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Posted: 2/4/2021 9:53:14 AM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BornToLooze: So I was just hanging out drinking, and I heard the perfect song to sum up how I feel at the moment.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcKVx_9fwgsI am too. But I've dealt with this shit for so long, if I gave up now all these years of hurting would be for nothing. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BornToLooze: So I was just hanging out drinking, and I heard the perfect song to sum up how I feel at the moment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AcKVx_9fwgsOriginally Posted By Mds238: I want out. Nothing in the future. Im tired of fighting. I am too. But I've dealt with this shit for so long, if I gave up now all these years of hurting would be for nothing. Yeah, those lyrics. I know where the song writer is coming from. Glad I stuck around. I didn't go to college, and I don't own a house I guess that I'm a failure and I fucked up somehow Now I've just been screaming into a microphone away from home When everyone I know gave up a long time ago What else am I supposed to do with my life All that I've ever known are late night drives From Salt Like City, to Seattle, to San Fran I hope I die in the back of a fucking van I wear my heart on my sleeve I know not everyone believes in me And what will I be remembered for These are questions that I just can't ignore [Chorus] Is it gonna be the year that kills me Or is it gonna be the one that saves me 'Cause right now I'm suffocating I don't know if I will make it This year feels like hell I'm pretty sure I'm not doing so well Is it gonna be the year that kills me Or is it gonna be the one that sets me free [Verse 2] When I was younger I was a mess I must admit I said and did a lot of stupid and selfish things I never thought that it would last this long And neither did the others that's why they're all gone When is it time to give it up And how long is long enough And when should I throw it in 'Cause I don't wanna be a washed up old man [Chorus] Is it gonna be the year that kills me Or is it gonna be the one that saves me 'Cause right now I'm suffocating I don't know if I will make it This year feels like hell I'm pretty sure I'm not doing so well Is it gonna be the year that kills me Or is it gonna be the one that sets me free [Chorus] Is it gonna be the year that kills me Or is it gonna be the one that saves me 'Cause right now I'm suffocating I don't know if I will make it Is it gonna be the year that kills me Or is it gonna be the one that saves me 'Cause right now I'm suffocating I don't know if I will make it This year feels like hell I'm pretty sure I'm not doing so well Is it gonna be the year that kills me Or is it gonna be the one that sets me free |
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Posted: 2/4/2021 5:43:33 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wtfboombrb: Yeah, those lyrics. I know where the song writer is coming from. Glad I stuck around. I am too. But I'm not going to post my life's story, I think I might have before but deleted it because some one thought I was going to kill myself and I'm not going to, but I'm fairly used to getting knocked down. I mean I've been not okay for so long I forgot what being okay feels like. But after these past couple months continually getting beat while I'm down, like he said, this is gonna be the year that kills me or saves me. |
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Posted: 2/4/2021 11:45:06 PM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BornToLooze: I am too. But I'm not going to post my life's story, I think I might have before but deleted it because some one thought I was going to kill myself and I'm not going to, but I'm fairly used to getting knocked down. I mean I've been not okay for so long I forgot what being okay feels like. But after these past couple months continually getting beat while I'm down, like he said, this is gonna be the year that kills me or saves me. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BornToLooze: Originally Posted By wtfboombrb: Yeah, those lyrics. I know where the song writer is coming from. Glad I stuck around. I am too. But I'm not going to post my life's story, I think I might have before but deleted it because some one thought I was going to kill myself and I'm not going to, but I'm fairly used to getting knocked down. I mean I've been not okay for so long I forgot what being okay feels like. But after these past couple months continually getting beat while I'm down, like he said, this is gonna be the year that kills me or saves me. I made the choice to be saved. |
