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Posted: 5/17/2005 5:42:06 AM EDT
[#1]
Maybe your belly is sticking out because you've turned into a fat fuck? Try excercise.
Seriously, I vote for "see a doctor". Obviously it has you pretty worried so check it out. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 5:43:54 AM EDT
[#2]
 STOP IT! This thread is too hysterical! I'm going to shit my pants just reading it! 
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Posted: 5/17/2005 5:46:48 AM EDT
[#3]
 All joking aside, I'd really like to hear what our resident doctors have to say about this stuff. I'm interested in giving the insides a reall good scrubbing, but a) I don't want to hurt myself, and b) I don't want to waste my money. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:20:21 AM EDT
[#4]
Are familiar with a home made mixture called "Ed's Red"? I believe it would do the trick for ya. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:26:55 AM EDT
[#5]
Never heard of it. Is it a hot sauce or something? |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:34:47 AM EDT
[#6]
+1 This man is correct. Something ain't right in there... |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:39:09 AM EDT
[#7]
gun cleaner 
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:42:52 AM EDT
[#8]
+2 No one likes to go to the doctor but this is one of those times were you ought to. It's one thing to have a little constipation, it's another to have other symptoms (botchy skin?). |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:47:42 AM EDT
[#9]
how do you man up to something being put UP the backside? ETE nevermind it looks like thats not the case. Carry on |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:55:42 AM EDT
[#10]
It's from an old SNL skit. 
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Posted: 5/17/2005 7:00:21 AM EDT
[#11]
Amen to that. It's cheap and works fast. I've found the blow-out effect of that stuff to be more unpleasant than the actual colonoscopy, 'cause the doc administers heavy drugs for the procedure. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 8:02:08 AM EDT
[#12]
There are two things I would suggest before you resort to seeing a doctor.
First, drink more water. Not soda. Not coffee. Not milk... WATER! Seriously, it sounds like you are chronically dehydrated... a surprising # of people are & they don't know it. 6 or 7 8oz. glasses of water a day are the minimum amount of hydration that the human body needs to function properly. More is obviously better. Secondly, get yourself a jar of this: www.iherb.com/dailyfiberpow.html. It is the best fiber supplement out there, period! Just follow the directions, and make a commitment to actually use the entire 12oz. jar. My prediction is that between the increased water intake & the use of this dietary fiber supplement you will flush your problems down the bowl in no time! Good luck & let us know how it goes. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 8:17:15 AM EDT
[#13]
Pffft... I'll just take good old fashoned Papa John's Pizza any day over ramming something up my butt.
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Posted: 5/17/2005 8:28:03 AM EDT
[#14]
DOH!
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Posted: 5/17/2005 8:28:44 AM EDT
[#15]
Alright, this is going to be an overshare, but here goes because it may be relevant. Plus I like sharing.
When I was 21 I got run over by a truck and broke every limb in my body and then some. I spent 2-3 weeks in the hospital and was on a morphine/valium drip. Either of these will plug you up good, combine the two for 3 weeks, and, well you get the picture. About a week after getting out of the hospital I was like "I am having problems." I had been on solid food for about 2 weeks and hadnt taken a crap yet. I didnt feel like I had to. I couldnt go, but I felt it up in there 24/7. When I wasnt on the crapper, I felt like I was holding it in, and when I was on the crapper nothing was happening. We went to the doctor and he was like "Theres nothing I can do that will be easier than you just taking car of it naturally" I think he said I had already had a "bolice" or something. Basically, 1 day later, after taking everything they had at the store, this turd the width of my fist and as long as my forearm shot out. Another one just like it followed after. They were brick hard and I bled everywhere! It brought tears to my eyes, and I didnt even cry when I got run over. Moral of the story: don't wait till its too late. SERIOUS, take it from me. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 8:33:17 AM EDT
[#16]
I gotta' ask.
Do you have really bad breath? And no, I'm not kidding around. This is a serious question. It just sounds like a joke. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 8:47:28 AM EDT
[#17]
Uh, unless you would like to end up wearing a colostomy bag for awhile (maybe permanently), don't ignore your gut. You can perforate easier than you think - and this is an area that we ALL take for granted.
I'm speaking from experience - go see your doc and get it checked out. Could be a myriad of things causing it - but this is one area that you don't want to "self doctor"... Good luck. PS - I'm not a Doc, but I am an RN, and I've been through it... |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 9:00:19 AM EDT
[#18]
What about "Super Colon Blow?"
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Posted: 5/17/2005 9:07:23 AM EDT
[#19]
Worst link ever. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 9:37:27 AM EDT
[#20]
So if I go get a bottle of that Fleet stuff after work how long will it take to kick in? Will I be up all night? Or is this a take a weekend off process?
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Posted: 5/17/2005 11:05:36 AM EDT
[#21]
+1 How long does it take for relief? |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 11:06:46 AM EDT
[#22]
....and can I sneak a bottle in the company coffee pot? Can you taste this stuff?
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Posted: 5/17/2005 11:31:45 AM EDT
[#23]
I wasn't kidding about the bad breath question.
