I have heard so many variants over the years of the 3 biggest lies, that I would like to get your favorite 2 biggest lies. I start with just any 3 I can remember off the top of my head.

1) The check is in the mail.

2) Don't worry, you can't get pregnant the 1st time.[sex]

3) I'll still respect you in the morning.[naughty]


Don't get to off color, or it will be IBTL time before this thread gets a chance to get funny.

I love you.

I wasn't me.

I've never had a single problem with it since I bought it.

No, that does not make you butt look big.

No, she is not better looking than you.

I will do it this weekend when I have extra time.

Biggest Lies

3 Biggest Software Lies:

The program's fully tested and bugfree.
We're working on the documentation.
Of course we can modify it.

3 Biggest Computer Room Lies:

As long as you remember to 'SAVE' your input, you'll never lose any files.
We run the stuff through as fast as it comes in the door.
The new machines on order.

3 Biggest Large Company Lies:

We have an entrepreneurial spirit here.
People are our greatest resource.
We say 'let the marketplace decide'.

3 Biggest Small Company Lies:

We have an entrepreneurial spirit here.
The boss is just one of the guys.
Staying small is a conscious decision.

3 Biggest Marketing Lies:

Immediate delivery?...No problem.
We treat every customer as if they were our most important.
We're going out to lunch to talk business.

3 Biggest Engineering Professor's Lies:

Some day this course will come in handy.
These tests are more trouble for me than they are for you.
This is the way they do it in industry.

3 Biggest Executive Lies:

Money...it's just a score card.
If it were up to me, there'd be no assigned parking spaces.
You have to twist my arm to get me to go on a business trip.

3 Biggest Undergraduate Student Starting Physics Lies:

There are plenty of jobs out there for Physics graduates.
You'll make lots of money in your proffessional career.
The general public respect Physicists.

3 Biggest Atudent Teacher Lies:

The school will help and support you all they can.
This teaching course is interesting and stimulating.
Kids today are just the same as when you went to school.

3 Biggest Advertising Lies:

This product will taste as good as it looks.
You really need our product.
If you use our product you will have sex with the same kinds of people as you see in our ad.

3 Biggest Mail Order Lies:

Delivery of your product will occur within 30 days of ordering it.
If you're not satisfied with our product we will guarentee a full refund.
We offer repair of your product free of charge with an accredited repairer in your home State.

3 Biggest Retail Industry Lies:

Our staff are courteous and considerate.
We try to help you with your problem.
You can exchange or get full refund on an item that you're not satisfied with.

3 Biggest Politician Lies:

I'll be factual and to the point.
I'll give you a straightforward answer to your question.
The government doesn't waste taxpayers money.

3 Biggest Parent Lies:

We're doing this for your own interest.
You can have that (do that) later (when you're older).
The family can't afford it now.

3 Biggest Supermodels Lies:

Women normally look like that.
Women should look like that.
Fasting and dieting is good for your health.

3 Biggest Beer Ads Lies:

Drinking beer is for macho men only.
You'll meet good lifelong friends drinking beer in a bar.
Women think drunken loudmouths are sexy.

3 Biggest Life Lies:

...and they lived happily ever after.
Dying is painless.
Things have gotten so bad that they couldn't possibly get worse.

This won't hurt...

Everyone is doing it...

I won't come in your mouth....

Judaism
Christianity
Islam




[:K]

[b] Till death do us part[/b] may be the number one lie

I'll second that - "for better or worse"

as one southern dealer who advertises on this web page says;;;

1. I have it in stock

2. I will ship today

3. Oh, wow, I lost your order,

my three lies for him....

I would buy from him again
I recommend him to all ar15 members
I really don't mind getting lied to over and over

Size doesn't matter.

It's only a rash.

I never 'fake' it.



ByteTheBullet

3 Biggest Cowboy Lies:

I won the buckle in a rodeo.

The truck is paid for.

I was just helping that sheep over the fence.

 


 I promise I'll pull out

   Honey this will be my last gun, I promise

     I will bring it right back

Some recent lies:

Saddam is alive

Osama is alive

Islam is a peaceful religion

I've only put one box or rounds through it.

Sure...I can keep a secret.

Blood is thicker than water.

African culture
*****************************
Maybe a few more;

No, I never modified it.

