Now that's one hell of a weekend and the approval of Hunter S. Thompson.

I have a story that didn't end in termination as well.  Just humiliation.

We were in a bullpen of engineers and one older gentlemen constantly made phone calls around the company (he didn't believe in email).  He also couldn't be bothered to look up the numbers for himself.  He'd always ask for so-and-so's number, and anytime we didn't know we'd slowly say nine..... one.... one... then pause.

After the third time the cops showed up security took his phone away from him and told him he could make any future calls from his boss's office

Boss told some guys to get rid of a contractors scissor lift.
Which meant move it.
It was left it an unsightly place.
They loaded that sum bish on a trailer and took it home.

I knew a surgeon who called in to delay his morning OR cases for a few hours. He had been booked for a DUI some time after midnight.

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A climber threw a running chainsaw out of a tree at a guy on the ground. It missed thankfully.
 

Pulled track of rail cars into yard one night with a leaking grain car. A couple car knockers got the bright idea and pulled their pickup

next to the leaking car and loaded the bed with corn.

They were caught after the third load was sold to a nearby grain bin.

Escorted off RR property.

Asking to sleep in the guard shack instead of going home. Said he wouldn't show up the next day if he couldn't sleep there. Told him fine, he will be hit with a no call/no show and be terminated, but he wasn't sleeping in the guard shack. No call/no show, automatic termination.

they should have had someone watch that corn hole

Jet-A is diesel and 100LL is high octane gasoline.

Most avgas is still leaded, and will kill a car's catalytic converter.

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Had an employee call me while on the first vacation I had taken in seven years.  The problem was that because Labor Day fell on pay day, she was going to have to wait until Tuesday to be paid.  Knowing perfectly well that I was out of town, she demanded I meet her at my shop and write her a check.  

Work on a Marine base.

Fellow worker had some minor charges brought against him and denied anything every happened. Ended up in front of the Provost Marshal. (Head cop on base). When things didn't look like they were going his way, he threatened to kill the Provost Marshal and his (The idiot being reprimanded) immediate Supervisor.  Id didn't take long for him to be escorted back to work, empty his locker and then be escorted to the gate, with a firm understanding that he was not allowed back on base, and if he tried, he would have Federal Charges of Trespassing charged against him.

Had a guy win the company tennis tournament. Problem was he was out on a bad back disability. HR banned him.

The funny thing is that all he needed to do was read for a couple hours a few night's a week to sound competent (and probably know as much as a real MBA after a few years). But he was no Matt Damon.



 

A receptionist who moonlighted as a PI decided to pull out her shitty (loaded and with a round chambered) KelTec 9mm and proceed to play show and tell.

She felt this was perfectly fine because of course she's a PI.


She walked to my office and plopped it down on my desk and started to tell me how wonderful it was and told me to pick it up and check it out. I did that and press checked the gun.....and saw a round in the chamber.


I told her that she's lucky I'm a gun guy but it's stunningly poor judgement to just plop a loaded gun in front of pretty much anyone without either announcing its loaded or making the gun safe prior to doing so. She thought I was over reacting.


She then went on the sales floor and proceeded to walk around showing anyone who'd look. You can imagine many people were not at all comfortable with this. I walked out, saw what was going and went to the woman's desk that had the gun sitting in front of her keyboard. She had a look of sheer terror on her face. I picked the gun up, saw it was still loaded. Dropped the mag, ejected the round, handed all three items back to her and told her to put it away immediately.


She took it all back to the reception desk grumbling.


I walked over to her desk to explain further why it was a very, very bad decision. She said she put it away, which is where I could see it plain as day sitting next to her monitor. In plain view of anyone who'd visit the office.


I told her she just succeeded in freaking out several people who found what she did to be alarming. I told her to take the gun to her car and to leave it there, which she reluctantly did.


Someone called and reported this and she was fired an hour later.

"Do you believe in miracles?"

Lying during IA's, having sex with drug dealer skanks, stealing/using prescription drugs...

