thank you for a great story.

I finally got around to reading it.

I am convinced the mark of a true author is knowing how to finish a story. This one did not finish anywhere near as well as it started.

I will agree. However, I do have a reason - and it will be revealed in "Hitman II."


My objective was to leave you wanting... more.  Did it accomplish that goal?


ETA: Either way, I always appreciate feedback - positive or negative.

The story is pretty good. Its like somewhere along the way the author decided the book was "big enough" and had to be ended in the next couple of chapters. It left an unsatisfying feeling.

I have not had a chance to read part II yet.

Thank you for the input.

Also, thank you for providing me with verification that I did what I set out to do!

In all actuality, I intended it to look and feel that way for a specific reason. If you (or anybody else out there) wants to know the reason, PM me.

ETA:  WARNING - if I PM you the reason, it will be a spoiler in HITMAN II.


Also, I invite you to read "Outline" - if zombie stories are OK by you. I would presume you would like that ending much better.

Last, I do not claim to be a real author. I am a marketing rep. I enjoy writing and I really enjoy reading comments - positive and critical. The only reason I post is that there might be a person or two in ARFcom land that might enjoy reading them... or at least I hope that, anyways.

Pretty good story.  The beginning was good, nice and beefy.  The ending was kind of thin.  Kind of like going for a three course meal and eating your appetizers after the main course.  It needs to be beefed up a lot.  I'll probably read Hitman II, but if I was just picking up a book to read, I wouldn't.  It didn't leave me wanting more of this story, rather more of something more satisfying.  Also the dialogue is annoying.  People don't talk like that.  They use conjuctions and improper words.  Hardly anyone actually makes the effort to fully pronounce "is".  Overall though, pretty good.  It's a good start, and I can see your writing getting much better the more you write.

Thank you for the feedback.

In fact, I tried to make the dialogue a bit "blocky." It was my attempt to be overly correct. There is a reason. Again, the exact reason is a Spoiler for the 2nd story.

A bit into the story (about 4-5 chapters in) I had an outline that was way out of hand - nearly two full books. I had the group meeting a guy named Kyle who explained his story (which I wrote the equivalent of about 10 of these chapters on!). I am actually at the part in Hitman II where, originally, Matt would have met Kyle. But there I realized I needed two separate stories.

Then it hit me, I would make this into two stories, but to do that, I needed a vice - a tool if you will. I wanted to share two different sides of things - one form a first-person point of view, the second from a "controlled media" point of view. I also reworked the plot a bit. The plot of "Hitman" should wind up looking very weak, on the whole. The dialogue was intended to be choppy. The ending was necessarily truncated.

I also left out a couple of details and one MAJOR plot factor that you will hopefully be reading soon in Hitman II.

My hopes are with the second story, to paint a much broader and more accurate picture of what really happened (you can see my ode to this at the beginning of Hitman II). I also wanted to bring out a larger scale story of betrayal, love, life, Patriotism, media bias, and how different things really can be made to sound.

However, I also realized that at the end of Hitman II, there would be some to try to point out a perceived plot-hole over the scope of two stories. Hence I had to rewrite a lot of the original Hitman as I went with this in mind, so as to make the overall story not only possible, but likely.

My thanks to Reader "Torin" who helped me realize some of these potential errors and literary tools to use when I was writing "Outline." Torin really opened my eyes into literary critique.

Again, I am not a writer by trade. Far from it, But this is my humble attempt to entertain.


ETA: Anybody who wants the full explanation (it is not nearly this long!) is welcome to PM me for a (SPOILER!) brief explanation.  When you see what I have in mind, you realize immediately the reason Hitman appears a bit "off."

Good story! Damn now I have to read Hitman II!

Absoluteley awesome! They blew up his house and killed his friends, rotten bastards

Great job, but the ending was a little quick. But I dont mean to be overly critical. I did enjoy this story and am enjoying Hitman II immensley. Keep up the good work.



Opps, just read your explaination a couple posts above. Disregard my previous critisism

I just finished reading "Hitman", and I liked it.  I just wish it had more meat on it's bones.  That story could be much longer and more fleshed in!  Reading here though–– I need to read "Hitman II" for the rest of the story I guess.

Off to read Hitman II next!

+1

Hitman was a good story although the end was rushed. Thank You.