Two!

House I grew up in. Never had company over. Had to fight constantly my entire young life to have a little space to myself for anything. Frequent problems with dust allergies. Fought them for 3 weeks to get the garage clean so I would have a place to store my new car I bought before moving out of state. Said I just wanted to clean the house so there would be less work when they're dead. Complete psychotic lack of insight into their problem.

I agree with this, to the extent that I have actually done so.  Hoarding tendencies which could not be corrected were a major factor in my decision to leave my wife last year.  I put my foot down twice and flatly stated that I was not going to live the way her parents do (they actually have a second house where her father stores random stuff bought at garage sales but which her mother doesn't want to keep at their main home).  For a time I bought her a key to a self-storage place where we moved a bunch of her school stuff (she's a teacher and may need all these school supplies someday) because I was willing to pay $75 a month not to look at it.  But it was like an empty space in the house made her uncomfortable and was only viewed as a potential spot for more stuff to go.  The space I had created by purchasing the storage unit was filled up again in a month or so.  

Leaving her was the most difficult decision of my life, but in the end, the clutter was only one of many valid reasons it had to be done.  When I left I took the majority of my stuff with me and told her she could keep the rest.  Even though I had taken more stuff than I really needed to live with, there were still little paths going through the house between piles of her stuff sitting on the floor.  Babe, you can have school supplies stacked to the ceiling, or you can have me.  But you can't have both.

It hurts a bit to know she still loves me and wants me back, and to know that since I left my life has gotten 100% better and her life has gotten even worse.  But one of my new rules of life is that she isn't allowed to make me feel ashamed or guilty anymore.

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My in-laws are like that. They never throwing anything away. They have a 3000 sqft house and can only properly use one room. In the 10 years I've been with him I have never seen their counter tops in the kitchen. She claimed she cleaned out their huge walk in closets 6 months ago but it just moved from there to the hallway. I hate taking my son over there but they are one of the few baby sitters we have. We intend to confront them in the future and offer our help. My husband also shows signs of it but it's brought on by laziness. He just doesn't like putting things where they go.
They also have cats and I have always said that all hoarders have cats.

welcome to my world:
my girl friend of 24 yrs ....very wealthy, (top 2% of country type of wealth)  owns many properties etc.., and looks like Kim Bassinger.... beautiful & hot ,outgoing, smart  etc...,  lives like a rat in her rat hole. She refuses to put her heat on in the winter.
I've gone over there and cleaned everything out, (as she freaked out on me), a few times but few months later it goes right back to looking the way it did. I have a beautiful house that I have sunk tons of money into and we have been talking about living together
but I told her I won't tolerate her trashing my house. She thinks she can stop doing it but I think we are both unsure and I'm pretty scared.



A male friend of hers with the same condition and also wealthy and owns close to 50 properties etc.., was found in his house half frozen to death this past winter, far more advanced condition then my girl friend, no heat , no water, windows broken etc.., and he was
saving his shit and piss, lost all his toes due to frost byte, and has been now moved to a nursing home because he damaged his kidneys and has to be on dialysis . He is the nicest guy you'd ever meet and we have tried helping him over the years
but he would always say "I like my stuff and I love my life and I want everyone to leave me alone". His house he was living in was stacked to the ceiling, every room, and he had a small path leading from one room to the next. The neighbors would complain and the city would come in every so often and clean it all out then fine him but he'd just fill it all up again with in a short period of time. Many of his investment properties are stacked full of worthless shit.

So for years I was totally ignorant of this condition and thought it was just due to all the flea markets in her area etc...     Then I discovered it can be a form of O.C.D. which can be difficult to treat.

I'm glad that their is a show about this on cable bringing awareness to this condition.

Two hoarder threads going at the same time, not sure if thats ever happened before.

I get tired of having so many possessions sometimes, I just start throwing stuff away, even if it's still good. You can't take it with you when you go.

Man, that's crazy.  My dad is also a hoarder but with money/ assets, instead of worthless crap.

My mother is a hoarder my father puts up with it. My mother likes to hoard paperwork/mail and furniture. She has stacks everywhere. There is not a single foot of open wall space in their home. Every inch is covered with furniture (even hallways). I can't walk into their house without feeling claustrophobic. She has OCD and likes to catalog newspaper clippings, mail and has binders full of her and my family's daily schedules. My family always jokes that if we ever need an alibi we would just have to consult that years binder. I could literally go over there  right now and tell you where I was and what I was doing ten years ago. Whenever you leave the house she asks what your plans are and who you'll be seeing. Not because she is genuinely interested, she just wants to log it. There is only one standing rule in my family, if my Mother gives you anything you have to accept it; even if you fully intend to throw it away.

