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1/17/2021 12:49:45 AM
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Link Posted: 12/29/2020 12:19:27 PM EST
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Originally Posted By doty_soty:
I’m so glad I found this thread. It’s consoling to see how many of us have been to that dark place. I’m there now. I hurt. Sometimes it’s an overwhelming panic attack, sometimes it’s an empty numbness. Please, just keep me in your thoughts. You’re in mine.
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I am glad I have it to read also. The darkness is taking over.
Link Posted: 12/30/2020 12:13:56 AM EST
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Originally Posted By USA1st:


I am glad I have it to read also. The darkness is taking over.
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Originally Posted By USA1st:
Originally Posted By doty_soty:
I’m so glad I found this thread. It’s consoling to see how many of us have been to that dark place. I’m there now. I hurt. Sometimes it’s an overwhelming panic attack, sometimes it’s an empty numbness. Please, just keep me in your thoughts. You’re in mine.


I am glad I have it to read also. The darkness is taking over.


I have stared into the abyss of eternal darkness. Seems like two lifetimes since all that happened. Odd, I'm losing memories from that life, but it's been less than 15 years. I still remember the feeling of hopelessness, though.



Link Posted: 12/30/2020 12:27:59 AM EST
I just need to get some things off my chest. It’s been a rough few weeks. The holidays are a rough time for me. I didn’t have my kid for Christmas. We had fun and did presents a couple of days before so that was nice.

When I got my daughter back this evening my ex wanted to talk with me. She informed me that she was pregnant and that she wanted me to hear it from her before I heard it from someone else.

I knew this was bound to happen sooner or later, I just didn’t expect it to be this soon. Our divorce started September 2019 and was finalized in April of 2020. The guy she had the affair with is the father.

I thought I was doing good dealing with the hurt of the affair and the divorce. The pain had turned into a dull ache over the last few months. Now it feels like the wound has been ripped open. I just can’t do anything to shake the pain and get out of this hole I’ve been stuck in. Every time things seem to get better I get sucked back down. Giving up seems like such an easy thing to do, but I know it’s not the right thing to do.

I keep getting up every morning and living life because my kid needs me. One of these days things are going to get better. I know it will, it just takes time and effort.

When everything started back in 2019 I used all that hate and negative energy as fuel. Got healthy. Dropped weight. Gave up drinking for a year. Physically I felt better than I had in years. This past September I had surgery to remove a cholesteatoma from my left ear. That laid me up for almost 2 months. I started drinking again. Did my year of sobriety and even though I don’t drink near what I used to I made the decision tonight to stop drinking again. It’s not doing me any good and I know that it’s holding me back.

I’m just trying to find that drive again to get after it and I don’t want to hold on to all this new hate as a motivator.


Link Posted: 12/30/2020 9:49:36 PM EST
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Originally Posted By ripple64:

I just need to get some things off my chest. It’s been a rough few weeks. The holidays are a rough time for me. I didn’t have my kid for Christmas. We had fun and did presents a couple of days before so that was nice.

When I got my daughter back this evening my ex wanted to talk with me. She informed me that she was pregnant and that she wanted me to hear it from her before I heard it from someone else.

I knew this was bound to happen sooner or later, I just didn’t expect it to be this soon. Our divorce started September 2019 and was finalized in April of 2020. The guy she had the affair with is the father.

I thought I was doing good dealing with the hurt of the affair and the divorce. The pain had turned into a dull ache over the last few months. Now it feels like the wound has been ripped open. I just can’t do anything to shake the pain and get out of this hole I’ve been stuck in. Every time things seem to get better I get sucked back down. Giving up seems like such an easy thing to do, but I know it’s not the right thing to do.

I keep getting up every morning and living life because my kid needs me. One of these days things are going to get better. I know it will, it just takes time and effort.

When everything started back in 2019 I used all that hate and negative energy as fuel. Got healthy. Dropped weight. Gave up drinking for a year. Physically I felt better than I had in years. This past September I had surgery to remove a cholesteatoma from my left ear. That laid me up for almost 2 months. I started drinking again. Did my year of sobriety and even though I don’t drink near what I used to I made the decision tonight to stop drinking again. It’s not doing me any good and I know that it’s holding me back.

