I've been there. I just wasn't finally driven over the edge like this guy was. Close, but not all the way. This is a very good read.


https://www.facebook.com/Fathers4kids/posts/707829342580894:0

Can't access FB at work. Screenshot or transcript?

I'm going to get home to read it.

Fookin' 09'er...

Well that's depressing as fuck

tl/dr

he is was not a mom so he got fucked by family court.

so he killed himself.


we are supposed to realize that the common knowledge that family court is retarded is shocking.

Mental illness sucks

<Lets not advocate Murder mmmmkay...>  edited by 40xb

I hate courts and lawyers in general, and I hate them specifically in this venue of meddling-because that's what it is at its core: meddling in the affairs of others.

Now, that being said, I wonder what the percent of financially-ruined and suicidal fathers result from this process.  I noticed that he took some responsibility for the outcome, saying he was naive- but the majority of his rant was blaming every single other person involved in the process.

Seems more like a self-inflicted tragedy than a true I-was-100%-railroaded-into-suicide course of events.

Of course, I don't know what it is like to be in that position, and God willing, I never will.

Or go live in South America or somewhere similarly isolated and start over.  There HAS to be a better answer than that.

Don't need to read it.

Having read hundreds of suicide notes, it will just blame everyone else as usual.

Two sides to a story, that was only one.  Sad that he took his life.

The ex-wife claimed copywrite to it to try to get it off the web

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/volokh-conspiracy/wp/2014/05/15/man-commits-suicide-blames-ex-wife-in-suicide-note-ex-wife-takes-control-of-copyright-tries-to-get-note-and-mans-other-writings-removed-from-internet/

I bet she was a real gem.....


It's got to be all his fault.....yup....that's it

She sounds like a complete and utter witch.

What a nutcase.

I have seen two guys in similiar predicaments. Neither commited suicide.  The divorce process was so vindictive, it seemed like something out of a movie. One guy sold his car to a helper on the job. Took off on foot with abackpack and said he was going to Mexico. The other guy was self medicating with alcohol and drugs. The divorce experience dominated these two.guys every breath. Not a minute went by in the day that they were not talking about it. It was like they were trapped by it and couldnt escape.
Neither one could see their children and the alcoholic acted like they had died. He talked about them in past tense. It was soul crushing.

True.  But it's likely his ex wife was also crazy.  

And a few FB posts below that, they claim 50 dads a day are offing themselves due to one-sided family court rulings. Check out the link.

If that's true, then there is something happening here beyond just one guys mental illness.

Apparently, he committed suicide in Dec 2013. His ex inherited.

Now, she's trying to get his writings erased from the web because she holds the copyright.

Interesting read here:

http://henrymakow.com/2014/05/Father-in-Law-Figured-in-Chris-Mackney.html

I petitioned for, and received a hearing for the judge to consider allowing my children to testify.  It was an extremely difficult decision for me to make the petition.  My (at that point) STBX went off her rocker.  ALMOST came after me physically. (I had made up my mind that I would let her beat the shit out of me just for some pics for the judge BTW). She demanded that I be the one to tell the girls they would have to talk to the judge.  I gladly accepted and jumped in the conversation with both feet.  She thought they would be scared.  I knew they'd be eager to express their preference.  

She was so fucking arrogant the morning of the hearing.  I'll never forget the look on her face when she walked in to the courthouse.  

The judge thought it was an outstanding idea that the kids get to voice their opinions.  Ex wife actually interrupted the huge and attempted to correct him by telling him SHE is their mother and SHE knew what was best for them and wouldn't let them speak.

BIG

FUCKING

MISTAKE.


That look of arrogance at her arrival was replaced by one of complete and total defeat after the proceedings.

That was the beginning of the end of her refusal to settle.  I have my girls 1/2 the time and they (as do I) wish it were more.

Sounds like it should've been a murder/suicide, imho...

As a divorced father, I can legitimately say I feel his pain. Most of his letter was expressing that he felt that HE personally had not been heard and implies he was a victim of legal maneuverings. He advocated for a neutral third party representing the children and their needs.

I understand those feelings entirely. I was fortunate in my divorce and a "special master" representing the needs of the children was appointed by the court. It was only after that occurred that the battle for custody started going in my favor. She actually spent time with the kids and interviewed them, both us parents, teachers, etc. and was able to paint a much fuller picture than what was available to the judge from the lawyers. It was only after the advocate reported that I became the custodial parent. After that was established and the truth started matching my side of the battle, the ex started to lose her credibility.

