Good morning,

We had a scare at our house, guy in our backyard looking around.  For where we live that is extremely strange.  My girlfriend was home alone, she has access to guns and obviously a cell phone but she panicked and basically failed to call anyone (besides me eventually) or arm herself.  She has a injury so she was clutching a crutch as a weapon.....while she hid beneath the window line.  For the person to get to the house he would take the only road in and would be limited on where he could have parked, my neighbors cameras showed that no one was on our road/driveway either on foot or in a car.  I can't say if the person was dangerous, but I can say their behavior is very weird at the least and the fact they were walking around my house makes it weirder.  I called the town, they didn't come to our house for any reason and they would have driven a car up to the house and rang the bell (you know, normal behavior from normal people).

She tried to load a shotgun in the house but doesn't really understand the mechanics.  Instead she relied on her crutch if he broke in.....   Im not thrilled about this obviously.  We have been together over 10 years and she has shot lots of guns, including many machine guns, but has never really learned how to run a gun.  She has never had the interest.  I was thinking of buying a 20 guage 870 youth model for her.  I basically need a gun that is simple to operate, that wont have significant recoil but that would be reliable.  She won't use my ARs or shotguns or pistols.......   I just want to get her a gun she can learn on, that she can make her own, and if she has to reach for it she will be able to understand it and rely on it.  I know i'm babbling but I don't know what the answer is.  Shes not a big girl, and shes not prissy but she certainly isn't tough.   Maybe a pistol caliber carbine?  I'm just looking for ideas, i'm not trying to waste anyones time.  If anyone has any ideas or questions please let me know.

Thanks,

Woody

Take her to gun store and let her do the picking. I would suggest a Glock 9mm, but she may hate it.

Get her a pistol in 9mm and call it a day. No recoil and plenty of options as far as capacity goes.

I don't understand why she says no to a rifle or pistol, but is ok with a shotgun.

Revolver.  Doesn't get much simpler than that.  Get a .357, and you can load it with 38 specials or 38+p.

Let her fondle some offerings from Ruger or S&W.  I loaned my buddy an SP101 for his wife to use at her concealed carry class.  She loved it so much, he bought her one.

Hogue monogrip helps with recoil/control.

This. Less mechanics to screw up. Without practice she likely won’t shoot 5-6 rounds through a shotgun in high stress successfully.

Don’t get the light weight model. They kick more. She won’t be carrying it anyway.

Girls really enjoy shooting my S&W 36.  My snub nose model 10 seems to be a little big for some.

38 special is a good round.  I would definitely take it over a .380, and they seem to handle it better than a 9, but it may just be perception since the revolver isn't intimidating.

Great option. Everyone likes shooting mine as well.

We had the same situation happen last month. I would up with a Glock 43 with the TLR-6 light/laser combo for my wife. Bonus is I can carry it also and it’s much lighter than my beretta 92fs.

Training will help her confidence. I suggest a 20 ga. pump with buckshot or #4 shot. If she isn't knowledgeable and confident she is a victim waiting for a tragedy.

Another vote for a revolver, very simple to operate while under stress.

I taught my GF (now wife) to load, charge, and shoot all sorts of guns, and found stuff she likes. if the AR is cruiser ready she can charge it and fire it well, and knows how to. Same with pistols, so that's how they are stored.  But if your GF won't learn or can't work an auto (which is common in my experience teaching women to shoot) don't get her one. Either a revolver that can be stored loaded in a little safe or even a double barrel 20 gauge. a stagecoach is cheap, there's not much regulation anywhere, and all that's needed it pop 2 shells in and shoot. repeat as needed. You can practice a lot with bird shot and keep some buck/slugs handy and that should handle anything that lives in and around NY.

sure it's not the uber cool Roland special or SBR/Can/dot so many on this site tout, but it goes bang more than once and makes big holes. what's not to love?

Hammerless 12 gauge coach gun loaded with low recoil buck. Can't get any simpler.

Sounds like you don’t need another gun she just needs to be trained.

Glock 19 or a 38 revolver, or at least a 357 loaded with 38 Specials...whichever she prefers.

Why a 38?

Because she isn't going to like the blast of a 357 snubnose fired inside a room.

And besides, if anyone says muh stopping power, they're probably recommending a 9mm instead.