The worst part of all this? Of my siblings I'm the only one who has inherited hoarding tendencies (books and paperwork). I'll let things go for a months on end and then something will snap and I'll do a major clean out. Which consists of throwing tons of shit away; only to let the cycle start all over again. My brother is the exact opposite. He's so paranoid about hoarding that he won't hesitate to throw things away. He has a very minimalist lifestyle.

When the day comes I suspect it will take multiple roll-off dumpsters to do a thorough clean out.

/edit: through =/= thorough

Damn dude. That's rough. Where does she get the money for this stuff? Cut her off from it? And who is helping her move big cabinets in? She can't get something massive in like that on her own.

My MIL is a bit of a hoarder, nothing unsafe or unsanitary, she just buys random crap on QVC and stacks it up in the various rooms of her house.  Half the time the items are still in the original packaging.  My wife isn't a hoarder (she's actually a professional organizer), but when it comes to personal stuff there are some things she can't bear to get rid of because they have some sentimental attachment, even if they are completely worthless.  We have come up with a system where she will come to me with an object and say, "I really don't know why we still have this."  That is my cue to, when she's not looking, take the item and throw it in the trash.  The item just goes away and she doesn't have to get all worked up over it.

I thought I'd share an insight from one of my marketing classes.  To oversimplify, it was a comparative marketing course that contrasted Western and Eastern attitudes toward lifestyle/consumption (because you have to understand different types of people in order to sell them stuff successfully).  A fundamental principle of marketing is that it "educates" the consumer on the gap between his actual state and his ideal state, and one way to say this is, Westerners buy things in order to be a certain kind of person, to get closer toward their ideal state. This goes far to explain why some people consider their cars or motorcylces to be an extension of themselves and a reflection of who they are.  (Not there's nothing wrong with taking pride in one's vehicles.)  

Another illustration is that many Americans, not just hoarders, buy things they do not need because they want to think of themselves in a certain way. It's more about their own self-perception than what others may think.  For instance, people will buy a name brand instead of generic even when the products are made in the same facility and to the same specifications, because they remember a few decades ago when "store brands" were considered low or embarrassing.  

One more example is that Americans tend to buy and keep books that they never read and will never read.  I once asked a friend why he did it.  He admitted "I want to be the kind of person who reads those books, and that's how I want to think of myself, as a person who reads those books."  But every day he would go home after work and just watch TV, never even opening any of the books on his many bookshelves and in piles in every room. Amazon is one of the companies that knowingly capitalizes on this fact. Good for them that they figured out how to do it so successfully.

Everyone in this thread, including me, has too much stuff in their homes and would do well to eliminate waste and reduce clutter and unused things. Only a few people here will admit it.

I miss the days when I was young and lived in an apartment. The only possessions I owned were a couch, chair, kitchen table, bed, dresser and a workout machine.

Then I got a good paying job and things changed.

You can go back to that, I did.  Its very liberating to know for sure that you define your self worth based on who you are and what you do instead of by what you just bought and how much of it you've piled up.

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Same here.



When I moved out of my parents house, everything I owned fit in the back of my small pickup truck.



From 1st apartment to 2nd apartment, 3-4 truckloads.



2nd apartment to first house, 1 ~20 ft rental truck



first house to 2nd house 3 trips with the biggest rental truck available, (also gained a live in girlfriend and all of her stuff).



Moving out of my current home.... Oh God, don't even wanna think about it.



5 Vehicles, (3 run and are driven regularly, one in the midst of a frame off and another in cold storage). 2 giant roll away toolboxes, some pretty heavy machines, safe, spare vehicle parts (engines, trans,etc). Not to mention the usual house full of furniture and our prep stuff.



I admit, I am a bit of a hoarder, I hoard tools and machinery. Wish there were more like me and less crazy cat ladies with houses full of QVC and swap meet crap.



 

If you care about them, don't involve them with a television show.  Get professional help from someone not trying to get ratings.



Nevermind, didn't realize who the OP was.

My folks are hoarders.  It's a PITA sometimes, and it bothered me as a kid bringing friends over, but as I got older, realize the era they grew up .

Also, most of the stuff I've found in the houses are pretty collectible and neat.

Here is the way I see it. I was a guest on a national television show because of them. They could deal with going on TV because of me this time.

