MENOPAUSE JEWELRY [JOTD]

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - MENOPAUSE JEWELRY [JOTD]

Posted: 2/20/2006 12:12:07 PM EDT

MENOPAUSE JEWELRY

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns a beautiful blue-green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. [ I'd settle for a sammich! ]

Posted: 2/20/2006 12:54:03 PM EDT

[#1]

Posted: 2/20/2006 2:31:12 PM EDT

[#2]

Posted: 2/20/2006 2:39:43 PM EDT

[#3]

Nice!!!

Travis

Posted: 2/20/2006 2:43:04 PM EDT

[#4]

ROFL!!! I love it!

Posted: 2/20/2006 6:10:34 PM EDT

[#5]

Like that's a bad thing.

Posted: 2/20/2006 7:19:47 PM EDT

[#6]

I'll remember to NOT get my wife one of those in 20 years.

Or when she's pregnant (like right now).

Posted: 3/2/2006 5:20:19 PM EDT

[#7]

hilarious!

Posted: 3/2/2006 7:36:06 PM EDT

[#8]

If the wife wasn't just starting to go threw the change, I might find it funny.

Right now when I hear her call me name, I don't know if it's a good thing, or if I need to find a rock to crawl under to get out of harms way!

P.S. ladies, please check with you doctor on some of the side effects that anything they prescribed will have on you. The first meds my wife got had a side effect on her not getting her O, and she dam near killed me trying to find it. Thank god she got different meds, or I was going to have to hire a young viral pool boy to take care of more than the pool if you know what I mean.

Posted: 3/2/2006 8:41:53 PM EDT

[#9]

I can't quite make out Patty's mood ring so I'll take a chance. If no one hears from me in an hour--HEAD FOR THE HILLS!!!

That said . . .

Blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair - given that you are blind - that you should know five things:

1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - My name is Patty. I'm not a lesbian like my friends in this bar, but I am a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares:

"Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Okay, one that catches me . . .

REDNECKS ARE GOOD AT THE SENSITIVE STUFF

Three Rednecks were working on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."

Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"

Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."

She said, "No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are".

Posted: 3/4/2006 7:47:29 AM EDT

[#10]

hysterical!

Posted: 3/4/2006 3:01:23 PM EDT

[#11]

lol blonde jokes are always hysterical

Posted: 3/8/2006 8:41:56 AM EDT

[#12]

Sorry for the crudness Ladies but I found this funny.

3 LADIES IN A HOT TUB

THREE WOMEN -- ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE
SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE
GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEPING STOPPED THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.

"THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE
SKIN OF MY ARM."

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED
HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY
MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE,
SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE
STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED
WITH A PIECE Of TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND. THE OTHERS
RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT,
I'M GETTIN' A FAX."

Posted: 3/10/2006 5:14:35 PM EDT

[#13]

Posted: 3/10/2006 5:34:23 PM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
Sorry for the crudness Ladies but I found this funny.

3 LADIES IN A HOT TUB

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - MENOPAUSE JEWELRY [JOTD]

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