Highly considering relocating for about a month.
Lack of social contact with the masks has really got to me. Currently in libland. Thinking of either Ut, Fl, TN, or KN.
.
I work from home and it's just been awful. The only social contact of my day is getting a coffee in the morning and even that is retarded. I just want to be able to have a conversation with someone. Sure that cute waitress will probably give me a fake number but at least there's hope and there's pursuit of something. This shit is just hopeless with no end in sight. Makes me want to punch walls thinking of the political nonsense at play.
.
Regardless of all of that man, it's been almost 2 years since I've been on a date. I know people that break up and have girls lined up next weekend. Feels bad man.

nvm

Worked from home for almost 30 years. 2-3 phone calls a month or email once that became a thing. Sent all the drawings in via FedEx and they sent them back.

I loved it. I lived in the middle of nowhere and had lots of space to get out and do things at my convenience in the woods and such. If you don't have a girlfriend or not married I could see that  it's a drawback.

With the virus I don't know especially in the winter if you live up north.

Sorry to hear that, and I was thinking of switching to it because of some side effects of lexapro.

I'm on both lexapro and wellbutrin.  What side effects if lexapro don't you like?

In my case anorgasmia, I was considering continuing it to see if it got better.

Don't write it off because it's not working for me. It may work well for you.

Started cymbalta yesterday. It was what they offered.

Now that I have insurance again, I may give the generic Lexapro another chance. But I quit it last time because of side effect.

Quitting my job on friday.  It is the only reason I drink.  I’m so fucking stressed out i can’t stand it.  I have to make a change.  I don’t have another job lined up so i have to wing it and just find something.  I’ll be ok for a few months.  I couldn’t take it anymore.  

Why does it feel like management is so fucked up they actually try to get GOOD employees to quit?  I’ll never understand it.  It’s absolutely bonkers.  

I’m trying to stay positive.  I have to focus on the future.  I still want to have one.  Though sometimes i just want to give up.  I really do.  It’s a strange struggle to have.  I don’t want to die, but some days i just don’t want to live... I practically beg god to just end me, end my suffering.....

There will be a day of great reward, my friend. Open your Bible and read it every day. Pray every day. This world has always been a struggle for me; like I wasn't made for it. God's love is what keeps me going.

From Romans 8

Our Victory in Christ

 Now in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring charges against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, but rather, was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or trouble, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? Just as it is written:

“FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE KILLED ALL DAY LONG;

WE WERE REGARDED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED.” But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Hate this crap. My skin is trying to kill me. I can only take so many corticosteroids since it raises my blood sugar. My hands feels like the skin is two sizes too small, but it's my entire body. Shit sucks.

Keep up the hope of getting better or just living another day all of you, damn it's hard sometimes

More relationship-related topics in General Discussion to read and get angry about.

Yesterday I saw a 1960 Chevrolet. It looked majestic, like a chrome-plated ocean liner moving through Main Street St. Charles.

Today I came home from work and laid in bed for an half an hour or so, seemingly unable to move. I'm 42 and I've been like this since 20.

I've tried talking to someone in the past but I always felt worse afterwards.  Felt like I was being judged or made fun of.  I have had depression for as long as I can remember, grew up with an verbally and physically abusive father, but lately it has gotten worse.  My job although I love it is very stressful.  I was a heavy drinker for a long time but quit cold turkey over a year ago and maybe have had one or two drinks since then socially.  Doesn't matter how hard I try to stay positive I always feel like I am not worth it.  My mind is always set on being negative, I don't know how to change it.  It's been that way since I was a kid.  Right now they have me on fluoxetine but I think it's time to change.  On average I get like maybe 3 hours of sleep a day.  Constantly have headaches and always overthink things.  I'm that person that always tries to make others laugh because I don't want anyone else feeling the way I do.  

I am going in to see my doctor next week.  Hopefully she can prescribe something that can make me feel halfway normal.  I am so tired.  

Anyways, just wanted to get that small portion off my chest.  Not being able to see who the reader is makes it easier for me to say what's on my mind, weird.

I have let negativity consume me for a long time.  It’s a fucking curse.  Best advice I can give on that front is seek out joy in every little tiny thing that you can.  A smile from a pretty woman.  A cool breeze on a warm day.  A silly bird tweeting in the bushes.  Kids laughing and playing.  A bite from your favorite meal at dinner.  ANYTHING to just give your mind a moment of peace.  Try to focus and build on that, and it takes the edge off.

