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Posted: 11/1/2001 8:17:32 PM EDT
I am at the end of my rope. We will have been dating for 2 years this January. We moved in together last Feb and since then I have found out all her bad habits. I am a very patient, understanding person, to a point. After that I get tired of beating my head into a wall. Call it common sense. Anyway, every time I remind her to put her dishes away, pick up her cloths off the bathroom floor, don't throw your bag/purse in the middle of the floor, RINSE the f*cking dish before the shit turns green if you have to leave it in the sink, she gets bent out of shape. I don’t TELL her what to do I ASK, but she sees this as me TELLING her what to do. Well tonight I told her something and she said how she doesn’t like how I talk to her. She thought that I was yelling at her, I didn't yell but this was the second time I asked her. Then she went on to tell me how she thinks I treat her like a 10-year-old. I try to tell her I'm just trying to help her and she never listens to me. Then she replies she’s an "adult" and can make her own decisions (she just turned 19, I'm 22). This pissed me off so goddamn much you have no clue. For the past 8 month I have lived with a PIG! I moved out of my parent’s house so I could have a clean, nice looking place. She is very counterproductive to this. And lately it is wearing more and more on me. After a little spat like tonight things smooth over until it happens a few days or week later. I am so confused as to what to do, I care about her and love her but I cant live with someone who won’t learn basic things most people do automatically. I know her upbringing sucked, she was never really taught to do normal everyday tasks. If I wanted to have a child to tell what to do, I would. I just didn’t expect I would have to deal with this with my girlfriend. This is my first really serious relationship and I feel that any day is going to be the breaking point. There are other factors but I don’t see a need to get into them right now. But if anyone could suggest anything that would be great......I don’t want to tell her fuck it, I'm moving out, but I'm on the verge.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:20:19 PM EDT
Sit down with her and talk things over. It is better than beating you head against the wall.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:22:17 PM EDT
Leave her, it only gets worse. I was in the same situation, more or less, and it just got worse. The closer she got to 21, the worse off I was. Get out now, while the gettin's good! There's other women out there that won't treat you like a turd.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:27:26 PM EDT
M15A2 I have talked till I'm blue in the face. On NUMEROUS occasions, I would try to say calmly and politely how I would REALLY APPRECIATE it if she would pick up after herself etc etc. She says ok, then it goes by the way side. I am almost sure she has a touch of ADD, hell even she thinks so. I'm sure that doesn't help but if she isn't willing to fix or treat that what do you do? I could bore you with other tails, I just don't know if I'm wasting time. I am the kind of person that loves to fix things. And I usually try to weather out the storm. I just don't know if that is going to work here.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:27:53 PM EDT
Sounds like priority assessment. Do you love her more than: a) the mess b) you taking on 100% of the responsibility for a clean dwelling Remember, she's had 18 1/2 years of her habits and only less than a year with your priority of a clean place. Sounds like getting upset with her doesn't go anywhere... When or if kids ever come along, they pretty much amplify whatever relationship you have. A strong bond gets stronger, cracks in the relationship become bigger, and a messy place becomes impossible (or dangerous for the kidlet). Either pee or get off the potty
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:28:11 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:33:24 PM EDT
She is a child. You need to evaluate your priorities. If her good points don't outnumber the bad points, and you can't reason with her, move on. Whatever you do, don't resort to violence. It ain't worth it.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:33:28 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:35:02 PM EDT
You've brought back some memories. Not the same kind, but at 22 & 19, you're already bar age and she isn't...yet. My favorite part is when the girls turn 21 and suddenly get bold and need to "spread their wings". You're cruisin' for a bruisin' if you don't straighten this out calmly and rationally real soon. Take a step back and think it through. Trust your gut feeling. Wish I was 22 and knew what I know now. Good Luck, Amigo.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:37:19 PM EDT
Listen to the wiseman called beekeeper. You're pretty young to be living together. You're both kids really. I am in my thirties and I know I need to work on my faults and maturity. If she is fundementally not like you, its not going to work. The pain will grow. Sounds like a cliche but, there will be other women. Thats why you want to date a lot of people. Every relationship, you learn about yourself and other people. Also what a healthy relationship is supposed to like. The only bad part is the "rosy palms" until you find another!
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:38:27 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:38:49 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ARDOC: The only bad part is the "rosy palms" until you find another!
