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Posted: 2/28/2006 6:13:30 PM EDT
Okay,
I am married, 4 kids, 2 mine, 2 hers. We both have 6th grade daughters who are very much getting boy crazy. I have always been hard nosed about them and boys as most fathers would be with regards to their angels. So a few weeks ago they both bring up that they wanted to be able to slow dance with boys at their school dance. My immediate reaction was HELL NO!!!! but after constant badgering from the wife that I was being way too overbearing and that if I don't give a little then they will totally rebel I conceded and said okay. Now her daughter likes this boy who now happens to like her so she wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Not to go out on dates, it seems more harmless like telling her friends she has a bf etc but I said no. Now the wife is bugging me about that but I am not changing my stance. Am I being too controlling, overbearing or are the limits I am setting realistic.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:16:08 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:16:27 PM EDT
how would you prevent them from being "boyfriend and girlfriend"? obviously you could prevent them from going on dates or whatnot, but they'll see each other if they go to the same school....
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:18:45 PM EDT
I'm in the same boat (daughter, 6th) but haven't gotten to 'that' point....yet
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:23:44 PM EDT

Originally Posted By fossil_fuel:
how would you prevent them from being "boyfriend and girlfriend"? obviously you could prevent them from going on dates or whatnot, but they'll see each other if they go to the same school....


Obviously I can't prevent them, my hopes are that I instill proper moral judgement in her and that the boundries I set are followed. I mean, I did allow them to slow dance or should I say gave my blessing, I thought at the time that that would be a compromise. I do have to say I can't understand what they are doing playing slow songs at a 6th grade dance though. It also agrivates me that their school dances are mixed with 7th and 8th graders.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:31:45 PM EDT
Boys and girls are attracted to one another at a VERY young age.

That said, the early sexualization fo children is both dangerous and has been a disaster for this country. Those who advocate it have ulterior motives and they ain't good. I don't mean your wife but those behind such movements. There are people who want at your kids. They use the MSM to convince some parents that this is normal, even healthy and some parents accept it as they don't want their kids to be left out.

I would discourage it. Your call.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:34:32 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/28/2006 6:35:33 PM EDT by Mr-H]
You're gut reaction was right. The last thing I'd let my daughter do (if I had one) is snuggle up to some horny little puke in a cheap suit, him pawing all over her, whispering corny sweet-nothings some other horny puke in a cheap suit told him to say.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:38:59 PM EDT
i'm only in high school now and i remember what that was like.... go ahead and let her do it, if it's anything like my school, they won't stay 2gether more than 2 weeks...
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:43:21 PM EDT
Speaking as the Father of Two Girls only slightly younger than yours, it is my understanding that if you Neuter the 'boyfriend' before they get much older, it is considered NOT as cruel, and you will only get slapped on the hand by a Judge (provided, of course that the Judge has daughters also).
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:46:53 PM EDT
Based on my personal experience as a junior high horndog many years ago.......

Lock your daughters in the basement until they're 30.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:51:17 PM EDT
6th grade dances????? Stick to your guns, literally. I'm in the same place, 6th grade hell with one of mine.

No boyfriends. No calling boys, ever. No boys calling you. Not at this age.

Our society wants them to grow up way to fast. Look at the magazines directed to that age, watch what they are interested in on the "idiot box" and try to think back when you were that age and what you and your 6th grade buddies talk about and dreamed about (can you say Nocturnal Emission?)

She may give you the look but hang tuff. For her sake.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 6:56:46 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/28/2006 6:57:00 PM EDT by bvmjethead]
6th grade makes them what.....11 maybe 12, my girls won't be seeing any boy's socially at that age.

They will be busy doing homework, learning a homekeeping skill, learning a trade, helping around the house with chores, but NOT dating......
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 7:02:08 PM EDT
I agree with the previous posts. I would not let them get in a relationship. I didnt actually go out with a girl until my freshman year of highschool. We went out for three weeks and that was it. I learned quickly. I didnt really want anything to do with the craziness that women bring. Though I am starting to come around again.his/her

James
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 7:04:16 PM EDT
Bah they're in 6th grade. If they've been raised right you have nothing to worry about. Hopefully they do know where babies comes from by now.

