A 20 question test from the most prestigious health care facility in the world--Johns Hopkins Hospital

"The Twenty Questions"
1.   Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
2.   Is drinking making your homelife unhappy?
3.   Do you drink because you are shy with other people?
4.  Is drinking affecting your reputation?
5.   Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
6.   Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking?
7.   Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when drinking?
8.   Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
9.  Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
10  Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
11 Do you want a drink the next morning?
12 Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13  Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
14 Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?
15  Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?
16  Do you drink alone?
17 Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of drinking?
18  Has you physician ever treated you for drinking?
19  Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?
20 Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?

If you have answered YES to any one of these questions, there is a DEFINITE WARNING that you may be an alcoholic

If you have answered YES to any two, the CHANCES ARE that you are an alcoholic.

If you have answered YES to three or more, you are DEFINITELY AN ALCOHOLIC. You should return to the home page and finish it but also go to AA immediately.

alcoholism.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=alcoholism&zu=http%3A%2F%2Fwebpages.charter.net%2Frfhale%2Fhopkins.htm

so who the hell is john Hopkins to criticize my drinking
besides, i can't be an alcoholic.  i don't go to meetings...

Replace the word "drinking" with "posting on ARFCOM" and I definitely need to check myself in.



I wonder if my HMO will cover it

ETA:  at least 15 out of 20 apply to me.

w00t! lol, dupe!

Bullshit alarmism, your not an alcoholic until you answer yes to EVERY question.

None of this BS "If you answered yes to two questions" nonsense.

Quoted: Replace the word "drinking" with "posting on ARFCOM" and I definitely need to check myself in. I wonder if my HMO will cover it

damn.  never thought of it that way.  i got a problem  

yes, why?

Quoted: Bullshit alarmism, your not an alcoholic until you answer yes to EVERY question. None of this BS "If you answered yes to two questions" nonsense.

The first indicator you have a problem is denial.  Stop drinking so much.

So drinking alone is a warning?  I can't even have a fucking beer after work or after mowing the lawn without considering that a warning?

What a joke.

Quoted: So drinking alone is a warning?  I can't even have a fucking beer after work or after mowing the lawn without considering that a warning? What a joke.

I think like getting drunk alone.

I live alone, not counting the cats.  I have a few beers in the evening.

I might be an alcoholic??!!!

I've never understood this question.

So, my predicament is worse than two roommates who get hammered every night?

Yeah, this seems a little extreme.

I say "hole up and wait for an intervention"

I only answered yes to one,do you ever drink alone,but I dont really count that because God is with me at all times therefore I am never alone

I suspect that the definition of "drinking" involves more than a casual beer.

Quoted: A 20 question test from the most prestigious health care facility in the world--Johns Hopkins Hospital "The Twenty Questions" 5.   Have you ever felt remorse after drinking? 17 Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of drinking?

There are two questions that anybody who as ever had too much have to answer yes to.

Example.  Dear god, why did I drink that much (remorse)
                How many did I have to drink (loss of memory)

Shit, we're all borderline.

Scott

Here was a great one I heard from a friend...

Ever sneak a drink?
No.
How about after a day of boating and you have one on the way home while driving?
Yes.
You're and alcoholic because you sneak a drink.

I drew down on him.

 Hell, I can answer yes to at least two of those questions and I haven't had a drink in 6 weeks.

Just call me George Thorogood cuz I drink alone all the time.  It is kinda by default due to my living alone.

Once we're all classified with some sort of dysfunction (with an associated stigma) everyone will feel better.  Especially the fucked up libtards and freaks that have serious issues and wouldn't have fit in with society at all 40 or more years ago.

(Make it easy to deny a 4473 for anyone)

From the late Mark Penman (who, incidentally, probably did have a drinking problem...)

www.jtk3.com/laissezfirearm/drnktest.htm

Are You a Boozehound?
by LF (10/97)

Here's an Alcoholics Anonymous quiz that I pulled off some poor schlub's home page. Get this: answering "yes" to two of the questions may indicate a problem, and admitting to three is the Kiss of Death.


1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?

Not enough. Only when I plan ahead.


2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?