Putting endless rounds of drinks for complete strangers and apparently some sort of massage parlor on a company card during a business trip overseas.

Nothing spectacular. Just regular plain old dumbassary.

Women used company credit card to buy herself a leather couch. Nobody was gonna notice a $3K charge? Fired.

Dude using company truck to "run home" during his shift but he was doing personal errands.
Bossman saw him at a Wal-Mart 15 miles away at 7pm during 3-11 shift. Fired.

Our employer has a strict NO SMOKING on company property policy.
Yep. Fired for smoking IN THE FLAMMABLE AREA of the unit.
Several have been fired for this.

Many popped on pee tests.
One idiot had 20yrs in. Went on vacay. Smoked dope. Got tested when he came back to work. And they always tested when you came back to work. He knew this. DUH.

Back about 2002 or so the company started using electronic I.D. badges. Each employee has one.
When you enter the property you have to pass the badge thru a scanner. It beeps green,you enter/leave.
Dumbshits who were taking 2 hour lunch breaks and leaving early suddenly got nailed by management now that management had a record of their movements.
Many had to cough up their vacation hours to pay company back. More than a few fired.  

More than a few faking injury.

A couple/three for being all grab assey on the ladies.

One got fired for stealing bars of soap from the locker room.

New hire starts on Monday.  Company 10th anniversary shindig is the next night.  New guy gropes a female at the shindig.  New guy fired the next day.


The female was the CEO of the company.

smoooth

I worked in a warehouse, one of the guys needed a vehicle sticker for his license plate so dumbass decided to steal one from a company truck.

Driver noticed the missing sticker, notified management, management waited until all employees were inside the building then they walked down the parking lot looking for the missing sticker.

Yup, found it on Nick's car.

They called him down, fired him, had him arrested AND had his car towed out of the lot.

He was a dick.

He had a partner in crime who broke his hand over the weekend, came into work, waited a half hour and went to the office saying he dropped something on it.  

In the meantime, this guy's father hired an attorney and filed suit.  Well once management found out what really happened they fired him and he had to pay his own medical bills.

Some strong Army Values there. I fucking hate hypocrites like that.

 
He went big..AND went home.

He shoulda had Dad put her digits on his term papers

#Winning

Starting a campfire inside a warehouse with pallet scraps?

In!

I worked at AMD in Austin and they told me a story. I have every reason to believe it is true.

Some guy was going in at 7:00 AM, putting on his "bunny suit", then sneaking out of the fab and stashing his bunny suit and changing back into normal clothes.
Then he clocked into a job in the administration department, worked until 5:30. Then he changed back into his bunny suit, and finished his shift.

He was making two separate paychecks (one under a fake name and social) for over 9 months before he got nailed.

I remember that one lol

Yep, that's him. All in all he was a decent enough guy, but shady...as...fuck.

I'm not surprised that he's made it that far.

Back when the internet was just becoming a thing, this gal I knew was at a meeting when upper mgmt. laid out their plans for creating a website.  This was a Fortune 500 company and they mentioned what the web address was going to be: www.XYZ.com.  Dumb bitch does a search and finds out that www.XYZ.com is not yet registered, so she registers it herself, planning to sell it to them.   They fire her for attempting to profit from trade secrets.

Amazing timing... I was reading this thread and waiting to post my experience, the guy I am about to post about just sent me a friend request on facebook when I got to the start of page 5! I won't be accepting it and if I ever see him again I'll probably kick his ass since I'm the one that had to fix all the problems he created at work (he directly ignored many of my warning on what specifically not to do when I trained him and it caused massive errors in the system that took me weeks to fix).