Practice smiling in a mirror until you can make a warm smile. You're ready for prime time when you can do it without a mirror. Go into the world and conquer it with smiles!

Seriously. It makes you and everyone else feel good.

And force yourself to stand/sit up straight and look forward even if you feel like garbage. Depressed people tend to slouch and look towards the ground. Strengthen your back, improve your posture, and your confidence/mood will improve along with making you more approachable.

Yes indeed!

Signed my final divorce papers today. Feel absolutely empty. I know it had to happen but it feels like the ultimate validation of my asshole father.  On my wedding day, he leaned over as my bride started down the aisle and whispered in my ear, “She’ll leave you. No one will ever love you, and you’ll always be alone.”

I’ve been laying on the sofa, hugging my seven year old, not sobbing, but tears just rolling down my cheeks. Can’t stop.

Feeling empty is not necessarily a bad thing. Now you are free to decide what will make you full. A word of caution; be patient and use wise judgement in your decision making lest you set the stage for a repeat performance of what you just went through.

Honestly  I was in a very dark place the last few years, I really did not  care if I died etc.  Alcohol compounded this immensely  especially  my anxiety and stupid shit I say when using it.  I kicked alcohol  kicked sugar and most carbs and have been using CBD oil  a bit all at once.  I'm not 100% still, but all those together really changed my outlook. If I can do it  you can too. My rough days aren't really rough anymore. I'm always an open ear if ya need it, I'll provide a number.

Since you already said it yes your father is indeed a verified asshole and doesn't deserve to be a parent. Was his father the same way? If so be everything they weren't and break the curse (sounds like you already have since you love your little ones). I'll ask St. Joseph to intercede on your behalf and give you the strength to keep your chin up through this ordeal.

So, I've been working on some stuff.

I signed up for online classes to try and get some marketable skills. I was talking to my mom about it and she tried to do her thing where she tries to make me do what she wants me to do, but she changed her mind after I told her she could reimburse me for it and pay for her idea.

And we just got back from taking the kids on a surprise mini vacation. My inner addict really wishes I had some of whatever I was smoking when I decided to spend over a grand on vacation when I'm unemployed, but you know...poor people gonna poor people with their tax money, and my kids won't quit talking about how it's the best vacation they've ever had..so totally worth it.

And I've been spending a bunch of time playing guitar. I've been thinking about restarting my youtube channel...but dear God, you think your voice sounds bad on a recording, try listening to a naked guitar track of your playing.

Got a prescription for an immune supressent. Almost no insurance covers it. Gave me a list of plaes to apply to cover it. One of the things the dr. said was to stay indoors and avoid outdoors. That's not going to happen.

For my 50th birthday my parents gave me a prepaid funeral. I already had a burial plot at the family cemetary. I really con't care if I'm buried, cremated, or left unclaimed.

That was very generous of them but I'm not sure if I would want such a stark reminder of my mortality for a 50th birthday present.

Maybe it's just me, but I've watched some death positive channels on youtube, and some of the things that can be done with your body after you've passed away are pretty fascinating.

Hey brother, try looking into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Your brain is on autopilot with your negative thoughts, and you subconsciously make those thoughts your reality. CBT will help you reprogram your brain to no longer automatically think negative. You  *are* worth it. CBT will help you identify the negative thought patterns and stop the constant self-degradation that you feel. There is hope brother. You can make it happen.

I am starting to think that God doesn’t like me.

If trying to do right led me to this then what was the point

I know those feels brother. Just know that there is little reward in this lifetime for being righteous other than being treated like a doormat.

This world will try it's hardest to take all you have, chew you up, and spit you out. Faith is the only thing we can hold on to.

I am feeling more alone then I've ever felt. Isolated, distanced, irrelevant, antiquated, naive, foolish. I always thought it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

Not sure what love is anymore.

My life was good and quickly not. It only took 3 years to turn it to dust.

Eh. New day tomorrow. We'll see.

I don't know what your situation is, but you're not alone in your loneliness. Social media has been isolating people for years, and this last year has brought many to the brink. Some have taken their last step.

Out of everything we can do in this life, that's the one thing we cannot undo.

What happened with you over the last 3 years? IM me if you want.

I'm not if anyone of us will ever know exactly what love is.

The only person that has ever said that to me later ghosted me after we spent a single day together. That was the closest I've ever come to knowing what a relationship felt like. She chose to be a homeless drug addict over anything I had to offer.

