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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:04:26 AM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty. To an optimist, the glass is half full. To an engineer, you have too much glass. 
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:06:10 AM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted: What do you call a female peacock? |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:11:11 AM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
What do you call a female peacock? |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:15:48 AM EDT
[#4]
A peacunt
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:29:43 AM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted: What do you call a female peacock? Umm, a peahen...I don't get it. eta oh... |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:50:13 AM EDT
[#6]
A farmer's son comes home from college and he decides to show him off to his neighbor.
He tells his son, "Say something smart." So the son replies with the formula for the area of a circle and say pi-R-squared. The neighbor squints at him for a minute and says, "You dumb shit. Pie are round! Cornbread are square. . . ." |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 1:54:28 AM EDT
[#7]
Three statisticians go hunting. The first one shoots at a deer, hits ten feet to the left. The second one shoots, hits ten feet to the right. The third one screams WE GOT HIM, WE GOT HIM!
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Posted: 7/1/2015 2:01:13 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Actually since the engineer was adding two numbers with only one sig fig, it would technically still only be four (4). 2.0000 +2.0000= 4.0000. Jus saying lol. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 2:09:44 AM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
The glass has a safety factor of two.  Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty. To an optimist, the glass is half full. To an engineer, you have too much glass. To an aircraft engineer the glass has double redundant capacity. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 2:11:44 AM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
<a href="http://s1228.photobucket.com/user/bigdeeeeeeee/media/M0OnKLt_zpsccc2ab9b.jpg.html" target="_blank">http://i1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee458/bigdeeeeeeee/M0OnKLt_zpsccc2ab9b.jpg</a> Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty. To an optimist, the glass is half full. To an engineer, you have too much glass. Right click, save. Thanks. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 2:18:37 AM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
A peacunt That was my guess. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 8:25:41 AM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Three statisticians go hunting. The first one shoots at a deer, hits ten feet to the left. The second one shoots, hits ten feet to the right. The third one screams WE GOT HIM, WE GOT HIM! Someone didn't read the thread first.  |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 8:33:35 AM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty. To an optimist, the glass is half full. To an engineer, you have too much glass. And to a drunk, a short pour. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 8:36:27 AM EDT
[#14]
A Roman Centurion walks into a bar and tells the bartender "I'd like a Martinus".
The bartender looks confused and says "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Centurion says, "Hey, if I wanted two of them, I'd of asked". |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 9:02:11 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: What do you call a female peacock? |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 9:06:01 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png I assume Jeffrey was charged with animal cruelty for killing the cat. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 9:06:53 AM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke. 
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. In. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 9:13:19 AM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryQuoted: "Excuse me, are you René Descartes." "I think." Rene Descartes, a well-known wine connoisseur, walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Hello sir. Would you like a beer?" Descartes indignantly said "I think, not!" and disappeared. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 9:20:30 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
A programmer, an inspector and a machinist are selected by HR to participate in a program to help improve productivity. Each subject is taken into a plain white room with a single table in the center. On the table are three identical metal spheres. The subjects are then left in the room alone with no instructions for half an hour. Upon entering the room with the programmer the subject is asked what he has accomplished. He replies that he has come up with an idea for some fixturing to try to hold it but the components are on back order. When asked what he has accomplished, the inspector has sorted the three spheres according to due date but claims to be too busy with other work to do anything else with them for now. When the final door is opened the researcher is stunned to see the machinist leaning against the table drinking a cup of coffee. There is half of a sphere laying in the middle of the table and no sign of the other two. "What the hell happened in here!" exclaimed the researcher. The machinist, looking over the top of his coffee cup explains that one of the spheres is in his toolbox, someone from the office took another and "that one" he says gesturing toward the half sphere "just broke". Sorta like the Fire Department joke. Roll 3 stainless steel ball bearings into a Fire Station and wait a day. One will be missing, one will be broken and one will be pregnant. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 9:22:10 AM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke. Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. Pocket protector fight!!! |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 9:30:24 AM EDT
[#21]
Quoted:
A plane takes off from Warsaw, heading to New York. When approaching JFK Airport, the pilot announces over the intercom, "over on the right you can see Liberty Island, home of the Statue of Liberty." The passengers crowd over to see the American Monument. The plane nosedives into the bay. The moral of the story? Too many poles in the right half of the plane cause instability. There aren't any approaches to JFK that you could see Liberty Island. It is over by EWR. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 9:40:29 AM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted: A programmer, an inspector and a machinist are selected by HR to participate in a program to help improve productivity. Each subject is taken into a plain white room with a single table in the center. On the table are three identical metal spheres. The subjects are then left in the room alone with no instructions for half an hour. Upon entering the room with the programmer the subject is asked what he has accomplished. He replies that he has come up with an idea for some fixturing to try to hold it but the components are on back order. When asked what he has accomplished, the inspector has sorted the three spheres according to due date but claims to be too busy with other work to do anything else with them for now. When the final door is opened the researcher is stunned to see the machinist leaning against the table drinking a cup of coffee. There is half of a sphere laying in the middle of the table and no sign of the other two. "What the hell happened in here!" exclaimed the researcher. The machinist, looking over the top of his coffee cup explains that one of the spheres is in his toolbox, someone from the office took another and "that one" he says gesturing toward the half sphere "just broke". |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 9:44:15 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
And if they get married do they have to get a liquor license? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
What do you call two lesbos in a canoe? Fur traders I can explain it if some of you don't understand. 
