Thank you for posting. Your grace and humor are inspiring. Thoughts and prayers for you and your wife.

Former Los Lunas resident who did sheetrock work all over central NM.

Thank you so very much.

Belen, and surrounding area, for those of you who don't know, is one of the most verdant,  abundant, beautiful places in NM, especially if you're into ranching/farming.

I've walked the fields of Belen, I've had Belen beef.

You travel from the high desert to Belen, and you cannot believe you're in the same state.

I'm one who in the best of times, heads home, and home is where I'll be until I have to leave.

And right now, with twisted face, twisted voice and the dribbling thing when I eat, will have to respectfully pass.

Karla won't be happy, she read this and got all excited.

But your invite has meant so very much, and for that,

WE thank you.

And one last thing for tonight.

Last night, Karla said "How come you're talking Texan all the time?"

Me, being real smart an all, knew exactly what she was talking about.

So I said, "It's this mouth thing"

"If I try to speak in PROPER English, it comes out like this -".

I then, in my best Rhodes English said "Ahr mean to preshent, my wiff, teh Laddy Kaeerlaa"

Not good.

So, then I relaxed and said "Ah'd like y'all t meet my wife, Karla".
Just comes out perfect somehow.

God Bless Texas.

John

John,

Wishing you calm winds and quiet nights during your difficult time. You define grace.

Better place today mentally. Had those “attacks” all throughout yesterday. Wasn’t ever going to let myself
Go like that in front of Karla, but she was ok, even comforting, and I had no control over any of it.

Sore from drywalling- guess I’ve been sitting around too long. She didn’t think it took all that much more time
than it normally would, due to the way I like to jack around doing household projects.

Have a great Sunday all-

I know there will be something good in it.

John

John, my wife and are very proud of you, how you are handling all of this, you sound like someone we’d have liked to have known.

Praying for peace.

TOLD you there would be something good........

Just finished a couple chores (Life goes on- ain't it grand?), and noticed something.

(You might recall my post a few days ago, about what a time I had getting a motorcycle lift into town.)

Although still labeled the same, a 40 pound bag of kitty litter now weighs 80 pounds, easy.

What a company- without saying anything to anyone, looks like they decided to give us more for our money!

Right?

Today was the first time,

I said, and I really meant it,

“I don’t wanna die”.

My Dad loved my Mom more than life itself.  When he was passing from brain cancer, he fought a long hard fight.  In my mind, saying "I don't want to die" is a good thing and will help your body fight this for as long as possible.

It is also a testament to the love that you have for your wife that you want to be with her as long as the Good Lord allows.

I don't know if I am making any sense......

I hope you have a good day and you continue to be in my prayers.

I honest to God haven’t a clue how that got posted.

And you make perfect sense.

Just found out I can’t eat a steak.

So whar’s The point...

Sorry, just really pissed off right now.

Really pissed off

Sounds like it's time for ice cream.

I did just that.

Fresh tub of Blue Bell vanilla, ate it right out of the tub.

Hang tough brother and prayers to you and Karla.

John,

I don't know if this helps or not, but I've been living on borrowed time for 13 years.  Details aren't important, but I know I could go at any moment.
Dying wasn't a big deal, it just felt like passing out.   The upside of it, if there is one, is that I'm good with the idea of coming to the end.  Sure, there's people who will miss me (wife and stepdaughter the most), but their lives will go on.  
I'm at peace with dying.  It's okay.  It's going to come to all of us in the end; it's how we handle it that counts.  Making fun of it works for me.  Hopefully, you'll come to make peace with it (if you haven't already) and deal with it in whatever way works best for you.

Mike

Thanks, Mike.
Tomorrow an update.

Well maybe day after tomorrow.

Tonight, I held Lucky, my deaf, 20 plus yr old cat in my arms. I speak to him thru his skull now so he can hear,

And he does.

I don’t want to leave him.

He is so covered with snot and tears.

Sorry, Bubb.

He doesn’t mind.....

What a day,

John

Many of us are praying for you, John. I am so sorry this is happening to you.

