good post.

And an addition:  In most cases, the wife will always be uber-uptight and the husband will be seen as a slob.  Learn to deal with it.

What, nothing about combing your woman's hair when she gets out of the shower?

Quoted: Quoted: Thanks dear, you're a smart cookie. Just wait till I unload on the ladies....that post will take cliff notes to get through. <patiently waiting, pen and paper in hand> Well?!?!!?

All in good time, my lady.....all in good time.

Tackling the fairer sex will require careful forethought, wisely chosen words, and good night of Amaretto shooters.

I have lots to say about girlies.

Could I have a link to your "primer for young men" please?

ETA: Yay, post 1,000!

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Good post Swingset, I wish more people would think like this. It seems too many people think that getting married means they finished the race & don't have to try any more.

If I could add a small note of my own: Guys, quit letting yourself go once you get married. I'm sure we've all been around other married couples & the guy has gotten sloppy in his behavior, looks/clothes & manners. When you're at a party you want to be able to look at your wife and be proud of her, she wants the same thing of you. Make sure that when she points you out to other woman they don't feel sympathy for her. This is a matter of respect & of showing her that you want to remain attractive to her. As one poster said, when you are married you are her knight.... make sure that when she looks at you she thinks "that's my man", not "well, at leat he has a decent car".

Quoted: To quote a comedian I heard on tv the other day.... "The current divorce rate in the US is 50%.......50%!!! Would you go sky diving if only 50% of the parachutes opened?!"

I've heard that statistic before, but people shouldn't take it as badly as it sounds.  What would be a far more interesting statistic would be the percentage of first marriages (for both parties) that end in divorce - I bet that number is considerably lower.  Many people who divorce do it serially.  If Sam the Serial Divorcee gets married and divorced 5 times in his life, he skews the divorce rate to sound worse than it really is.

Quoted: Could I have a link to your "primer for young men" please? ETA: Yay, post 1,000!

Ask and ye shall receieve.

www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=373685

Quoted: Quoted: To quote a comedian I heard on tv the other day.... "The current divorce rate in the US is 50%.......50%!!! Would you go sky diving if only 50% of the parachutes opened?!" I've heard that statistic before, but people shouldn't take it as badly as it sounds.  What would be a far more interesting statistic would be the percentage of first marriages (for both parties) that end in divorce - I bet that number is considerably lower.  Many people who divorce do it serially.  If Sam the Serial Divorcee gets married and divorced 5 times in his life, he skews the divorce rate to sound worse than it really is.

I think it's amazing that 50% of people live thier lives with one mate.

Good advice.

Here is my input.
When you are in Love, you are on your best behavior and you are not your true self. This applies to both sexes.

Neither one of you will start to know what the other person is REALLY like, until about 6 months or a year after saying "I Do".

You marry 3 people. The person you THOUGHT you married, The person you Married, and the person whom they will turn into.

Money. Always save a little money every month. Have a Budget, live within it.

Kids: Kids cause Stress in a Marriage. Unless your relationship is really strong and both of you are prepared financially and emotionally, don't have them.


Anger: Never take your anger too seriously. Your marriage is far more important than your pride.

A couple will not be happy until they get to know themselves (not just each other). And understand WHY they react the way they do, to different situations.

Improve yourself, and you will improve your marriage.

Women need Love like Men need Respect. Always always respect and love your spouse.

As for temptation...the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence..but if you hop over it, and take a close look at it, you will find just as many or more weeds than on the other side.

There is NO perfect Husband or Wife. A Good Marriage is not purchased, it is built by (LOTS of ) sweat and tears. A Marriage is a Living creature, if you neglect it, it will DIE.

Quoted: It isn't ghey if it gets you laid.

Truer words, never spoken.

I copied the text and e-mailed to the love of my live who is in the proces of having me served.

It seems that when she was having her problems - I was not in the game.

When I got into the game - she had tuned me out.

I am trying my best to talk her out of it, but in the end I will win no matter what the outcome.

Good post, take it to heart.

Later,

Badredfish

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Thanks dear, you're a smart cookie. Just wait till I unload on the ladies....that post will take cliff notes to get through. <patiently waiting, pen and paper in hand> Well?!?!!? All in good time, my lady.....all in good time. Tackling the fairer sex will require careful forethought, wisely chosen words, and good night of Amaretto shooters. I have lots to say about girlies.

Like that we're soft, and purty, and smell good?

You are soo whipped.  

oh, and Notebook = teh ghey.

Quoted: You are soo whipped.   oh, and Notebook = teh ghey.

Hehe....just keep thinkin it.