It is my home life.


3. Is drinking affecting your reputation?


No, but a genuinely bad attitude and an inordinate fondness for firearms seems to be having a deleterious impact.


4. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?


Sure, but I cheered up when she went home.


5. Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?


Only when I can't wheedle the bartender out of some freebies.


6. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?


I drink because I hate other people.


7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?


Shit, that happens every time I hit the grocery store.


8. Does your drinking make you careless of your welfare?


No, every morning I check the grill of my car for bits of clothing or incriminating stains.


9. Does your ambition decrease when you are drinking?


Nope, by the end of the night I want to hop every broad in the joint


10. Do you crave a drink at a particular time of day?


What time is it now?


11. Do you want a drink in the morning?


I'm particularly fond of milk'n'champagne -- I call it the moomosa.


12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty sleeping?


Ever tried catching some shuteye in a stranger's tub while sober?


13. Has your efficiency decreased due to drinking?


No, my intake usually accelerates after the first six or so.


14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?


Only if the bastards catch me.


15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?


Nope, they're still there when I come to.


16. Do you drink alone?


I could be standing in the middle of a State Fair and still be drinking alone.


17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?


Not that I recall.


18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?


I've had a doctor treat me to drinks. Does that count?


19. Do you drink to build up your self confidence?


No, I drink to see the pretty colors swirling and changing in the toilet bowl when I chucker up a gout of blood after a three-week vodka bender.


20. Have you ever been in a hospital, jail or institution on account of your drinking? (Include DUI convictions)


Oh, CONVICTIONS. No. But if they start treating boozers with heroin rather than Antabuse, maybe I'll give it a shot.

Amen brother!

Nope... I'm Irish  

If you have answered YES to three or more, you are DEFINITELY AN ALCOHOLIC. You should return to the home page and finish it but also go to AA immediately.

Looks more like an AA recruiting scheme than an objective test to determine if you have an imaginary disease, although the former does depend on the latter.

Quoted:  Hell, I can answer yes to at least two of those questions and I haven't had a drink in 6 weeks.

+1 except it's been 6 months for me.

They forgot question 21......


Are you drunk while taking this quiz?  Are you having trouble focusing on the words?  If you have gotten this far are you on your second beer since STARTING the quiz?

Quoted: If you have answered YES to three or more, you are DEFINITELY AN ALCOHOLIC. You should return to the home page and finish it but also go to AA immediately. Looks more like an AA recruiting scheme than an objective test to determine if you have an imaginary disease, although the former does depend on the latter.

+1, they've got to keep the AA business growing with new customers.

Yes to only 16.

What's wrong with having a beer or two or even 4 alone?

Is it bad that a threw up on the quiz?

4. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?


Sure, but I cheered up when she went home.

Was that  her name?

16 Do you drink alone?

You guys are drinking with me arn't you?  [well not yet, I don't start craving one until the kidlets are in bed]

Patty

Quoted: Here was a great one I heard from a friend... Ever sneak a drink? No. How about after a day of boating and you have one on the way home while driving? Yes. You're and alcoholic because you sneak a drink. I drew down on him.

I don't get the 10 Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily? question.  I want a beer every day when i get home from work.  Does that count?
How would that indicate anyting?

Larry

Quoted: Just call me George Thorogood cuz I drink alone all the time.  It is kinda by default due to my living alone.

Same here.

Quoted: I don't get the 10 Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily? question.  I want a beer every day when i get home from work.  Does that count? How would that indicate anyting? Larry

Probably figuring on the body's physiological responses to repetitive stimuli.  (certain event, action, smell, taste, etc, happening over and over, at the same time, or under the same circumstances.)

Sort of like Pavlov's dogs.....  If your body sees "getting home" as a pre-programmed stimuli, and responds with cravings for alcohol, that could indicate a physical dependance ON the alcohol.


Would be similar to smokers who crave a cigarette, after a meal.....  


Me ?   I usally take a leak, when I first get home   Pretty sure I'm not a peeaholic though.

When I drink alone I prefer to be by myself.

