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Posted: 2/22/2006 4:40:27 PM EDT
Just interested in how serious things have ever gotten when it came to overall or specific financial issues in your marriage?

Not going to go into reasons why I'm asking right now - just trying to understand what the general circumstances were and how they were resolved (if indeed they were).
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 4:43:28 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Greywolf2112:
Just interested in how serious things have ever gotten when it came to overall or specific financial issues in your marriage?

Not going to go into reasons why I'm asking right now - just trying to understand what the general circumstances were and how they were resolved (if indeed they were).

One of the major reasons my fiance and I split!
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 4:43:41 PM EDT
Finances and just plain being a bitch is what led to my divorce. More bitch than money though.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 4:48:03 PM EDT
Funny you should bring this up.. my wife and I got into it over money just this morning. Hell of a way to start the day

All I can recommend is 1) keep on topic and avoid personal attacks or old mistakes, and 2) Have an action plan. Just bitching at each other won't solve anything.

Good luck bro.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 4:51:59 PM EDT

So, how bad have things ever gotten between you and your spouse over finances?


I'm divorced. Does that answer your question?
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 4:52:07 PM EDT
lesson learned from my first marrige, "separate bank accounts", don't ever tell her how much you got, cause she'll want to spend it.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 4:53:20 PM EDT
We do the bills together. It keeps my anger in check.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 4:55:17 PM EDT
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 4:55:24 PM EDT
Not bad. We have seperate accounts because of the money thing.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 4:57:38 PM EDT
Hmm - this isn't sounding very encouraging.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:04:58 PM EDT
Not bad. But I'll let you know after this weekend when I plan on buying a 4 wheeler
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:07:44 PM EDT
Depends on what you mean by finances.

Sometimes not having "enough" money is stressful in itself, regardless of how you allocate it.

However, provided that there is not a downright shortage of it, then it all comes down to being able to make intelligent, considered and cooperative decisions. If a persistent problem still occurs, then it is not really about "finances", but rather about some flaw in either a person or in the reltionship.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:10:13 PM EDT
Divorced here.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:10:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By RubberDuck:
Depends on what you mean by finances.

Sometimes not having "enough" money is stressful in itself, regardless of how you allocate it.

However, provided that there is not a downright shortage of it, then it all comes down to being able to make intelligent, considered and cooperative decisions. If a persistent problem still occurs, then it is not really about "finances", but rather about some flaw in either a person or in the reltionship.



This situation is, honestly, the first time in 16 years that there has been a major issue. And it involves a lot of money.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:12:49 PM EDT
me and my soon to be wife have a good plan:

NO KIDS!!!

-keep what you earn in your own separate acct
-if you can't afford it with YOUR money, dont ask me
-split bills 50/50

basically it's the same way we have done it for the past 3 years we have been together with no arguments.

the big part is we dont want kids, so that's a MAJOR fianancial burden taken off right there.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:15:42 PM EDT
Over 23 yrs we have had our share of fights. Almost all over money. Only thing we ever argue over anymore.

Women just don't get it. They all want to buy material shit that does nothing to make you happy but really puts the finances in a mess, only making you unhappy. I mean how many fucking spatchelas from Walmart do you need?

Bottom line is that it all adds up. This, "it was only $5, only $10" shit reallya dds up and I will almost guarantee that if you added it all up the average women buys $2K per year in shit nobody fucking needs at all. Add onto that the expensive crap the just "want" or impulse buy and it really adds up. And if you lump CC interest onto that....

Most people should sit down twice yearly and look at how much they pay out in interest every year. I think many would be shocked.
When I finished residency and we bought a house, we had the mortgage, car payment, medschool loans, and some CC stuff. Total yearly int was ~$28K. Now that is a lot of disposable income. Paid it all off ASAP(4yrs on medschool loans, refinanced house and paid down the mortgage on that, paid off all the rest) and have our total int down to $4K per year. That is $24K extra in our pocket.

I'm afraid you are fighting a losing battle though.
Get rid of ALLLLLLLL credit cards except maybe for one. CC debt is the worst and if your wife keeps using CCs to buy shit you don't have the money for you will die a poor man.