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Posted: 2/5/2021 5:52:59 PM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BornToLooze: I am too. But I'm not going to post my life's story, I think I might have before but deleted it because some one thought I was going to kill myself and I'm not going to, but I'm fairly used to getting knocked down. I mean I've been not okay for so long I forgot what being okay feels like. But after these past couple months continually getting beat while I'm down, like he said, this is gonna be the year that kills me or saves me. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BornToLooze: Originally Posted By wtfboombrb: Yeah, those lyrics. I know where the song writer is coming from. Glad I stuck around. I am too. But I'm not going to post my life's story, I think I might have before but deleted it because some one thought I was going to kill myself and I'm not going to, but I'm fairly used to getting knocked down. I mean I've been not okay for so long I forgot what being okay feels like. But after these past couple months continually getting beat while I'm down, like he said, this is gonna be the year that kills me or saves me. Those bad beats, when things look darkest, are what make you truly appreciate all the little things in life when the sun shines again. And it will shine again, as long as you hang around to see it. Think of it like a blank of raw steel to make a knife. It's heated until it can't hold it's own form any longer. Then it's beaten, folded, pressed, hammered; again and again. Each time, more and more impurities are burned away. It's not in its final state yet. All it can do is exist, endure, not break. Each time, it gets closer and closer to its final form. Finally, comes the quench, and an amazing thing happens. The very structure of the steel is transformed. It comes out changed on an atomic level. It is now tempered, hardened, and mostly in the final shape it will ultimately take. Now everyone can see what it will be. Oh, it will still require some grinding, some filing, some knocking off of the rough edges. But now you can see the thing of beauty it will become. Eventually it will get the polishing and honing, the final smoothing away of all the trials it went through. And it will be a sharp and capable blade. But first, the fire. |
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Posted: 2/5/2021 8:17:44 PM EDT
[#5]
I'll make it, it's just the worst it's been in a while.
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Posted: 2/6/2021 12:45:19 AM EDT
[#6]
Well, one good thing about how long I've been dealing with depression, if I have something good going on, I can switch the bad off and fully enjoy the good.
My daughter noticed I've been kind of down lately and wanted to have movie night, because who the hell doesn't like movies and snacks?  We used to watch Magnum PI , but we finished the first season and it took a while before I could afford to get the second season, so we haven't watched it in a while. No matter how down I get and how worthless I feel, I got my ass chewed out by a 10 year old, because by God, she wants a motherfucking vacation shirt (that's what my autistic son calls my aloha shirts), and she's not going to let me forget about it. And if that ain't some goddamned dad goals I don't know what is.  But it's the little shit like that...no matter how down I get, as fucking hopeless as I feel, like I said, this feels like the year that will either kill me or save me, every time life knocks me down and beats the shit out of me I'm going to spit the blood out and ask is that the best you got? You threw a piece of paper at me, bring it the fuck on. I mean, man is not made for defeat. He can be broken, but never defeated. And I won't lie, I'm one broken motherfucker, but I'm not going to tap out. |
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Posted: 2/6/2021 12:50:52 AM EDT
[#7]
Love you, man. Love all you guys. This thread is just like my apartment building.
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Posted: 2/6/2021 1:33:59 AM EDT
[Last Edit: BornToLooze]
[#8]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wtfboombrb: Love you, man. Love all you guys. This thread is just like my apartment building. I'm sorry man. I lived in an apartment after my parents split up, and I don't get how people do it. Played guitar, somebody beating on the door. Watch TV somebody beating on the door. Be fat and walk around, somebody beating on the door. |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 2/6/2021 9:18:35 PM EDT
[#9]
Hello. Saturday night, very cold in the midwest. Hope you guys are doing Okay.