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*nods* yep.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:41:02 PM EDT
You should stop picking up after her.If she thinks you are an ass for asking, than stop asking and take the next logical step. Have a maid come in 2-3 times a week to pickup after her and have her PAY for the service. Let her know that you din't want to live like this and if she wants to have these habits it is going to cost her. Or you both work together to keep house. If any of this is not receved well, let the house go for 2 weeks and move out one weekend while she is there. I have to repeat some of this every 1-2 years. Love is a bitch sometimes. SSD
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:43:26 PM EDT
If she's already a pig at her age, then she's had some bad parenting. If you dont want to live like a pig in the future, then you' d better leave her now.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 8:48:57 PM EDT
Don't try to fix them, SC. Women are not 'fixable.' You two are obviously not a match. If the GF makes a serious effort to straighten up, it is worth the chance. She obviously is not, so it is time to make a clean break... BTW I wish I knew HALF of what I know now when I was 22.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:08:23 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/1/2001 9:59:40 PM EDT by David_Hineline]
You two are not a match. You are very anal about cleaning and I am sure many other things that have not come up yet. There is more to life than cleanliness. But you can not see that cause you have a compulsive disorder. She is a pig. She was raised by pigs, she should live with pigs. You should not you should find someone else with a compulsive cleaning disorder to spend your life with. Asking someone over and over about something is called nagging. Move out and next time date and talk about things before playing house with another person. Now both of you are going to feel a loss because you played house before it was time to make a commitment. I am a pig. My wife is a Pig, we have produced a little pig. My piggy daughter should not marry a Cat.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:10:56 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Robbie: Either pee or get off the potty
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Who is doctor phil and why does he talk like that????
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:17:04 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/1/2001 9:10:56 PM EDT by Hank]
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:19:55 PM EDT
And I am sure that she has her list of grievances about you. Learn to work through the differences or the relationship wont last. People always seem to think they can "change" the other person. It's usually not the case.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:25:08 PM EDT
To make this short, after a few months of know thing girl (we met at work) she tried to kill herself. After that we became better friends. I really liked her from the first moment I saw her and wanted to be with her. We got together shortly after that, after about a month she broke up with me saying she was getting too close. Turns out she was secrewing some guy we BOTH met while bowling. Then a few weeks later she says how much she loves and always has loved me. At the time I didnt know she had cheated on me. I had an idea, but no proof untill I read it in her diary 5 months later. I think I am a dumb fuck for staying with her. Evan after I found out about her cheating on me I stayed with her, after a bout a month apart. Things got pretty good for a while. But after living together I think I see things more clearly now.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:29:33 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:30:42 PM EDT
sorry, I thought that this post was requesting tips for helping her to deepthroat...my apologies.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:38:30 PM EDT
ahahahahhaha....I am constantly surprised at the number of men that get involved with lying,cheating, suicidal women. ARe you trying to be some kind of hero or something?? Why would you want to get involved with a sick woman like this? And the dishes really aren't the problem are they? The problem is that you want to change her and she won't change, even though it for her own good....right?? I am not thrying to be an ass, but helpinbg you to be honest with yourself. She is corect..she is an adult. So let her live the way she wants and pay for her own mistakes. She will continue to do detrimental stuff as long as you are there to rescue her. So stop it!! It's not your job to be her father!! As far as dishes go, my wife is the same way. So instead of bitching I eather ignore them or clean them up myself. But cheating, lying, and suicide is a whole different ballgame. Guys that get involved with women like that usually have issues themselves. sgtar15
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:38:36 PM EDT
Originally Posted By dissipator556: sorry, I thought that this post was requesting tips for helping her to deepthroat...my apologies.
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ROFLMFAO
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:41:44 PM EDT
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:49:20 PM EDT
I am the kind of person that loves to fix things.