I took all the CCs from my wife one day about 15 years ago and cut them all in half right in front of her. That put a fair end to it. We kept one and just this past year I got a second due to the 5% back I got on groceries and gas. We use it just for that and use the other for internet purchases, etc.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:16:04 PM EDT
While my divorce had somethings to do with money, the root cause was her being a nut. One day she came home with a bookshelf that costed $2,200. I am still paying it off after 5 years and she owns it.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:20:04 PM EDT
Wome want to feel financially secure. If they see you "pissing" away money or making bad decisions with money, they get pissed. For instance, they hate it when their husbands get new car fever and won't shut up.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:21:30 PM EDT
I always get "the look" when i bring home a new gun

I just ask her "how much did YOU pay for it?"

as long as you arent spending joint money, you're good
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:23:46 PM EDT
For the years & years we had no extra money to argue about.

My dear wife came from a big family & money was always tight. She, even at age 45, is still quite careful about her spending.

I grew up with my parents always in debt & never getting ahead. That has lead me to very leary of endebtedness.

Skrimpin' & savin' and hard work & education have got us to a position where we now have little concern about money. We do not argue about money.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:35:08 PM EDT
Finance disagreements (in my exp) are usually not really about money; they are about different perspectives on expectations & acceptable behavior. It is often difficult see what the basis is for decisions that are being made, especially if one spouse is not honest. If you are married and begin running into these kind of problems, I urge you to work it out pronto... it will only get worse if you don't.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:38:22 PM EDT
bad
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:42:33 PM EDT
I handle all of the family finances while she handles the finances of her biz. I used to try and prod her to get more involved with our investments and such but finally gave up. So, to answer your question: We never argue about money. In fact, I wish we discussed it more just so that if I got ran over by the proverbial cement mixer she'd know precisely where she was financially. Oh well, she knows where the Quicken file is...and that'll have to do, I guess.
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:44:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Zaphod:

So, how bad have things ever gotten between you and your spouse over finances?


I'm divorced. Does that answer your question?



+1
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:46:42 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Greywolf2112:

Originally Posted By RubberDuck:
Depends on what you mean by finances.

Sometimes not having "enough" money is stressful in itself, regardless of how you allocate it.

However, provided that there is not a downright shortage of it, then it all comes down to being able to make intelligent, considered and cooperative decisions. If a persistent problem still occurs, then it is not really about "finances", but rather about some flaw in either a person or in the reltionship.



This situation is, honestly, the first time in 16 years that there has been a major issue. And it involves a lot of money.




Ooooohhh, tell us more!
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:51:24 PM EDT

Originally Posted By drjarhead:
I took all the CCs from my wife one day.



Took my wife's credit cards and the check book away from her.

wganz

Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:54:12 PM EDT
I've always believed that financial fights aren't really about the money, they are about control. My wife doesn't have control issues with the $. I make sure to nip those in the butt. I've always believed that no person in the marriage should have control over the other (cept in certian life-threatening situations where debating a decision will get you killed faster than a bad decision). Who controls the money is just a metaphor for who wears the pants.

Seperate accounts does 2 things:
1. Prevents you from writing a check on an account that does not have the ammount of $ you expect it to
2. Prevents your spouse from taking your money.........it also allows you to have your own spending money.

If you both strive to not control eachother, and just pay the bills, save some $ then do what you want with it, you might just be happier (as long as your bills and savings allotments are taken care of).
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 5:54:45 PM EDT
I guess I am one of the odd (lucky) ones. My wife and I have never had an argument over $$$.
We have had our share of difficult times just nothing that was worth throwing down over. We pretty much see eye-to-eye on the $$$ issues. I do the actual financial juggling and she is just fine with that. She trusts my decisions 100% (as far as I know )...

Now we did have a good ol blowout over her putting forks in the dish washer pointy end up
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 6:11:21 PM EDT
my wife and I are seperated because of finances
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 6:16:55 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/22/2006 6:17:29 PM EDT by guns762]
Big +1 on the separate accounts.

