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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:29:08 AM EDT
[#1]
I wouldn't totally agree with that...the MOST stressful time in most marriages is right after the birth of the first child. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:38:28 AM EDT
[#2]
Years ago I got upset when her CC debt was over a grand. Don't worry I'll take care of it she said, it's my debt. When you are married the debt is still joint I told her. Now several years later, debt 8 grand +. Argue and bicker over this again. Makes problems in marriage, she's not happy and wants divorce. She is taking all her debts with her plus half my house value. Answer your question.
I personally was debt free. House paid for, bills paid on time, toys paid for too, never more than 500 on a card. Paid off right away. But if she wanted something, I'll just put it on the CC she said. No financial responsibility. She has a part time job but not a big salary. It added up and now it bit her in the ass. 1/5th of her half of the house will be for CC debt. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:39:52 AM EDT
[#3]
Never.
We live within our means. We buy what we need first and thanks to hard work and dedication have always had enough leftover for wants and desires. My wife has never had to work because of those guidelines. Too many people want to live beyond their means which causes conflict. If you can't get to that point there will always be and endless stream of troubles. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:42:28 AM EDT
[#4]
My wife doesn't shop, she engages in "Retail Therapy".
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:54:18 AM EDT
[#5]
That's funny, so do I! Gun purchases! |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 6:58:04 AM EDT
[#6]
I've been lucky. My wife doesn't constantly want something to buy and to be honest I'm the bigger money hole. We keep seperate accounts but we do it different. All the money comes into my checking and from there I transfer money to her to cover the groceries and other misc items that it's hard to budget for. She knows what she has comming and she can always tell me if she needs more.
Otherwise I pay the bills, and keep track of the major budget items (spending money, clothes, doctors, home repair, travel, etc). We both know how much we have per month on those items and if she wants something beyond the misc. money I give her all she has to do is ask. We'll work it in. I keep a savings account with any budget surplus from each month so if she wants a new stove, we go get it. If she needs new equipment for the kiddo we go get it. If the car needs repair we go get it. I refuse to finance anything else in my life. If we don't have the cash, we don't buy it for the most part. She asks for a lot less than I do, so if she asks for something, I damn well better take care of it. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 7:08:05 AM EDT
[#7]
Me and the wife make close to the same amount of $. We both get the same amount in a weekly Allowence for whatever it is we want to do. This is the same money I purchase guns/ammo with. I dont take money from the main account for my toys and neither does she. I fI want a expensive toy I save and wait just like she does and pay cash.
We have the same financial goals and therfore we both sacrifice for those goals. We are currently debt free less the mortgage and we are both 30 years old. Having the same financial goals has taken away just about all money related stress we have. We want something IE new TV, couch or stove we pay cash from the savings. We dont live beyond our means and are not servernts of lenders. When we got married 7 years ago and we brought over 25K in debt to our union. We payed it off in 3 years eating PB&J sandwiches every day. Even though we are debt free I still bring my lunch from home to work. My wife understands that I have no intentions of working past 55. And I would like retire earlier than that if I can. I know you have heard that money is one of the things couple argue about most. So it makes since that you get on the same page and make a financial goal. If you dont make a certain amount then why buy a Lexus and plasma TV. It will make the wife and you happy for a few months but when the bills pile up you will fight and some even end up in divorce over money. Sorry to rant. I hate to see couples fight over money wich in most cases and not all, is related to just plain greed. We want instant satisfaction regardless of the payment amd some times the cost is your marriage. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 7:13:09 AM EDT
[#8]
Universal symbol for marriage.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 7:19:24 AM EDT
[#9]
I would say that the biggest arguments my wife and I have had - and honestly they weren't that bad... nothing got thrown at me
- were about money. As in, I want to spend a certain amount of it - we earned it, right? - and she wants to save every penny. We solved this by agreeing on an "allowance" - something we both agreed on. Allows me to "save" it for new toys or accessories (generally one a year, which is fine by me).I have made executive exceptions for "emergency" supplies or stuff that we both would use, but that's not the norm. I get my money and keep track of it. We're both happy. A close second would be about home renovations she wants me to do even though I have no experience in certain areas... 
