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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:23:39 PM EDT
[#1]
Goodguys in D.C. My buddy and I went there for his graduation. The stripper had a monkey bar like apparatus where she would swing her legs out spread eagle to a guy standing directly in front of her. Well my buddy was a bit tipsy. She swings out legs all wide open. He leaned in and got smacked in the nose by the stripper's pelvic bone and broke his nose. One of the funniest things I've ever seen.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:23:47 PM EDT
[#2]
It seems that I have touched a nerve
Post removed to not trash ops thread 
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:25:15 PM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I have never had the desire or the displeasure of visiting a strip club I guess if that's what you're into go for it. Its Just not for me |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:26:41 PM EDT
[#4]
Went on a New Years trip to Windsor Canda with a bunch of friends. Buddy's gf disappeared for a day and a half. Found out later she was off fucking a strip club dj of one of the clubs we had been frequenting. That's about all I got
 .
Also same trip a friend of mine bitched me out after the fact bc I threw some drunk dude she had been talking to all night out if here room bc he was trying to fuck her while she was pasted out. 
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:28:06 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Thank god you let us know. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I have never had the desire or the displeasure of visiting a strip club I guess if that's what you're into go for it. Its Just not for me Like I said. If its your thing go for it. There is no reason to be offended friend
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:28:23 PM EDT
[#6]
Quoted: Prattville, AL Crossroads. closed now Stripper wearing white thong bends over, shows brown stain on thong over her brown star. That place was well known as being pretty nasty.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:31:34 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I have never had the desire or the displeasure of visiting a strip club I guess if that's what you're into go for it. Its Just not for me This is the lamest strip club fail story ever. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:32:01 PM EDT
[#8]
JJ's, RT 18, Beaver Falls, PA.
Had some nasty ones there. Only thing missing was the Blues Brothers playing 'Rawhide." |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:32:24 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I have never had the desire or the displeasure of visiting a strip club I guess if that's what you're into go for it. Its Just not for me 
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:34:33 PM EDT
[#10]
In before a reference to The Bayou or Driftwood!
eta... Shit, It's been over 20 years and I still remember their names! |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:35:01 PM EDT
[#11]
I saw this chick in canada with huge tits, nothing unusual except that her "routine" was slapping herself in the face with them, if she came to your table she would slap you and her self around with her tits. it was weird.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:36:24 PM EDT
[#12]
The Yellow Rose in Morgan City LA.
One girl had no tits, flat as a board. One was slightly pregnant. One was decent but had a bad boob job. The ex-stripper 35 year old grandmother bartender had cut marks going up her arm. I got gloriously drunk that night since crew change and freedom was the next morning.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:36:40 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I have never had the desire or the displeasure of visiting a strip club I guess if that's what you're into go for it. Its Just not for me I edited You can put your rollyeyes back in your head |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:37:14 PM EDT
[#14]
this is kind of weak as far as strip club fails go, but it's all i've got.
i have a friend who's a bit different. on his 25th b-day he had never kissed or even held hands with a girl, and needless to say, his prospects of doing so (or more) in the next 5 years were not good. we went to a local strip bar with a 2 drink minimum. he meekly shuffles over to the bar and orders 2 shirley temples with vodka. he got a few  looks from the girls at the bar, but he did enjoy the rest of his night.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:37:41 PM EDT
[#15]
Don't remember where it was, but I once saw a dancer with the worst boob job ever...poor girl had her right boob damned near on her collarbone, and the left one about 4 inches lower and pointing off to the side...it was awful. Talked to her and found out she started dancing to pay for the first boob job, and now had to keep dancing in order to pay her lawyer for suing the doc... |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:38:27 PM EDT
[#16]
These three are the same girl:
1. Had to use her real name for a stripper name because she "needed" to be drunk to strip and she would forget her fake name when she was drunk and get fined for it. 2. Fell off her big shoes on stage. 3. Started crying while giving me a lap dance (Far as I could tell it wasn't me). She was beautiful but a serious fucking train wreck. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:38:41 PM EDT
[#17]
I had a girl at Legs in Martinsburg, WV queef a dollar bill about 14 inches into the air from an upside-down split position. She had me fold it like a tent and place it over something that looked like a birds nest full of chewed gum and bacon grease.