And, they are back tonight.
And I know they are not panic attacks.

They are grieving.

I recognize it now, it is grief.

Later,
And with more,

John

Yes we are.  Rest easy tonight John.

Thank you each and every.

Today, I finally started to put away a lie so often told by anyone married and into bikes.

"I won't ever need another bike!"

Well, I won't- got lost in early spring for 30 miles or so in the open space, because I just couldn't see- heck of a last ride.

So, detailing today, composing a romanced ad for Craigslist.

Kind of sad to see this lie come true:

Attached File


John

OP, my thoughts and my prayers both to you and all of your family. It sounds like you're surrounded by a great bunch of people.

If this is some kind of comfort to you, great. If it's nothing more than silliness or lunacy to you, then my apologies for taking up your time, but I wanted and maybe felt led to share this. It's a story I've posted a few times over the years. Since that posting we actually have now added a third little one, also a girl, who is currently giving us a run for our money.

I've still never seen dragonflies in that field again.

I did share on here when my dad took his own life at 60. What I'm not sure I shared was an event that took place afterward. If I did, the search isn't finding it.

One night staying with my mom I was very upset about the whole situation. I was angry at God. Why did this happen? Why didn't you stop it? I asked for a sign and opened the bible at random and the first thing I started to read was Romans 8:38. It and the 39th verse read
"38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

The reason this struck a chord with me is because as long as I could remember my dad had debated with me and others on the issue of whether salvation could be "lost". He could never settle on the issue entirely but most of the conversations hinged upon this passage. Throughout the week of arranging his funeral and everything, that verse kept coming up, from loved ones, pastors, etc. I chalked it up to people trying to comfort me or us. I wrote it off regardless and thought nothing of it.

6-7 weeks had passed and I finally felt like going back to church. It's a relatively big church and we really don't know many people there so at least I wouldn't have to explain the situation or talk about any of it with anyone. But, during the service I was angry. Not only was I upset over the recent events but then also the pain of losing our little one, of other very trying things that had happened in recent years. In between two songs the worship leader asked everyone to bow and pray, and I did, but not so much to God. I was basically yelling in my mind, Dad, Caroline, someone, Jesus, whoever, I need a sign of something, anything or I can't deal with this. The prayer ended. The worship leader picked up his Bible said something about the promises of God and began reading "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." I broke down. I couldn't talk to my wife about it for a while because of all the emotions involved.

All of this is to say OP, I believe there's more than this.

I believe that if you believe, that I'm gonna meet you face to face one day in a different place in a different body. In that place, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

Thank you for that.
I’d come up with something, if I could see the keyboard.

There will one day be a stone around our necks, each and everyone.

God didn’t put it there.

And each will have a different weight.

But to each has been given, it will seem more than they can bear.

That I think is where God comes in.

To give us strength.

To carry it all.

John

Hey John,
I'm not too far from you in downtown ABQ. I've never been one to participate in anybody's personal experiences on any of the multiple forums that I lurk around on. Mainly guns and dirt bike stuff for me.

But, for me to stumble onto this thread in a forum category which I rarely venture into is pretty unusual. This is the most powerful and real reading that I may have ever read anywhere. I'm "only" 52 but I feel your words and thoughts are a snapshot into the future that is hard for anybody who's listening to ignore. I thank you for sharing this experience with us all and I wish you and your family much peace in wherever your journey takes you.

Jim

God bless you, Jim.

Your post more than made up for my first response to my bike ad.
Scammer for sure.....

What did I expect?

"Here's to all you scammers, and them what's wished them well.....

May God reserve for you a special place,

a special place in HELL"

They should be careful - I've heard God grants the wishes of dying men.......



Have a great night all,

John

One wants to purchase your conveyance. Will send extra $3000 for shipping in USD. Please give to friend any extra.
Best regards

Shalom to you and Karla.

John,
I try to visit your thread daily. I hope you are not dealing with too much pain and your days are filled with discovery. I had a friend who used to say "Everyday's a holiday and every meal's a feast!" Perhaps he knew something we don't? Live well, my friend.
David

Have a restful night John.

