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Posted: 10/28/2006 8:02:35 AM EDT
Ok I know this isnt necessarily htf material but I havent slept in 2 days and I am getting real cranky.
Apparently I strained too much when dropping the kids off at the pool and some preparation H hilarity ensued. Now I realize I am opening myself up to ridicule here but I haven't hurt this bad since I had kidney stones. Do you fellas/ladies have any advice on some curative measures or good anal(hehe)gesics cause this is gonna make me go psycho in about 2 more days. Flame on  P.s. I am tired of standing. |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 8:17:02 AM EDT
[#1]
 "I've heard", that a heating pad helps after you follow the instructions on the tube. (and it's true  )1GR tells me that a banana peeling is the real cure, but his sense of humor has no bounds, and I haven't stopped laughing long enough to google it for myself. Hang in there... hehe 
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Posted: 10/28/2006 8:31:26 AM EDT
[#2]
All I know is if you go to the dr and he sticks something in there, then you notice both hands his on your shoulders, well it's not a good thing.
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Posted: 10/28/2006 9:32:42 AM EDT
[#3]
That's kinda vague..... It's not exactly a logical leap we can follow... Ya sorta skipped over the "somebody stuck something up my butt part". |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 10:18:25 AM EDT
[#4]
If it hurts that bad, I'd think about seeing a doctor. Embarassing of course, but then if it's keeping you up for like 2 days straight, it could be a serious problem.
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Posted: 10/28/2006 10:19:30 AM EDT
[#5]
baclofen is your friend.
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Posted: 10/28/2006 10:23:18 AM EDT
[#6]
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Posted: 10/28/2006 10:27:45 AM EDT
[#7]
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Posted: 10/28/2006 11:20:02 AM EDT
[#8]
So many places to go with this.... But first...are you insinuating that your anus has prolapsed? If so, here's what we do down on the farm when a heifer prolaspes after birthing a calf. Get a magnum champagne bottle,Obtain a few pieces of a horse's mane and a smaller carpet needle. Disinfect the hair in alcohol, stuff the vagina back into it's place...use the bottle to form the general shape. Tie a red ribbon around the neck of the bottle. and sew that bad boy up. In 3-6 weeks, romove the bottle and all should be well. If not, then just shoot the cow and have steak for dinner! Lemme know how that works out for ya!!!!
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Posted: 10/28/2006 11:39:46 AM EDT
[#9]
Was there "jack rabbit" involved?
 btw - Thanks for the "kids left in the pool". 
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Posted: 10/28/2006 11:48:41 AM EDT
[#10]
Aint no one heard the saying "Dropping the kids off at the pool"? I think a couple people might have taken that literally...
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Posted: 10/28/2006 12:05:21 PM EDT
[#11]
People don't make nearly as much fun of this once it's actually happened to them... That said: - Keep that area clean! - Sit in a warm bath, a few times a day if possible, to relieve a lot of the pain. - Try not to strain when dropping off those kids. - Alter your diet in a such a way that straining isn't necessary... More fiber, lots of water, ETC. Find some of natures natural laxatives... Coffee, Apple Juice, Prunes, Raisins, ETC all seem to work pretty well. AND... Lay off the anal for a while. Yes, going to the doctor and spreading cheek is embarassing, but there is a point where enough pain makes any level of embarassment seem trivial. If it doesn't get better on it's own and continues to recur, go to the doc! |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 12:13:13 PM EDT
[#12]
Raisin Bran...
I often work in the OR and occasionally learn a few tips and tricks. One of the surgeons who does a lot of hemroidectomy cases was advising one of the OR staff that to avoid hemmeroids, one should eat raisin bran every day. He also into graphic description about why this is good and better than oatmeal and other foods. There are a lot of horrible things that I see in surgery that are really avoidable. A simple thing like eating fiber can make a big difference in quality of life. I have also heard a bath can help with the discomfort. Best of luck to you. |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 12:38:57 PM EDT
[#13]
No Sgt Asshat I did not prolapse my rectum. I simply have in inflammed vein..... from a Nicaraguan midget |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 2:21:51 PM EDT
[#14]
^^^^ Admitting you have a problem is half of the solution.