I’m just trying to find that drive again to get after it and I don’t want to hold on to all this new hate as a motivator.


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An injury or surgery will definitely set you back. That's great that you are giving up drinking. Just see your kid all you can, keep getting up and going in the morning and it will get better.

I think her news will just be a minor setback for you and might even help you to move on completely. Use that depression as fuel like you did before and use it doing something you enjoy doing and soon it won't be hate motivating you.

I know it's much tougher during the holidays, it was for me but its gonna get better. Just be the best you can be for your kid and yourself. Have nothing to do with your ex unless it's about your kid. Whatever she has going on will crash and burn eventually, probably quickly.

Work on you constantly and you and your kid will come through this fine. There's a lot of us here that have been through the same kind of crap and we are pulling for you. I will definitely be praying for you. You will get through this and come out better off.
Link Posted: 1/2/2021 11:55:55 PM EST
It’s a bad night going on right now. I am trying to calm myself but goddamn it what’s the point anymore.
Link Posted: 1/3/2021 12:11:02 AM EST
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Originally Posted By USA1st:
It’s a bad night going on right now. I am trying to calm myself but goddamn it what’s the point anymore.
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What's up brother?
Link Posted: 1/3/2021 2:23:18 AM EST
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Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:


What's up brother?
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Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:
Originally Posted By USA1st:
It's a bad night going on right now. I am trying to calm myself but goddamn it what's the point anymore.


What's up brother?
What he said,  if you need to talk, say it.  Many here are willing to listen.
Link Posted: 1/3/2021 9:41:42 AM EST
I'm very close to going off the reservation, I'm always the enemy, maybe i need to become a hermit.
Link Posted: 1/3/2021 3:10:22 PM EST
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Originally Posted By ZoToL:
I'm very close to going off the reservation, I'm always the enemy, maybe i need to become a hermit.
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Why do you think you're the enemy?
Link Posted: 1/3/2021 8:36:47 PM EST
I am depressed....and think life is not worth living

Dealt with depression off and on since I was about 16, I'm 55 now.  Been married , divorced. Married again about 10 years ago. Started good but my bouts of depression, which I warned her about, have taken a toll on our relationship. I drank heavily until about 3 months ago, since I've quit drinking a lot has happened. My dad passed away the day before thanksgiving, then about 5 days later a dear friend and member here passed away too. He was 55 . All that put me really down, I'm still not drinking and don't really want too.

Now after 10 years my wife said it's over , I'm not happy with you. We've seen a councilor some and it seemed to help, but apparently not enough.

I honestly don't think I'll survive this, the depression has been a constant in my life.
I have two daughters and two grandsons and two granddaughters . I do sort of feel guilty thinking about checking out but the the reality is I'm not worth a fuck to any of them because I barely can hold it together most days well enough to interact with them.

I'm close to giving up
Link Posted: 1/3/2021 9:31:59 PM EST
[Last Edit: 1/3/2021 9:32:31 PM EST by wtfboombrb]
@bullsi

Slow down, brother. Relax. Meditate. Start reading back through this thread and you'll find some meditations within a few pages. Stick around and we'll do our best to help.

Are you employed?
Link Posted: 1/3/2021 10:30:22 PM EST
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Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:


What's up brother?
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Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:
Originally Posted By USA1st:
It’s a bad night going on right now. I am trying to calm myself but goddamn it what’s the point anymore.


What's up brother?


This.

Talk to us, man.

We're here.
Link Posted: 1/4/2021 1:13:45 AM EST
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Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:
@bullsi

Slow down, brother. Relax. Meditate. Start reading back through this thread and you'll find some meditations within a few pages. Stick around and we'll do our best to help.

Are you employed?
View Quote



Self employed, carpenter and raise cattle. The cattle business was something my dad and I did together. He was 84 and worked right up until he couldn't hardly get around. We talked almost every day and when his health started failing it really hit me hard. He got very weak and just said I quit.....he was dead 10 days later. He knew he was dying and we stayed with him around the clock at the hospital.