We had a guy at work that took 2 years to fire due to corporate HR BS, some of these stories on here piss me off since this guy committed these same violations not once, but muttiple times.
- Fell asleep at his desk multiple times
- Fell asleep on the shitter multiple times
- Designed websites (his side job) while sitting at work not doing his real job (telling our boss he needed to work OT over the weekend to do his real job, then working 2 hours over the weekend and clocking 10, boss figured this out when you read the one below and he started doing some of the guys work)
- No call no show for 2 weeks before his mom called work to let us know he was in the hospital due to his kroans (sp?) disease (makes you shit, I don't see how he could not have made a simple phone call in two weeks to let his boss know). He was really in rehab because he got addicted to crack. Came back to work 2 more weeks later (a month out of work total) and was able to save his job because of a doctors note (damn HR).
- No call, no show again (relapsed), finally fired after 3 weeks when he could not produce a doctors note.

Had a friend from HS, total loser type that never had a decent job and had been out of work for several months. His BIL hooks him up with a dream job, Monday to Friday, out of town with travel and rental car, learning a good skill, really a great opportunity for this guy... In the first week I hear that he is drinking and driving in the rental and I think within 3 weeks he gets fired. A bunch of the guys went out to a strip club after work (including the boss) and my friend got a little too drunk and his boss told him to settle down and then my friend told him they weren't on work hours and he couldn't fucking tell him what to do... The boss called him in the next morning and fired him. And he went back to his shitty life.

Officer arrested subject.

Subject pissed on booking room floor.

Officer wiped up the piss with the subject's shirt.

The subject was still wearing the shirt.

Officer fired.

I work for a large dental corporation and recently one of the contractors was accused of using a dirty instrument on another patient.  Pretty sure that person was fired the same day, I haven't seen or heard about them since.

That's epic right there.

Some of these stories I've read so far are just pure comedy.  Thanks for the laughs!

I remember 2 kids out smoking dope on the PLF platform on DeGlopper Field in 3-325 AIR in the 82nd, at night.

This was maybe 25yds at the most from the main sidewalk that ran alongside the companies in the Battalion.

You could see the amber of the joint lit up in contrast against the night darkness.

Staff Duty NCO walks by..

"Hey!  What are you f***heads doing!"

Many years prior to that, 2 guys who were in my Platoon in basic training ended up going to the same unit I did, but were in A Co.

They decided one weekend, they would go out and steal some tires and rims off a person's car in a shopping center parking lot.

Team Leader of one of these guys does his morning checks on him Monday morning, sees the rims + tires in the guy's wall locker, asks what's going on.

This Team Leader had some kind of connections to the Sheriff Dept. where the theft took place, and made a call.

They both end up in front of the 1SG on the carpet to answer for their crimes.

"What were you knuckleheads thinking?"

One guy (who had a stutter)

"F-f-f-f-f-f-first Sergeant.  Wu-wu-wu-weee was on acid, First Sergeant."

Salesman #1: We hired a new territory sales manager for the upper midwest, which is about a $100k/yr job once you get the territory rolling a bit. At our annual distributor's meeting, about 2-3 weeks after he started, he proceeded to get very drunk and hit on the head of marketing from our German HQ. He survived that somehow, but got fired a couple weeks later for making a pass at the wife of a distributor. It was a shame, because he was actually competent as hell.

Salesman #2: No redeeming qualities for this asshole. He'd send drunken email rants at 2AM, disrupt meetings with diatribes, berate office staff, etc. Worst of all, his sales numbers were garbage. He got warned after hitting on the "office girls" at a distributor, who happened to be the owner's daughters. The firing came when he got a bit touchy with a girl at a trade show, who turned about to be the daughter of another distributor.

Technician: He was on a construction site, starting up some new equipment. He thought no one was around, and proceeded to load his truck bed with all the wire he could find. Unbeknownst to him, two of the contractor's employees were on a cooling tower doing some work, and saw the whole thing.  

A guy I work with would head up to the trading floor through a back stairway.  Every day he would launch a lugy on the wall on his way up the stairs.  Cleaning crews started complaining, had to repaint once and eventually they setup a camera and caught him.  Fired on the spot - 12 year vet with a total comp around $200k.....

Stupid, stupid, stupid....

Similar, but not as interesting:

A guy walked up behind a female coworker and grabbed her breasts in plain view of a bunch of other workers.  He knew he'd get fired and was under then mistaken impression that he'd be able to collect unemployment.  When he applied for unemployment and was denied, he was befuddled.  Not the sharpest knife on the Christmas tree.  On the other hand, from what he said; they were real, and they were spectacular.