John, how are you doing?

You as well John.

If I only had $2000.

I'm not a religious person. This post helped me more than you can understand. Thank you John.

Well, the bike's gone.

The scammers dropped out pretty quick, and it got really heated up today.

Could have sold 5 of 'em. Guess I priced it just right .

Just helped a really nice Guy load the bike and all it's stuff for a trip back to Taos- Never sold a bike at 9:45pm before, but he's happy, and I'm glad.

Answered everyone back to let 'em know it's gone.

Grateful I won't be having to chase emails, messages etc all weekend.

It hurts to see that hole in the garage, knowing I'll never fill it again.

Been riding since I was 12, a long, long time ago.

Up next will be a saddle, some tack and stuff.

Gonna keep my hat and boots though.....

Good Night all

John

I also have a hole in my garage that will never be filled again. I rode for 45 years and legs got bad and lost balance.

Prayers to you and your family.

Mike.

Thanks, Mike.

Today’s just seemed empty somehow.

Got some drywall done in the garage, but very low energy, couple bouts with “attacks”.

Getting some pain now- spirit and body.

Talked with my mom and a sis, so that was good.

Untold billions have one way or another taken this road, but it’s different when you take the journey yourself.

And maybe each takes a different path, but they all lead to the same place.

Some days I can’t wait to end, others I want to go on forever.

Seems selfish somehow to post, but I’m going to keep it up-

Just know what a help you all are.

Thank you

John

Thanks for posting John. As you point out, many have taken the journey that you are on.  Eventually, we all will take this journey.

Speaking only for myself, I wonder how I will react when it is my time.  You are an inspiration.

Hey John I just finished reading this thread after finding it today. I thought I would let you know what it was like when I died in 75 after get caught in a rip current in 58 degree water. I guess I always lived like I was indestructible from doing stupid stuff like driving everything like the only speed was wide open or sneaking onto the fort dix artillery range and see who could come as close as possible to the impact of the incoming rounds when they were shooting the 155mm cannons.

anyway when the cold took over me and all my muscles could not move I drifted down to the bottom of the Ocean and thought, wow this is not a bad way to die.
as I laid there I became enveloped in a warm beautiful light and I entered into God's presence the power and the love was amazing, it was overwhelming and this coming from a kid that used to sneak up to the test area at lakehurst NAS when they were testing the jets on the sled and there was more power than even the F111s. Next thing I know God is telling me it's not my time to die and I need to go back and tell the others, I don't know if that meant my buddy and his gf that were drowning with me or what. when they got Donnie into the ambulance and the medics went to get Charisse  when they got back, Donny's heart had stopped.
They jump started Donnie and packed us up for the ride to the ER, the next day we were back to drinking beer and partying like nothing happened.
don't
about 8 years ago I ran into Donnie on FB and asked him what was it like when he died that day? he said he always to ask me the same thing so we typed it up  exchanged our experience and it was the same thing. he then told me he was a christian now same as me and that Charisse had given her life to Christ before her and her daughter where murdered  the murderer my friend Charisse and her 2 year old daughter.

Being in God's presence was awesome so spend your time loving on the ones you love

Just wow. If I could do all this without what's coming, I would.
Of course, none of us ever will until we face it.

Karla has been so very impressed by all of this, she wanted to share with you all. Maybe what it's meant to me, but more likely what it's meant to her, maybe what I've meant to her.

She just can't do it right now,(she tried)  and hopes you will understand.

I know I do.

Have a great night all,

John

I find myself checking ARFCOM just to read this thread.  There’s something about your posts that get to me every time I read one.  You have led me to stop and rethink some things.  I thank you and I lift you and Karla up each day.  I hope the support I know you’re getting from here gives you both some comfort.

Tell Karla there's no shame in not being able to put her feelings into written words.  You're both going through a lot, I'm inspired by how you're holding up to this.