This. You let her pick a gun after she gets some familiarity. She might hate shotguns or limp wrist autos. She needs to shoot everything. Don’t put the cart before the horse.

Don't let her to buy a pink Taurus.

My GF owns her own AR and G19, whatever you get, she needs to shoot it proficiently. We're still working on handgun shooting, she's not a great shot even though she's familiar with how it all works. Pick whichever tool she knows, or will learn, how to use.

While she may need or want a gun, she has a mindset problem, not a gun problem. You need to teach her to be aggressive and violent in the face of danger.

Teach her the mechanics of the guns in the home now, and of course take her and let HER shoot everything SHE can, so SHE can pick a gun that is right for HER.

Don't pick out HER gun or ask strangers for advice.

My first wife and second were both about the same height and hand size, second just had more boobage. The first carries a LCP .380, and at times a small 9mm. The second carried a .45ACP 1911 Micro Compact and Commander at different times, various 9mms, and .357 revolvers, as well as a Beretta 92 to match her issued M9. Even carried her Desert Eagle .44mag during the winter under a long coat, and her P3AT as a backup.

My best friend's wife carries a HK USP9 full size. He took her to shoot and just kept his mouth shut unless she asked a question about the gun, and he told the salespeople not to recommend anything. She shot over 20 guns before she figured out what she wanted, but she kept going back to the USP , and she was doubly accurate with it over anything else first time out.

Point is, teach her mechanics, but be silent and let her shoot everything she can without any input that might sway her away from what she should have.

Also, caliber doesn't matter just because she's a girl, or if she's small. I've taught a lot of people to shoot, a lot of girls and women, and some like them big, and some like them small.

Send her to CorneredCat .com as well.

You already have firearms.  Spend the time to teach her how to use those, then if she wants something else take her to a gunshop and let her choose.

Go buy a 22lr pistol and take her to the range. After a couple hundred rounds and a few trips she will be running the pistol without help. She'll be in a better state of mind at that point familiarity wise. Then you can work in a 9mm pistol for the end of her range sessions. After she is no longer leary of the 9mm on her own have her go get some more in depth training.

Basically a site by a CCW woman about how important it is to be able to use a gun.
Also has "how to by a gun for a woman " tutorial, which basically breaks down to "LET HER CHOOSE". lol

I'm writing from a phone so I apologize for brevity or errors.

Handguns are not a legal option because she refuses to get a pistol permit.  In NYS you cannot touch a handgun without a permit.  I'm not saying this means she can't use a pistol, she has fired many pistols, but she can't legally shoot a pistol in NYS.   She refuses to get a permit.  I understand this indicates a unwillingness to learn how to properly use a gun but I won't accept that.   Feelings about NY law aside it basically leaves long guns as the option.   I agree with many people's assessment about 38 and 9mm and I carry a G19c everyday.  I get it, but that's not the point is it.  I shoot over 20,000 rounds of 9mm a year, I get it, but that's beside the point.   She has shot benelli m4 shotguns as well as many pumps and super black eagles and some beautiful over under guns in 12 16 and 28 gauge.   She has a mental block about guns, she doesn't see them as good or bad but as irrelevant until danger strikes and she needs help.  At that point she outsources and chooses a knife or crutch which wouldn't work out well for her.   She has shot 3 different MP5 variants multiple uzis a Glock 17 with auto sear and a 40 and 45 HK UMP and Tommy gun and grease gun.   She has shot guns, she just doesn't get it.  It would be like me driving a race car and having a good time but not having any true understanding for how it all works.    I'm not overbearing or trying to tell her what to Do, she is completely independent and can make her own choices.  I just want to find the magic gun she takes an interest in.  Caliber is irrelevant, her preference is paramount.

I'm sorry honey, but she's not ready to use a gun for self defense. You're doing all you can getting her shooting. That's all you can do. Her mental block with guns doesn't mix with putting a gun in her hands in a life and death situation. She's a grown ass woman and she's chosen knives and crutches. Get her a nice knife and a thick staff. Heck, get her a poleaxe. She told you she doesn't want a gun, you have to respect it, or get a different woman.

Snow, I respect your assessment and don't completely disagree with you.  With that said I can't accept that any person would willingly walk into the abbatoir so I'll continue to encourage her to consider her legal options regarding self defense.  I will never accept a knife or crutch as a valid option if a firearm, regardless of Caliber, is available.

