www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s4i9233



"(AP) Minority groups across the United States were visually upset and preparing to march against their local cable companies at the announcement of a new television station. White Entertainment Television (WET) will make its debut in November on over 92% of cable and all satellite systems. Those systems not yet signed up expect to be on board with the new plan before the end of this month."

Continued in link...

This is hysterical!

HH

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Minorities Upset About New Cable TV Network: White Entertainment Television (WET)


Written by Jalapenoman


Donny and Marie Osmond may be the new poster children for White Entertainment Television

(AP) Minority groups across the United States were visually upset and preparing to march against their local cable companies at the announcement of a new television station. White Entertainment Television (WET) will make its debut in November on over 92% of cable and all satellite systems. Those systems not yet signed up expect to be on board with the new plan before the end of this month.

In a press conference yesterday in Los Angeles, representatives of LULAC (the League of United Latin American Citizens), the NAACP (National Association for the Advancement of Colored People), Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Coalition, BET (Black Entertainment Television), and Univision (a U.S. based Hispanic television network), all jointly protested the formation of this new network. They vowed to boycott the channel and demonstrate against all of the cable and satellite providers in their areas who aired the new network.

“This is wrong,” said Juan Jose Guadalupe Rios y Rivera Garcia Garcia of LULAC. “Gringo’s should not be allowed to have one channel that pushes forth a programming based solely on promoting one race above the others. We are all Americans now and need to work together and leave issues of race behind us. We cannot be white Americans or Chinese Americans, but all have to be just Americans.”

When asked why, if he had this opinion, he was a leader of a group that promoted a heritage group other than just being American, he answered: “Well, that’s different. We have to remember our Hispanic background and culture to help us preserve our identity. The Raza (the race) is important to us and tells us who we are.”

Juan Antonio de Jesus y Maria Guadalupe Torres Sanchez de Alba of Univision agreed. “At our network, we try to show the importance of our heritage. We want our children to know where they came from and to understand why they are important. We want them to respect and honor their culture and to embrace it into their daily lives. Our young, and all viewers, must come to understand why they will be the leaders of tomorrow. It is their destiny to run this country in the future and they must embrace that. A new network that promotes Anglos and tries to show and tell everyone that they are better than us is just wrong and prejudiced. This is a racist agenda.”

Travis Mustafa Jordan of Black Entertainment Television agreed: “White are trying to take away the cultural identity of our black youth again. This system will be The Man trying to put down the brothers and bring back slavery and Jim Crow laws. At BET, we want to show the importance of our heritage. We want our children to know where they came from and why they are important. We want them to respect and honor their culture and to embrace it into their daily lives. Our young, and all viewers, must come to understand why they will be the leaders of tomorrow. It is their destiny to run this country in the future and they must embrace that. A new network that promotes Whitey and tries to show and tell everyone that they are better than us is just wrong and prejudiced. This is a racist agenda.”

Smurfy Kitty Kat Dog of the NAACP added to these comments when he said: “This is wrong,” Honky’s should not be allowed to have one channel that pushes forth a programming based solely on promoting one race above the others. We are all Americans now and need to work together and leave issues of race behind us. We cannot be white Americans or Chinese Americans, but all have to be just plain old Americans.”

When asked if he felt it was wrong to have a Black Entertainment Television or a Black History Month if we were all supposed to be just plain old Americans, Dog replied that “Well, that’s different. We have to remember our Black background and culture to help us preserve our identity. Our brotherhood is important to us and tells us who we are.”

Jesse Jackson of the Rainbow Coalition demanded to be interviewed for this report. He refused to answer direct questions, however, and went and stood behind a pulpit and gave this statement: “My brothers! We must unite against this discrimination that is infecting the white race against our heritage and our culture. We must put down these unsoulful actions. Halt Honky Hating Homey Hour! Please Pan Pale People Programming! Reject Racism! There is a new day returning where the whites try to tell their children that they are better than ours! We must stop these actions now.”

Jackson’s remarks continued in the same vein, containing a large amount of alliteration, for the next ninety minutes. At the conclusion of his sermon, his choir started singing and he passed a collection plate.

Clarence Whitebread, one of the co-founders and backers of White Entertainment Television, had this to say when told about the protest: “At WET, we want to show the importance of our heritage. We want our children to know where they came from and why they are important. We want them to respect and honor their culture and to embrace it into their daily lives. Our young, and all viewers, must come to understand why they will be the leaders of tomorrow. It is their destiny to run this country in the future and they must embrace that.”

“No one complained when they put Univision or BET on all of the cable and satellite systems. Now when we are planning on starting a network to remember our heritage and culture, the Blacks and Hispanics are up in arms and screaming that this is discrimination. Well, it is! They are discriminating against our right to exist as a race!”

Whitebread’s actions and words were echoed by Horace Reloader of the Aryan Nation: “This is wrong of the ni----s and sp---s to try to stop our station when they are doing the same thing. If we want to, we can have our own channel that pushes forth a programming based solely on promoting our race above the others. We have to remember our European background and culture to help us preserve our identity. Our heritage is important to us and tells us who we are.”

Whitebread did reveal that the new station is still undecided on their signature logo. “We can’t decide if we want to go with Donny and Marie Osmond or with Pat and Debbie Boone as our symbols. We feel that both pairs define who we are and show the wholesomeness of White America.”

Programming for the new network will include new shows, history, entertainment, fashion, sports, music, and children’s programming. Some of the scheduled programs are:

“Wearing Baseball Caps” This show will explain the proper way to wear a baseball hat and will reveal that the only person who should wear theirs backwards is a baseball catcher, for obvious reasons. It will also show the stupidity of wearing hats and visors upside down or sideways.

“How To Pull Up Your Pants; or, No One Wants To See Your Underwear” This show looks at the fashion of wearing pants that are twelve sizes to large (boys) or four sizes too small (girls). It will explain that the literal meaning of the word “underwear” is to put this garment beneath your other clothes. Girls will be taught that it is easier to bend over when they are not afraid of splitting their pants or having them slide off. Boys will be shown that having two hands to do things with (instead of using one to always hold up your pants) allows you to do many things.

“Music is More Than Rhyming and Spitting” This show will examine the influence of beat, melody, harmony, and other choral and orchestral achievements on true music. It will also discuss the ability to have songs that do not promote gang violence, prostitution, rape, drugs, or police killing. The ability to carry a tune and sing without screaming are also demonstrated.

“Slavery and History” will examine the fact that slavery was always an economic (cheap labor) or political (subjugation of enemies) issue and never about racism. It will also show that several biblical prophets, including Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, owned and sometimes had children with their slaves. This show will explain that all races and peoples were slaves at one time or another in the distant past and no one needs to feel guilty about the actions of their ancestors.

Other scheduled shows will include:
Spelling Made Easy, or, Ebonics is Not English
Birth Control and Education: Why Most White People Are Not On Welfare
Speed Bumps and Low Riders
Jobs, or, How You Can Afford Nice Things Without Stealing
Minority Relations: Maintaining Tokenism In The Workplace
Miscegenation: Still A Bad Idea
The Winter Olympics Highlights, or, We Still Mostly Own These Sports