The depression that has hung over me most of my life at times is debilitating, can't hardly function. I just am tired of it. The thing with the wife is just icing on the cake. Worst possible timing but is telling about her character........ I chose poorly.

I'm going to give one more big effort on the depression but if it doesn't get better I've chosen not to keep living like that .I'm getting  there on making peace with that. I'm going to get my affairs in order, which should be done anyway, see some drs and therapists and just see where it goes.

Don't get much enjoyment out of anything, gun safe is full , ammo fort is awesome but can't get myself to go shoot.
Link Posted: 1/4/2021 1:40:44 AM EST
[Last Edit: 1/4/2021 1:42:23 AM EST by wtfboombrb]
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Originally Posted By bullsi:



Self employed, carpenter and raise cattle. The cattle business was something my dad and I did together. He was 84 and worked right up until he couldn't hardly get around. We talked almost every day and when his health started failing it really hit me hard. He got very weak and just said I quit.....he was dead 10 days later. He knew he was dying and we stayed with him around the clock at the hospital.

The depression that has hung over me most of my life at times is debilitating, can't hardly function. I just am tired of it. The thing with the wife is just icing on the cake. Worst possible timing but is telling about her character........ I chose poorly.

I'm going to give one more big effort on the depression but if it doesn't get better I've chosen not to keep living like that .I'm getting  there on making peace with that. I'm going to get my affairs in order, which should be done anyway, see some drs and therapists and just see where it goes.

Don't get much enjoyment out of anything, gun safe is full , ammo fort is awesome but can't get myself to go shoot.
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Originally Posted By bullsi:
Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:
@bullsi

Slow down, brother. Relax. Meditate. Start reading back through this thread and you'll find some meditations within a few pages. Stick around and we'll do our best to help.

Are you employed?



Self employed, carpenter and raise cattle. The cattle business was something my dad and I did together. He was 84 and worked right up until he couldn't hardly get around. We talked almost every day and when his health started failing it really hit me hard. He got very weak and just said I quit.....he was dead 10 days later. He knew he was dying and we stayed with him around the clock at the hospital.

The depression that has hung over me most of my life at times is debilitating, can't hardly function. I just am tired of it. The thing with the wife is just icing on the cake. Worst possible timing but is telling about her character........ I chose poorly.

I'm going to give one more big effort on the depression but if it doesn't get better I've chosen not to keep living like that .I'm getting  there on making peace with that. I'm going to get my affairs in order, which should be done anyway, see some drs and therapists and just see where it goes.

Don't get much enjoyment out of anything, gun safe is full , ammo fort is awesome but can't get myself to go shoot.


Please don't give up. Go backward through this thread and try the meditations.

There's also a bunch of other steps you can take to work on yourself. It's applied psychology approved, and it worked on me.

Get blood work done. Tell them your history, and make sure they check vitamin D3 levels.

Don't worry about shooting. Try a new activity that challenges your brain and body. For example, bowling lessons. Swimming lessons. Rock climbing, etc.

If I can come back, you can.
Link Posted: 1/4/2021 9:09:14 AM EST
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Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:


Please don't give up. Go backward through this thread and try the meditations.

There's also a bunch of other steps you can take to work on yourself. It's applied psychology approved, and it worked on me.

Get blood work done. Tell them your history, and make sure they check vitamin D3 levels.

Don't worry about shooting. Try a new activity that challenges your brain and body. For example, bowling lessons. Swimming lessons. Rock climbing, etc.

If I can come back, you can.
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I'll try ..... one more time .the problem in my area is lack of qualified professionals. I have a few friends who are docs checking around for me .
Link Posted: 1/4/2021 9:39:55 PM EST
Link Posted: 1/4/2021 10:37:13 PM EST
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Originally Posted By bullsi:
I am depressed....and think life is not worth living

Dealt with depression off and on since I was about 16, I'm 55 now.  Been married , divorced. Married again about 10 years ago. Started good but my bouts of depression, which I warned her about, have taken a toll on our relationship. I drank heavily until about 3 months ago, since I've quit drinking a lot has happened. My dad passed away the day before thanksgiving, then about 5 days later a dear friend and member here passed away too. He was 55 . All that put me really down, I'm still not drinking and don't really want too.