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I'm giving this guy advice, and I'm saying something bad about my wife. If any of you guys ever meet her at a shooting event and repeat this, then, well just keep in mind that it's a shooting event, and I will have a rifle... SC, (I refuse to address anyone by the name SexualChocolate) I also like to fix things. It has also caused me to spend much of the past 50+ years in complete misery. I do not believe in divorce, but if I did, I would not be married to my wife now. I'm 51 years older than you. Imagine being stuck in this situation for the next 51 years. You said you like to fix things. Do you really mean that? Are you really willing to [i]work[/i] hard enough to make it better? You say you like things clean. If you really believe clean is better, and you want to completely convince her that it is, you will have to prove it. Just saying that you wished a towel wasn't on the floor isn't enough. Show her that keeping things in their place is better. It's like most things, simple talk won't do it. It took me twenty years of work before I was finally satisfied with the way my wife kept our house. I have noticed that [b]any[/b] time I fall behind on what I should do, like raking leaves, fixing plumbing, fixing a leaky roof, etc., the neatness inside the house goes downhill. I have to maintain my end to make it worthwhile for her to maintain her's. Also, she might get better as she gets older. I worked as a nightguard for a local girls college. Until that point, I had never seen people in a first-world country live in such squalor. Most of the girl's rooms had a foot thick layer of clothes and books on the floor. Many of them, left their dirty underwear laying out in the open. They had no shame. Quite a few slept on couches in their rooms, because their beds were covered in junk. The fact that the rooms in the senior dorm looked better than the freshmen's rooms leads me to believe that there is hope. I like to think that as these girls got older, they became neater. Does she appear to have any mental problems? They will get worse as she gets older. The four times my wife was pregnant, I was afraid for my life. I'm glad I didn't own any firearms at that time. You didn't mention money. How is she with money? If she doesn't waste money, and appreciates money, then you might still have a winner. My wife and I seem to be in a battle to see how much money we can give away. For example, her niece is buying a house, so she helps with the downpayment. My great-nephew needs help w/ law school, so I commit us to a certain amount per semester. I know it looks silly to the outsider, but it didn't seem too bad until we got to the point that we don't even have a working car between us, and we have nothing to use as a downpayment. With all that said, make sure that when you have talked, you have said either it has to change, or you will leave. You owe it to her to let her know the consequences of her actions to give her a chance to change. If you've made threats in the past that you haven't followed through on, and she doesn't take you seriously this time, then it's your own fault.z
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:55:47 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/1/2001 9:53:39 PM EDT by zoom]
...she tried to kill herself.
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OK, forget what I just spent 20 minutes typing to help you. I think this is the first time, other than when quoting, I've used an obscenity in a public forum, so I apologize, but... Get your shit, and get out.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 9:57:52 PM EDT
It seems that you are faced with two choices. Either learn to live like a pig, or get the hell out. No matter how much you love a woman, if there are things that drive you crazy, it's not worth it in the long run. You'll likely spend your time resenting her before it's all said and done.
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 11:53:29 PM EDT
You should give her the boot if she cheated on you. I believe trust and loyalty is very important. Good luck!
Link Posted: 11/1/2001 11:56:19 PM EDT
Life is short. Do you want what you have (stress included) for the rest of your life? If not get out......before she gets pregnant!!!!!
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 1:22:37 AM EDT
The things that irritate you when you are dating only increase when you get married. If it is this way while you are dating then you will probably end up a statistic should you take the plunge and tie the knot.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 3:55:51 AM EDT
My wife is the same way, I am a clean/neat freak. We met halfway, she is an excellent cook, so she does that and washes the dishes. I do everything else (laundry, ect.) I don't mind it at all. I love her more than anything with the exception of my son. You either have to accept her for who she is or move on.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 4:35:27 AM EDT
Think to yourself: "Is this the way I want to spend my entire life?" Answer "yes" - then learn to live with it. Answer "No" - Leave! Now!
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 4:37:01 AM EDT
Oh, and let this be a lesson. You can love just about anyone, but that doesn't mean you can live with them.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 5:13:06 AM EDT
Leave her. It does only get worse. I have been there and done that on two occasions. I wasted 3 years and 4 respectively with them. Never get serious with a girl until she is at least 23 or 24. This one is too young and as she matures, she will change and you will break up anyway. Believe me. Go out and DATE until you find someone mature enough to handle a relationship. It isn't that bad after awhile to break up. The pain, if any, only lasts for awhile. Once you find a real woman, you will wonder what the hell you were thinking. Good Luck.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 5:49:13 AM EDT
Adapt or move on.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 6:03:16 AM EDT
You can't go wrong by dumping her.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 6:07:04 AM EDT
Put the little immature piglet on the road immediately!!!!! Sure you love her & sure she's gorgous, etc. but there'll be better women just like the proverb about them being like a bus. Don't you deserve better? And she'll get nothing but WORSE as she gets older.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 6:17:13 AM EDT
As I see it you have 2 options. Option number one has already been mentioned many times, Leave Her! The second option will require you to break your mold a little bit, but it will be necessary to get the point across. Drastic times call for drastic measures. Lets say that you are both in the kitchen, and you have to take a dump. Rather than go to the bathroom and take care of business, drop trou right there and shit on the kitchen floor! When she asks you why you did this, tell her you will put it in the toilet in a few days. Repeat this process in similar situations, such as urination, vomiting, etc. The point of this exercise is that she will finally understand that it is easier and sanitary to throw things away, put away dishes, etc right away, rather than a couple weeks later. If she finds it totally acceptable for you to shit on the kitchen floor GET OUT NOW!!! Good luck. [puke]
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 7:51:33 AM EDT
punt....PUNT......PUNT NOW!!
