+1
(and this).

yes. it sounds like a lazy cop. that's ridiculous to see the size difference and hear your testimony AND the wife's and do nothing.

He's been gone for a week now. Half way across the country.

oh my. this should be good. grab a beer everyone. we're about to hear how a REAL man would do it.

sound advice here.

Of course she agrees now that it worked out. If it hadn't and he had done something to her,  she might feel differently if she was still around to have an opinion.

From the way it sounds he was certainly capable and volatile enough where something much worse could have happened.

how much pepper spray experience do you have? I was trained how to fight through it before I deployed to iraq. granted, not everyone got training like I did, but let me tell you, someone who's been sprayed before or is trained, or just motivated can see well enough to find you, and if they can grab you, they can channel all of that pain into anger.

if you are going to spray someone, step two should be running, not screwing with zip-ties.

taking into account the panic and fear of the moment, and since he's on this site, I'm assuming he had his gun, and trusted that he wouldn't hurt his sister.
I don't doubt that if she had cried out, the big boy would be dead. . .   we might all wish we would do something "different", but I don't think he did it wrong.
of course, I have no real training in this situation. . . . I did have to evict a drunken relative once, but thank god she was much smaller than me. I cannot imagine it if she were bigger though, because it was scary enough.

I'm glad it's over, OP.  Alcoholics do suck.  I deal with them often in medicine.  

LOL

this site really needs a "like" button.

I would have thought he could do this at the very least.

Got to the update. That's good at least.

I wouldn't let such a person back into the house for any reason.



His shit can be packed and sent to him.



 

I didn't read all the comments but I hope I can show as much constraint as you if I'm ever confronted by any of my wife's brothers on a drunk.

He did not have a very successful high school career as there is no such thing as a career in high school.  Ask Al Bundy.



The family doesn't know what to do with him.  They probably don't even think of him as an alcoholic.



They have done the only thing they know, which is to put up with his shit while he get's worse.



Check out http://www.stephaniebrownphd.com/



She can explain to you how alcoholics act and think.  They are essentially two year olds.  She also explains how they get their way and get other people to put up with their shit.



 

They can go for decades before that happens.  Then again, it happens to some of them pretty quick.



 

OP, he doesn't give a fuck about you, himself or anyone else in life.

He's another self destructive narcissist, he's going to:

Die
End up in prison
Wake the fuck up

It usually isn't the last one first.  These types of people drag so many well intentioned people down into their web of misery.

Don't be collateral damage because of his unrepentant selfishness.

He's the only person who can fix him, tough love is the ONLY way to fix these people.

I've been there, I feel your pain.  All you can do is cut him out.  If you want him to destroy your life too, keep enabling him.

Those of you responding without reading the last 5 pages have missed the fact that he's been out of our house for a week now. Damn, feels like a long ass time now. He will not be coming back here ever. If there's even a hint that my wife would consider letting him back with us, I'll be gone.

I actually wish someone wouldn't have bumped this thread. I was finally starting to forget about this shit and move on and now it's all rushing back and raw again.

Does she know this?

Yes. I may or may not have posted it earlier, but when we were trying to figure out what to do when the hospital wouldn't admit him and they couldn't get him a rehab bed immediately and her only solution was for him to come home with us, I was fully prepared to leave that night if their mom hadn't had a flight booked for the next day to come get him. I had a freaking panic attack making that decision, BTW. I decided it wasn't worth losing my marriage over him being there for one night. As it was, everything went as planned and he left the next day.

Sucky situation all around.  Saying that the guy has SERIOUS alcoholism problems would be quite the understatement.  Most people are tempted to try and help family, but there are those in life who simply cannot be saved.  They need to WANT to change.  Otherwise all the rehab programs in the world won't set them straight.

Best case scenario is they turn their life around.
Middle ground is they end up killing themselves and not hurting anyone else.
Worst case is that they drag others down with them or kill people in a DUI accident/domestic violence incident.

At what point is he legally not living there anymore?  Have you found out?

You're  fucked.

She'll let him move back.

Call for a lock.  Seriously.  No foul.

Don't sweat it. You did everything right. Helping family is as American as apple pie and baseball. Most turn out good. What would a reasonable person have done under the same circumstances, knowing what you knew at the time, in your shoes, without benefit of 20/20 hindsight with mere seconds to make judgement calls.

This is actually a great example for new gun owners.

In Florida, likely Tx and most States, there are no legal self defence presumptions for anyone living in the same household. In a few States, the individual doesn't need to be a lawful occupant. Total strangers may con their way in or sneak in through an unlocked door and the lawful occupant cannot presume they mean harm. A few States consider unrelated room mates as DV. It's the bleeding heart liberal go hide under a desk second guess every move you make because you going to prison no matter what you did legal doctrine.

For whatever reason your wife didn't fear making the second intervention. She grew up with him. She knows him better than anyone. She may have gone nose to nose with him plenty of times.

You are not expected to be Achilles, Hercules, Rambo, average, a typical person or a coward. Legally you are expected to meet the minimum standard of a reasonable person. The reasonable person doesn't walk down the middle of the street, looks where he is going and before he leaps, tutors fatherless minority children, members of neighborhood crime watch and/or national guard, proudly signs up for conscription and jury duty, courageous but not reckless, a good citizen.

You trusted your wife's lifetime judgement knowing how her brother reacts. You did not agitate or escalate with your presence but stood ready to intervene with force. All reasonable.

We don't need or want the State involved in most things. You waited until the last moment to call and de-escalated. Nothing wrong with that and not unreasonable. When LEO arrived, your BIL de-escalated and agreed to voluntary treatment.

Consider a lot of LEO are pro Second Amendment and know the consequences of a criminal record. BIL wasn't pounding his chest demanding joiner resisting authoritah like the current crop of PINAC copblock libertarian Peace Corp commies. In 10 or 20 years you don't want to be part of pushing a criminal record on your BIL. Here's one example of millions of similar LEO contacts per year acting as peace officer. It's not on flashing neon headlines of msm, huffinpos or unreason.com. It doesn't fit their left wing progressive liberal agendas. In fact, in this thread, there's speculation LEO was a coward, weak, didn't know his job, lazy .......

It was a table. He is your wife's brother and your brother in law. He may go back to the bottle and roids or not. He may turn out to be as close to you as any blood brother. Obviously after this, do not allow him to move back but he needs family support if the parents are willing.

Good luck to you and your family.