Oh... Strip club fail? Sorry - Wrong thread.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:39:44 PM EDT
[#18]
I took a French foreign exchange student to a club. Bought him a lap dance and afterwards the kind lady showed us she could squeeze milk from her mammaries.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:40:07 PM EDT
[#19]
I was at a strip club getting a lap dance from a girl and we start talking and I find out she's from Joshua, where a lot of my family is from. Turned out she was a cousin of mine I hadn't seen since I was a teenager and she was a young girl.
The point at which we realized it she was grinding on my dick so it was kind of awkward. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:40:40 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Goodguys in D.C. My buddy and I went there for his graduation. The stripper had a monkey bar like apparatus where she would swing her legs out spread eagle to a guy standing directly in front of her. Well my buddy was a bit tipsy. She swings out legs all wide open. He leaned in and got smacked in the nose by the stripper's pelvic bone and broke his nose. One of the funniest things I've ever seen. Way back in the olden days: Had a high school buddy getting married, took the guy to Goodguys for a drink a couple hours before his bachelor's party.... The stripper had him do a quick congratulatory muff-dive. I took him home before the party, where he was living with his GF. He walks in, she comes over and gives him a big smooch, rears back and starts punching his face off. "I know that smell, yousonuvabitchgetthefuckout......" That was awkward. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:40:54 PM EDT
[#21]
Quoted:
The best club I ever visited was the Golden lady? or 24kt Golden? Something along those lines in Jacksonville, FL. OMG some awesome in there. That would be Solid Gold I think you're talking about... Is it bad I know that?
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:41:08 PM EDT
[#22]
Was in a crappy little Bourbon Street club where my group was sitting at a table, there were no waitstaff and no strippers on the floor. Just us and the DJ in this tiny room.
I remarked that there were no strippers on the stage. A head popped out of the back hallway and a really worn out, sloppy stripper said "It's called tipping, it helps, a lot" (We just got there, hadn't even had a chance to tip or not). I shot back, "It's called exercise, it helps, a lot". She tried to fight me, all 5' nothing middle aged 100 pounds in heels of her. Bouncer told us to leave. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:41:33 PM EDT
[#23]
Strip club down in Hallandale, FL. My buddies and I were all in our early twenties, strutting in like we were men of the hour. We get to a table and are just about to sit down when we hear a shrill voice calling out, "Hey, (my buddy's name)!!!" We looked over and dancing on the stage butt naked was the mother of one of his friends from middle school.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:42:00 PM EDT
[#24]
Someplace Syracuse NY, friend's bachelor night. Wasn't enough chairs by the stage, so I got one from another table and brought it over to where my friends were. Stripper on stage yelling at me, "you can't sit there blah blah blah". I'm trying to talk to my buddy and she's running her mouth. I say, "Shut up and dance, whore".
Then a large man approached me. I told him I'd show myself out.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:43:34 PM EDT
[#25]
Went with my buddy and his dad for his dad's first "post-divorce" birthday.
We walk in the door and sit down right in front of the stage. Stripper on stage turns to the old man, grabs her tit with both hands and sprays his face with breast milk. Although I know intuitively that the sound system was either playing digital or CD's, I swear I heard a record needle dragged across a vinyl record. Dad says "Ok, that's enough". We leave. Duration of our visit - ~2 minutes. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:44:19 PM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
These three are the same girl: 1. Had to use her real name for a stripper name because she "needed" to be drunk to strip and she would forget her fake name when she was drunk and get fined for it. 2. Fell off her big shoes on stage. 3. Started crying while giving me a lap dance (Far as I could tell it wasn't me). She was beautiful but a serious fucking train wreck. Haha! That certainly conveys a mental image. Most strippers are like people, only more damaged. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:47:21 PM EDT
[#27]
Bah US clubs are boring. Spent a year in Oki..when youve been to a Banana Show, nothing compares.