Your wife is probably right though, the more you say NO the more it becomes a forbidden fruit and the more they want it. Hell probably the best thing you could do to drive off the boys is become real buddy buddy with them (or at least pretend and ask a bunch of intrusive questions).
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 7:31:20 PM EDT
Hmm, as for the dances....you should chaperone. I do at my daughter's monthly school "canteens" that they hold.

It's a 6,7,8th grade function, and there really isn't much in the way of slow dancing, and there are contact rules.

No Expert
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 8:44:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By glk31:
Okay,
I am married, 4 kids, 2 mine, 2 hers. We both have 6th grade daughters who are very much getting boy crazy. I have always been hard nosed about them and boys as most fathers would be with regards to their angels. So a few weeks ago they both bring up that they wanted to be able to slow dance with boys at their school dance. My immediate reaction was HELL NO!!!! but after constant badgering from the wife that I was being way too overbearing and that if I don't give a little then they will totally rebel I conceded and said okay. Now her daughter likes this boy who now happens to like her so she wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Not to go out on dates, it seems more harmless like telling her friends she has a bf etc but I said no. Now the wife is bugging me about that but I am not changing my stance. Am I being too controlling, overbearing or are the limits I am setting realistic.



Way too controlling.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 8:49:38 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/28/2006 8:50:58 PM EDT by BigB1129]
Way too controling, JUst let her go an have fun. For your sons make sure they use protection. Daugters tell them they are too you. Eithet way they are going to so what they want to do.

You could always tell them to wait for High School till they begin dating.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 8:52:08 PM EDT
glk31:

Great thread. You can tell who has girls and who doesn't.

Once a year our church throws a Father/Daughter dance. Huge event for our church.

Saturday night, formal dress, buy the corsage, everything. I even go as far as leaving the house 15 or 20 minutes early,

driving around for a few minutes and then pulling up out front to pick my daughter up. Started this when she was 6.

It has been one of the greatest experiences for both of us. She loves it and I get to show her how a guy is

suppose to treat a lady. I think it is important for a father to show this to his daughter and not leave it up to

some horny little 12 year old with pimples.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 8:53:14 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/28/2006 8:57:50 PM EDT by BigBang]
My son is in 6th grade, he went from no real interest in girls to having a "girlfriend" and about 4 or 5 other girls that call him on a regular basis in about 4 months. It's all fun and games now but my daughter is that age in about 3 years and I'll be having none of it .
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 8:56:45 PM EDT
Wait a few years. I met my current GF at 14.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 9:02:29 PM EDT
Time to Buy that N.E.F. 12ga and learn how to reload with rocksalt...
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 9:22:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/28/2006 9:27:45 PM EDT by Delta-Swift]
I can only speak from my experience, but when I was in sixth grade (20-yrs-old now) being boyfriend & girlfriend was also known as "going out." However, we never actually went anywhere, except for the occasional school dance. And dancing was pretty harmless. No groping. No bumping and grinding. Most of us didn't even dance at all back then unless it was slow dancing. We might sit together at lunch, hold hands in the hallways, and kiss here and there (closed mouth), but that was it. Super cheap gifts might be exchanged on holidays too, but that was usually only at school.

Things could have changed since then, but I don't think you have anything to worry about until maybe 8th grade.

EDIT: Lots of phone calls too.

Me: "Hey."
Her: "What's up?"
Me: "Nothing. How about you?"
Her: "Nothing much."
Me: "So...um..."
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 9:26:44 PM EDT
6th grade? It'll be over in a week.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 9:53:28 PM EDT

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
6th grade? It'll be over in a week.


