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Posted: 2/25/2006 8:06:06 AM EDT
I'm posting this here to avoid the sh*t storm that would ensue in GD, plus you all give the best advice.

Okay, a little background, my 22yr. old daughter, (only child) has a boy friend, this in and of it's self is no big deal.

She met this guy about 8 months ago and it looks like things might be getting a little serious, there has been some idle chatter of marriage. The guy is 27yrs old and a former Marine and an all around swell guy, so far no problem, he even has a real job and is very respectful to me and my wife. Again, so far no problem.

Lately he has been spending more and more time here, before we'd see him for a few minuets before they went out, or maybe a few hours when they both had the same day off. Now he is practically living here, my daughter has arraigned her schedule so she is off the same time he is which is Friday thru Sunday, he shows up early each morning and stays all day long. My wife and daughter both cook for him which is really not a problem I don't mind him having dinner with us, but my wife has started 'spoiling' him by making special breakfasts for him, (Stuff that HE likes.) on weekend mornings and it's almost like he has come to expect it.

I know I'm sounding like an inhospitable ass, but damn it I like my privacy and think it's time for him to stay home more often.

In his defense, he has no family in the area so I imagine he likes the family atmosphere, my wife thinks he's great and so far has no problem with him.

So am I just being an ass, should I tell him to bugger off!!!??? Your words will dictate my response........
Link Posted: 2/25/2006 8:13:55 AM EDT
your being an ass .....and should be happy he pays so much attention to your daughter ,and not out bangin chicks on the side instead..
Link Posted: 2/25/2006 8:44:28 AM EDT
Evidently, he enjoys YOUR family more than his. And I mean that in a GOOD way. He may feel more at "home" in your home than he does his own. Mr. Playmore loved being around my family while we were dating: my dad took to him IMMEDIATELY and my mom to this day loves him more than me!

Take it as a compliment.
Besides, if he's in your home, you can keep a better eye on things, no?
Link Posted: 2/25/2006 8:52:34 AM EDT
Coming from a mother.... I think you are over reacting just a bit. I will relate a little story for you.....When I was in AIT I didn't go home over Christmas,they had a thing through the base where you could have Christmas dinner with a a family off post. Well, that family made my time in AIT really nice,since I could spend my weekends with them and get away from the Army even for a couple of days.
Now I also believe in paying it forward, so as a result my son who is inthe sandbox right now has a really good friend with NO family. I won't go into the details,but when we found out his situation, we did not hesitate to bring him into our home. He's in his last year of high school,he graduates in June, and then leaves for AIT sometime after graduation. He is also due to deploy in '07. What we have found is alot of these kids just want to be around the normalcy of family. We also have son's ex-girlfriend living with us.(he is okay with it, and it wouldn't have happened without hims saying its okay) These 2 kids are basically really good kids, and not their fault for the hand they were dealt.
If his family isn't around he may just like having you guys to be around. Give him a chance. Best of luck. You never know when you will leave a footprint on someones life.
Link Posted: 2/25/2006 9:14:56 AM EDT
Link Posted: 2/25/2006 10:22:43 AM EDT
i dont think there is anything wrong with you setting some boundaries


maybe every 3rd weekend can be family only weekend--your daughter is free to come and go, but no one in your home who isnt related to you

or he can be over friday and saturday, but family only on sundays
Link Posted: 2/25/2006 11:08:46 AM EDT
Thanks for all the responses,

It's not as bad as I made it sound, in fact it sounded a little harsh now that I read it over. He is a nice guy and considering some of the losers out there today it could be much worse, not that my daughter would EVER bring home a loser or be allowed to date one.

I guess I just feel a little 'crowded' sometimes, hell they even took over my TV last evening and I missed Battle Star Galacitca, (the horror )

Maybe I'm just feeling a little over protective of my only child, it's like I told the wife; "If I wanted another kid I'd of had one"

Since he wants to be a member of the family so much I think I'll put him to work and start finding him some chores to do on the weekends, or like SP1Grrl says, 'charge him rent'. I like that idea...
Link Posted: 2/25/2006 11:17:25 AM EDT
Chores might not be a bad thing. Fix up stuff around the house, a little spring cleaning. Some handyman kind of activities the two of you could work on together, perhaps.
Link Posted: 2/25/2006 9:52:39 PM EDT

Originally Posted By AZMAN-1:
I guess I just feel a little 'crowded' sometimes, hell they even took over my TV last evening and I missed Battle Star Galacitca, (the horror )



I was going to say lighten up a bit, but after you've posted this there is only one response:
kick him out. period. No one messes w/ BSG

When I started dating my wife, I would visit on occasion. Once we got engaged, I was at her house more than my own (homes were 5 hours apart, and I was at college 1,000 miles away). Any college break of 4 days or more, and I drove the 16 hours to her house to spend time with them. I didn't go home.

As for putting the guy to work... why haven't you done so already? Heck you're an "old man" and could use a strong solid marine to get some things done around the house that might require two people (need a new roof? how about siding? that broken up part of the driveway that needs to be repoured? trash need to be taken out? laundry folded?).

However, I would talk with the boss about not catering to his culinary tastes all the time if yours are going by the wayside (unless you have terrible tastes in food), especially if he acts like he's expecting it. That's the only part of this thread that puts a blip on the radar.
Link Posted: 2/25/2006 10:30:26 PM EDT
Perhaps you can schedule some work that you need "help" with, coinciding with the time that he's at your home. If he wants to be part of the family, he won't mind helping out, right?
Link Posted: 2/25/2006 11:04:47 PM EDT
I'm not a woman, but I did buy some tampons to clean my shotguns last night.

I would take comfort that he is a Marine and that he is polite. That tells me he is a good person. If that's the case, I think you should be happy that that your daughter has found a man of good character and someone that treats people with respect.

He is coming around because your daughter is inviting him.

If you don't like it, say so.

In my opinion, you are close to what is going on, and that's a better place to be as a father.

Best wishes! I know you are only trying to make sure your daughter has the best!
Link Posted: 2/26/2006 4:16:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By npd233:
Perhaps you can schedule some work that you need "help" with, coinciding with the time that he's at your home. If he wants to be part of the family, he won't mind helping out, right?



My hubby loved that stuff...He bonded with my dad over projects.
I dunno. I think AZMAN has the opportunity to make a lifelong bond here.
Link Posted: 2/26/2006 4:27:09 AM EDT
AZMAN-1

[Martha] It's a good thing [/Martha]

Just roll with it man. Won't be long & you'll be the silent (read:sit down & shut up) checkbook for the nuptuals

Situation around the SouthHoof compound is similar. My two son's girl friends are here most every weekend. The house gets a bit noisy & crowded for me as well. I just retreat to my reloading room & turn up the radio. In time the circumstances will adjust themselves as they all complete college and move on with life.
Link Posted: 2/26/2006 8:43:22 AM EDT
Truth be told I really like the guy, he seems to be 'head over heels' over my daughter and he treats her well, for that alone he gets a pass.

I also hit him up about cutting down a large tree in my back yard, he said sure no problem. We planned it for next weekend, I already decided to just hand him an axe and a machete and tell him to have at it.

I'm thinking after he has the tree down I'll break out my chain saw just to screw with him a little....

After all, if he's going to be a member of the family he better learn about my sense of humor now!!!...
Link Posted: 2/26/2006 11:11:39 PM EDT
Perhaps he's using your daughter to get to close to someone he's REALLY attracted to......maybe the strong, handsome man of the house?

Just laying it out there as a possiblity.
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