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Posted: 2/23/2006 7:28:23 AM EDT
[#10]
I think the key to this, as all other issues, is to know what your getting into before to say "I do". My wife and i both grew up in homes under the same sort of financial strains and values. We feel almost the same about money stewardship and how to spend it (okay I may be a pinch tighter with it than her). The truth of the matter is that we don't fight and argue about it because we feel the same way. We limit to purchases to the basic needs plus a indulgence here or there. We have one joint account and two joint CC. Never carry a balance and are able to save a lot for a one income family.
I can see how spending could kill a relationship if the two weren't in agreement about how money should be spent...espically if she didn't have a job. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 7:48:42 AM EDT
[#11]
No, we seldom argue about finances. We're both
Ignoring a loved one's financial habits before marrying them astounds me,but then again many people I know seem to routinely ignore their prospective spouses morals,religion,political beliefs,and plenty of other non-romantic categories of compatibility. Love is blind I suppose. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 7:58:50 AM EDT
[#12]
tag
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Posted: 2/23/2006 8:12:11 AM EDT
[#13]
I agree totally!! I was laid off 6 months after our first was born. No money plus first child stress. We held together through it because we have everything and I mean everything budgeted. We know how much we can spend for fun, food, gas, clothes, tools, and toys. Because we both agree to follow this budget, it means we don't need to have separate accounts. If there is something special we want that is costly enough it will violate the budget we discuss what we are going to give up to make it happen. Takes a little time to run a budget this strict but the benefits far outweigh the negatives. I know I will be able to retire. I have no payments but my house. And we can afford nice toys and cars because we save in advance for these things. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 9:12:20 AM EDT
[#14]
My first marriage: In the military, always broke, wife no worky, always fighting about money.
Second marriage: Separate accounts, split the bills, wife and I both worked, everybody happy, no fights. Money is definately a stresser in a marriage. I'm not saying what happened in marriage two is for everybody but my wife and I tried it on a trial basis and it worked. We had both come out of relationships where money was used as a "power" thing by our respective spouses and both vowed to never let that happen again. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 9:38:55 AM EDT
[#15]
Been there done that. Nope. Dumb bitch would often keep the sealed, stamped elvelopes in her purse, rather than mail them out. Then bitch at the debtors the next month when they assessed a late charge.
 She actually despised a savings account. That is whay I had a direct deposit account without her knowing.Yea, I liked her home with the kids, but it ended there. All she did after the house was cleaned was to drive around in a new car and piss away money. Then lie about it. 14 yrs of that ended UGLY. I currently have seperate accounts with my current wife and we spit expenses logically. Even travel expenses. She wants to go on a big trip, sure I am game. . IMO, once they forget the value of a dollar, all of their perceptions go down hill. And, so goes the relationship.
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Posted: 2/23/2006 9:53:12 AM EDT
[#16]
Mine and I recently got into it over finances when I learned that we have a five-figure credit card balance.  We've always made the payments, and then some, but due to expenses, it gets huge. Nothing extravagant, it's just expensive to live around here, even on a physician's salary. As I'm back working again since last year (just got promoted, BTW  ) I'll be helping pay that down. I'm not even going to put anything into retirement until it's paid off, since a credit card balance is a negative drain on one's finances.I was an at-home dad for our three kids for nine years, and, lemme tell ya, it wasn't cheap. Guess I'm paying for those years now. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 10:11:23 AM EDT
[#17]
My wife and I had a discussion about our money about two years ago. We both had CC debt as well as a second mortgage that was killing us. I worked out a plan and told her about it but did not seek her opinion as she know squat about money. We are now debt free other than mortgage and even have a few bucks to spend on entertainment and toys.
The tuff part was when I cut her CC cards up. She screamed bloody murder until I pulled mine out and cut them up as well. It has been said already but I will say it again, Credit Cards are the tool of the devil. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 10:18:51 AM EDT
[#18]
Getting a divorce serious enough?
Of course this is also due to the evil one panache to accuse me of cheating on her with everything in a skirt and a poppouri of other drivel... Her knack for running up CCs was enough although it was just another log on the fire... |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 12:09:55 PM EDT
[#19]
Man, sucks to be (some of) you guys.
