My girlfriend and I are out today with my two kids. They've accepted her as part of the family, so the good "company" behavior is long gone  they just act like themselves (which is a good thing).

So they are sitting in the back seat of the car as we head off to the movies. My daughter (14) is chatting with my girlfriend and my son (12) is playing his PSP.  My daughter decides that the low volume sound from the PSP is just too much for her to bear, so she tells her brother to turn it off before she kills him.

I jump in here saying "We won't be having any fratricide in the car today." Then continuing the train of thought I ask "I wonder what you call it when a brother kills a sister, since fratricide means killing your brother?"

My daughter thinks for a second and comes up with "Sororacide?" (A logical guess based on the root of the word sorority).

My son glances up from his PSP and says one word...


"Justified"

Driving home, family dinner...my brother and I, me being the oldest, less than 13. Long windy country road, going up and down the mountain, woods all around us, it's raining out, and all that. Basically a crappy night to be on a back road with a speed limit of 55.

Dad gets annoyed at Mom for driving...well, the speed limit.  "Christ, if you hit a deer, it'll cost big bucks!"

Little brother from the back: "Yah, big bucks all over the windshield..."


Guess you had to be there We were laughing the whole trip...

That's great!!

When my son was 4, I took him on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disney World.  After the ride, I asked him if he had fun.  

He said, "Daddy, it was fun, but it made my tummy feel funny and my peepee feel scared."

Same son once told me that "people in China eat squid testicles."  When I told him that squid don't have testicles, he sheepishly said "umm, I meant tentacles."

I heard him singing the Old MacDonald had a farm song one day.  He sings "Old Macdonald had a farm, E  I  G  I  Joe."

I think I've blocked out most of the conversations my sister and I has as children in the back of a car

My 20 month old's favorite words "no". Do you want to take a bath? "no". You ready for nite nite? "no". You hungry? "no". Then he passes gas, You pooted on me? "yes".

Hey... you haven't lived till you've heard a 5 y.o. signing along to AC/DC in the car..... Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap is one thing...but knowing to sing Highway to Heck is another!

She's 12 now and loves the AC/DC.... and is not the oddity at her school either.

No Expert

My nephew has learnd the frase "nice pooper" from me and his father.

One day in the mall he points to a woman with a nice pooper and asks in a voice loud enough for many to hear. "daddy does that lady have a nice pooper"

Damb near every woman in ear shot turned to look at my nephew and brother.  My brother turned about 6 shades of red, I fell out off the bench since I was laughing so hard.

5 year olds are fun.

My 4 year old and I "play" fight all the time.  We basically just wrestle on the floor.  The other day he says Dad, let's play fight and so we go in the living room and prepare to wrestle.  He then looks at me, widens his stance, puts his fists up and says, "I'm gonna kick your ass".  

I have no idea where he got that from.  

This story from a buddy of mine with 3 boys (all under 10) ...

The whole family is out having breakfast at the local diner, about half way through the meal a pair of cops walk in ...

The 6 year old goes "Hey Dad, the cops are here... Why do you think the cops are here, are they here to get someone?"

My buddy says "Relax, they're probably just here to get some breakfast too".

The kids seemed amazed at this, that cops actually ate the same kind of food that they did, but once the cops sat down thought it was pretty cool that they were having breakfast right next to a couple of the town's finest. Throughout the meal the kids kept pointing at the cops and asking Dad more questions about them, normal kid stuff ... "like is that a real gun", "What's that thing for?", "Where's their police dog?" and so on.

After eating, the 6 year old (the one with all the questions) needs to go to the bathroom, so my buddy sends him off to the bathroom with the oldest son. The 2 boys get to walk right by both cops on their way to the bathroom and are checking the cops out as they go. Just as they reach the door to the bathroom, and are pretty much on the opposite side of the diner, the kid shouts to his Dad ...

"HEY DAD!!!! Which Cop do you like more? The FAT one or the BALD one?"

Ah...

You can't coach this kind of stuff.

Just more proof that reality is more funny than fiction.

Quoted: My girlfriend and I are out today with my two kids. They've accepted her as part of the family, so the good "company" behavior is long gone  they just act like themselves (which is a good thing). So they are sitting in the back seat of the car as we head off to the movies. My daughter (14) is chatting with my girlfriend and my son (12) is playing his PSP.  My daughter decides that the low volume sound from the PSP is just too much for her to bear, so she tells her brother to turn it off before she kills him. I jump in here saying "We won't be having any fratricide in the car today." Then continuing the train of thought I ask "I wonder what you call it when a brother kills a sister, since fratricide means killing your brother?" My daughter thinks for a second and comes up with "Sororacide?" (A logical guess based on the root of the word sorority). My son glances up from his PSP and says one word... "Justified"

hahahaha, so true

My dad let a SBD rip one day at home a couple years ago.  He has real bad stomach issues so hit farts are enough to melt the windows.   Anyhow, my then 2 year-old brother comes walking through from the kitchen, stops, with a disgusted look on his face, and says, "I smell poo-poo."

Quoted: This story from a buddy of mine with 3 boys (all under 10) ... The whole family is out having breakfast at the local diner, about half way through the meal a pair of cops walk in ... The 6 year old goes "Hey Dad, the cops are here... Why do you think the cops are here, are they here to get someone?" My buddy says "Relax, they're probably just here to get some breakfast too". The kids seemed amazed at this, that cops actually ate the same kind of food that they did, but once the cops sat down thought it was pretty cool that they were having breakfast right next to a couple of the town's finest. Throughout the meal the kids kept pointing at the cops and asking Dad more questions about them, normal kid stuff ... "like is that a real gun", "What's that thing for?", "Where's their police dog?" and so on. After eating, the 6 year old (the one with all the questions) needs to go to the bathroom, so my buddy sends him off to the bathroom with the oldest son. The 2 boys get to walk right by both cops on their way to the bathroom and are checking the cops out as they go. Just as they reach the door to the bathroom, and are pretty much on the opposite side of the diner, the kid shouts to his Dad ... "HEY DAD!!!! Which Cop do you like more? The FAT one or the BALD one?"

 OMG!! Now that's funny!

No Expert

So we are driving past a nuclear power plant in Germany with a huge vapor cloud coming out the top and my 7 year old yells, "LOOK, A CLOUD MAKER"! My wife and I laughed our assess off as we had never thought of it that way.

My Dad (a WWII air-combat vet.) came into town for a visit. My 8yo Son says to him "I remember you were in the war". My Dad replies, "yes I was". My Son then says "so was George Washington"!

What's funny is when they're trying to read signs and billboards.  There was a Chinese restaurant nearby called The Dragon Express.  Well, one of my sons knew that doctors' names are Dr. so-and-so.  When he saw the sign, he said that was Doctor Agon Express's office.  One of those "had to be there" moments.