income earning rental property. The income he earns should pay for the upkeep on his properties. It seems as though your son may be sending you a message that he is not your husband's keeper. I can understand why. A good man takes care of his business and then gives extra where he can. A good parent takes care of their own business, takes care of their children where they can, and doesn't expect their child to stop everything and help them. Finals week and his job should absolutely be his priority far before your husband's rental property. It seems like your son is doing what he is supposed to as a "good man"; your husband, not so much. very well written. excellent post. I'm gonna use your words in the future when giving advice. |
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SC, USA
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Posted: 4/28/2024 9:40:05 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By fssf158: Renters have apparently been putting up with a leaking roof for several weeks after informing the landlord. It’s not their responsibility to fix the roof. That’s what they are paying the landlord to do. Yea, but they could offer at the very least. I would of done that back in my renter days. Although i worked construction after getting out of the Army. Hell just hire a roofer and jack the rent up. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/28/2024 9:42:02 AM EDT
[#48]
Imagine treating your kid like an employee for your husbands rental property, letting a reported roof leak go unfixed for weeks and then throwing shade about your slow and weasly son not helping when told and, subsequently, threatening to push him off insurance he's been on up to that point as a result.
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LA, USA
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Posted: 4/28/2024 9:51:18 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Its_Raining_Lead: Imagine treating your kid like an employee for your husbands rental property, letting a reported roof leak go unfixed for weeks and then throwing shade about your slow and weasly son not helping when told and, subsequently, threatening to push him off insurance he's been on up to that point as a result. No wonder kids hate boomers so much |
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MN, USA
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Posted: 4/28/2024 9:51:20 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DubyaB: Pretty much this , he needs to grow up and appreciate you. Eta No one studys every hour of the day for finals. A 2 hour working break imo would help him physical activity stimulates the mind. Hell of a lot better than video games Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By DubyaB: Originally Posted By 10mmillie: Tell him to help or pay his own way. If he says FU then drop him. Pretty much this , he needs to grow up and appreciate you. Eta No one studys every hour of the day for finals. A 2 hour working break imo would help him physical activity stimulates the mind. Hell of a lot better than video games Whoa there buddy… YOU may not have studied every hour of every day but I spent about a decade doing exactly that especially around finals or major exams (short breaks for eating and I had a hard cap at 22:00 pm so I could be in bed by 11:00). That decision has been very good for me. 
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