I'm having a tough time lately. Very lonely, angry. Been drinking beer and listening to music. Starting to play acoustic guitar. Lately I've been wondering about counseling - have any of you guys tried it? Would guys like us even get along with a 'counselor' -type of person? I am an extremely angry and negative person. I don't know. You can't help but wonder about ppl who eat the gun. Kurt Cobain. Bud Dwyer. Are they insane? Are they wise? |
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Posted: 2/6/2021 9:44:36 PM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 58Eldorado: Hello. Saturday night, very cold in the midwest. Hope you guys are doing Okay. I'm having a tough time lately. Very lonely, angry. Been drinking beer and listening to music. Starting to play acoustic guitar. Lately I've been wondering about counseling - have any of you guys tried it? Would guys like us even get along with a 'counselor' -type of person? I am an extremely angry and negative person. I don't know. You can't help but wonder about ppl who eat the gun. Kurt Cobain. Bud Dwyer. Are they insane? Are they wise? I saw a counselor for some PTSD issues and had decent results, my ex told me she wanted a divorce after I'd already made the first appointment, so having the therapist helped. Especially when my ex went to part of the first appointment, and at the second appointment the therapist listed the symptoms she'd seen my ex demonstrate in just that half hour or so she was there at the first appointment... The trick with therapists/counselors is finding one you're comfortable talking honestly with about what's going on in your head, AND that the therapist/counselor can give you appropriate tools to deal with whatever issues (daughter saw one for a while that wasn't actually giving her tools, just serving as a sounding board). |
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Posted: 2/6/2021 9:48:29 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By LoneWolf545: I saw a counselor for some PTSD issues and had decent results, my ex told me she wanted a divorce after I'd already made the first appointment, so having the therapist helped. Especially when my ex went to part of the first appointment, and at the second appointment the therapist listed the symptoms she'd seen my ex demonstrate in just that half hour or so she was there at the first appointment... The trick with therapists/counselors is finding one you're comfortable talking honestly with about what's going on in your head, AND that the therapist/counselor can give you appropriate tools to deal with whatever issues (daughter saw one for a while that wasn't actually giving her tools, just serving as a sounding board). Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By LoneWolf545: Originally Posted By 58Eldorado: Hello. Saturday night, very cold in the midwest. Hope you guys are doing Okay. I'm having a tough time lately. Very lonely, angry. Been drinking beer and listening to music. Starting to play acoustic guitar. Lately I've been wondering about counseling - have any of you guys tried it? Would guys like us even get along with a 'counselor' -type of person? I am an extremely angry and negative person. I don't know. You can't help but wonder about ppl who eat the gun. Kurt Cobain. Bud Dwyer. Are they insane? Are they wise? I saw a counselor for some PTSD issues and had decent results, my ex told me she wanted a divorce after I'd already made the first appointment, so having the therapist helped. Especially when my ex went to part of the first appointment, and at the second appointment the therapist listed the symptoms she'd seen my ex demonstrate in just that half hour or so she was there at the first appointment... The trick with therapists/counselors is finding one you're comfortable talking honestly with about what's going on in your head, AND that the therapist/counselor can give you appropriate tools to deal with whatever issues (daughter saw one for a while that wasn't actually giving her tools, just serving as a sounding board). This is the truth. |
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Posted: 2/6/2021 10:00:07 PM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 58Eldorado: I don't know. You can't help but wonder about ppl who eat the gun. Kurt Cobain. Bud Dwyer. Are they insane? Are they wise? |
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Posted: 2/6/2021 11:12:38 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Gingerbreadman: No. They were not. Cobain was a mentally ill drug addict and Dwyer was looking for an insurance payout because of a scandal. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Gingerbreadman: Originally Posted By 58Eldorado: I don't know. You can't help but wonder about ppl who eat the gun. Kurt Cobain. Bud Dwyer. Are they insane? Are they wise? I believe Dwyer was seeking revenge more than anything. |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 2/7/2021 1:07:01 AM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Gingerbreadman: No. They were not. Cobain was a mentally ill drug addict and Dwyer was looking for an insurance payout because of a scandal. Fair enough. I still wonder about those who who kill themselves. I just can't tolerate life. i don't look right. Everything in modern life is a beauty contest. My needs aren't getting met. Also, it's obvious that the world is going to shit. |
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Posted: 2/7/2021 1:24:43 AM EDT
[#15]
I can tell you first hand that drinking when you're lonely and angry tends to spin up the negative thoughts. Staying up late to fuel that negativity doesn't do any good either. I wish I knew what to say to help you get out of that rut, but in all honesty, I'm in a similar rut. What I do know for sure is that digging deeper doesn't get you out.