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:05:12 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
What do you call two lesbos in a canoe? Fur traders I can explain it if some of you don't understand. You do know how a woman holds her liquor, right? By the ears
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:17:01 AM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
And if they get married do they have to get a liquor license? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
What do you call two lesbos in a canoe? Fur traders I can explain it if some of you don't understand. Yes - and when they build their first house, it will be all tongue and groove construction. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:26:26 AM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Yeah, and so does Hector Salamanca! http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy47/Gunslinger8O8/schrodingers-cat.png Verschränkung! |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:29:26 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer. The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!" past |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:33:03 AM EDT
[#28]
Guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender,"I'll have a martinus"
Bartender says,"Don't you mean martini?" Guy say, "No, I just want the one." |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:34:45 AM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Werner Heisenberg got pulled over for speeding. The cop asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going"? Heisenberg replied "No, but I know exactly where I am." The cop says, 'You were going 87 miles per hour.' Heisenberg replies, 'Damnit, now I'm lost!'. |
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:39:58 AM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. They spot a buck, and each take turn to try and bag it. The physicist goes first. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. The engineer goes second. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes he's ready, he takes aim, and he fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer. The statistician leaps in the air shouting, "We got it!" 
That one is my favorite, but everyone I tell it to doesn't get it
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:40:40 AM EDT
[#31]
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:43:34 AM EDT
[#32]
You bring deBeers and we'll have apartied.
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:50:51 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
The glass has a safety factor of two. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
To a pessimist, a glass filled half way with water is half empty. To an optimist, the glass is half full. To an engineer, you have too much glass.
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Posted: 7/1/2015 10:56:50 AM EDT
[#34]
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:04:17 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
False! It equals s*h*t*(-sqrt(-1)) which is still imaginary!
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:07:14 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Damn...that is so accurate I laughed...then I got angry.....damned machinists Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
A programmer, an inspector and a machinist are selected by HR to participate in a program to help improve productivity. Each subject is taken into a plain white room with a single table in the center. On the table are three identical metal spheres. The subjects are then left in the room alone with no instructions for half an hour. Upon entering the room with the programmer the subject is asked what he has accomplished. He replies that he has come up with an idea for some fixturing to try to hold it but the components are on back order. When asked what he has accomplished, the inspector has sorted the three spheres according to due date but claims to be too busy with other work to do anything else with them for now. When the final door is opened the researcher is stunned to see the machinist leaning against the table drinking a cup of coffee. There is half of a sphere laying in the middle of the table and no sign of the other two. "What the hell happened in here!" exclaimed the researcher. The machinist, looking over the top of his coffee cup explains that one of the spheres is in his toolbox, someone from the office took another and "that one" he says gesturing toward the half sphere "just broke". Thanks, we try for that effect
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:23:18 PM EDT
[#37]
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Posted: 7/1/2015 12:53:51 PM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
An engineer, a geologist and a lawyer are all asked the same question. What is 2 + 2? The engineer says "It is 4.0000." The geologist says "It's somewhere between 3 and 5." The lawyer says "What do you want it to be?" Not as funny, but similar joke. Funnier if you're a EE. A mathematician, Physicist, and Electrical Engineer were asked to derive PI. The Mathematician derived PI to 15 places, the Physicist, to 10. The double E said, "I dunno, 3?" Meh... It's a play on the fact that even though EE are known for having way more advanced math than the other engineers and even more so than alot of the pure math degrees, PI isnt a part of it... ehhhh.... not a very good joke. But maybe the EEs will like it. Sorry for the terrible joke.
Since when do EEs have "way more advanced math than the other engineers"? Try solving compressible viscous Navier-Stokes and get back to me on how you EEs have it tough. You know...V=I x R. Shit, where's my calculator? |
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