Now after 10 years my wife said it's over , I'm not happy with you. We've seen a councilor some and it seemed to help, but apparently not enough.

I honestly don't think I'll survive this, the depression has been a constant in my life.
I have two daughters and two grandsons and two granddaughters . I do sort of feel guilty thinking about checking out but the the reality is I'm not worth a fuck to any of them because I barely can hold it together most days well enough to interact with them.

I'm close to giving up
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We are in the darkness for different reasons, but I heard so much of myself in your words. Your words have been mine. I’m doing better, but not by much some days. I’m hanging in there. I’m just some stranger on the internet, but we are in the same place. Hold strong. This will get better. You have to stay strong today so you can help someone else that needs you tomorrow. I need to take my own advice as well, even if it’s hard as fuck. We have to be in this together.
Link Posted: 1/4/2021 10:46:27 PM EST
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Originally Posted By bullsi:


I'll try ..... one more time .the problem in my area is lack of qualified professionals. I have a few friends who are docs checking around for me .
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Originally Posted By bullsi:
Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:


Please don't give up. Go backward through this thread and try the meditations.

There's also a bunch of other steps you can take to work on yourself. It's applied psychology approved, and it worked on me.

Get blood work done. Tell them your history, and make sure they check vitamin D3 levels.

Don't worry about shooting. Try a new activity that challenges your brain and body. For example, bowling lessons. Swimming lessons. Rock climbing, etc.

If I can come back, you can.


I'll try ..... one more time .the problem in my area is lack of qualified professionals. I have a few friends who are docs checking around for me .


Would your friends prescribe an anti depressant?
Link Posted: 1/4/2021 11:58:49 PM EST
I need some help with my mental state and some help to stop drinking. I am pretty sure the drinking is to self medicate. It helps until I over do it and then all hell breaks loose and I become someone that is a horrible person that scares everyone. I have a medical problem also that is a big factor in this as well. I have screwed up ankles(pttd)that limit me from doing the stuff I have wanted to do without severe pain. It has effected me greatly ever since I was 15 or so.

I guess I need some kind of encouragement or something to say it’s ok to get help. I have fought off the drinking for long periods of time but the pain comes back and I start again. I think it’s more of a mental problem now and I hide it as a physical issue.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 12:20:21 AM EST
[Last Edit: 1/5/2021 12:27:29 AM EST by wtfboombrb]
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Originally Posted By USA1st:
I need some help with my mental state and some help to stop drinking. I am pretty sure the drinking is to self medicate. It helps until I over do it and then all hell breaks loose and I become someone that is a horrible person that scares everyone. I have a medical problem also that is a big factor in this as well. I have screwed up ankles(pttd)that limit me from doing the stuff I have wanted to do without severe pain. It has effected me greatly ever since I was 15 or so.

I guess I need some kind of encouragement or something to say it’s ok to get help. I have fought off the drinking for long periods of time but the pain comes back and I start again. I think it’s more of a mental problem now and I hide it as a physical issue.
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You must quit drinking. It sounds like you may be past the point of doing it on your own. Get help from professionals.

ETA if you don't quit, the drinking may kill you.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 12:47:27 AM EST
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Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:


Would your friends prescribe an anti depressant?
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They would for sure but both myself and them feel a qualified and experienced psych doc may hit the right one quicker and my experience with anti depressants is that the wrong one can make things worse...I can't stand worse at this point.

I'm not jumping off a bridge today or not likely tomorrow. I will say I have reached a certain amount of peace with the concept that if things don't improve I'm ok with whatever happens, I'm not afraid of dying .

I'd like to hang around for my kids and grandkids but if I can't get better I'm no good to them anyway.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 12:52:48 AM EST
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Originally Posted By USA1st:
I need some help with my mental state and some help to stop drinking. I am pretty sure the drinking is to self medicate. It helps until I over do it and then all hell breaks loose and I become someone that is a horrible person that scares everyone. I have a medical problem also that is a big factor in this as well. I have screwed up ankles(pttd)that limit me from doing the stuff I have wanted to do without severe pain. It has effected me greatly ever since I was 15 or so.