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Posted: 2/8/2021 5:43:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: BornToLooze]
[#16]
I know you're not supposed to drink when you're depressed, but I've been depressed for so long I used to be able to keep the drinking under control. It's getting to the point I can't control it anymore.
I spent probably 3 years watching my grandma slowly die form cancer, because my mom hated my dad so much watching her die was better than me being around my dad. I didn't find out emotional abuse was a thing until I got married. I was good at dealing with it when I was dead and broken on the inside, but tonight, my son tried to take his hoodie off, and the poor little bastard has a big of head as I do. I spend a couple minutes trying to yank it off his head. I was his savior, especially after I grabbed his bear bear off the floor when he was going to sleep. But the thing is...my parents had a divorce that Ray Charles saw coming, and they didn't mean to drag me through the dirt, but they did. God I wish I knew what giving up meant. My dad still blames me for his cleaning lady knocking his Henry of the mantle and cracking the stock. And I took that negativity, and turned it into $19 an hour and I won't put my name on anything less than perfect And everybody told my boss that I was the laziest piece of shit they ever met, and I turned into the employee of the century, because I'm gong to prove them wrong. Nothing hits as hard as life, but what the fuck else are you going to do besides moving forward?  Failed To Load Title |
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Posted: 2/8/2021 12:53:19 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 58Eldorado: Fair enough. I still wonder about those who who kill themselves. I just can't tolerate life. i don't look right. Everything in modern life is a beauty contest. My needs aren't getting met. Also, it's obvious that the world is going to shit. #beautyprivilege is a real thing, no question. But life has been going to shit since Cain killed Abel. Puppies, kittens and little kids tells us there is hope. (So Damn Cute!) Have you made a gratitude list? Every day? 5 things that you are grateful for? (Ok, you can recycle things after a month.) We take so damn much for granted. We live in the best damn country in the whole world. Start there. Keep checking in. Together, we can do great things. |
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Posted: 2/9/2021 12:05:47 AM EDT
[#18]
The pain the last few days has grown and grown. I hold off on pain killers as long as I can. Plus the fact I have limited prescriptions before I have to go back so I stretch them as long as I can. When it starts I start with a tramadol. If that doesn't work in a day or two I take a hydrocodene. If that doesn't cut it after some time I go to Oxy. That hasn't cut it either. My skin is trying to kill me.
While I'm here, on alcohol. I'm 50 and never really drank. Some time back I tried it some to see if it would cut the pain. I was careful to not take on any days I took some pain pills. That didn't work at all. I could drink enough to cut the pain eventually. But I also passed out. |
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Posted: 2/9/2021 2:16:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Dolor]
[#19]
(edited)
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Posted: 2/9/2021 11:27:40 AM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By NathanL: The pain the last few days has grown and grown. I hold off on pain killers as long as I can. Plus the fact I have limited prescriptions before I have to go back so I stretch them as long as I can. When it starts I start with a tramadol. If that doesn't work in a day or two I take a hydrocodene. If that doesn't cut it after some time I go to Oxy. That hasn't cut it either. My skin is trying to kill me. While I'm here, on alcohol. I'm 50 and never really drank. Some time back I tried it some to see if it would cut the pain. I was careful to not take on any days I took some pain pills. That didn't work at all. I could drink enough to cut the pain eventually. But I also passed out. I empathize with you. Been put in the hurt locker many times. After a few days it starts affecting you mentally which adds more problems. Anger, hate, self pity, hopelessness, etc. It's a bad mix. I finally surrendered and took what the pain handed out, if that makes any sense. Hang in there. |
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Posted: 2/10/2021 12:02:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: BornToLooze]
[#21]
I took my wife out for lunch today, then we went to used video game/movie/random shit place, bought a movie I've been wanting to watch for a while and bought her a giant KK Slider stuffed animal.