My wife and I split, she filed, but we got it back together before everything was signed.

We had divided the accounts for the divorce, and we left them that way. We have been happy for almost 8yrs now after that problem. We have been married for almost 14yrs total.

She doesn't bitch about my purchases, and I don't question hers. All major buys are a combined agreement no matter who is going to pay for it. We also split all the bills, as we both work.

We had a slight problem last year about a new 4 wheeler. She said no....I was dissapointed, but we both ended up getting new 05 vehicles so it was a good thing in the end that we didn't have another payment. In other words, she was right I was wrong.

Link Posted: 2/22/2006 6:27:09 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Zaphod:

So, how bad have things ever gotten between you and your spouse over finances?


I'm divorced. Does that answer your question?



+1 x2 = Doing great
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 6:31:54 PM EDT
Bad.

Currently.

That's all I have to say.

SG
Link Posted: 2/22/2006 6:33:52 PM EDT
If you have seperate fincaces, you are likely to seperate.

Kids with a stay at home mom is where it is at.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 12:34:43 AM EDT

Originally Posted By entropy:
If you have seperate fincaces, you are likely to seperate.

Kids with a stay at home mom is where it is at.




Not only do those two statements have nothing to do with each other, the former is preposterous.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 12:40:17 AM EDT
I had to draw down on her...

<­BR>
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 12:52:24 AM EDT
My ex was irresponsible as hell. I made good money and she squandered it. $5000 in fish stuff in 2004 and on the same track in 2005. Constant mail order crap. $3000 for a friggen curio from a rental place that we could have bought new for 500. Writing checks to the check cashing places (about $12000 per year in payments). I was on the road 6 days a week and she took advantage of it. Car repo threats, home forclosure threats and I finally had enough. I moved out in August and am working on a divorce now. Since then, the car has been repo'd and the house is gone. I lost everything but my clothes and some tools. But it was worth it to get rid of her. I have met some one new that is very conscientious about money, works hard and my family absolutely loves her. They are very happy about the divorce and the new relationship (not that they had any say so, but it has improved my relationship with my family. They didn't like the ex and that affected our relationship). Even flat busted and homeless, I am extremely happy now. Have more money in my pocket, some one that cares about how I feel and loves to be with me, and a vastly improved relationship with my family.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 2:06:31 AM EDT
My wife & me both grew up without alot of money so we both have the same outlook when it comes to $. We don't have separate bank accounts, we only have 2 credit cards that ARE paid off at the end of the month. And we have a very sound marriage with virtually no aurguements about $. Bottom line don't spend what you don't have.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 2:07:28 AM EDT
Destroyed my first marriage.

Now I have a wife that works
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 2:42:54 AM EDT
It split my wife up. She could not handle credit cards, i took them away, she said I was controlling her. I expected her to get a better paying job to help pay. She did not seem to get to be too interested in that Idea. So we split,
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:01:10 AM EDT
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:04:35 AM EDT
Money is always a stresser in a marriage...most of the fights my wife and I ever had involved finances.
But if you can both keep things in perspective and realize that money isn't as important as the fact you love each other, things will work out.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 3:56:20 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MMcCall:

Originally Posted By entropy:
If you have seperate fincaces, you are likely to seperate.

Kids with a stay at home mom is where it is at.




Not only do those two statements have nothing to do with each other, the former is preposterous.



Well, they really do have a lot to do with one another.

If mom stays at home, she doesn't have a paying job.

Preposterous, I think not.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 4:04:04 AM EDT
Hi all,
I'm one of the lucky ones I guess. We rarely argue about money, and have pretty good plans in place. We have shared bank accounts and credit cards.

I think we dont argue because we earn similar amounts of money and have some good rules about big purchases, and borrowing from and lending to family.

We dont borrow or lend money to family or friends. If there was a family emergency, it would not be an issue, but as a general rule, we dont. We try to not have any debt besides the mortgage, and try to pay off credit cards or lines of credit each month. It took a while to get to the point where we were mostly debt free, but now that we are here, neither of us want to have big credit card debt again.