Ive been all over the east coast to most of the strip clubs, Tampa has some pretty good talent. While in Oki; Went to the club with some Marine buddies. We sat center stage. Had a young PFC with us, stripper pulls him on stage, wants to pull his johnson out of his pants and cover it with a dollar and proceed to "pick it up" w/ her lady parts. He had strage fright, so it didnt work out, but the room was going crazy, it was hilarious. So, essentially that was a fail, but not on the strippers part, lol. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:48:40 PM EDT
[#28]
Guy leaving work party visited a club at lunch, we got the guy really drunk. Stripper threw her g-string over to us, so we showed in into his mouth. Good times
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:48:54 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Went with my buddy and his dad for his dad's first "post-divorce" birthday. We walk in the door and sit down right in front of the stage. Stripper on stage turns to the old man, grabs her tit with both hands and sprays his face with breast milk. Although I know intuitively that the sound system was either playing digital or CD's, I swear I heard a record needle dragged across a vinyl record. Dad says "Ok, that's enough". We leave. Duration of our visit - ~2 minutes. Great description of the moment in that sentence, sir. NAILED IT! You win post of the day for that one. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:50:07 PM EDT
[#30]
Lubbock TX, early 80s. The place was called Cowgirls. Not sure if it's still there.
I didn't know this at the time but it was customary to receive a kiss from the girls after giving them a dollar. After me and my friends walked in, a semi cute girl was on stage but no one was giving any cash up. I felt sorry for her so I antied up and she smiled and walked over to kiss me and her mouth looked like she had been doing meth most of her life. All the teeth were brown and hole filled! I wound up giving her a peck and couldn't wait to get the hell out of there so I could wash up. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:50:15 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
That would be Solid Gold I think you're talking about... Is it bad I know that? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
The best club I ever visited was the Golden lady? or 24kt Golden? Something along those lines in Jacksonville, FL. OMG some awesome in there. That would be Solid Gold I think you're talking about... Is it bad I know that? Solid Gold on Blanding = Trashy. Like, "don't touch anything or you'll get a staph infection" trashy. Gold Club on Atlantic = Ok. Not like a Vegas club, but they actually attempt to recruit chicks who aren't pregnant and/or heroin addicts. Eta: maybe I have the names backwards? The one by Craig Airfield is the decent one. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:50:37 PM EDT
[#32]
Once saw a stripper who was about 5 months pregnant.....
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:51:10 PM EDT
[#33]
Some of the fails can be with patrons.
I was on business in Key West a lot of years ago with a young colleague. Went to recommended club that was actually pretty fun looking inside. It was built in an old, period 3-story house. Young colleague gets dragged out onto the porch by a stripper ("Did you like my dance???") while I was watching this chick strip wearing old-fashioned roller skates...skating furiously across the stage, catching herself on a brass pole, swinging around at wild speed by one arm and launching herself to the opposite end of the stage where she repeated this process...tatas akimbo. Hilarious and well done. So junior colleague is out on the porch for 20-25 minutes with stripper. Comes back and says she is really nice ( ), is working her way through college ( ) and her name is "Dallas" ( ).He then goes on to sincerely ask me if I really think: 1. She is really working her way through college 2. Her name is really Dallas 3. If he asked her out whether she might say "yes"..  |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:54:28 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Some of the fails can be with patrons. I was on business in Key West a lot of years ago with a young colleague. Went to recommended club that was actually pretty fun looking inside. It was built in an old, period 3-story house. Young colleague gets dragged out onto the porch by a stripper ("Did you like my dance???") while I was watching this chick strip wearing old-fashioned roller skates...skating furiously across the stage, catching herself on a brass pole, swinging around at wild speed by one arm and launching herself to the opposite end of the stage where she repeated this process...tatas akimbo. Hilarious and well done. So junior colleague is out on the porch for 2o-25 minutes with her. Comes back and says she is really nice ( ), is working her way through college () and her name is "Dallas" ().