I guess I need some kind of encouragement or something to say it’s ok to get help. I have fought off the drinking for long periods of time but the pain comes back and I start again. I think it’s more of a mental problem now and I hide it as a physical issue.
View Quote


It is ABSOLUTELY OKAY to get help.  Start by seeing a doctor.

Sounds like you are doing a good job with analyzing the situation and making a start at sorting out the problems.

Never give up.

Take it one day at a time.  Don't get overwhelmed or psychologically defeated by the apparent size of the problems.

Keep a positive mental attitude.  No, that doesn't mean wearing rose colored glasses and trying to pretend everything is rainbows and unicorns - when it isn't.

In this sense, a positive mental attitude means that you confront the problems head on, and never lose faith that they CAN be overcome.

Our team will always be here when you need to talk or vent to us.  Keep us posted on developments and let us know how we can help.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 12:59:00 AM EST
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Originally Posted By USA1st:
I need some help with my mental state and some help to stop drinking. I am pretty sure the drinking is to self medicate. It helps until I over do it and then all hell breaks loose and I become someone that is a horrible person that scares everyone. I have a medical problem also that is a big factor in this as well. I have screwed up ankles(pttd)that limit me from doing the stuff I have wanted to do without severe pain. It has effected me greatly ever since I was 15 or so.

I guess I need some kind of encouragement or something to say it’s ok to get help. I have fought off the drinking for long periods of time but the pain comes back and I start again. I think it’s more of a mental problem now and I hide it as a physical issue.
View Quote



I quit after 10 years of almost nightly drinking until passing out , I just realized it was fueling my depression and I was likely to blow my brains out in a drunken depressive episode. The pain of staying on the bottle became greater than the pain of giving it up.

In my case it was a matter of trying to stay alive, mental, emotional problems will not improve if you're getting hammered all the time.

When you get tired enough of it you'll quit, but.... a lot of bad stuff may happen first.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 8:50:56 AM EST
[Last Edit: 1/5/2021 9:38:17 AM EST by Sparky]
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Originally Posted By bullsi:
I am depressed....and think life is not worth living

Dealt with depression off and on since I was about 16, I'm 55 now.  Been married , divorced. Married again about 10 years ago. Started good but my bouts of depression, which I warned her about, have taken a toll on our relationship. I drank heavily until about 3 months ago, since I've quit drinking a lot has happened. My dad passed away the day before thanksgiving, then about 5 days later a dear friend and member here passed away too. He was 55 . All that put me really down, I'm still not drinking and don't really want too.

Now after 10 years my wife said it's over , I'm not happy with you. We've seen a councilor some and it seemed to help, but apparently not enough.

I honestly don't think I'll survive this, the depression has been a constant in my life.
I have two daughters and two grandsons and two granddaughters . I do sort of feel guilty thinking about checking out but the the reality is I'm not worth a fuck to any of them because I barely can hold it together most days well enough to interact with them.

I'm close to giving up
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You are in crisis!!! You cannot wait around to get help. I don't normally suggest running to the ER for any ol little thing, but this is the time for that. Go to the ER! The social workers and doctors there have the resources you need to get help. Trust me I know what you are going through. I'm looking for some one who can take care of my dogs for me if I need to be admittted.

For the well intentioned people here who are really trying their best to help please hear this. When a man says something like this "I have two daughters and two grandsons and two granddaughters . I do sort of feel guilty thinking about checking out but the the reality is I'm not worth a fuck to any of them because I barely can hold it together most days well enough to interact with them. I'm close to giving up" It's time for action. It's awesome to reach out to them and chat with them, but this requires serious intervention. @bullsi pm me your number let's figure this out.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 10:17:14 AM EST
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Originally Posted By Sparky:


You are in crisis!!! You cannot wait around to get help. I don't normally suggest running to the ER for any ol little thing, but this is the time for that. Go to the ER! The social workers and doctors there have the resources you need to get help. Trust me I know what you are going through. I'm looking for some one who can take care of my dogs for me if I need to be admittted.