 
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Posted: 2/11/2021 1:39:01 AM EDT
[#22]
Lost a friend to suicide this week.
I was just with her, and many of our other friends, Saturday night laughing and carrying on. This sucks. |
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Posted: 2/11/2021 1:46:42 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Cole2534: Lost a friend to suicide this week. I was just with her, and many of our other friends, Saturday night laughing and carrying on. This sucks. Usually how it is man. People hide shit, and often times they don't want to be a burden on people so they hide it even more. |
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Posted: 2/11/2021 2:34:08 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By HALFNATTYGAINZ: Usually how it is man. People hide shit, and often times they don't want to be a burden on people so they hide it even more. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By HALFNATTYGAINZ: Originally Posted By Cole2534: Lost a friend to suicide this week. I was just with her, and many of our other friends, Saturday night laughing and carrying on. This sucks. Usually how it is man. People hide shit, and often times they don't want to be a burden on people so they hide it even more.  |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 2/11/2021 3:31:10 PM EDT
[#25]
It is food for the soul, when gathered to have a moment to tell the group how blessed you are and in some cases amused to be in their company..
And so, I pray we all know we can be amused or amusing.. it is right to “feel”... but to feel the goodness and just “can” the destructive stuff. As a survivor of low times, it is always in the shadows.. but disappears when I shine a certain light on it. To Jesus Christ be all the glory! Amen Ps. God isn’t a crutch, he is the Great Physician.. |
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Posted: 2/11/2021 10:50:24 PM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By cwf: It is food for the soul, when gathered to have a moment to tell the group how blessed you are and in some cases amused to be in their company.. And so, I pray we all know we can be amused or amusing.. it is right to “feel”... but to feel the goodness and just “can” the destructive stuff. As a survivor of low times, it is always in the shadows.. but disappears when I shine a certain light on it. To Jesus Christ be all the glory! Amen Ps. God isn’t a crutch, he is the Great Physician.. And Christianity is the greatest hospital. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 2/12/2021 1:12:34 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wtfboombrb: And Christianity is the greatest hospital. Triage for the soul... it’s real |
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Posted: 2/12/2021 6:20:33 PM EDT
[#28]
I'm becoming less and less of a fan of sleep.
 Either I can't fall asleep or last few times I have been able to sleep I wake up panicked as fuck hearts racing like I just did 100 burpees. Not exactly sure how to describe it. |
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Posted: 2/12/2021 8:04:58 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By HALFNATTYGAINZ: I'm becoming less and less of a fan of sleep. Either I can't fall asleep or last few times I have been able to sleep I wake up panicked as fuck hearts racing like I just did 100 burpees. Not exactly sure how to describe it. |
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Posted: 2/13/2021 4:52:31 AM EDT
[#30]
I've been working on my drinking.