The Era they grew up? When was that, during John Paul Jones?
_________________________________________
("REPEL BOARDERS!"––(w,stte), a line in many a sail ship movie)

For some reason, after reading this thread I found the strength to pitch some stuff I've been sitting on for 23 years.  Stuff with serious memories attached to them that I couldn't get rid of.  Tore them to pieces and threw them away.  Woohoo!  Thanks!

Now if I can just sell off the hundreds of Hotwheels/misc toys/diecasts I have stored away.  Baseball cards? Seriously, what am I going to do with this crap?

Jerry!  Jerry!  Jerry!  Jerry!


Seriously, though, why were you on TV because of your parents?

*cautiously looks around room*

*freaks out*

*logs the fuck out, rolls up sleeves, and starts cleaning shit the fuck out*

how to deal with it?
a pack of matches and gasoline...
i hate keeping my own shit organized, i am NOT going to do that for other people.
the only thing i hoard is brass, projectiles and primers..

I don't know why, no idea at all........but your avatar is disturbing to me.

Reminds me of The Shining.

OP's timing is impeccable.

I just got home from trying to clear a trail in my mother's garage so she can have some work done to it. She fought to keep junk because it has some value to her but it is literally garbage. No amount of reasoning or logic works. I don't know what to do.

Thank you OP. This thread convinced me to go around the house and fill up a large cardboard box of stuff to take to goodwill. And I already don't have much around here. I never ever want to be like my parents

When a part of your life is horrible and shameful, you often make sure to overachieve in other parts of your life in order to have something good about yourself to cling to. Fat people are often overachievers at work, family or school for that same reason.

Both of my parents are the same way.  

The one bright spot is that my Dad also hoards nice guns and not just junk, so I've got like 50+ guns eventually coming my way.  

Ebay.
 

My grandfather was hoarder.

Inside his house you had to move stuff to even sit down.  He had entire rooms stacked with trash up to the ceiling.  When it came time for him to move we had to break down doors to get stuff out because the trash was so high we could not get inside!

I only brought it back because other arfcomers were requesting that I use it again. I'm sorry it disturbs you.

Most people are hoarders, I live a Spartan lifesyle.  I don't have a television or a dinner plate.  I use old peanut butter jars for drinking glasses.

It was easy to simplify my life after I got divorced.

I tend to disagree with everything you post, but we have very similar lifestyles facilitated by the same event.

I am a Christian, 2011 America disagrees with me.  If it doesn't glorify God, I don't need it.

I'm an atheist, and I find attachment to material possessions seems to distract a person from pursuit of what's important in life.

Yeah well, I can't fault divorce, christianity, or my atheism for my lack of... things. I'm just flat out broke. I find that if I don't have much use for something I tend not to buy it. I'm all about cost/benefit.

I do have some crap I have to clear out... it's the one thing I've been putting off. I've already done it 3 times, this stuff is the remainder. Will probably do it Tuesday. I'm also trying to go all paperless. I find that I keep bills and shit and I never look at the damned things since I do it all online anyways.

I feel for ya. My mom is also a hoarder. After cleaning her place multiple times, I have given up. I'm hoping the fact that I will not let my daughter go to her home will make her clean it up, but I doubt it.

The two things I need to clean out are papers and items I'm keeping around to ebay. I have a less than 200 sq ft apartment and the papers and couple of rubbermaid tubs aren't out of control, but I do have those two things weighing on my mind. I'll have them handled soon, though, or I'll just have to toss them out.

That's funny because I have some ebay items that I'm probably just going to throw out. There's some things I'll try to drop off at the Salvation Army like I did last time. I will file some of the papers and throw the rest in my burn bin (that I use to start my charcoal grill.)

The only important papers are my medical bills that I have to keep for ongoing issues. Ugh.

Yeah my mom is so bad my grandmother basically took us out of there. It came to a head when i was 8, i showed up at school with only one shoe because she couldn't find the other one in the piles of trash and other crap. The school called the Dept of child welfare.
Sooner or later the landlord and the neighbors started calling the dept of health on her. Didn't do much good though.

But i say fuck hoarders. It would be one thing if she was mentally retarded and incapable of even understanding the basics of life, but she has a masters degree and a good job. You can keep a job but you can't figure out how to clean a house? its fucking magnets.
She even records those stupid hoarder shows and watches them with a  badge of honor like its cool to be one or some shit.