Quoted: Quoted: I don't get the 10 Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily? question.  I want a beer every day when i get home from work.  Does that count? How would that indicate anyting? Larry Probably figuring on the body's physiological responses to repetitive stimuli.  (certain event, action, smell, taste, etc, happening over and over, at the same time, or under the same circumstances.) Sort of like Pavlov's dogs.....  If your body sees "getting home" as a pre-programmed stimuli, and responds with cravings for alcohol, that could indicate a physical dependance ON the alcohol. Would be similar to smokers who crave a cigarette, after a meal.....   Me ?   I usally take a leak, when I first get home   Pretty sure I'm not a peeaholic though.

Are you sure?  That would make for a great 12 step program....Hello my name is JB69 and I'm a peeaholic.

Patty

Quoted: Quoted: I don't get the 10 Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily? question.  I want a beer every day when i get home from work.  Does that count? How would that indicate anyting? Larry Probably figuring on the body's physiological responses to repetitive stimuli.  (certain event, action, smell, taste, etc, happening over and over, at the same time, or under the same circumstances.) Sort of like Pavlov's dogs.....  If your body sees "getting home" as a pre-programmed stimuli, and responds with cravings for alcohol, that could indicate a physical dependance ON the alcohol. Would be similar to smokers who crave a cigarette, after a meal.....   Me ?   I usally take a leak, when I first get home   Pretty sure I'm not a peeaholic though.

How about if you feel like having sex with your wife after you've both showered and gotten into bed?
I wonder if that's some kind of problem.  Or coffee in the morning.

It would be funny to see the model of perfect living based on some of these tests and the different recommendations that come out.


ETA: BRB...getting a beer

Quoted: Is it bad that a threw up on the quiz?

Yeah, you're ok.  Puking means you arent a pro yet.

It's BS.

They have lowered the bar so low that if you like to have a beer after work, you are assumed to be an alcoholic.

All these alcoholics need treatment.

Bowl of rice.

I'm not an alcoholic!


Alcoholics go to meetings!

Quoted: Quoted: Is it bad that a threw up on the quiz? Yeah, you're ok.  Puking means you arent a pro yet.

Standards of measurment among the medical/dental community have the had thresholds lowered and lowered over the last decade.  This test another example.

It may surprise some of you just what is considered to be high blood pressure these days.

We've all heard what is considered fat or physically fit by current standards.

Drug companies & doctors cannot sell their sevices to healthy people.  They have to come up with some reason to be needed.

This isn't a slam againt individual health care providers, this is my observation/opinion of the larger trend in the health care industry.

alcoholism is continuing to drink despite grace consequences.  That's it.  No 20 questions needed.

Here ya go:

A 21 question test from the most prestigious mental health care facility in the world--
Johns Hopkins Hospital presents the arfkom addiction test.

"The 21 Questions"
1. Do you lose time from work due to posting on arfkom?
2. Is posting on arfkom making your homelife unhappy?
3. Do you post on arfkom because you are shy with other people?
4. Is posting on arfkom affecting your reputation?
5. Have you ever felt remorse after posting on arfkom?
6. Have you had financial difficulties as a result of posting on arfkom?
7. Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when posting on arfkom?
8. Does your posting on arfkom make you careless of your family's welfare?
9. Has your ambition decreased since posting on arfkom?
10 Do you crave a post on arfkom at a definite time daily?
11 Do you want a post on arfkom the next morning?
12 Does posting on arfkom cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13 Has your efficiency decreased since posting on arfkom?
14 Is posting on arfkom jeopardizing your job or business?
15 Do you post on arfkom to escape from worries or trouble?
16 Do you post on arfkom alone?
17 Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of posting on arfkom?
18 Has you physician ever treated you for posting on arfkom?
19 Do you post on arfkom to build up your self-confidence?
20 Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of posting on arfkom?
21 Have you somehow avoided having your account locked or never been banned?

If you have answered YES to any one of these questions, there is a DEFINITE WARNING that you may be an POST-WHORE

If you have answered YES to any two, the CHANCES ARE that you are an POST-WHORE.

If you have answered YES to three or more, you are DEFINITELY A POST-WHORE. You should return to the home page and finish it but also go to POST-WHOREs Anonymous immediately.