20 ga Stoeger Coach Gun is what I was gonna say.

You are right ot think about  good 20 gauge pump youth model I also would look at a Mossberg, the safety is more intuitive and the fit and finish will be better than the Rem.

Accept it or not, you're not the one who's going to be in that situation. If she gives that gun to the bad guy, she's more fucked than she was with her crutch. She's told you who she is, she's shown you what she'll do, and you're just in denial. You don't need to respect me, you need to respect her.

The only thing you can do is help her be a better recreational shooter. You can't buy her a magic gun that that will protect her. That's not how guns work, they're not protective talismans.

To make things worse, if you force one on her and she resents it, she won't take responsibility for it. You're not in control here. Accept it.

BigEasySnow-  This is not some sort of male domineering issue, and I would never pretend to be in charge of any adult.  With that said, accepting her unwillingness to take accountable for her personal safety isn't something that I am going to let go.  Yes, I will probably continue to push the issue which may do more harm than good.

As far as her selecting a gun, that isn't an option.  She is unwilling and doesn't care.  I personally would help her purchase any gun up to about $2k that she liked.  She simply doesn't care.  Her solution is to call me, which isn't realistic given the distances I sometimes have to travel.  If there were actually a threat I would be irrelevant.  Our next step is getting some sort of dog.  We have two cats but for some reason they don't step up when called upon.

-Woody

OP, since it's not going to be a handgun, here's my advice.

M1 Carbine if it's not banned up there. More than enough power within 100 yards to put anything down. The Carbines are lightweight, the safety, manual of arms etc is easily remembered without a lot of practice. They have very little recoil, being a pistol cartridge in a carbine.

Buy Hornady Critical Defense for it, which is a 110gr HP bullet loaded to 2000fps / 977ft/lbs of energy.

It's pretty close to .357 Magum on average.

Auto Ordinance ships 10 rd mags to California, so you can get reliable 10rd mags for them.

I would definitely buy a mil surp gun, for reliability , and you'll have a piece of history.

I have yet to see any woman not be able to shoot an M1 Carbine, be afraid of it, or not fall in love with them. They're a perfect size, and around here anyway, it was the wife's gun of choice since WWII, up until AR15s got really popular in the mid 2000s. I have dozens of friends who bought them to hunt the thick woods with as teens when they were cheap, back in the 70s-80s, and early 90s. After they got married, or engaged, their girls took those guns over from them.

I have one friend that had to buy another for himself after his wife claimed his, and then had to buy another when he let his daughter use it. She claimed it and uses it still for HD.

It’s not a gender issue, it’s just an issue. Deal with the reality you have: your gf doesn’t even want a gun. Don’t pretend the purchase of a gun will solve that. It’s not going to shoot bad guys for her.

What if the shoe were on the other foot? What if a gf signed you up for antifa training sessions after you said “no”?

Dogs are a partial deterrent and warning system, not protection unless trained and proved. Dogs don’t protect their owners like we think they do. Buy yourself a pet that you don’t expect to protect you if you were going to anyway, but don’t buy your gentle girlfriend a malinois you’re not going to do schutzhund with. Buying girlfriends “guard dogs” is how good dogs end up nuts and at the pound.

ETA: @naamah since it’s now dogs and guns.

All of this. Without training and a will to use the weapon, she's just a victim waiting to happen. No choice in firearm is going to make up for the lack of will.

Something really big, intimidating looking, and friendly as all get out. Maybe a Leonberger, Newfoundland, St. Bernard, or Great Pyrenees. If your price is $2000 for a gun, spend it a little more wisely and get something that might actually work. Go to a reputable breeder to avoid health and temperament problems, and quit trying to force a square peg into a round hole.

This. It seems she is not confident in shooting any of the guns, hence why she did not grab any gun except the shotgun( panicked and was unsure). For me if someone refuses to use readily available guns, I would be skeptical that she would even use her own gun if it happened again.

Another vote for this....you said she has experience shooting, but no interest in "learning to run" a gun.  So this means it needs to be claw hammer simple.  Rule out any automatic....too much to go wrong too much to screw with.

I usually suggest on having her select it, but it sounds like she is just not that kind of person to go through that process....you need to try to let her know this is the best way to get something for her.

All that said, there are people out there that just can't do it....there is a mental block there that will not let them shoot another human no matter what....your girlfriend may be this person.