I have a lot of married friends, and they are constantly telling me I've got it lucky, I have way more freedom than they do, my wife's so easy going, on and on. Being whipped is doing and doing because you fear your wife's disapproval. I'm not a slave to my wife, I just treat her good....and magically she's not up my ass when I want to go spend a weekend shooting with ARFcommers every month.

Oh, and watching the Notebook ended in pie. If that's ghey in your world, I'm a happy homo, sweet cheeks. We watched Heat together too....and no pie afterwards. You do the math.

Bravo, well done Swingset!

Well done, man. Just when I was losing faith in the sanity of ARFCOM.

My "primer for young men"...

Males are 50% of the mariage population (assumed "hetero" marriage) Males are not always the group that need to be made aware of "these issues". I am living proof of a marriage down the tubes due to a "lady" of questionable morales and family values. How about a female vesion of this windy for the ladies?

Looks great in print - is idealogically pure -  and wrong ~25+% of the time(assuming a divorce initation rate of 50/50).

Lawyers and their rot have made divorce way too easy and socially acceptable in America.

I resent a fairy tale for men, which reads like a recipe, and if followed will provide me the ability to live happily everafter - especially when WOMEN are half the problem.

Quoted: My "primer for young men"... Males are 50% of the mariage population (assumed "hetero" marriage) Males are not always the group that need to be made aware of "these issues". I am living proof of a marriage down the tubes due to a "lady" of questionable morales and family values. How about a female vesion of this windy for the ladies? Looks great in print - is idealogically pure -  and wrong ~25+% of the time(assuming a divorce initation rate of 50/50). Lawyers and their rot have made divorce way too easy and socially acceptable in America. I resent a fairy tale for men, which reads like a recipe, and if followed will provide me the ability to live happily everafter - especially when WOMEN are half the problem.

I can't give any man instructions for happily ever after, nor do I aspire to. What I attempt with writing these, is to point the mirror back at you. Hopefully, if you're not a narcissistic turd, you recognize the things that CAN and DO sabotage your marriage because they're time-proven realities and work to keep them from happening. I'm not reeling off Dr. Phil-isms, it's just advice from the trenches of someone who has seen it work, and seen it fail. If you don't take my advice, and have a happy marriage, then good for you....but by the sounds of it you could have used some guidance because you're stewing in bitterness.

There are no fairy tales, and I never said there are guarantees or pots of gold if you follow my advice. Relationships are hard, but they are a product of our effort and our self-awareness....and most of all our choice in a mate.

Did you enter into your marriage completely obvlivious to your wife's nature? I'll guarantee you had some inkling that she had some chaos going on, but believed (at the time) that she was the one for you, and it "felt right", or you were so happy that you thought you should marry her to secure that feeling. Would you choose her again? I'll bet not....so a smart man would read my advice and apply that to the next time he looks for a mate, instead of repeating his own failures.

I said that our mate is the foundation of a relationship - so this advice assumes you have chosen a decent foundation. Next time you are attracted to a woman, let's see if you are clever enough to see through lust, and temporary pleasure to see her true nature.....then my advice will mean something to you.

When I met my wife, and I'll be totally honest, she wasn't the earth shattering love of my life. She was a good person, whom I was attracted to, and I chose her for a bride because she had everything right. Smart, good background, caring, respectful, all the things a man SHOULD marry. I knew, even at 22 years old, that these things matter more in the long run.

Do you know the result of that decision (a wise one)?? Now, in our marriage we ARE the love of each other's lives. Even in the roughest of times, we have a mutual dedication to the idea that our marriage is worth more than each of us alone....and when one fails, the other carries the weight.

You resent my "recipe", so seek your happiness without it. It won't work if you believe women are the problem, and not your choice in them.

Excellent post, swingset!  You hit the nail right on the head with this one.  If every man out there read and applied what you wrote to their own marriage, the world would be much a better (and happier) place.  That should be required reading for every married man every six months or so.

Quoted: Quoted: You are soo whipped.   oh, and Notebook = teh ghey. Hehe....just keep thinkin it. I have a lot of married friends, and they are constantly telling me I've got it lucky, I have way more freedom than they do, my wife's so easy going, on and on. Being whipped is doing and doing because you fear your wife's disapproval. I'm not a slave to my wife, I just treat her good....and magically she's not up my ass when I want to go spend a weekend shooting with ARFcommers every month. Oh, and watching the Notebook ended in pie. If that's ghey in your world, I'm a happy homo, sweet cheeks. We watched Heat together too....and no pie afterwards. You do the math.

You know Swingset, you are all right. Good ponits.  Notebook is still ,teh ghey, though.