He then goes on to sincerely ask me if I really think: 1. She is really working her way through college
2. Her name is really Dallas
3. If he asked her out whether she might say "yes".. <a href="http://s3.photobucket.com/user/Eyesofsilver/media/jackpot_zpsdda0c445.gif.html" target="_blank">http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y91/Eyesofsilver/jackpot_zpsdda0c445.gif</a> Well, lots of strippers do eventually go to college of some sort. And I have several friends who have dated/banged strippers in their younger days. As to the name, no chance. Must of them have at least a stage name and then another name they tell people is their real name if pressed. I have long maintained that you can tell a lot about how damaged someone is if they go around giving people fake names. I can understand it for strippers in the club, that makes sense, but just in their everyday lives. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:54:45 PM EDT
[#35]
Daytona Beach, Diamond Dolls (whatever its called now): Girls so skinny, they look like prepubescent boys w/ aids. Music sucks, lights 'bad', , nothing bigger than a Bcup in the place. Didnt see one girl w/o tracks. Place smells like feet.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:55:00 PM EDT
[#36]
There might be an all-nude 24 hour breakfast place on I-10 in Florida that I might have visited and ate waffles w/ butter & syrup while watching a totally nude young lass gyrate in front of my breakfast.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:55:05 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
The Yellow Rose in Morgan City LA. One girl had no tits, flat as a board. One was slightly pregnant. One was decent but had a bad boob job. The ex-stripper 35 year old grandmother bartender had cut marks going up her arm. I got gloriously drunk that night since crew change and freedom was the next morning. Morgan City has a titty bar? I guess it's been 10+ years since I was there. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:56:08 PM EDT
[#38]
Speaking of Key West, I was in a club there and on one of the side stages there was a girl dancing. She was a 9 from the neck down and a generous 2 in the face. Serious butterface.
Standing there watching her dance and a young guy goes by her stage and throws a handful of dollar bills at her without even slowing down. I tell her, "That was an easy tip". She tells me (grinning from ear to ear), "Oh, that's my brother". |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:56:44 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Some of the fails can be with patrons. I was on business in Key West a lot of years ago with a young colleague. Went to recommended club that was actually pretty fun looking inside. It was built in an old, period 3-story house. Young colleague gets dragged out onto the porch by a stripper ("Did you like my dance???") while I was watching this chick strip wearing old-fashioned roller skates...skating furiously across the stage, catching herself on a brass pole, swinging around at wild speed by one arm and launching herself to the opposite end of the stage where she repeated this process...tatas akimbo. Hilarious and well done. So junior colleague is out on the porch for 20-25 minutes with stripper. Comes back and says she is really nice ( ), is working her way through college () and her name is "Dallas" ().He then goes on to sincerely ask me if I really think: 1. She is really working her way through college 2. Her name is really Dallas 3. If he asked her out whether she might say "yes".. http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y91/Eyesofsilver/jackpot_zpsdda0c445.gif |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 4:56:58 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Some of the fails can be with patrons. I was on business in Key West a lot of years ago with a young colleague. Went to recommended club that was actually pretty fun looking inside. It was built in an old, period 3-story house. Young colleague gets dragged out onto the porch by a stripper ("Did you like my dance???") while I was watching this chick strip wearing old-fashioned roller skates...skating furiously across the stage, catching herself on a brass pole, swinging around at wild speed by one arm and launching herself to the opposite end of the stage where she repeated this process...tatas akimbo. Hilarious and well done. So junior colleague is out on the porch for 20-25 minutes with stripper. Comes back and says she is really nice ( ), is working her way through college () and her name is "Dallas" ().
He then goes on to sincerely ask me if I really think: 1. She is really working her way through college
2. Her name is really Dallas
3. If he asked her out whether she might say "yes".. <a href="http://s3.photobucket.com/user/Eyesofsilver/media/jackpot_zpsdda0c445.gif.html" target="_blank">http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y91/Eyesofsilver/jackpot_zpsdda0c445.gif</a> I have a Mexican colleague who walks around all day singing "I'm in love with a stripper." He actually is.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 5:00:51 PM EDT
[#41]
Had a shoe fly off the foot of a stripper twirling around the pole one time. Came within inches of pegging a buddy in the head.
At another buddy's bachelor party one time, we went to a totally nude place. One of the strippers (who was quite good looking IIRC) kept reaching behind her ass and putting her hand inside her underwear repeatedly. It was frequent enough to be noticeable. Finally the drawers come off, and she keeps doing it. Eventually she ended up on her hands and knees right in front of me (we were sitting right up at the stage). She turned around and her ass was right in my face. Turns out she had a giant hemorrhoid and she had been reaching back to shove it inside her asshole. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 5:01:12 PM EDT
[#42]
Great Bend , KS, 2001.