Oh please, you are all talk, I saw your profile on myspace...hahah..... I was hoping for some constructive input from the female members here....
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 9:57:00 PM EDT
btw... after talking to my older sis and getting her advice (she agreed with me) I talked to the wife and laid down the law, it will not happen... granted I can't control what happens when I am not there but I basically said if I find out...you will have to deal with my rath. I feel I am a fair dad and give a lot of leeway (sp) if you cross me that will be the end...of your social life....
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 10:11:11 PM EDT
My vote is for giving her a break. In 6th grade it means nothing. Let her feel good about herself. Or maybe say you gotta meet the boy first. If hes an ass, toss him.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 10:11:16 PM EDT
I did'nt date till I was 15, and even then I had to eat dinner with her parents. My first dance was 8th grade. Stick to your guns. and Delay her development.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 10:13:37 PM EDT

Originally Posted By glk31:

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
6th grade? It'll be over in a week.


Oh please, you are all talk, I saw your profile on myspace...hahah..... I was hoping for some constructive input from the female members here....


That IS constructive input. They won't go anywhere, they'll pass notes through their friends and it'll be over in a week.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 10:15:28 PM EDT
I would not worry to much just yet,she is still pretty young and will ''break up'' with him within two weeks.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 10:38:32 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/28/2006 10:40:45 PM EDT by glk31]

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:

Originally Posted By glk31:

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
6th grade? It'll be over in a week.


Oh please, you are all talk, I saw your profile on myspace...hahah..... I was hoping for some constructive input from the female members here....


That IS constructive input. They won't go anywhere, they'll pass notes through their friends and it'll be over in a week.


my bad, I guess I have had too many beers.... I can't read...
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 11:16:43 PM EDT
My opinion - I'm a father of 8. Oldest and youngest are boys, 6 girls in the middle.

All 100% homeschooled.

Before you decide how your daughters should act, first get with your wife and decide on your worldview. Secular or biblical? There is a wide gulf seperating the two. The rest is easy after that (it's called having guidelines)
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 11:27:43 PM EDT
NOW YOU ALL KNOW WHY I HAD BOYS.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 11:32:09 PM EDT
My kids are your kids' ages and neither of mine has any interest yet in boys as anything other than friends. It starts long before they actually "like" boys; if they are younger and show signs that they are the sort of kids that are into the "pop" culture stuff, you'll be dealing with this whole boy issue much sooner than you will as in our case where they give themselves a little more time to grow into that sort of interest.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 11:32:57 PM EDT
You could convert to Islam, move to the middle east and get Burqas for all the women if you feel that strongly about it.
Link Posted: 2/28/2006 11:35:29 PM EDT

Originally Posted By johnrj:
NOW YOU ALL KNOW WHY I HAD BOYS.


Like you had any "say" in that matter once biology made its random selection, if ya know what I mean.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 12:38:50 AM EDT
Tagged to send my friends with girls.

Boy to girl on date on doorstep, "Can I kiss you goodnight?"

Girl "No"

Boy "Why not? No one can see us."

Girl "Cause Dad has his friend Surf out here about 500 yards away with an Accuracy International AWSM (Arctic Warefare Super Magnum) 338 Lapua and a night vision scope just waiting for you to try anything."
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 5:20:32 AM EDT

boys and girls are attracted to one another at a VERY young age.

That said, the early sexualization fo children is both dangerous and has been a disaster for this country. Those who advocate it have ulterior motives and they ain't good. I don't mean your wife but those behind such movements. There are people who want at your kids. They use the MSM to convince some parents that this is normal, even healthy and some parents accept it as they don't want their kids to be left out.

I would discourage it. Your call.




+100

6th grade? NO way...

There is plenty of time; and no need to grow up so fast. Sorry, but kids that age do not have the ability to reason out the consequences of thier actions or the emotional maturity to understand real relationships. Talk to your daughter and wife about your concerns, and exert some control now--and get your daughter used to it. It's easy now because neither her or the "boyfriend" have a drivers license. All bets are off once they can get behind the wheel....