Poor guy.

I'm typing cautiously


it is contrary to everything men are taught to give up in the face of adversity. Tomorrow is always a new day, no matter how hopeless it may seem. I've been at that proverbial edge and prayed for death. All I wanted was for this to be over. But that's not what we do. You fight! And when you're beaten down and there's nothing left you fucking fight harder. Never quit. If you ever find a suicide note with my signature on it hire a good private detective. Because I was definatly murdered.

Divorce and child custody lawyers probably kill more people per year than guns.

Having been in the Stepdad role to a guy who makes the same claims about my wife, I take this shit with a grain of salt anymore.

At least in AZ, the family court judges literally bend over backwards to try and ensure equal access to the children.  My wife's ex showed up for trial on the second round of contested custody and support issues, acting like a meth head freak.  He got on the stand, under oath, and when the judge asked him to confirm or deny my wife's allegation that he regularly used marijuana, he bragged to the judge that he had driven through Colorado to get here and "I have the receipt for weed in my pocket!"  When the judge asked "do you use marijuana in WI or during your parenting time when the kids are there with you?" he responded "oh no your honor, in WI I use Spice or K2, it's legal there and you can buy it at the gas station!"  

Now, keep in mind that Spice is kind of a big deal in AZ, the guy that shot Gabby Giffords was allegedly using it.  

Despite this, and despite the fact that by this time he had established a strong and obvious pattern of not complying with various provisions of the Court order/parenting plan, a strong pattern of abusive communication with my wife and with the kids, had repeatedly quit paying his child support, had stolen $10k from my wife in retirement funds that he had been court ordered to turn over, and was at that time $7k behind in child support, the judge STILL GRANTED HIM the extra summer parenting time he was demanding.

After that trial, the asshole went away for four months.  Then he just showed up back in AZ, and demanding to see the kids (he had fled his home state due to a warrant for stalking/harassment).  My wife told him to go to court and get the court order changed.  He refused.  But he had quit paying his child support AGAIN.  The kids told us they didn't want to go to see him while he was being prosecuted for felony stalking.  So my wife filed for a TEMPORARY modification so the kids wouldn''t have to go see him until his criminal case is resolved, and she also filed yet another enforcement of child support.  

The dude went ballistic, texting and email all sorts of abusive shit to the kids and my wife.  He filed motions claiming that my wife was not allowing the kids to talk to him, and all sorts of other shit (we blocked him from texting the kids cell phones because of his abusive text messages talking trash about their mother).  

They went to a preliminary hearing, the judge heard all of his claims.  Asked my wife why we denied access to their cell phones.  She presented some text and email evidence.  Judge asked if we had a landline, she told him yes we had installed one specifically for the father to talk to the kids on and pointed out that we had given him the number but he refused to use it.  

Judge ordered him to call the kids every Thursday at 7pm.  Also at the asshole fathers' demand, he ordered a forensic psychologist to interview the kids, mom, and dad.  

Forensic psychologist did the interviews.  Kids are doing great, they admitted to their dad drinking heavily and using drugs during their parenting time.  Interviewed wife, wife basically told her that we respect their dad's right to see his kids and the kids love him but he is abusive, has alcohol and drug and self control problems, always trashing wife and I and being abusive and manipulative to the kids.  She interviewed dad, who spent the whole interview bitching about my wife trying to keep the kids from him, making claims about how my wife tries to keep the kids from him, how she tries to get the kids to believe he's a druggy and a loser, that he doesn't really care much about issues with the older one since she is going to be 18 soon, and how my wife keeps trying to soak him for child support and "child support is bullshit, if I could get my younger child to sign off on being emancipated all this would go away".  

Psychologist report stated that the kids are doing great at home and in school, they want to live with mom and stepdad, they are concerned for their dad and his criminal court issues, dont want to deal with him until those are resolved, dad has alcohol and drug problems, is abusive, manipulative, and mainly manipulates the kids in an attempt to benefit himself financially......code for "he's trying to turn them against mom so he doesn't have to pay support".

The report recommended restricting his parenting time to in state and supervised only.