I'm sure love exists. I just don't think some of us are meant to ever experience it. If you have you should count yourself lucky.

I used to wish I could find it, but more so these days I wish that I could accept that I'll just be lonely for the rest of my life.

Drug addicts are broken in the head. I know that there is more to it, but it still boils down to broken thought processes. It isn't rational. She didn't choose drugs over you. She got into drugs and you dodged a bullet.

This.

Drugs chose for her.

Loneliness is the major problem of our era. I suppose it's better than being a World War I combatant, Polio victim, or... whatever-the-fuck else. Argument is pointless.

I believe that social media is the main cause of the modern epidemic of loneliness. It was supposed to bring people together, but instead made everyone more isolated and eccentric. Even if you don't participate in it, you will still feel the effect of it.

Feminism has ruined male/female relations for the most part. Much has been written about this horror, and doesn't need to be recounted here.

I'm not sure where to begin. Feels like my problems are no where near other peoples in this thread. But truth be told I have no where else to vent how I feeling. In a moment of strain I've confessed some of it to my family just to feel like they didn't understand 'oh just do this or its because you don't do that' But ultimately I started life as a shut in. After my parents divorced my mom worked full time and I wasn't allowed to have anyone over unless she was home or preplanned. So most of my time growing up with the exception for my high school years I was left to my own devices at home. Maybe this is why I'm socially inept. Oh well it is what it is. Naturally as an adult this has pretty much progressed much the same way with me being anti social and with some form of what I'm guessing is agoraphobia. This doesn't bother me most of the time except when my house is at my quietest. What really eats at me is I feel unfulfilled. I did everything that I thought I was supposed to do. I went to tech school and failed at that. Yet I found a full time job that payed enough for me to get a house in the area before the age of 30. I've climbed up the ladder at work and pretty much as close to the top as I can get minus a couple of responsibilities that I'm sure I will eventually come into. But, at the end of the day I feel like everything I have achieved and am doing is meaningless and pointless. It feels even more pointless when it looks like the country you were born in and love is self destructing in your life time. I'm sure most people say meet a girl and start a family is the next step but to be honest the pickings are slim and I don't like kids so how could I expect to have one of my own and be a good father? I'm not suicidal I just don't mind if I die tomorrow as I feel there is nothing to bring me joy in life anymore. All my hobbies are just a band-aids to stop me from getting in my own head and drowning in lack of purpose. I'm sorry for my rambling and its probably incoherent as fuck but I just let everything I wanted to say splurge out across the keys.

I understand perfectly.  

I had a wife, more money, more hobbies, a home, and more stuff, but a feeling of emptiness crept in and grew over time.

Now I have no wife, live in a low rent apartment, and drive a beater. I came to God late in life and now feel more joy and purpose than at any time before.

Do it sooner rather than later.

Brother, I implore you. Never ever give up. Please.

marmelstien -

i can totally relate.  My fucking browser is being a bitch so i couldn’t quote what you said but i feel you for sure.  All i can say is don’t give up.  Scratch and claw for life every day and find any tiny victory wherever you can.  I struggle with it daily but so far I’ve won so it’s something.  I’ve been losing more often than not but i still hold out hope that life will get better and I’ll find a purpose.

This. @justin10mm Please please please please, if you can take anything from this thread is that you may think you're damaged, broken and damned. But the the truth of the matter is people are messed up in different ways. Drug addiction is especially complicated.
I don't know your relationship in details but it sounds somewhat similar to my ex. You could have tied a lasso to the moon and dragged it down from outter space just for her. And she still would have left you.



Agreed. It's funny I live in an area where people are mask nazis. 75% if you see someone walking down the street by themselves, they're going to be wearing a mask. Don't ask me why.
But just having a normal conversation with a real human being, seeing their face I think it's a connection that triggers something in our brain. After all we're social creatures. Through evolution we evolved to recognize expressions based of the face and we're extremely good at telling one human apart from another based on the face. This is totally me guessing but even know we connection through social media, I'm not sure that we're getting the same neurological activity that we would actually conversing with people.