It's not hot, I bought it at a gunshow myself.

It's a completely legal private sale.

No I didn't buy another gun...

I'm just storing this rifel for my friend...

It only cost $300.00...(don't they all?)

I only had 2 beers.

1. You'll still [i]technically[/i] be a virgin...

2. I never surf the web from work.

3. We don't want to confiscate your guns, we just want more "common-sense" gun laws.

of course i will respect you in the morning



check is in the mail



black is beautiful

this will only hurt for a little while


i'll only put the head of it in



i promise that i'll never try to come in your mouth
(btw, what a bunch of racists)

Liberalism
Communism
Socialism

Sorry, didn't mean to be repetitive....

To a college buddy, my wife, and a previous coworker:

1) No dude, I didn't have crazy sex with your sister in the pool, up and over the backyard, through the kitchen and hallway, and ending on your bed
2) I traded a bunch of old spare gun parts for that $1,500 rifle!
3) I have no idea where those power tools went to, did you check the maintenance facility?  You know how unorganized that place is, you should really get a handle on that situation before something turns up missing.

lol edited to add...lie #3 had nothing to do with my listing him as a 'previous coworker' - he left on his own agenda.

1. I wasn't speeding
2. See this scar? Got that over in 'Nam (from one guy who couldn't have been more than 30)
3. Sure it's got 150,000 miles, but the motor only has 20,000 miles on it.

1) I did not have sex with that intern.

2) What Angst said.

3) It's for the children.

1.  "I'm a "searcherfortruth"

2.  "I'm a "searcherfortruth"

3.  "I'm a "searcherfortruth"

4.   I'll lie to you.

1) Your information will remain confidential.
2) They all do that.
3) This fish head stew is great!

don't forget "honor and respect"

you must have gotten that sore from someone else

I will pull out then I am about to come

I only smoke pot for medicinal purposes [8P]

1. The check is in the mail.
2. I love you
3. No baby I won't C*m in your mouth.

3 biggest construction lies:
1) Of course we built it the way the plans show.
2) I'm not making one dime off this job. (from subcontractors)
3) Jobsite safety is our #1 concern.

1. dont worry babe, i love eating p***y.

2. no way, i dont think (insert famous actress's name) looks better than you.

3. i... uh... i won this gun in a raffle, yeah!

1- Hillary Clinton is a women
2- Bill Clinton is a man
3- Hillary has a good chance at becoming
  the next President of the United States

i swear its not what it looks like

1. I didnt have sex with your mom

2. I didnt steal your Dads beer

3. No thats not your mother calling me on my cell

1) It tastes like chicken.
2) The 2nd amendment does not guarantee an individual a RKBA.
3)I have only had two beers occifer.

Of course there will be money for you in social security when you retire.

No, this income tax monthly withholding will only go on until the end of the war (WWII).


Liberalism

TXL

Read my lips No New Taxes! (oops didn't mean to go there)

I'm not happy, & I need to find myself. (I've found somone I like better, 4 now)

Trust me, would I lie to YOU? (yep!)

Just thought of this one.

[Cain to God]Abel? no I don't know where he is.[/Cain to God]

From David Allen Coe's bootleg CD:

This will only hurt for a little while

I'll only stick the head of it in

I promise that i'll never come in your mouth

This is a true statement on this site!

IBTL.

I expected these to be mentioned by now.

1. I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
2. It was a clean shot. (through the window into his face)
3. It's only collateral damage.
4. Failure of a suspect to comply justifies shooting them.
5. I pulled the shot at the last second so I wouldn't hit the hostage.
6. "There exsists a vast right wing conspiracy against my husband." (and they call us paranoid)

There is no God.

I am God.

We are all gods.

I am thinkin thats not quite what he meant...[;)]

I'll pay you Friday.

I'll buy the beer next time.

I didn't inhale.

MM419

Islam is a religion of peace.

I swear I'll pull out.

No, your ass looks good in those (pants, shorts, skirt, etc.).

"Everything I say is a lie."

Rap music (it's not music)

The French are our freinds.

I'll stop by with the rent this evening

1.) Politician: I'LL make sure that your voice/opinion is heard.

2.) The court system is fair.

3.) No new taxes.

4.) I'm sorry officer, I think you're mistaken.