For the well intentioned people here who are really trying their best to help please hear this. When a man says something like this "I have two daughters and two grandsons and two granddaughters . I do sort of feel guilty thinking about checking out but the the reality is I'm not worth a fuck to any of them because I barely can hold it together most days well enough to interact with them. I'm close to giving up" It's time for action. It's awesome to reach out to them and chat with them, but this requires serious intervention. @bullsi pm me your number let's figure this out.
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Originally Posted By Sparky:
Originally Posted By bullsi:
I am depressed....and think life is not worth living

Dealt with depression off and on since I was about 16, I'm 55 now.  Been married , divorced. Married again about 10 years ago. Started good but my bouts of depression, which I warned her about, have taken a toll on our relationship. I drank heavily until about 3 months ago, since I've quit drinking a lot has happened. My dad passed away the day before thanksgiving, then about 5 days later a dear friend and member here passed away too. He was 55 . All that put me really down, I'm still not drinking and don't really want too.

Now after 10 years my wife said it's over , I'm not happy with you. We've seen a councilor some and it seemed to help, but apparently not enough.

I honestly don't think I'll survive this, the depression has been a constant in my life.
I have two daughters and two grandsons and two granddaughters . I do sort of feel guilty thinking about checking out but the the reality is I'm not worth a fuck to any of them because I barely can hold it together most days well enough to interact with them.

I'm close to giving up


You are in crisis!!! You cannot wait around to get help. I don't normally suggest running to the ER for any ol little thing, but this is the time for that. Go to the ER! The social workers and doctors there have the resources you need to get help. Trust me I know what you are going through. I'm looking for some one who can take care of my dogs for me if I need to be admittted.

For the well intentioned people here who are really trying their best to help please hear this. When a man says something like this "I have two daughters and two grandsons and two granddaughters . I do sort of feel guilty thinking about checking out but the the reality is I'm not worth a fuck to any of them because I barely can hold it together most days well enough to interact with them. I'm close to giving up" It's time for action. It's awesome to reach out to them and chat with them, but this requires serious intervention. @bullsi pm me your number let's figure this out.


I’m not a professional, but I think this is accurate. @bullsi You’re saying things that I only said when things were bad, like real bad. Without being specific or dramatic, I was close. It’s the only time in my life I’ve told someone “I’m having an emergency.” Please let us be here for you. People care about you.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 10:52:47 AM EST
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Originally Posted By bullsi:



They would for sure but both myself and them feel a qualified and experienced psych doc may hit the right one quicker and my experience with anti depressants is that the wrong one can make things worse...I can't stand worse at this point.

I'm not jumping off a bridge today or not likely tomorrow. I will say I have reached a certain amount of peace with the concept that if things don't improve I'm ok with whatever happens, I'm not afraid of dying .

I'd like to hang around for my kids and grandkids but if I can't get better I'm no good to them anyway.
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Originally Posted By bullsi:
Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:


Would your friends prescribe an anti depressant?



They would for sure but both myself and them feel a qualified and experienced psych doc may hit the right one quicker and my experience with anti depressants is that the wrong one can make things worse...I can't stand worse at this point.

I'm not jumping off a bridge today or not likely tomorrow. I will say I have reached a certain amount of peace with the concept that if things don't improve I'm ok with whatever happens, I'm not afraid of dying .

I'd like to hang around for my kids and grandkids but if I can't get better I'm no good to them anyway.


You're in a crisis, but are still able to recognize there is much to live for. Write down goals and make a list for what you need to do in order meet each one. Work daily in checking the boxes. You'll be good!
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 5:22:19 PM EST
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Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:


You're in a crisis, but are still able to recognize there is much to live for. Write down goals and make a list for what you need to do in order meet each one. Work daily in checking the boxes. You'll be good!
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I have an appointment with a top notch guy Saturday .  We talked on the phone a while. He seems like someone who cares and basically said things are never as bad as they feel, our feelings will lie to us.


Link Posted: 1/5/2021 5:57:38 PM EST
...said things are never as bad as they feel, our feelings will lie to us.
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This. This right here.