I have seen several cases in geriatric patients where the pt has not had a bowel movement in a while, their abdomens were severely extended and hard, they had bad breath and were vomiting FECES!!! Just like in "South Park". Except it wasn't funny. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 11:52:49 AM EDT
[#24]
Yes and its tastes awful (so I've been told) |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 11:55:12 AM EDT
[#25]
I just met a guy yesterday with crohn's who had a fistula (an abnormal opening between 2 organs) form between his bowel and his bladder where he was literally pissing out chunks of shit. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 12:47:01 PM EDT
[#26]
Within 30min's you be bookin for the john. The taste isn't even out of your mouth yet when it starts coming out the other end. And yes the taste is pretty nasty... |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 1:46:29 PM EDT
[#27]
Running at a steady pace, not too hard and not too slow, until you can't run anymore, usually gives me the shits like crazy.
You need to exercise more and eat fiber. Take metamucil or fiber pills too. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 1:47:33 PM EDT
[#28]
Thanks for the advertising doughboy. You look like you could use some colon cleanse. It is a high possibility you have a glazed colon from all the donuts and such...allegedly.
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Posted: 5/17/2005 1:49:08 PM EDT
[#29]
Damn...do any of you people eat fruit?
SGatr15 |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 1:51:14 PM EDT
[#30]
wow |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 1:52:26 PM EDT
[#31]
It keeps getting better.
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Posted: 5/17/2005 1:56:32 PM EDT
[#32]
Yeah, no shit. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 2:39:37 PM EDT
[#33]
Lately, yes it is pretty rank. Not like I smell my own breath but in the past two weeks or so, yes. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 2:42:40 PM EDT
[#34]
Who was it that ate grape-nuts for a weeks or so? Cleaned him out pretty well.
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Posted: 5/17/2005 2:43:26 PM EDT
[#35]
I'm going to get some Fleets after work and report back how my dump went.
I'm here at work and I felt a cramp earlier like I had to eliminate but it went away. I still have this heaviness in my gut. FRUIT? What's that? |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 2:44:06 PM EDT
[#36]
I'm not actually fat but in the overweight category.....about 20#'s overweight. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 4:45:13 PM EDT
[#37]
I"m about 20lbs overweight too. I'm buying a bottle of Fleet tomorrow and plan to sit on the dumpster while I watch Team America on my Laptop tomorrow night. Can't wait to shit! How embarrasing is it to buy a bottle of this and a roll of baby wipes at the checkout?
.... Will this stuff entirely clean out my colon, I mean all the stuff that's been there since highschool and college? |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 4:47:41 PM EDT
[#38]
Not as embarrassing as having 4 bottles of Fleet, 2 bottles of disposable enemas, 2 bottles of suppositories, 2 bags of Doritos and 2 cases of YOOHOO. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 4:54:27 PM EDT
[#39]
Ummm, maybe you shouldGO SEE A DOCTOR! You may have a little problem that a laxative/cleanser may not fix. Heck, they might make it worse. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 5:06:07 PM EDT
[#40]
I'm not totally stopped up but I'm shitting flat turds. Sorry to be graphic but that's what's happening. I'm going to flush my system and eat a pint of yogurt to replace my "good" bacteria and see what's going on. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 5:24:11 PM EDT
[#41]
this is the funniest thread ever.
no joke |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 5:45:03 PM EDT
[#42]
if this problem has persisted 5 days, then you are WAY BEYOND over the counter remedies...see a DOC ASAP...if you have your bowels inspected for obstructions/polyps/etc, don't worry, they give you happy juice and you won't feel or remember a thing
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Posted: 5/17/2005 5:55:12 PM EDT
[#43]
Flat Turds can be a sign of polyps or other blockage that's not normal.
See a doctor asap. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:08:44 PM EDT
[#44]
+1 
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:20:17 PM EDT
[#45]
Drain-O
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:27:48 PM EDT
[#46]
No prob!
I'm good actually, I sat and took a big ole' cheeks earlier... I scraped some cheeks off my shoe this morning! Darn dogs!  Ummmmm, donuts! 
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:32:36 PM EDT
[#47]
Reminds me of the old joke:
Old Indian named BOWELS... forget it.  I've had some constipation with the flat turds - sounds like something is "hung up". Time for Colonoscopy . . . I am not a Dr., but I was told to take Ducolace Stool Softner, pure clear liquids ALL day, NO hard food from 12Midnight the night before, then at 6PM a prescription laxative, (HUGH amount 17x normal in 15 mins.) - never never cleansed like that. Had to take a SHOWER if you know what I mean!!! Colon oh so clean and the nurse attending - mama mia what a piece of ASS. Speaking of ass she was attending and definitely saw me at my worst from the wrong end!!! Did feel GREAT though! Intestines and the "sleep"! Please check with your Dr., the life you save maybe your OWN! |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 6:35:23 PM EDT
[#48]
I was wondering if anyone else remembered that Imbroglio classic. He ate nothing but Grape-Nuts with apple juice instead of milk. He didn't stop crapping for nearly three days. That oughtta clean you right out.
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Posted: 5/17/2005 7:13:43 PM EDT
[#49]
Like I said before, this all started just recently within the two weeks or so because I was all stressed out.
Shit, I hope it ain't polyps! I'm only 30 FFS. I just need to clean my colon out of all the sludge. I've attempted before with Milk of Magnesia but that doesn't do nothing but give me the squirts. |
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Posted: 5/17/2005 8:09:16 PM EDT
[#50]
You know, I could have lived a full, happy, productive life without ever having envisioned either of these scenarios. Now my sphincter is so confused it doesn't know whether to slam shut so hard it would spot-weld closed or open up so far my internal organs would fall out.... Sometimes, I really hope to die young....
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