My daughter is 14, and chomping at the bit to start dating next year. My wife and I have allowed boys to visit at our house under supervision, but she is not going out anywhere until next year. She hates it, but understands our point of view. Nevertheless she trys to get around it (I would have too, I can't blame her!) "but mom/dad, it's just a bunch of friends getting together to watch a movie"
"Is {insert latest lovethrob's name} going to be their?" "yes" "Is Susie's boyfriend going to be there?" "yes" "Sorry, hon, wait until next year..."
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 5:29:00 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 5:30:44 AM EDT
Geese Louise you need to sit down with your wife and set some boundaries for your girls. 12 is too young to be boy crazy and its ludicrist that your daugthers school is putting on a dance for them too. I can' t believe what little sluts people are trying to produce these age [not calling your daughter directly]. The clothes they allow their daughter's to wear [from flirty sayings on tee shirts to low riding jeans and short skirts] if you step back and take a hard look they look like under developed hookers half of the time.

I say if she has to go to the dance either you or your wife chaparone. My daughter attended her first dance last spring. It was her 8th grade 'graduation' dance and I chaparoned. A boy drove her home from school this past week and I've comtemplated shooting the bastard for it.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 7:50:33 AM EDT
And now it begins! You and your Wife have to come to some sort of agreement. You can chaperon at the dance. Been there , done that. My youngest is 17 we had and still have rules. My Wife and I spent a lot of time talking to our kids(Son and Daughter).
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:03:11 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Surf:
Tagged to send my friends with girls.

Boy to girl on date on doorstep, "Can I kiss you goodnight?"

Girl "No"

Boy "Why not? No one can see us."

Girl "Cause Dad has his friend Surf out here about 500 yards away with an Accuracy International AWSM (Arctic Warefare Super Magnum) 338 Lapua and a night vision scope just waiting for you to try anything."




You Sir are my Pal.



(my little one just turned 4!, got to check grouping this weekend)


Samuel

Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:19:31 AM EDT
You're overbearing it sounds like... You can't stop kids from doing what they are going to do.

Most of the really sexual girls I have known had overbearing parents. Lighten up unless you want her blowing her boyfriend on the back of the bus.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:28:51 AM EDT

Originally Posted By TomJefferson:
Not to alarm you but I highly suggest you attend a couple school dances even if its to work the concession stand or guard a door as to not imbarress your girls.

By watching the other children, this will let you know what sort of peer pressure your girls are facing. From your post it appears you are going into battle blind.

BTW, if you don't think its a battle yet, it will be.

Tj




I'd push this advice a little further and suggest that you be inside chaparoning. Nothing wrong with it and it lets your daughter know how important she is to you.

I wouldn't worry about embrassment. If she quibbles, just tell her its just temporary and she'll soon have more freedom as she demonstrates her responsibility.

If she goes crazy over this, then you know you already have something to worry about.

IMHO.

Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:33:15 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/1/2006 8:34:46 AM EDT by RichardM308]

Originally posted by xanadu
My opinion - I'm a father of 8. Oldest and youngest are boys, 6 girls in the middle.

All 100% homeschooled.

Before you decide how your daughters should act, first get with your wife and decide on your worldview. Secular or biblical? There is a wide gulf seperating the two. The rest is easy after that (it's called having guidelines)



+1 on figuring out your worldview: too many people go through life doing just whatever comes along/is fed to them by the media organs of the culture.

Once you know where you stand, you need to be able to give a moral reason why your child should do or not do xyz. It's not enough to say "because I said so" when you're dealing with moral issues - there has to be a reason outside of yourself (whether its God, pragmatism, or whatnot). It can't hurt for you to explain that you have their best interests in mind, and that even if they don't understand, they should trust you. If that fails, then fall back to "fear of dad".

And remember, any idiot with a modem, keyboard, and a modicum of typing ability can give advice - you have to deal with the consequences.

