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Posted: 1/25/2021 5:25:01 AM EDT
[#1]
"Two more weeks"
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Posted: 1/25/2021 5:27:17 AM EDT
[#2]
"Shit happens"
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Posted: 1/25/2021 5:31:30 AM EDT
[#3]
"FUCK YEAH!!!"
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Posted: 1/25/2021 5:34:34 AM EDT
[#4]
Were out here like a heard of stormin turtles
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Posted: 1/25/2021 5:37:44 AM EDT
[#5]
Feelings aren't on the tool list.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 5:38:22 AM EDT
[#6]
It is what it is.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 5:40:15 AM EDT
[#7]
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes (courtesy of arfcom)
Don't do stupid shit and if you do stupid shit don't lie about it. (Courtesy of a good friend of mine) Benefit of the doubt goes to the defendant. Not everyone needs a ticket or jail. Spirit of the law is more important than letter of the law. |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:06:29 AM EDT
[#8]
You can wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up faster.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:16:36 AM EDT
[#9]
"Fuck you"
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:25:05 AM EDT
[#10]
If i wanted to hear you talk I'd shove my fist up your ass and move your mouth like a puppet.
You don't have what it takes to take what i have. Bout as useless as balls on a priest unless of course it's a catholic priest. As pretty a a chandelier in a shit bouse. Crazy as a shit house rat. Beauty is only a light switch away. Thick or thin vasiline will get it in. That ain't nut'n a can of gas and a match can't fix. Better you then me Maybe, maybe not, maybe go fuck yourself. I have a ton more I'll just save. |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:26:13 AM EDT
[#11]
Ooh doggy.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:28:29 AM EDT
[#12]
Lately it's been "what the fuck is THAT about?"
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:32:14 AM EDT
[#13]
That looks slicker than grease on a doorknob
That’s gayer than a tie dyed fannypack Or if anyone compliments you or insults you just say “I wake up like this”. And keep walking. It’s pretty versatile |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:39:15 AM EDT
[#14]
Don’t worry about what other people think. Most aren’t that good at it.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:41:34 AM EDT
[#15]
"You know i'm only kidding right?"
I guess i use that phrase a lot, according to my wife. |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:42:43 AM EDT
[#16]
Useless as teats on a boar hog.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:48:23 AM EDT
[#17]
"Built like a brick shithouse with both doors kicked in!"
And speaking of poop threads, I guess it was back in my USAF days, I told somebody I had to "shit somethin' fierce" and the dude had never heard that expression before. He started dying laughing, I didn't know why at first, he was in tears "I'll be afraid to go into the bathroom! There's something fierce in there!" 
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:51:18 AM EDT
[#18]
I told you "no means yes and yes means harder"
Perspiration is lubrication Menstruation is lubrication Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 6:53:16 AM EDT
[#19]
I hear what your saying
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:22:21 AM EDT
[#20]
Always something.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:38:01 AM EDT
[#21]
Not my fucking problem.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:38:16 AM EDT
[#22]
Shine
had to clean these up: Opinions are like noses, everyone has one and they all smell! Spit in one hand, wish in the other, see which fills up faster. When you don't know the answer to a question that is not a yes or no question 1. Just answer yes or no 2. Do you know what a cross between an elephant and a rhino is? HellifIknow |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:42:01 AM EDT
[#23]
"The juice ain't worth the squeeze"
"You can fix that with a good coat of fire" |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:42:25 AM EDT
[#24]
why plan when you can react
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:42:50 AM EDT
[#25]
the fuck
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:43:07 AM EDT
[#26]
Hotgumdubaleepa. "Olde" English for: Whew boy! It's very useful, very often. Try it. It tickles.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:44:30 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I told you "no means yes and yes means harder" Perspiration is lubrication Menstruation is lubrication Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Blood is an approved lubricant |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:49:19 AM EDT
[#28]
No one got pregnant from a blowjob
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:51:07 AM EDT
[#29]
Piece of shit motherfucker.
That’s a HUGE BITCH. FUCK JOE BIDEN. |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:56:09 AM EDT
[#30]
Dogs bullocks
Bless your heart Sacre fuckin blea! |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 7:58:50 AM EDT
[#31]
No lowballers, I know what I got !
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Posted: 1/25/2021 8:01:59 AM EDT
[#32]
When answering the phone I often say, "Joe's Pool Hall...Eight Ball speaking!"
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Posted: 1/25/2021 8:02:37 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Better you then me Personally I’d rather go first than be second. |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 8:04:55 AM EDT
[#34]
Got this one from my girlfriend.....now my wife of 23 years about a week after starting dating. I don’t remember the context but as an example; you see a shitty car but it has brand new beautiful rims and tires. She says ‘that’s like a diamond in a goat’s ass’. I use it often.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 8:10:24 AM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: It is what it is. I'm so tired of hearing this one, dear god please let it end. |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 8:10:47 AM EDT
[#36]
“Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?”
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Posted: 1/25/2021 8:29:35 AM EDT
[#37]
Fuck the fucking Fucker, Fuck.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 8:42:19 AM EDT
[#38]
Fuck off.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 9:10:07 AM EDT
[#39]
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Referring to corn in Ohio - knee high by the fourth of July. |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 9:44:05 AM EDT
[#40]
Older guy That I used to run around with when I was single had some great ones.
Even the mighty lion will drink from a mud hole in a drought. Can’t hit a home run sitting on the bench. Two 5’s make a ten. |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 9:57:26 AM EDT
[#41]
Make like Gordie and get the puck outta here
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Posted: 1/25/2021 10:42:23 AM EDT
[#42]
If someone is doing something useless I say that’s like washing your feet with your socks on.
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Posted: 1/25/2021 10:43:08 AM EDT
[#43]
That's gonna itch when it dries
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Posted: 1/25/2021 10:46:11 AM EDT
[#44]
Is a frogs asshole water tight?
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Posted: 1/25/2021 10:55:37 AM EDT
[#45]
Cuanto peor mejor
'Nuff Said |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 10:56:57 AM EDT
[#46]
“You can’t suck blood from a turnip”
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Posted: 1/25/2021 10:59:14 AM EDT
[#47]
“If you’re going to be stupid, you’re going to have to be tough.”
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Posted: 1/25/2021 11:00:40 AM EDT
[#48]
luckier than a dog with two dicks
i'd be on that like thigh fat on a Dixie Chick |
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Posted: 1/25/2021 11:03:22 AM EDT
[#49]
"Fer Shure".
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Posted: 1/25/2021 11:04:19 AM EDT
[#50]
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes
Judas Priest! Within the realm of possibility There's a whole bunch of little expressions I've picked up through the years that are so familiar to me I use them often, but those 3 are the only ones I remember. |
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