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Posted: 10/28/2006 2:46:04 PM EDT
[#15]
This thread is worthless without Pics....
Go see a Doctor and be safe. |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 4:10:39 PM EDT
[#16]
No this thread is a pain in the ass.
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Posted: 10/28/2006 4:48:06 PM EDT
[#17]
I am truly sorry for your pain, but reading through this topic has got me laughing like a hyena!
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Posted: 10/28/2006 5:20:37 PM EDT
[#18]
Go see a good doctor.
I had a similar problem about a month ago. I ended up having to have some surgery. Hurt like a bitch for about a week, but I'm better now than I've ever been. Make sure he prescribes you the good drugs for afterwards. Trust me on that one.  Cheers, Chris |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 5:58:01 PM EDT
[#19]
Another vote for go see the Doc.
My cousin went and had his lanced and has not had a major problem since going on 2 years I think. It was embarassing so he says and made worse by the fact that the doc drug two hot nurses in to witness the procedure but the relief was INSTANT and well worth the shame involved.Just go to a clinic man they will fix you up in no time. |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 6:35:32 PM EDT
[#20]
All kidding aside. It will not get better unless you see the doc. Once they lance it it will be all better. I have been severly injured and nothing hurt worse than the PAIN IN THE ASS Get it over with, I think you are stuck with the emergency room now but it will be worth it.
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Posted: 10/28/2006 7:15:02 PM EDT
[#21]
so the doc is gonna stick a needle in it and release the blood eh? I can do that myself and not go to the doc.
Seriously is that all they do? cause I got needles in my sewing kit. |
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Posted: 10/28/2006 7:32:56 PM EDT
[#22]
That area is quite prone to all kinds of bad bugs. Do what you wish, I wish you would go to the doctor....................
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Posted: 10/29/2006 8:07:28 AM EDT
[#23]
The Doc put an antibiotic type salve on it and then told me to get Neosporin and use liberaly. Also he didn't lance it with a needle but sliced it open to get the clot out. Apparentl that is what causes them to get worse is that blood pools in the area then clots and after a time it adds up to the point you are at now. I'd go to the nearest clinic as soon as you can find one. A trip to the ER will cost you big time. I have pretty decent insurance but not knowing your situation the clinics seem to be pretty resonable price wise if you need to work something out with them. Good luck man. |
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Posted: 10/29/2006 10:34:35 AM EDT
[#24]
Fixed that for ya. |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 7:05:11 AM EDT
[#25]
Its called a "Thrombosed External Hemorrhoid" and they hurt like an SOB. I got one after walking about 15 miles pheasant hunting one year in Eastern WA. By day 3 I was in some serious pain. It's pretty embarassing but go see the doc right away.
Remedy includes: Lying on the table and telling jokes to the female nurse to hide embarassment. Getting a few shots in the area with a needle that feels hotter than the fires of hades. Having doc cut you with a scalpel near your sphincter as you howl like a baby. Wearing your wife's maxi-pads for one or two days while she ridicules you about it for the rest of your life. |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 7:26:31 AM EDT
[#26]
I hear witch hazel is involved as well....ahh.. the cooling and the burning! |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 1:55:07 PM EDT
[#27]
I think we have the same doctor. Cheers, Chris |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 2:15:41 PM EDT
[#28]
Went to the doc earlier. he gave me drugs and suppositories. I will be posting wierd shit tonight.
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Posted: 10/30/2006 7:44:50 PM EDT
[#29]
If the old Sweede remedy posted above fails...A sure no-fail cure it to use just a "leetle dab of turpentine". |
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Posted: 10/30/2006 7:48:23 PM EDT
[#30]
Sumbitch would crawl right back where it came from! 
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