And btw, I have 2 girls myself.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:49:37 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/1/2006 8:58:14 AM EDT by daisywench]
I remember my "boyfriends" at that age. Gabby's right. you pass notes, you MIGHT sit on the school bus together, and you might eat lunch together.

That's the extent of it. At the dances, the girls dance the fast songs together, and if they girls dance with boys at the dances? It's with each other's hands on their shoulders.
big whoop.

I would NEVER have called a boy at that age. I wouldn't allow that. But letting her SAY she has a boyfriend? No harm.

Oh, and dating and saying you have a boyfriend is a BIG difference. I wouldn't let them see each other after school unless it's a chaperoned activity. No DATES.

And please don't just dump them off at the mall on a Friday night.
I hate Mall Rats.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 8:55:14 AM EDT
This discussion has me concerned, my daughter is 9 and got all giddy because a boy at school held her hand.

Time to dust off the shotty.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 9:19:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/1/2006 9:21:37 AM EDT by Persephone]

Originally Posted By five2one:

Originally Posted By TomJefferson:
Not to alarm you but I highly suggest you attend a couple school dances even if its to work the concession stand or guard a door as to not imbarress your girls.

By watching the other children, this will let you know what sort of peer pressure your girls are facing. From your post it appears you are going into battle blind.

BTW, if you don't think its a battle yet, it will be.

Tj




I'd push this advice a little further and suggest that you be inside chaparoning. Nothing wrong with it and it lets your daughter know how important she is to you.

I wouldn't worry about embrassment. If she quibbles, just tell her its just temporary and she'll soon have more freedom as she demonstrates her responsibility.

If she goes crazy over this, then you know you already have something to worry about.

IMHO.




This is good advice.

To all those who say "you can't stop them from doing whatever they are going to do" I call bullshit. What do you think a parent's job is, to just stand back and watch their kids do whatever they want?

Setting boundries for your kids doesn't mean you're overbearing, it means you care. Being overbearing is failing to recognize that your child is ready to handle certain things on their own and insisting on handling it for them.

Your job as a parent is to give your children the tools and training to become a productive, healthy member of society. That's YOUR job, not MTV's, not the public school's, not Teen magazine. YOU set the curriculum for this training. If grinding 101 isn't on the curriculum at age 12, well, IMHO... good for you.

Tip: you and the wife need to sit down and get on the same page on this stuff. We can't have the two of you playing good-guy/bad-guy.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 10:38:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:


I say if she has to go to the dance either you or your wife chaparone. My daughter attended her first dance last spring. It was her 8th grade 'graduation' dance and I chaparoned. A boy drove her home from school this past week and I've comtemplated shooting the bastard for it.


I have never gotten a ride from someone that my mom didn't know.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 10:42:41 AM EDT
I remember slow dancing in 6th grade. I had a girlfriend too, we never kissed or dated, and barely talked to each other ever. Then one day one of her friends came up to me and said she dumped me. That fucking bitch!

Seriously, I don't think you have to much to worry about.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 10:44:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By TheFreepster:
I remember slow dancing in 6th grade. I had a girlfriend too, we never kissed or dated, and barely talked to each other ever. Then one day one of her friends came up to me and said she dumped me. That fucking bitch!.



LOL I've had that happen to me and vice versa. A courier gets sent to relay the message and then a few awkward looks in the hall and it's all forgotten.
Link Posted: 3/1/2006 11:24:53 AM EDT
I have a daughter who is 5 now. I'm just a liitle protective of her, too. But the best tools and defense I can give her are to teach her how to make good decisions for herself and let her scrape her knees occasionally. Someday she will be in a situation in which I am not around to coach her and she will have to make the call. I only hope that I have taught her and she has learned enough about what good decisions look like that she can override whatever peer pressure or youth impulse may be present so she doesn't get into serious trouble.

Then again, I have a wicked streak of humor. I'm looking forward to sitting down with some young man who has come over to take my daughter out on a date and casually asking in the middle of the conversation,

"So, been getting any lately?"
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