Enjoy.
Schizophrenia went to the doctor. He kept repeating "I'm a teepee, I'm an adobe, I'm a teepee, I'm an adobe." Doctor says "Calm down - your too tents!"
Why do they call it an apartment? They're not apart, they're together.
Why do they call it a building? They're not building it, it's already done.
Why do they call it a near-miss? If they nearly missed, they hit!
What is the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine? In a Porsche, the pricks are in the inside. (Don't get mad at me, I have had several Porsches)
Guy gets a new cutting edge medical procedure to enhance his penis size. The doctors inject tissue from an Elephant's trunk into his penis. So, on his first date after his procedure, he is sitting at the table, when all of the sudden his dick rips out of his pants, swipes a baked potato clean off his plate, than dissapears back into his pants. His date says "WOW! Can you do that again?" He says "Probably, but I don't know if my ass can take another potato."
Why don't Cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
Why does the Mushroom always get invited to parties? He is a fun-gi.
Piece of string goes into a bar and sits down. The bartender says we don't server string here, beat it. String, goes outside, twists himself into a ball, and frazzles his ends. He goes back in, and the bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string I just told to beat it?" String says "I'm a-frayed-knot."
Grasshopper goes into a bar. Bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." Grasshopper says "You have a drink named Jim?"