It was a "supper Club" on the main road thru town. the first stripper looked like she was an under-nourished 15 year-old in last year's wonder Woman Halloween costume. I turned my back to the stage, and i don't believe I've truly enjoyed the few strip joints I've been in since then as a result. Louies's cordial lounge on Lexington in Rochester NY was a craphole, too. A buddy stacked 100 pennies to give a girl onstage; she kicked them out of his hand.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 5:03:07 PM EDT
[#43]
Something along those lines in Jacksonville, FL. OMG some awesome in there.
That would be the "New Solid Gold" I sold them a sound system and had a service contract to keep it all working for years. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 5:03:58 PM EDT
[#44]
Bar in Michigan has a one-armed stripper.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 5:04:50 PM EDT
[#45]
I've seen strippers scrape change off a stage.
I've seen a stripper so fat she bent the pole. But the biggest fail, is when 2 strippers dislocated my shoulder at my birthday party. 
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Posted: 1/12/2015 5:07:41 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Solid Gold on Blanding = Trashy. Like, "don't touch anything or you'll get a staph infection" trashy. Gold Club on Atlantic = Ok. Not like a Vegas club, but they actually attempt to recruit chicks who aren't pregnant and/or heroin addicts. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
The best club I ever visited was the Golden lady? or 24kt Golden? Something along those lines in Jacksonville, FL. OMG some awesome in there. That would be Solid Gold I think you're talking about... Is it bad I know that? Solid Gold on Blanding = Trashy. Like, "don't touch anything or you'll get a staph infection" trashy. Gold Club on Atlantic = Ok. Not like a Vegas club, but they actually attempt to recruit chicks who aren't pregnant and/or heroin addicts. Agreed! But when you hear the rumor that an extremely gorgeous, former coworker works there, you make exceptions....
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Posted: 1/12/2015 5:08:50 PM EDT
[#47]
Went to a strip club at a recent hockey tournament, a real dive. A girl I quickly nicknamed Big Country came out. 1) It was evident she spent a significant part of her life on the farm, 2) it seemed as though her family tree had very few branches on it and 3) her eyes were remarkably close together.
But the greatest thing about Big Country was that this was her 3rd day on the job, and she had never ever worn high heels before. In. Her. Life. Imagine the worst bowlegged walk in high heels, and you know Big Country. And the kicker was, this shitshow of a strip club was full nude, and their gimmick is that the girls sit down, spread their crotches, place a plastic cup up against their cooch, and the customer wads up a single and tries to make a basketball shot. If you hit the cup, she hops off the bar, walks over and you get to motorboat her titties. Big Country hobbles over on her high heels, and despite us being drunk and not being able to hit any of these shots on any of the marginally cute girls before her, the guys on my hockey team start draining 3s like Ray Allen and Reggie Miller's love child. Poor Big Country had to keep hopping down off the stage, penguin walk over, motorboat, penguin walk back, and awkwardly haul her dumb ass back on stage (which by itself was hilarious, because it was a huge struggle for her to get back up there every time. It was like watching Private Pyle negotiate the obstacle course.) I only hit one shot all damn night, and shocker...it was on Big Country. God I miss that girl. |
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Posted: 1/12/2015 5:10:53 PM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Bar in Michigan has a one-armed stripper. I heard about that place. They're supposed to have women with no teeth working there too. Can't remember the name but I think it's somewhere near Outer Drive.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 5:11:39 PM EDT
[#49]
Here is my favorite strip club awkward moment . In 2007 my dad was killed by a drunk driver , My brother and I went over to tell the girls at his favorite strip club the bad news . We went during the day and they were upset of course , 1 girl was not an employee but was visiting her friends , she was nice looking and told us she used to work there . The best part is she said "I have known your dad since I was 18 " she was about 27 from what I gathered and dad was 84 when he was killed
We invited all of the girls to the memorial service (it pissed my sister off and was great)The strip club also sent the biggest floral arrangement. After dad died the club went out of business . sadly dad must have been supporting all of those poor girls.
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Posted: 1/12/2015 5:11:44 PM EDT
[#50]
Stripper was sitting on my leg for a while talking to me.
Finally, it came time to get a dance from her. She wants to move to a better booth. I stand up and promptly fall on my face. She was sitting on my leg so long, it fell asleep and I didn't know it.
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