Tag.

Txl

 

Oh shit... I almost forgot about another guy.  The company handled hazardous waste.  He had been a warehouse guy for years and then got his Class B license so he could run one of the box trucks.  He then failed a piss test but they re-hired him after he completed substance abuse counseling (for weed).  


He was picking up waste from Wal-Mart (spilled paint, aerosols, photo processing stuff) and got caught in receiving stealing some of those dark match boner pills.  Not a big screen TV, not a watch, not even shoes.  Boner pills.  Wal-Mart prosecutes all shoplifting cases.  My company left him to rot in jail far from home and sent someone to get the truck.  This is the same company where the manager himself once bailed out one of our service reps after a DUI.

You call the police or you leave her alone. Do not bring her in your place.

Guy gets out of the service at ~30 years old.  Goes to college and gets a computer science degree.  Comes to work with us as his first real job in the field about age 35.  He hates everything we do; hates that we don't do configuration management the way he likes; hates that we don't have a 4 month process for pushing a fix to our customers (we typically run ~2 weeks, from complaint to fix); hates that some of us are physicists, mathematicians, engineers, or aero guys but we all write software.  He can't help but tell all of us how dumb we all are and how bad we do our jobs.



He develops quite a reputation for this.



About five months into him working with us, our company has the sixth layoff of the last 2 year period.  The next day, this guy walks into HR's office and lays out his demands:

1. Raise.

2. Promotion.

3. Title, with authority.

4. Head of all software development for the company.



Says "I have nothing to lose," and, "the company will be sorry."  I truly believe this was just poor wording and not a threat.  He had nothing to lose because he was threatening to quit if they didn't give him what he wanted, and the company would be sorry because in his estimation the whole company (several thousand people) was going to go broke because the 15 guys who wrote software weren't doing it the way he liked.



HR guy basically says, "well, we'll take this under consideration and get back with you tomorrow."  The next morning security was waiting at his desk with boxes, and walked him out.



All the software he wrote in those 5 months sucked and had to be thrown out.  We don't run a single line of code he wrote.

That takes guts.  We need guts.  I'm promoting you.

My employer purchased a company that was based about a 7hr drive from our office. After about 6 months, they started shifting production to our facility, and bringing up key people to help restart production. This continued for a few months, and eventually several of the people were carpooling to and from their old location every couple weekends.

One Monday morning, they drug tested all the new employees, and one of them popped. He was escorted out of the building and told to find his own way home. 7 hours away.

"Yes!"

a Medical Technologist who misrepresented her advanced Professional Credentials of having a Specialty in Blood Banking. another Technologist and I caught it right off the bat and went to management immediately and were blown off. we instigated 3 different meetings to discuss the issue and finally a Director told us that there would be no further meetings about the situation and blamed her skills on the lack of training on our part and to train her properly.

2 weeks later the Technologist gave 1200ml's of the wrong type Fresh Frozen Plasma to an Open Heart Patient in Recovery.

further investigation revealed that laboratory management did not perform any credential checks on the Technologist.
1- Technologist was given the option of resign or be terminated.
2- Manager put in her 1 month notice to take another job at another hospital.

I know a RN who microwaved a Unit of Packed Cells before transfusion, because she felt like something cold should never be transfused.
Patient died..

the bag of Packed Cells had a half dollar sized scorch mark burned into it.
She resigned before being terminated.

Chemical plant I used to work at had the biggest bunch of idiots working at the 1500 block SAP warehouse. One day two idiots decide they wanted to race with forklifts and do burnouts. Not surprisingly one of the dumbasses hit something and caused a bunch of damage and hurt himself.

The night supervisor was nowhere to be found. Nobody had seen him for hours. Safety team investigators went around trying to find him in order to find out what the fuck happened. They found him in the office passed out drunk. He was so hammered he couldn't stand or talk. A lot of terminations that night.