Quoted:  Hell, I can answer yes to at least two of those questions and I haven't had a drink in 6 weeks.

+1



It's BS.


I can answer yes to 4 or 5 and it's been 3 months since I had any alcoholic beverages.


ETA:

7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking? Shit, that happens every time I hit the grocery store Wal-Mart.

Quoted: From the late Mark Penman (who, incidentally, probably did have a drinking problem...) www.jtk3.com/laissezfirearm/drnktest.htm Are You a Boozehound? by LF (10/97) Here's an Alcoholics Anonymous quiz that I pulled off some poor schlub's home page. Get this: answering "yes" to two of the questions may indicate a problem, and admitting to three is the Kiss of Death. 1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking? Not enough. Only when I plan ahead. 2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy? It is my home life. 3. Is drinking affecting your reputation? No, but a genuinely bad attitude and an inordinate fondness for firearms seems to be having a deleterious impact. 4. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking? Sure, but I cheered up when she went home. 5. Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking? Only when I can't wheedle the bartender out of some freebies. 6. Do you drink because you are shy with other people? I drink because I hate other people. 7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking? Shit, that happens every time I hit the grocery store. 8. Does your drinking make you careless of your welfare? No, every morning I check the grill of my car for bits of clothing or incriminating stains. 9. Does your ambition decrease when you are drinking? Nope, by the end of the night I want to hop every broad in the joint 10. Do you crave a drink at a particular time of day? What time is it now? 11. Do you want a drink in the morning? I'm particularly fond of milk'n'champagne -- I call it the moomosa. 12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty sleeping? Ever tried catching some shuteye in a stranger's tub while sober? 13. Has your efficiency decreased due to drinking? No, my intake usually accelerates after the first six or so. 14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business? Only if the bastards catch me. 15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble? Nope, they're still there when I come to. 16. Do you drink alone? I could be standing in the middle of a State Fair and still be drinking alone. 17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking? Not that I recall. 18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking? I've had a doctor treat me to drinks. Does that count? 19. Do you drink to build up your self confidence? No, I drink to see the pretty colors swirling and changing in the toilet bowl when I chucker up a gout of blood after a three-week vodka bender. 20. Have you ever been in a hospital, jail or institution on account of your drinking? (Include DUI convictions) Oh, CONVICTIONS. No. But if they start treating boozers with heroin rather than Antabuse, maybe I'll give it a shot.

Damn, I want to party with you ,bro !!!

Rehab is for quitters!

1. Do you lose time from work due to drinking?

I don't consider it "losing" work, more like mini vacations


2. Is drinking making your home life unhappy?


Once I'm plastered I don't hear them anyway.


3. Is drinking affecting your reputation?


My reputation would be affected if I wasn't drinking


4. Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?


Only until the pregnancy test came back negative.


5. Have you gotten into financial difficulties as a result of drinking?


Nope. The bartender always gets paid. Thank god for conterfeit money.


6. Do you drink because you are shy with other people?


Actually I tend to hug and grope alot anytime.


7. Do you turn to lower companions and an inferior environment when drinking?


My friends and I would never hng out with those employed people!


8. Does your drinking make you careless of your welfare?


What? I'm fu**ing superman. SHEESH!!


9. Does your ambition decrease when you are drinking?


No the lighting seems fine thank you.


10. Do you crave a drink at a particular time of day?


Yea, then I raise the bottle back to my lips.


11. Do you want a drink in the morning?


I don't wake until at least noon so I don't become an alcoholic.


12. Does drinking cause you to have difficulty sleeping?


Nope. I'm passed out by 3am every day.


13. Has your efficiency decreased due to drinking?


Nope. I've learned to switch to cheap shit after I'm drunk.


14. Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?


job?


15. Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?


Nope. I drink so I don't feel so stupid about crying about them.


16. Do you drink alone?


No, I tend to talk to inanimate objects when the dogs not around.


17. Have you ever had a complete loss of memory as a result of drinking?


I don't remember.


18. Has your physician ever treated you for drinking?


This guy named Doc tried switching me from Beam to Jack once.