Endurance, my friends. Things can and do get better. Not always right away. Not Always without work or effort on your part.

Keep the faith.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 6:27:16 PM EST
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Originally Posted By bullsi:



I have an appointment with a top notch guy Saturday .  We talked on the phone a while. He seems like someone who cares and basically said things are never as bad as they feel, our feelings will lie to us.


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Originally Posted By bullsi:
Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:


You're in a crisis, but are still able to recognize there is much to live for. Write down goals and make a list for what you need to do in order meet each one. Work daily in checking the boxes. You'll be good!



I have an appointment with a top notch guy Saturday .  We talked on the phone a while. He seems like someone who cares and basically said things are never as bad as they feel, our feelings will lie to us.




That’s good man. Also feel free to reach out to anyone here. Sparky offered and he’s a good dude and has been through some serious shit lately. I’m sure you guys could relate. That said I’m sure anyone here would be available I know I would.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 6:48:05 PM EST
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Originally Posted By bullsi:



I have an appointment with a top notch guy Saturday .  We talked on the phone a while. He seems like someone who cares and basically said things are never as bad as they feel, our feelings will lie to us.


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Originally Posted By bullsi:
Originally Posted By wtfboombrb:


You're in a crisis, but are still able to recognize there is much to live for. Write down goals and make a list for what you need to do in order meet each one. Work daily in checking the boxes. You'll be good!



I have an appointment with a top notch guy Saturday .  We talked on the phone a while. He seems like someone who cares and basically said things are never as bad as they feel, our feelings will lie to us.




I want you to know I checked in on this thread specifically for you. It made me so happy to read this.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 8:08:21 PM EST
Thanks everyone, and I did have a conversation with sparky on the phone. I appreciate him taking the time to call.

I've read this thread before , never expected to be posting in it.

Keep me in your thoughts / prayers, I have some hope this will get better but feel very vulnerable, like my mood can change in an instant.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 9:24:29 PM EST
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Originally Posted By bullsi:
Thanks everyone, and I did have a conversation with sparky on the phone. I appreciate him taking the time to call.

I've read this thread before , never expected to be posting in it.

Keep me in your thoughts / prayers, I have some hope this will get better but feel very vulnerable, like my mood can change in an instant.
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Same. I’ve seen this thread before. Never thought I’d be posting in it. But here we both are, I guess. I’m not doing well at all, but I’m better than I was last week. Things hurt so much but I’m trying to set goals to improve my situation and work towards them.

Please just make it through the day. If you’re like me, sometimes just making it through the day counts as a win in and of itself. It really hurts feeling alone, like no one cares. It hurts a fucking lot. You’re not alone in this. I need to work on realizing that I’m not either. If we are alone, we can be alone together.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 9:26:45 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Jus228:


You’re definitely not alone.  (Unfortunately) hang in there.  Tomorrow is a brand new day.  Keep fighting.  It’s all any of us can do.  Wish I could take my own advice.  But I’m a miserable bastard.
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Originally Posted By Jus228:
Originally Posted By doty_soty:
I’m so glad I found this thread. It’s consoling to see how many of us have been to that dark place. I’m there now. I hurt. Sometimes it’s an overwhelming panic attack, sometimes it’s an empty numbness. Please, just keep me in your thoughts. You’re in mine.


You’re definitely not alone.  (Unfortunately) hang in there.  Tomorrow is a brand new day.  Keep fighting.  It’s all any of us can do.  Wish I could take my own advice.  But I’m a miserable bastard.

I want to thank you for the kind words. This thread is so valuable.
Link Posted: 1/5/2021 11:57:32 PM EST
Thanks to everyone.
Link Posted: 1/6/2021 9:44:02 AM EST
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Originally Posted By bullsi:
Thanks everyone, and I did have a conversation with sparky on the phone. I appreciate him taking the time to call.

I've read this thread before , never expected to be posting in it.