My wife buys clothes, shoes, and stuff for the house, and I dont say a word, but if its over $500, we will talk about it first, and that goes both ways. She does not say a word about my shooting expenses, and I reload and buy quite a bit of ammo during the winter so I have lots to shoot in the summer.

My experience is that the mine vs ours mentality leads to fights. If you think that I earned it and you cant spend it or tell me how to spend it, conflict is bound to happen. Hiding money or spending is also another way to ensure a fight.

My wife and I comment weekly how lucky we are not to fight about money. Life is more pleasant.

I do manage the money, pay the bills, do the taxes and plan the budget, but I dont question every purchase, and she does not spend everything we have. In fact, I brought up the topic of paying for one of her neices to go to college, not her.

Good luck.

Dez
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 4:04:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SouthHoof:
For the years & years we had no extra money to argue about.

My dear wife came from a big family & money was always tight. She, even at age 45, is still quite careful about her spending.

I grew up with my parents always in debt & never getting ahead. That has lead me to very leary of endebtedness.

Skrimpin' & savin' and hard work & education have got us to a position where we now have little concern about money. We do not argue about money.


I thought you were describing my wife. My wife came from family of 8 with the father always spending all the money before coming home. She is excellent saver. I let her manage all my money. She also does the taxes (we are getting $11000 back this year plus $450 for 2004 amendment!)

I can think of couple of things that helps in our situation.

1) Single income (I give all my money)
2) Praying together.
3) Watch your spending (I just bought her new Bernina sewing machine. In reciprocity, she wanted me to buy a gun but I refused. We needed new sewing machine but have enough guns.)

In 10 years of our marriage, we now have no debts(We own two old homes, 3 old cars and 110 acres with no mortgage). I am working towards to cut down my hours so I can enjoy my time with wife and kids. Life is good.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 4:08:45 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 2/23/2006 4:09:58 AM EDT by wildearp]
Back in the day, we would always run out of money and have to limit our activities. I took the checkbook away from her. Problem magically went away.

It was a money management issue, not that she was a pro-shopper or anything.

The marriage was never in any danger over it. There are bigger things in life than money.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 4:09:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By entropy:

Originally Posted By MMcCall:

Originally Posted By entropy:
If you have seperate fincaces, you are likely to seperate.

Kids with a stay at home mom is where it is at.




Not only do those two statements have nothing to do with each other, the former is preposterous.



Well, they really do have a lot to do with one another.

If mom stays at home, she doesn't have a paying job.

Preposterous, I think not.


This is the case with me. I think it works out well. See my post above about single income.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 4:10:40 AM EDT
Sex and Money are I believe the top reasons for divorces.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 4:20:14 AM EDT
OK, I've got a good one here.

My lady works hard and I get it all! Everything is in my name CC's, bank acct., truck and the car.
Her check goes into my account every two weeks by direct deposit.

I pay all of the bills every month after she tried and was not the best at it. The only thing is if she walks then I am in deep dodo cause nothing is in her name! I don't mind that either.

But, I don't worry about that at all. We are tight and the best of friends. We have our fights but nowhere like other women I have been with. If I was with someone else things would be different.

When it comes to money we trust each other. She trust me to pay the bills and I trust her to make the right decision when buying something.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 4:32:41 AM EDT
My Wife and I never had a problem over $$$ issues.... We live and lead a simple life... If we don't have the money for something we bascially don't need it... We have 2 or 3 Credit cards, We use one of them just for the convience of it and we pay it off every month... We have always had a wish list. We always put things on it that we need/ want , furniture, etc. Them when we have the money saved for something we look at the list and purchase what we need and feel is important at that point in time.... The great thing about this is it stops you impulse buying a bunch of junk you don't need...
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 5:12:24 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Greywolf2112:
Hmm - this isn't sounding very encouraging.




Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, destroys a family or marriage faster than money.

I often wonder if winning a lottery isn't a curse rather than a blessing.
Link Posted: 2/23/2006 5:19:34 AM EDT
Check out Dave Ramsey

http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/


My wife and I did this at a local church. It helped alot.


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