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 8:31:50 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/2/2001 8:26:03 AM EDT by antiUSSA]
Originally Posted By Don_R: It seems that you are faced with two choices. Either learn to live like a pig, or get the hell out. No matter how much you love a woman, if there are things that drive you crazy, it's not worth it in the long run. You'll likely spend your time resenting her before it's all said and done.
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I disagree, there is ALWAYS hope! Wy wife dropped ([i]as in past tense[/i]) her stuff anywhere and everywhere, and rarely if ever cooked, until the day we booted her mom out of our house. Now, at 40, my wife has become more domestic than Martha Stewart! She really has started to enjoy cooking and experimenting in the kitchen, does all of the cleaning and laundry, and even waits on me hand and foot at times ([i]as I do for her as well[/i]). The point is, my wife NEVER had to take responsibility for these things either, because there was always someone else to carry her load of the responsibilities. During this past year, she not only did all of the house work, but the outside chores as well, since I had been ill and unable to. Oddly enough, she actually enjoys playing wife now! [:D]
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 9:00:51 AM EDT
Originally Posted By M15A2: Sit down with her and talk things over. It is better than beating you head against the wall.
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You're right. The longer you're with someone the more flaws that are revealed. If there's already problems to this extent, there's no way you'll last a life time with her, so you might as well quit wasting your time/health/money. She says she is an adult and that you should quit treating her like a 10 year old, but until she quits acting like a 10 year old you'll have to treat her like one. Tell her to grow up, and move on.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 9:10:33 AM EDT
Without even reading then other posts I'll give you my advice. Your girlfriend is not going to change. If you stay together you will have to get used to picking up after her and doing the dishes every night. If your a neat freak it will just get worse. How do I know? I married a slob.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 9:17:52 AM EDT
SC, you're just not beating your head against the wall HARD ENOUGH! Keep at it. Eventually you'll knock yourself out cold and everything in your relationship will be just fine. [rolleyes]
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 9:25:55 AM EDT
Shit in the kitchen sink and see what SHE thinks about that. Then explain thats how it is living with her.. [;D]
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 9:30:24 AM EDT
I would not theaten to strangle a domestic partner, even is jest. If she ever get pissed, this is all she would need to get a protective order. Even if it is just a figure of speech. Bye, Bye AR-15s. Don't expect to change anyone. Either live with her as she is, or move on.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 9:32:24 AM EDT
"Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough..." I say send her packing. But I forgot to ask, "Does she like to shoot?" Now THAT could change things!
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 9:44:38 AM EDT
After 20 years of marrige (to the same woman no less), I can tell ya you will NOT change her. It took my wife 10 years to learn she would not change me. The last 10 years have been great. Either take her as she is or find another. MHO for what its worth.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 10:00:15 AM EDT
At first I thought the post read you almost chocolated your girlfriend :). You are a young guy with your whole life ahead of you. Cut your loses now. Me personally would never have a live in girlfriend. I have always believed in the courting. Its hard to court a girlfriend when you live with her. Plus I have always believed that you either love them enough to marry them or you don't. You can learn all their dirty habits by not living with them over time and if they have their own place it shows they have some level of responsibility. I have never seen a relationship that girlfriend and boyfriend lived together last for long. There are exceptions out there I know, but they are few. Good luck Nestle. No Slack!
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 10:07:42 AM EDT
As long as you can live in squaler with someone who is unfaithful, totally self-absorbed, and has no respect for you...stay with her! To her, you are someone who is a fall-back. She can go screw around with other people, live like she wants and do what she wants, and she will come back to you and tell you she's sorry and she loves you a lot. You will take her back, and you will be miserable for the rest of your life.
Link Posted: 11/2/2001 10:08:02 AM EDT
There is one other possible cure, but it's a bit drastic... Throw out anything that isn't where it's supposed to be - towels, dishes, clothing, etc. Once she runs out of clothing and eating utensils, perhaps she will realize you are serious about keeping your home neat and clean. However, be prepared for a fight, so you would be wise to stash anything you don't want destroyed. If you don't want to do that, then get yourself another woman. She is NOT stable, as evidenced by her cheating on you and her attempted suicide.
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