I have been separated physically from my Ogre (husband) for 10 months, but mentally for about three years. I am not a person that trusts or believes anyone easily, but after three years, I gave in to trusting he was a friend. Ten years later, I feel like I have aged a thousand years from all the stress.
He seemed to run on a light switch, but I never knew who, when or why it would flip on and off. I went from being someone special and deserving of kindness, to nothing but trash. I gave up a home because I thought he was sincere, and I trusted him with my kids. For the last ten years, I have wondered every month if I would be out on the streets, and since I still depend on him, it feels almost the same. Except I do not care, I would be happy living in my car now that I know what it feels like to wake up everyday, and not see, hear, or smell him. I am still taking care of him, as he is too depressed, too lazy, too tired, too irresponsible to pay the bills, grocery shop, clean, or otherwise function. So I do not feel I have ever taken advantage of him. He has brought so much of his present situation on himself.
He has attempted suicide about 7 times in 12 years, the last was about two years ago. He almost accomplished it that time. Since then, he has been going downhill fast. The only thing that never changes is the absolute meaness. He has not been able to abuse me in the last 10 months, except that he spits in my face on occasion.
Four weeks ago, he told me he was going to "check out", he was going to leave me everything and kill himself. I try not to play into it too much, as this just seems to drive him. He was so doped up, he barely could speak without over slurring his words. When I left the house, I made sure it was locked. My daughter was having a neighbor get my grandson off the bus, and well, she forgot, so the lady next door got him off the bus, he is only five. Instead of just letting him stay in her house, she came in through a window that was not locked, went into Ogres room, took his keys and used his car. She was aware of his mental state, and gets him to give her xanax now and then. Later that evening he called me pissed off accusing me of taking half of his pills. I did take the guns, but I never touched his meds. Gee, guess who took them. He bitched and screamed about it, but when I tried to make a police report, he became really irrate. She denied it, and I just said screw it. She has taken his money and his bank card, but he chooses to just let it go.
The next week, he wanted me to move back in, and have my own room, and just live as room mates. (yeah, that's gonna happen).
The next week, while my back was out, and I could barely walk, he calls to tell me I need to get my "stuff" out of the house ASAP, he is putting it on the market. He has no idea he cannot do that without me.
Just this week I learned he has been bad mouthing me, and saying how tired he is of having to put up with me.
I haved stayed away as much as possible. He has not even seen the 13 year old in over 5 weeks. He told my oldest son, he was cutting me off. Mind you this is out of the blue, again. He asked three different people about purchaseing a shotgun or a handgun. One of them said he stated he was going to blow his head off after he took care of some 'things'.
Okay, so he is Bi-polar, and I found his mood drugs in the bottom of the dumpster, about 5 bottles of them. I have been in contact with the VA over the last ten years on a regular basis, they always promise to take care of him, but they just give him drugs and talk about the weather. They don't take me serious. Tuesday I went in and cornered the Dr.'s nurse. I told her about everything except what I have learned in the last few days. She corrected me on his diagnosis, he is Bi-polar with psychotic episodes. She told me I need to have him commited, and she will back me. Just get a lawyer and do it. Riiight.
I made a ton of phone calls, but being a Friday, I got no answers. I guess Monday, I will start again. I feel sorry for him, and I hate him at the same time. It must really suck to be so mindless. His mother had alzheimers (spelling? I don't care) she was a very violent woman one minute and then had dilusions of being a beauty queen the next.
Between my kids, and him, everyday is a new adventure. I am going to college in hopes of getting a job that won't require the use of my back too much. I was on workmans comp for about 8 months, and then just boom, I was cured and yet too disabled to have my job back. They still have not fired me.
I just wondered, should I blow off the threats of him possibly wanting to kill me and himself? I don't really feel scared, but, I would sure hate for my son and grandkids to have to deal with this crap. I would hate to have to depend on the police in the town where he lives. This one ass is the reason Ogre got off on this bullcrap tantrum to start with because the jerk is such a big mouth, even after I stressed the danger...oh well, matters. Maybe the jerk will read this, and he will have time to read up on how to handle a 'situation'. Better yet, maybe he will go over to the house and ask, "Hey, is yer wife still gonna have you commited?"
I guess if you managed to read this, this far, I need to say thanks for hearing me out.
If he shoots me, will I die quick? J/K I would hate to have to shoot him, but, damn, this was not on my list of things to do this week!!
What would you do? Anyone else had any experience with anyone with these type of mental problems?