I think he means the Great Depression.  I was the youngest child so I wasn't really aware of it, but when my parents and all of my siblings passed away, they left houses and shops full of junk.  They kept everything because of that experience.  I guess I'm somewhat the same way because I have a two story shop with more than twice the square footage of my house full to the roof of stuff.  My house isn't cluttered, but in the four years I've worked on the other side of the country, my two bedroom apartment has filled will stuff.  Living through a time when you had nothing and needed a lot leaves you wanting to not give anything up because you may need it one day.z

no different than furries dressing in freaky costumes getting bj's from strangers...



 

When they die think of the money you can make selling it all.

At least you have admitted this.  I have an easy 2 step program to cure you.

1. Mail all of your Glock mags to me.
2. Cured.

You don't understand, it IS a sickness. You can be perfectly functional oustide in society but your home and posessions can be a total wreck. I think Hoarding can be caused by a number of mental issues, or sometimes a combination of several. OCD and depression are a lot to do with it..... You would be shocked to know how many 'normal' people you come in contact with every day deal with depression or OCD in some way that negatively affects them-they might not have garbage stacked to the rafters in their hallways, but they are dealing with it just the same.

OK, you two, get a room already

 

When I was in my early 20s my parents wanted to buy their "retirement house."



Well, they could buy a house but the old house had so much stuff in it we could not sell it.  I lived in it for a bit taking care of household chores and mowing the yard, but it was a bit like a one bedroom apartment.  I had a nice big kitchen and cleared out the dining room to give me a place for a small dining room table and I set up the tv in there as well.  I emptied the 2 car garage since I had junky old vehicles and worked as a mechanic and had to wrench on my stuff to get to work.  I had my bedroom and a full bathroom and the other bathroom was basically a sink and toilet for a long while.



Sad that the house had 2 full bathrooms, I only used one for showers, and depending on how you want to count rooms it had 4 to 5 bedrooms and a full basement for the workshop clutter an unfinished basement is good for.



My sister returned to town and bought the place from them and I was so happy the town had unlimited garbage pickup.  The neighbors would call my parents, their new house was about 6 miles away, and ask why I was throwing so much stuff out.  Took 4 months of working a few days a week on it to clean it out.  Not perfect but most stuff tossed, donated, or moved to the new house because they thought they wanted it.  Some stuff would not fit in the new house and it quickly went to donation land.



I had piles of nasty stuff that could hide a small vw car.  I used a tahoe to haul a couple loads of newspapers and magazines to a local recycling place.  The tahoe hit its load limit once the back seats were folded down, a tarp placed down, and magazines loaded to the window level of the tahoe from the back of the front seats to the tailgate.  Did that 3 times I think.  The local city also had its hazmat dropoff periods and we got rid of a ton of stuff my dad got from folks who had garage sales when the spouse passed.  My parents were the youngest folks on the street they lived on when they bought their house and he helped out widows by clearing out stuff and dealing with things they did not want to mess with.  But that hazmat dropoff was visited 3 times in 2 years I think.



The piles of trash the size of a small car went on for months, I staged trash in the garage and would put it all out so it was ready for trashday.  Once a week, every week.



I had a tendancy to leave cases of beer near the trash pile but with a nice label on it so the trash guys knew I was not trying to test their limits or anything.  Sometimes I would just put trash out at 5am and when they came by at 6am I would help them throw it in the truck.



The new house has its issues but my sisters and I tend to visit now and then and that keeps things to a certain level.



I pretty much said when the time comes my friend with a bobcat and a business doing work with that bobcat is going to just throw things down into the walkout basement and scoop it up with the bobcat and put it in a dumpster.



There is a bit of stuff worth some money but overall a lot of the stuff is clothes or books or stuff that is not used and therefore provides no reason for it to take up the space it occupies.



I have tried over the years to deal with it.  I have issues as well but I am self limiting to a decent extreme so it does not get bad where I live anymore.  Early on I loved stuff that worked and would spend hours figuring out how to use something that really had no purpose but someone gave me because they did not want to see it trashed.



These days it gets used or it goes away.



When dealing with my parents they realize how I look at stuff.  Either it has a use or will be used in the near future or it is something to be disposed of.  Might sell it, donate it, or trash it.

Wow.  I just turned around and looked at my house.  (Yeah, I live in CA so I can do that...)  I was thinking it was a mess since I have a post bike ride t-shirt on a chair and a few work folders on a table.  And my check book is on the couch.  Couple of cables and HD's in front of me that I've been meaning to put away...  A few pens that quit that haven't been thrown away.  Small pile of packs in the corner...   And I think I'M messy!  Whole new perspective on things.  I might be the opposite of a hoader.  I like throwing things away or CR them.  Less is more unless you are talking about guns/ammo/gear.

+1, can't fix teh crazy...