My wife and I have a budget... I have $###.## per month to spend on myself, tools, electronics, etc... and she has $###.## per month to spend on herself, gifts, charity, etc. We put a certain fixed amount toward vacations, home improvement, our business, and a few other things, what is left pays the bills... what's left after that is put toward our mortgage (over a certain dollar amount we keep for emergencies). We BOTH have plenty of money saved up... as we don't really spend our monthly budget too often. Eventually one of us will save up enough and go out and buy something big that we want, and it won't matter. She can spend all her money on shoes and manicures for all I care... so long as she stays in her budget. I can go out and spend all the money I want on guns, cameras, etc and it doesn't matter to her, either. We've had some times where money gets tight, such as starting our own business... but never a point where either one of us has overstepped our boundaries with personal spending. All it takes is a couple of reasonable people and a bit of discussion to setup a budget that you stick to and money shouldn't be an issue. I guess I'm just blessed with a reasonable wife... and proud of it. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 12:14:12 PM EDT
[#20]
We do a split. Each of us puts 40% in the joint account for household/living expenses and we each keep 60% for personal. We still have trouble in this area because I have had to "subsidize" the joint account and stupid shit happens to her personal money before making up for the subsidy. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 12:23:00 PM EDT
[#21]
My wife is quite capable of destroying us financially. After years and years of learning hard lessons, this is how I deal with it. It works.
-Convince yourself that "money doesn't buy happiness". Encourage your spouse along those lines. -Arrange for automatic payments of all recurring bills, such as rent/mortage and insurance. -Destroy all credit cards. I don't care what people say about "they help to establish your credit". Burn the damn things. -Pay off ALL debt. This may entail getting a second job. This may take years to do. -Trash your TV. Watching TV is good for nothing but creating a lust in your soul for materialism. It is like poison that you are willingly introduce into your home. Don't. -Arrange for the majority of your disposable income to be automatically placed in hard-to-get-at instruments, such as savings bonds, 401k's, etc. - |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 12:39:47 PM EDT
[#22]
+1 I have seriously considered what I would do in such an unlikely circumstance. I think the best idea is to spread it out amongst all the aunts/uncles/etc. No good would come of it. Probably. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 1:03:19 PM EDT
[#23]
+1 I told her to talk to me before she overdrafted again. I would rather subsidize her than pay those damn fees. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 1:17:26 PM EDT
[#24]
  Mine ended in divorce as many of the above did. I know of some that have ended in suicide or Domestic + jail time. Slippery Slope, marriage. I choose not to be a part of it. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 1:28:11 PM EDT
[#25]
never any problems here.
we both make good money, but she makes more than I do. I handle all of the finances, taxes, etc. My wife is not much of a consumer....hates to shop, etc. |
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Posted: 2/23/2006 1:58:35 PM EDT
[#26]
Finances are the #1 reason for break ups.
You need to sit down - get a plan - and get on the same page. You have to think in the future for you house, your kids, your next house, your car, your retirement. There are spenders and savers - and if you dont match you have to sit down and get some compromizes etc. good luck! |
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Posted: 2/24/2006 4:43:53 AM EDT
[#27]
Thanks for the info and stories, guys. They have given me some food for thought, though for the most part most of the situations described here aren't applicable to my particular problem.
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Posted: 2/24/2006 5:05:58 AM EDT
[#28]
Geeze I don't understand some of the replies here. Marriage is about sharing and loving. I have only been married about 4 years but we don't really fight over money to much. We the same account and always have. I am the only one who balances it to avoid any screw ups since 2 people can have a mistake easier than 1 person. She's a bank manager though so she knows what our money is spent on.
