The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their
parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next
day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
> Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying
hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the
front seat of the pickup when we hit a big bump in the road and all
the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess.
>   What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
> "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
> "Very good," said the teacher.
> Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are
farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a
dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live
chicks, and the moral to this story, "don't count your chickens
before they're hatched."
> "That was a fine story, Sarah."
> "Johnny, do you have a story to share?"
> "Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Bev. Aunt
Bev was a flight engineer in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She
had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of
whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the
way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the
middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the
machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty
more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the
last ten with her bare hands."
> "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral
did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
> "Stay away from Aunt Bev when she's been drinking"

Welcome to 1972

It's still kinda funny though. The version I heard had to do with an uncle though.