Keep me in your thoughts / prayers, I have some hope this will get better but feel very vulnerable, like my mood can change in an instant.
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Call me anytime.
Link Posted: 1/6/2021 9:14:13 PM EST
Link Posted: 1/6/2021 9:16:30 PM EST
Link Posted: 1/6/2021 10:08:04 PM EST
Another day down of no drinking. Looking for a doctor to get help with the anxiety and depression and AA meetings.

Link Posted: 1/6/2021 11:12:01 PM EST
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Originally Posted By USA1st:
Another day down of no drinking. Looking for a doctor to get help with the anxiety and depression and AA meetings.

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You can beat it!
Link Posted: 1/7/2021 7:53:00 AM EST
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Originally Posted By USA1st:
Another day down of no drinking. Looking for a doctor to get help with the anxiety and depression and AA meetings.

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My invitation to you is the same a bullsi. PM me if you want my number.
Link Posted: 1/7/2021 9:02:01 AM EST
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Originally Posted By USA1st:
Another day down of no drinking. Looking for a doctor to get help with the anxiety and depression and AA meetings.

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If you were drinking a lot and often watch your blood pressure, it can spike up the first week or two.
It's been almost 3 months since I drank and this attempt at quitting has been easy, multiple tries before were very difficult.
For myself when I really decided it just didn't work any more and realized it fueled my depression it was easier.
I was paying a high price for a few hours of relief.
Link Posted: 1/7/2021 9:02:32 AM EST
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Originally Posted By USA1st:
Another day down of no drinking. Looking for a doctor to get help with the anxiety and depression and AA meetings.

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If you were drinking a lot and often watch your blood pressure, it can spike up the first week or two.
It's been almost 3 months since I drank and this attempt at quitting has been easy, multiple tries before were very difficult.
For myself when I really decided it just didn't work any more and realized it fueled my depression it was easier.
I was paying a high price for a few hours of relief.
Link Posted: 1/11/2021 4:42:48 PM EST
As if i wasn’t already stressed the fuck out over my failures and struggles in life now we have this current shitshow that we’re ALL potentially faced with and i don’t know how to process it...not doing very well and just antsy as hell...
Link Posted: 1/11/2021 7:46:59 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Jus228:
As if i wasn’t already stressed the fuck out over my failures and struggles in life now we have this current shitshow that we’re ALL potentially faced with and i don’t know how to process it...not doing very well and just antsy as hell...
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Don't watch or listen to the news, and don't open threads relating to the news. Work on what you need to do today.

Link Posted: 1/11/2021 7:54:59 PM EST
Matthew 6:25-34

"The Cure for Anxiety"

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the sky, that they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather crops into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more important than they? And which of you by worrying can add a single day to his life’s span? And why are you worried about clothing? Notice how the lilies of the field grow; they do not labor nor do they spin thread for cloth, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided to you.

“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Link Posted: 1/11/2021 8:17:19 PM EST
“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
― Corrie Ten Boom
Link Posted: 1/11/2021 8:28:04 PM EST
“In an era of stress and anxiety, when the present seems unstable and the future unlikely, the natural response is to retreat and withdraw from reality, taking recourse either in fantasies of the future or in modified visions of a half-imagined past.”
― Alan Moore
Link Posted: 1/12/2021 4:52:23 PM EST
I don’t watch the news.  Have to stay informed though.  The country i love and was born and raised in is under attack how can i ignore that?  
Link Posted: 1/12/2021 5:05:52 PM EST
Feeling a bit down. I found out this weekend that two of my very best friends died this weekend. One of them died right before Thanksgiving but as many people do over time we didn’t speak all that often. She was still very important to me amd a huge part of my life growing up.

My other friend died Thursday night. I found out about her that night as she and I remained very close over the years. Very hard for me to process at this point. They were both 47 years old.

Life is short and there are no guarantees folks keep in touch with those you love.
Link Posted: 1/12/2021 8:55:01 PM EST
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Originally Posted By Jus228:
I don’t watch the news.  Have to stay informed though.  The country i love and was born and raised in is under attack how can i ignore that?  
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Ive been in the same boat. I'm really worried about our rights and many other things. Ive just had to take a step back and breathe. You can only do so much as one person. Hopefully we can get thru this shit show.
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