She made more money than me when I was an undergrad and I spent more money. I am in Dental school now and get loan money for living costs. We don't even differentiate where our money comes from it's just our money. She is planning to retire to be a stay at home mom when I am done with school. Maybe I am old fashioned but if you can't figure out how to share money without having to get seperate accounts you have no business getting married IMHO. |
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Posted: 2/24/2006 5:08:55 AM EDT
[#29]
No it's not preposterous and you apparently missed the principal behind the statement. Selfishness and greed is what is commonly the root behind the arguments over finances. Thinking and caring more about what I want than what the family needs. Having to have a 48" plasma screen so badly that you are willing to put it on a CC rather than save and pay cash. NOTHING wrong with having a 48" plasma screen PROVIDED you can pay for it right now. Putting a TV on a CC that you intend to pay out over months/years is friggin stupid. Put it on a CC and pay the CC off completely when you get the bill at the end of the month is a different story. Keep in mind the basics of human nature, women are nesters men are hunter gatherers. It's programmed into the DNA. Women need to build a nest, men need to hunt and conquer. As long as there is an understanding and as long as each are allowed even encouraged to fulfill their roles money should not become an issue worth divorcing over. However that requires sacrifice, self denial, putting others before self, admitting you're wrong and saying you're sorry things that are EXTREMELY lacking in modern American culture. Things that ARE going to ruin our great nation if we don't realize it and get it in check. Pride comes before a fall, no way around that. |
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Posted: 2/24/2006 5:19:07 AM EDT
[#30]
Attention young guy's!
Attention young guy's! |
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Posted: 2/24/2006 12:29:33 PM EDT
[#31]
I agree with most... I strongly disagree with automatic payments. I'd rather do it myself.. manually. |
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Posted: 2/24/2006 1:33:10 PM EDT
[#32]
Jesus H. Christ - things just got worse. We may be about to lose one source of income AND our health insurance coverage. Not good, not good at all.
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Posted: 3/15/2006 7:52:53 PM EDT
[#33]
Thanks to everyone for the replies. Things have recently reached a point regarding this particular issue where it will be out of my hands. We reached a compromise regarding the main "sticking point" where she will assume complete control over that which was causing our marital strife by the end of the month, and then I will wash my hands of it. Hopefully that will lessen tensions between us and will eventually bring closure to this issue. I'm not about to let 16 years of marriage to a wonderful woman end over shit like this.
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Posted: 3/15/2006 9:11:33 PM EDT
[#34]
Be careful bud. |
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Posted: 3/15/2006 9:26:24 PM EDT
[#35]
Be careful about washing your hands and letting your spouse completely handle the financial point of contention! It reminds me a few instances where my tax account was borrowed from to the point of empty and another where my platinum american express got declined for being maxed out (how does that happen with an AE card!).
Best thing to do is to assign bills for each party and maintain seperate accounts. That has absoluetly worked best for my wife and I. 12 years and we never argue, finances are our only discussions ever and even then never arguements. The only reason we own a house is because we had seperate ccounts and the place is completely paid for in every respect by myself alone. She pays her few smaller bills and I don't care what she does with the rest of her money. Unfortunately now, she has to handle my finances also since i'm contracting away from home. I monitor my accouints closely but I can usually still expect a few over expenditures and borrowing on her part, averages $1K+ a month. :( |
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Posted: 3/15/2006 9:33:42 PM EDT
[#36]
You know insurance right?
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Posted: 3/15/2006 9:34:41 PM EDT
[#37]
The wife and I never argue about finances. It helps that we have in common an aversion to debt. Both her dad and mine underwent severe financial hardship, so we shared the same lessons. Also, something that cannot be overlooked is that I have had a good job for most of our our time together. Money cannot buy happiness, but poverty can buy a whole lotta misery.
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Posted: 3/18/2006 3:10:16 PM EDT
[#38]
My husband and I fight about money almost exclusively. He makes decent money but has all but $1K sent to his credit union and retirement plan. His month contributions is $1K.
I worry constantly about money. I have to pay for everything other than the lights, phone and basic food bill. I buy all our kids clothes, if the kids go to the doctor I have to pay for it. My husband will not give me enough money to pay for what we need. It costs me about 3K a year more than what I make which goes on my credit card. He spends an additional about 3K a year for things he expects me to cover as well. So in a nutshell I'm roughly 6K in the whole at any given time. I hate it. He got new glasses the other day and told the eye doctor I would pay for it. When I went into have my eyes checked they tried to hit me up to pay for it and I told them they sold him the glasses - collect the money he owed from him. I owed $14 for my visit, paid it and left. Of course no doubt he'll pay for his glasses out of my food money this next month. |
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Posted: 3/18/2006 5:27:09 PM EDT
[#39]
we have an agreement written up so I can't be
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Posted: 3/18/2006 5:30:47 PM EDT
[#40]
+100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 |
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