Also of note: in the prior hearing he had complained loudly and bitterly about not being able to access the kids via their cell phones, and the judge had ordered him to call the kids at 7pm on Thursday evenings.  HE CALLED THE DAY OF THAT HEARING, which was a Thursday, and then he called the Thursday just prior to the interviews.  In the two months in between, HE DIDN'T EVEN CALL AT ALL!

Father got a copy of the report and went ballistic.  He emailed and called the psychologist repeatedly.  My wife too.  He sent shitty emails to the kids, trying to guilt them for admitting the truth to the psychologist.  Then he emailed my wife, the psychologist, and the Judge, saying "since my ex-wife won, and managed to convince you that I'm bad for the kids, I'm not showing up for the trial hearing.  Have a nice life".

Of course the hearing went on as scheduled, became a default hearing because he didn't bother to show up, and the judge ON HIS OWN MOTION cut down his parenting time to in-state, supervised only.

DICKBAG FATHER went out on social media and ranted all about how his "crazy ex wife managed to convince a judge that I'm a danger to my kids and got my parental rights stripped away.....I can no longer see my own kids because of HER".


So.........yeah.  I read these stories and I wonder what the real story is.

God that's sad; I got nothing

Sorry, but he was a pussy.  He was right about that much.

It's not a mental illness. When the whole court system is against you it feels like there is no other escape. All that poor guy was doing was looking for some peace.

Well...that's exactly how it read.

Is it true in his case? Hell if I know. In situations like these, there's his side of the story, her side of the story, and the truth.

We know his side of the story. Kinda.

 

If those stats are correct no wonder so many men are opting out of getting married and having kids.

my brother went thru this for 10 years or so,,,but he is on the opposite end of that spectrum. He did not give up,,he did not kill himself,, he worked hard and fought with every penny he could lay his hands on. He now has custody of my 2 nephews who are fine young men now, and the woman pays him child support. I knew he would never quit. My family just does not do that.

Suicide is the easy way out of a problem.
Only suicide I agree with is because of unbearable physical pain. Anything else,,stand up and fight!

hell yes! He's my big brother!

Probably by being in jail.



No one gives a single fuck about the things that are important to men, nor does anyone care when one offs himself because he wasn't mentally prepared for the subhuman treatment by the family court and their agents.



Young, men take note, and protect yourselves.



 

His Ex-Wife looks like the type of person that would put a man through the wringer out of spite.


I do not agree with his choices though. Now his kids are stuck without their dad.

Exactly this.
Gottdammed reading that note made me froth with rage

2 things:

1.  I have a very hard time believing that the man was completely innocent.  

2.  Wife appears to be a massive cunt.

I'm going to come at this from another angle. She sounds intelligent, cold, and calculating. This dude sounds like a mentally ill, emotional basket-case and offed himself because he was too weak to do anything else.






There are plenty of guys that come out on the winning end of family court or break even with a 50-50 split.
The people who get screwed are usually not very intelligent.


You make a conscious decision to sign a legally binding document when you wed someone. You increase your liabilities GREATLY when you decide to breed with that person. Then you get upset when you get the short end of a stick through the divorce/child custody? Its EXACTLY what you signed up for when you got married/decided to have kids. You gambled the happy marriage/family VS your free time, finances, and future.

If you go to Vegas and put 50% of your assets on black don't be upset when you lose 50% of your assets. Marriage is nothing more then a gamble based on an emotional state instead of an intelligent/calculated decision.  I feel 0 sympathy for guys who get screwed in a divorce. Should have probably made a smarter decision. They knew exactly what they were signing up for.

I know a guy who is a MD who went thru the same thing. He opted to leave the country and is now living in a non extradition country with a new wife and family. His ex got full custody and poisoned the kids against him while the court system rewarded her over and over again. There was no reason for his to stick around or continue funding her lifestyle. Maybe one day the kids will learn the truth.

Divorce is the single worst thing a man can go through when he has kids and they end up with their mother. I went through it too and barely escaped with my life, freedom and sanity.

My kids lived with me for 22 months after the initial separation. I worked the weekends and was off during the week so they would go to their mother's on the weekends. Two of them lived with me and the 5 year old wanted to stay with his mother. While living with me they were both A-B honor roll students and I always got compliments from the teachers for making sure that their homework was done. Once my ex decided to take them from me she made a false claim of child abuse and had the children removed from my home with an emergency protective order. I was not allowed to contact my children for 8 months. She effectively broke the parent child bond that I had with my kids. Their grades dropped to D and F's in the new school system and their mother not setting boundaries. I found out after my daughter turned 18 that when she first moved in with her mother she was allowed to date a 19 year old who fucked her while she was 13.

