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I am currently 19 years old, which means I haven't seen too much of world or life yet, but I don't understand why it seems like when divorce occurs usually husbands take more financial, material, or in some cases, mental responsibilities than wives? From my point of view, it looks like it doesn't matter who starts divorce, but in any event, wives usually get the upper hand except extraordinary situations. I don't think it has to do with whether they "currently have paid job" or not.
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I think it's a cultural holdover from previous times. Like you say below, the trend used to be that the man was the worker, the breadwinner, and the woman was primary caregiver (ie - stay home and raise the kids). In an environment like that, a man divorcing the woman would leave the woman without much recourse. Imagine being raised (now this is many years ago) to pretty much be a homemaker, and then getting dropped at 35. You don't have the skills necessary to make it in a job market, the primary source of income is gone, and you're expected to raise children. As divorce became more common, trends shifted as such to compensate the woman in a divorce, since she often had more to lose. Now with the advent of feminism, woman's individuality, and their entry into the workplace, the balance has shifted. Logistically women are not in the position they used to be....a divorced woman today isn't left with almost no options. The problem then becomes that with this shift toward 'gender equality', if you will, there was no resultant shift towards 'legal equality' when it comes to divorce proceedings. This leaves the woman with legal advantages, if she chooses to employ them. The real kicker....a lot of this is not written in law. It's just the method of the machine, if you will. A small number of states have very equitable laws with regards to divorce....most have a slight slant towards the woman.
Another problem is that a lot of men get 'blindsided' with divorce. They want to try and save the marriage, and still feel strongly for their partner. Sometimes things work out, often they don't. Men will just go along with proceedings for numerous reasons...they don't want a long protracted fight, they don't want to do what needs to be done in order to protect themselves (let's face it...fighting a divorce requires tactics that are downright ugly)....
Also, even if husband has done nothing too much wrong, wives are usually be able to take children when they divorce. Does law say that wives can raise children better than husbands? I can understand that... but from my view, I see many qualifiable husbands, especially in United States, since major portion of husbands take care or aid houseworks daily. In South Korea, where I originally came from, the old style trend and customs generally indicate that husbands go out to work and wives stay home and take care of houseworks and children. Of course, previous statement no longer holds ground because after 1970s or so, many wives got their jobs and nowadays we can frequently see both parents working, and taking care of themselves, which means they help two-ways.
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Again, cultural holdover. Women are generally provided with more legal weight with regards to child matters since the woman is traditionally (but not always legally) held to be the primary care-giver, and have the closest 'bond' to the child. Another instance of legal mores not following a shift in cultural mores. More and more men are active in their child's upbringing, with some even taking over full-time care. Rarely does it give them legal weight. It's basically one giant system in need of overhaul. Ten years ago, the idea of 'father's rights groups' would be somewhat rare...now they're growing in prominence. Which leads to another issue...the feminist movement. Not the 'woman's equality' movement, the 'men are evil pigs who deserve castration and death' movement. They've been entrenched in these battles for MANY years, and go completely RABID at the thought of according more rights to husbands/fathers. They're not easy to take on.
Another problem is this...you'll notice in MANY threads here that it is advised that if a wife is thinking/planning divorce but hasn't filed it, the man should definitely file first. While not always legally evident, more weight is given to the case of the person who files first. Women do out so well because they file first, cite numerous issues, and of course get a restraining order.
Again, I'm not offending any one and I might be an ignorant @$$hole who doesn't understand cultural values of United States, but I just wanted to logically think about it. I will be appreciated if you folks could please share them.
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Then I gues I'm an ignorant @$$hole as well. I've live here all my life and even I don't understand some cultural values here...
It's funny. I relate these horror stories to my mother (I think she's worried that I'm not dating much), and yesterday she told me flat out that if she were a guy, she'd NEVER get married without a clear cut pre-nup agreement. To put it in perspective, she's about as devout a Catholic as you can get, and pre-nups are a No-No for us.....me, fuck it. I'll date, I'll shop, I'll enjoy the scenery...but marriage...no way in hell.