I've been trying to bury myself in music, because my drinking got to the point I've been relearning how to play guitar sober. My playing was on fire today. I still can't remember any guitar solos, so I've just been improving to the best of my abilities. I fucking nailed an improv solo at the end of a song, and I was fucking happy, which is saying something for me. I was just vibing with the music, but I improved an outro solo, fucking nailed it, and ended on the right note, which is a big problem I've had with my playing because I don't know theory, so I hit that last note and nailed it, so I bent it as high as could, and then reached up and bent it higher behind my fretting hand, because I wanted that note to be as high as I was. I had it bent up probably 3 or 4 steps, when the string slipped out from under my finger and took a layer of skin with it. |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 2/14/2021 8:16:58 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BornToLooze: I've been working on my drinking. I've been trying to bury myself in music, because my drinking got to the point I've been relearning how to play guitar sober. My playing was on fire today. I still can't remember any guitar solos, so I've just been improving to the best of my abilities. I fucking nailed an improv solo at the end of a song, and I was fucking happy, which is saying something for me. I was just vibing with the music, but I improved an outro solo, fucking nailed it, and ended on the right note, which is a big problem I've had with my playing because I don't know theory, so I hit that last note and nailed it, so I bent it as high as could, and then reached up and bent it higher behind my fretting hand, because I wanted that note to be as high as I was. I had it bent up probably 3 or 4 steps, when the string slipped out from under my finger and took a layer of skin with it. I recently bought another used guitar. Maybe the 4th one I've owned in my 42 years. I always give up and sell the guitar. But this time...It seems my playing is getting somewhere. I'm pleased with it. Hope you guys are staying warm in this Stalingrad-weather. |
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Posted: 2/14/2021 9:15:54 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 58Eldorado: I recently bought another used guitar. Maybe the 4th one I've owned in my 42 years. I always give up and sell the guitar. But this time...It seems my playing is getting somewhere. I'm pleased with it. Hope you guys are staying warm in this Stalingrad-weather. Ya, it's been a while since I was serious about it, and I had to relearn how to play guitar when I sober before (probably like 5 years ago), but it's coming back fairly easy this time, and I got a bass too, so I can switch back and forth if I start getting burned out. I've been thinking about working on my vocals. I was watching videos about how to scream without frying your voice and I already kinda know the technique for that, but I'm not good enough at singing to control the pitch of my voice while I'm doing it. |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 2/14/2021 11:35:50 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BornToLooze: Ya, it's been a while since I was serious about it, and I had to relearn how to play guitar when I sober before (probably like 5 years ago), but it's coming back fairly easy this time, and I got a bass too, so I can switch back and forth if I start getting burned out. I've been thinking about working on my vocals. I was watching videos about how to scream without frying your voice and I already kinda know the technique for that, but I'm not good enough at singing to control the pitch of my voice while I'm doing it. I would love to learn how to sing. I don't have any training. I don't know where to turn.. take lessons? YouTube videos?. I think it would be fun though. Are you performing punk-rock-type of music? or ? |
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Posted: 2/14/2021 11:51:02 PM EDT
[Last Edit: EastonHockey20]
[#34]
Rough day today for some reason, really don't even know why. I guess all the loneliness is starting to catch up
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Posted: 2/15/2021 12:00:42 AM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 58Eldorado: I would love to learn how to sing. I don't have any training. I don't know where to turn.. take lessons? YouTube videos?. I think it would be fun though. Are you performing punk-rock-type of music? or ? Metal, rock, blues, country...depends on the day. As far as vocal goals, to be able to cover this kinda range  Falling In Reverse - "Popular Monster" Rapping to singing and rough vocals to full on beast mode |
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Posted: 2/17/2021 4:50:43 AM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By EastonHockey20: Rough day today for some reason, really don't even know why. I guess all the loneliness is starting to catch up It's ok to feel down. Let it out and then get up. Try to get some sun. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 2/19/2021 10:57:42 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Gingerbreadman: Sleep apnea? Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Gingerbreadman: Originally Posted By HALFNATTYGAINZ: I'm becoming less and less of a fan of sleep. Either I can't fall asleep or last few times I have been able to sleep I wake up panicked as fuck hearts racing like I just did 100 burpees. Not exactly sure how to describe it. Ditto. It is for real.. including PTSD which can mask it... The 'sleep study' is painless, can be done at home... 'Work' was grinding me down.. I had a closed head injury (first one documented) and caused a detached retina, too. Short and long term memory was shot... still at times... SQUIRREL!! Docs had me on "preventative" BP meds. Caused respiratory (known side effect) distress. Went into seizure, full lockup, you can imagine the details. Probably would not have survived if our Bichon dog did not force my bride to wake and then check on me... Oldest son, USMC was living with us after financial setback and did the field CPR... Our Priest arrived as EMS had done first assessment and prep for the gurney. He interrupted them... when he finished giving me 'last Rites', I woke up. I can still add. Took me to the ER.. tests, etc.. nothing.... threw meds at it.. I pursued a cause, flunked the Sleep test. I changed BP meds (still just 'borderline'... not sure about that). Heart tests, blah blah blah... The first night wearing the CPAP started off miserable.. still is... I hate the thing... feel like I am on the ALIEN movie set with a 'facehugger' scene. I did get to sleep. The next morning I awoke feeling better than I had in a decade or more. Sometimes I still do. This did not totally 'cure' the problem. I have had 2 other seizures, less severe, but not trivial. I wear the CPAP for my bride. I am ready for the last deployment... and reveille... |
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Posted: 2/20/2021 6:48:34 PM EDT
[Last Edit: NathanL]
[#38]
I still write really really bad poetry to occupy my time.