19. Do you drink to build up your self confidence?


I don't need it you SOB, why you wanna fight?


20. Have you ever been in a hospital, jail or institution on account of your drinking? (Include DUI convictions)


There was once when I was treated for a small chainsaw accident.


I'm sorry did you ask me something

Quoted: A 20 question test from the most prestigious health care facility in the world--Johns Hopkins Hospital "The Twenty Questions" 1.   Do you lose time from work due to drinking? Nope 2.   Is drinking making your homelife unhappy? Nope 3.   Do you drink because you are shy with other people? No. 4.  Is drinking affecting your reputation? No. 5.   Have you ever felt remorse after drinking? Only cause I was too drunk to make a decent impression at the club. 6.   Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking? Never. 7.   Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when drinking? No. 8.   Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare? No. 9.  Has your ambition decreased since drinking? Nope. 10  Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily? No. 11 Do you want a drink the next morning? Yep. 12 Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping? No. 13  Has your efficiency decreased since drinking? Not at all. 14 Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business? No. 15  Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble? Sometimes. 16  Do you drink alone? On occation....am right now. 17 Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of drinking? Never. 18  Has you physician ever treated you for drinking? No. 19  Do you drink to build up your self-confidence? No....well...sometimes. 20 Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking? No.

A 20 question test from the most prestigious health care facility in the world--Johns Hopkins Hospital

"The Twenty Questions"
1. Do you lose time from work due to sex?
2. Is sex making your homelife unhappy?
3. Do you have sex because you are shy with other people?
4. Is sex affecting your reputation?
5. Have you ever felt remorse after sex?
6. Have you had financial difficulties as a result of sex?
7. Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when having sex?
8. Does having sex make you careless of your family's welfare?
9. Has your ambition decreased since first having sex?
10 Do you crave sex at a definite time daily?
11 Do you want sex the next morning?
12 Does sex cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
13 Has your efficiency decreased since first having sex?
14 Is sex jeopardizing your job or business?
15 Do you have sex to escape from worries or trouble?
16 Do you have sex alone?
17 Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of sex?
18 Has you physician ever treated you for having sex?
19 Do you have sex to build up your self-confidence?
20 Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of sex?

If you have answered YES to any one of these questions, there is a DEFINITE WARNING that you may be a sexaholic

If you have answered YES to any two, the CHANCES ARE that you are a sexaholic.

If you have answered YES to three or more, you are DEFINITELY A SEXAHOLIC. You should return to the home page and finish it but also go to the brothel immediately.

+1 ... if you drink AT ALL, you're going to "fail" their test.  

Quoted: From the late Mark Penman (who, incidentally, probably did have a drinking problem...) www.jtk3.com/laissezfirearm/drnktest.htm

Thanks for posting that.  I forgot about Mark's excellent website.  He and I corresponded a bit because of his Beretta FP1201 website and my Shotguns for Home Defense article.  He was a great writer and I was very sad when he passed.

"The Twenty Questions"
1.   Do you lose time from work due to drinking? NO
2.   Is drinking making your homelife unhappy?   NO
3.   Do you drink because you are shy with other people?    NO
4.  Is drinking affecting your reputation?     NO
5.   Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?     DOES CHEWING YOUR ARM OFF COUNT???
6.   Have you had financial difficulties as a result of drinking?   NO
7.   Do you turn to inferior companions and environments when drinking?    I GUESS Q#5 MAKES IT YES!
8.   Does your drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?   NO
9.  Has your ambition decreased since drinking?   NO10  Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?   NO
11 Do you want a drink the next morning?   ONLY TO FORGET Q#5
12 Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?     NO
13  Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?     NO
14 Is drinking jeopardizing your job or business?   NO
15  Do you drink to escape from worries or trouble?   NO
16  Do you drink alone?    YOU MEAN RIGHT NOW?
17 Have you ever had a loss of memory as a result of drinking?    YES
18  Has you physician ever treated you for drinking?   NO
19  Do you drink to build up your self-confidence?   NO
20 Have you ever been to a hospital or institution on account of drinking?   NO

Do I pass?