Thank you.
I wont' go into my self medication because it's very lengthy and a bit difficult to understand. I have an interest in pharmacology and due to the nature of these compounds I usually come off for a few weeks at atime. Usually about 3-4 times a year. In terms of my brain it usually takes me from being in an unbearable state to a manageable state. That sounds awfully pessimistic but that's not so bad right? Being able to manage vs being completely crippled by yourself for whatever reason. As one could assume in recent weeks things have become less manageable. Still much better than I was 2ish years ago, but things that your mind tends to focus on or the conclusions that you tend to draw become much different. Think of taking a picture of the exact same beach with the exact same camera settings but on a different day, that picture will turn out differently. Obviously the photographer can determine that the pictures are different but when we are comparing ourselves it's much more difficult. How can we be both the person studier and the subject? So I suppose that's why I'm checking in. Just wanted to offer any bit of support I can and share bit of my story.
I have a laundry list of 'personal development' things I like to do. Actually I can't think of any hobbies that I really do that don't see some benefit in. I've been learning japanese. I always wanted to learn another language. I feel like learning japanese is super cringy but I felt like I've im going to learn a language...why not go all out? lol. I'm using an app called pimsleur I have about 25 hours into it so far. I also wanted to travel a bit too, not necessarily Japan but sometimes I feel like understanding other cultures may help us get a better insight on ours.
I feel like my area gets me down a lot. I'm outside of a major city so it's all nihilistic selfish garbage. People around here dont' seem to stand for morals as much as they seek even the lowest quality drop of dopamine. I feel like maybe traveling to different parts of the US or even to different countries.
At any rate, I feel like I've been on these dating apps for 2ish years now I've been trying to just 'encounter people in everyday life'. I'm starting to feel like the definition of insanity. I keep trying the same thing expecting something to change. The only way to move forward for me is to get out of this area. First step is going to perhaps be out in utah or even Texas. I work mainly online and I think I could swing it. I would have to adjust my budgeting a bit but I'm hoping. I'm 26 now man. I'm lonely as fuuuucckkk and this shit ain't changing where I'm at. I can't wait until I'm 30 or 35 to make a move. Better now than later.

The life I've worked towards making better is slipping away. Pray for me.

May you find peace.

I hope it gets better for you, man. Hang in there.

As for me I am no longer answering text messages. If you don't have the guts to speak to an older guy like me who didn't grow up with cellphones I have nothing to say to you.

And that goes for every one. Be alone in your texting but don't bother me. I have nothing I want to text to you at all. We are all worse off with all this technology. I am treating my cellphone AS a phone. If you wish to speak to me then do so or else STFU and grow a pair,

Well... I suppose it's my turn.

My water heater has been leaking for the past few days and the leak has become unmanageable. I'm told that repair is needed and that will cost something like $1,900 that I do not have. Just about every penny I have goes to food.

The proverbial straw on the camels back. Debts have mounted beyond any possible hope of resolution and life has no flavor anymore. Two years ago my father died. He was a bipolar narcissistic psychopath who utterly consumed my life like the famous painting of Cronos by Goya. Over the past 2 years I've been working on the problems that he left me. Physically I have made significant and measurable progress, but I just can't handle this anymore.

I have never felt particularly welcome in this world. At first this was because I absorbed some bad programming from my parents. But the more I see the more I conclude that the world is simply bought and paid for by the Chinese communist party and the globalist corporatists. The DISC, as Eric Weinstien refers to them. A cabal of power mad lunatics who have a very simple plan. To squeeze every single penny of value from humanity and leave this world a shattered husk. All according to a plan which has been unfolding perfectly since 1971 and that no one can hope to stop now.

I have reached out to family and friends. Their actions have been... Incredibly predictable. My cousin is one of few people I talk to regularly. She has her own issues and she has gotten so mad at me that we aren't talking anymore.

It's a rare thing when anyone talks to me and when they do they are always coming to me with some intractable problem that they don't know or are unwilling to solve. And most people only talk to me when they are high or drunk. It seems that when I talk to most people most of what I say goes sailing over their head like I'm a Cylon Hybrid.

Everything unfolds before me in such an utterly predictable manner. Everybody's actions are always exactly what I expect.

And yet... Here I am. Making one last search for something that I have spent my entire life hunting for but have never once found.

A pleasant surprise.

Saying all this as someone who has just watched this. A movie that DOES NOT ideate suicide.

I live Far away from you or I would help with your water heater. I am posting this link in NV state forums in hopes someone close can help you!


Others WAY more skilled at helping folk in need will be here soon, hopefully!


Sadly.....the OP has abandoned this thread he created although others have stepped up to help.


Sending prayers for you while you go thru your "storm". God Bless you!

There is a place where salvation can be found.