We reconnected in lockdown Couldn't even go to town Hadn't seen you in 30 or more years Shared what came of hopes and fears Times back then we reminisced Worked through a 35 year list Talked for quite a while, made you cry Not knowing the cause I asked you why Self awareness" talking to me" Made me sad, couldn't leave it be I asked her, "tell me more?" Your secret's now mine, I swore I'm dying now, plain to see I shed a tear for you, not for me |
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Posted: 2/23/2021 5:29:17 PM EDT
[#39]
Another diagnoses, which comes when they can't eliminate anything else. scleroderma. Which would account for the brain lesions, the skin pain, the tingling my hands that I often described as skin pulled tight. Also the difficulty breathing and a multitude of other things. It's treatable. Though the most often used treatment is for now a no-no due to something else I have which can cause death or brain damage in conjunction with corticosteroids over a long period.
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MN, USA
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Posted: 2/23/2021 10:17:32 PM EDT
[#40]
Anyone out there tonight?
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Posted: 2/23/2021 10:31:33 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By drerickson77: Anyone out there tonight? What's up? |
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Posted: 2/24/2021 6:45:58 PM EDT
[#42]
I just took my first drink in almost a month. I had started a job i worked really hard for and was so excited about it. Well it was taken away today and I’m fucking crushed. The company i work for seemingly is doing all it can to make me leave. I don’t want to because i love the people but i just can’t take the disappointment anymore. I’m a VERY introverted and private person and so starting a new job is extremely stressful for me. I’ve been trying like hell to avoid it because it’s just hell on my mental state. But it looks like i may not have a choice if i care at all about my sanity....UGH.
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Posted: 2/24/2021 10:30:02 PM EDT
[#43]
That sucks. I get it, but I hope you take it easy on the booze.
Your post was a little bit confusing. Are you already out of a job, or are you being pushed out by your employer? Either way, you'll be better off starting fresh at a new place rather than clinging to a job that's damaging to your mental health. Good luck. |
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Posted: 2/25/2021 10:03:58 AM EDT
[#44]
Was moving within the company. From a job i hated and never asked for to something I’ve worked towards for 2 years and finally got it. It lasted a month and they decided out of the blue to axe the position.
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Posted: 2/25/2021 1:11:54 PM EDT
[#45]
This wellbutrin has me in a constant state of anxiety
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Posted: 2/25/2021 3:09:21 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Sparky: This wellbutrin has me in a constant state of anxiety How long have you been taking it? |
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Posted: 2/25/2021 7:05:30 PM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By denverdan: How long have you been taking it? 3.5 weeks |
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Posted: 2/25/2021 7:31:32 PM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Sparky: 3.5 weeks Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Sparky: Originally Posted By denverdan: How long have you been taking it? 3.5 weeks PM inbound |
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Posted: 2/25/2021 9:25:22 PM EDT
[#49]
I messaged drerickson the evening he posted this. He replied twice. I've tried messaging and emailing him since then with no response. I'm concerned. Can we get a few people in here to try?
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By drerickson77: Anyone out there tonight? |
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MN, USA
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Posted: 2/25/2021 11:35:14 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wtfboombrb: I messaged drerickson the evening he posted this. He replied twice. I've tried messaging and emailing him since then with no response. I'm concerned. Can we get a few people in here to try? Thanks for your concern. I'm fine. Nothing further needed. |
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