Thanks for sharing your story John. It's been very humbling reading your post each day. It's made me realize just how precious life is and how silly I sometimes am by letting trivial non important stuff get in the way of what really matters. It's made me realize how important those times are when I should lay my phone down and interact with my children, or seeking them out each evening and asking how their day was instead of just going about my evening of screwing off in the garage. Today was spent with my boys doing outdoor activities with no distractions. It was a fun day, and I assure you they appreciated it. There will be extra hugs at bedtime as well.

I pray for understanding and comfort for you and your wife in this journey. Take care John.

Hey John, my name is John as well. I just stumbled on your thread, and it's been so inspiring to me. My daughter is being Baptized tomorrow, and I will be thinking of you and your faith as she professes hers. I don't really know what else to type other than you and your family are in my prayers and Thank You.

Praying for you, John.   I've seen some people close to me go through the same thing and it was hard to watch.   Your faith is inspiring.  God isn't done with you here.

Have a restful night John

Sleep well Brother.

My wife and i are both young, 37, but when we lived in CT we both owned businesses. Her business took her away more hours then not which wasn't bad before we had our son. I got to spend plenty of time coming and going with her as i pleased. Once he blessed us with life things changed. I was home most nights with him alone which was fine for me but as he grew older it got more and more difficult. I think knowing his mom was so close yet never home during the homework, the pool time, the dinner times ect started to weigh on him. After some difficult times we as a couple decided that something needed to change. She missed so much of him growing up and could never get it back. We decided to make our vacation home in Florida our new home. She still owns her business, i, mine. The difference is she's home all day everyday now and runs it from here. It's only been a year so far but with every report card, with every thank you from him, we see every day that we have made the best choice we could.
It's a smaller house, the money i make is way way less, the money she makes is dropped considerably now having to pay people to run things up north, yet what we as a family have gained is priceless. We to someday want to take this journey and have no regrets on how we lived or the legacy we leave behind. That is truly the only way to value ones life.
Your absolutely right in that the day will come for us and that home is the only place i want to be. After all the things i value the most in my life are within these few walls.
I sincerely appreciate what your doing here as it just makes me focus more on the important things and to let go of the pretty crap. I pray for you and your family that this be full of love and enjoyment before the sorrow and grief. Your wife sounds like a gift from above. God bless you both.

Good morning

@cat-mechanic

I see what you did there- Guy beat you to it, with just a bit more.

Try for 5?

Good morning.

As to "Maybe God isn't done with you here yet"

That's what my sister said yesterday.

You might have noticed a lack of medical interaction up to now.
I was complaining to my sis about how I was frustrated at cancelled appointments, lack of call-backs- how uncoordinated it all seemed up to
now. And she said "Maybe God is protecting you from something".

Then, last night, without having said anything about that conversation, I had said to Karla-"You know, it's going on 3 weeks- We've had confirmation from 5 different medical people (3 "official", 2 thru friends), and nothing is happening- no call-backs, appointments cancelled, etc. And she says "maybe you'll go another 5 years if they leave you alone".

Maybe, but I can feel things deteriorating, so I don't know what 5 years would be like, but I'm willing.
It's a new week coming up, so we'll see (wish I could). Have appointments the 23rd and 30th w/gp and eye doc anyway.

One thing I've noticed (and found a lot of pleasure in)- Friendships are easier now.
We speak on levels and about things I never thought possible (even Karla and I- and that's after some 47 yrs!). And new friendships have been made.

In recent years, we've talked about losing so many friends- death (mostly), moving away, etc. And it seemed just too hard to find new ones.
Well, it isn't- made 2 friends this week just selling stuff off.

Sat and talked with the guy who bought the bike until after 10 pm, exchanging stories, life experiences, some of where we've been, what we've done. Got a really nice thank-you note the next day.

Another guy bought a Mauser stock and ammo, and insisted on paying twice what I was asking- turns out he's dealing with some issues himself (was headed to the VA after we got done).

Don't know if it's just a matter of letting your guard down, or if God is bring it about, but it all has been wonderful somehow.

One last thing today, Told Karla it was alright, that when you all prayed, it was for both of us. And she said -

"I know"

"I can feel it"