When I went to court, the judge ruled that there had been no child abuse but wouldn't give them back to me stating that they were now in another county in their school system and that I would have to petition the court in that county for the return of my children. I found out after court that Social services had trumped up the investigation and was now investigating sexual abuse charges against me.

After receiving the letter that the sexual abuse was unfounded, I went to the Social Services office and requested the transcripts of my child's interrogation. They refused until I threatened to sue and told them that by law I was to be allowed access to the transcripts with freedom of information.

My mother went with me to pick up the transcripts and we sat in the parking lot and read all of them. I was sickened by the investigator describing sex acts to my 13 year old daughter and insinuating that I committed these acts. Throughout the whole read I saw where they continually tried to put words in my daughter's mouth while she vehemently denied that I had ever touched her in a sexual way. Even today my daughter tells me that they tried to convince her that I touched her.

My next court date was a child support hearing and I had to pay 60% of my paycheck for support. Had it not been for my current wife who felt sorry for me and stuck with me through all of that, I have no doubt that I either would be in prison right now for murder or dead from suicide. The mental anguish that you experience when the whole world is conspiring against you is crushing. It eats at you and damages your soul to the point that you just want the pain to stop. I paid support for 11.5 years and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Thankfully that nightmare is over.

Today my daughter is a felon, my oldest son is a felon. The youngest doesn't have any felonies and lives in San Diego. Today as I write this my oldest son is going for sentencing on an attempted burglary and destruction of property charge. He has also been found guilty of three counts of statutory burglary, one count of grand larceny, two counts of petit larceny and another count of destruction of property. I don't feel sorry for him, he wasn't raised to be like that by me. His mother allowed him to do whatever he pleased and this is the result.


That said, Thank God for my wife. She saved me.  

"which is why third parties need to be involved. It should be mandatory for children to have a guardian ad litem, with extensive training in abuse and aggression. "

Careful what you ask for, that process has been perverted and purposely flawed also.

I paid $500 for a guardian to do nothing. Never spoke to the child and when the child reached out to the guardian with a very concerning situation, the guardian brushed off the incident because it was the weekend and didn't want to bother with work.

We were ordered to have this 3rd wheel.

What a fucking racket.


Iirc the British, yes the British we laugh at for accepting gun laws, got together a large group of fathers and had a takeover of Parliament to protest treatment of divorced men with kids.

Totally understandable.

Here's another anecdote:

Friend I know spends 11 years in a marriage to a woman with borderline personality disorder.  He was her second husband, and before marriage had told him that her first husband was just abusive, etc.  Well, she's a terror to live with once she removes the proverbial mask.  After 11 years, he divorces her.  

The courts favor her at every turn.  When she violates court mandates, she doesn't even get a slap on the wrist.  He, on the other hand, is expected to abide by every jot and tittle imposed by the court.  She is engaged within a year of the divorce and is moving out of state, in violation of court ruling, but because she is a woman the court officially decides to overlook it.  Friend predicts that her third marriage won't last two years.  Husband #3 initiates divorce proceedings within the first year of marriage, and calls my friend to apologize to him and ask how my friend endured 11 years with her.

Somewhat surprisingly, I agree with you.

I'm single with no kids, so I have that bias going, but I've read many a 'divorce' post here over 11 years and it can't 'always' be the woman's fault.  Either that, or many here are terrible judges of character with regards to women.

Chris

He really showed them!

Sorry my sympathy for that bullshit is non existent.

The fucker gave up on his kids.

No amount of blaming or whining changes he left this world for his own selfish reasons.

I've written about my divorce and my custody battle previously.  Even when I faced the possibility of facing 3 charges of 25 years each in prison, did I get to the point this guy got to.  I have sole custody of my children, and I am happy because I persevered so that they didn't grow up around a psychopath.  His mistake was voluntarily giving her custody of the kids.  I have no idea why anyone would do that so easily.

Sad but he still took the easy way out.
Mental illness can kill.

I fought tooth and nail to get my kids back once they were stolen from me. The court smacked me back down each time.

LOOK AT THAT RING!