this is supposed to be a Catholic joke (im Catholic, so its ok
) but i have been to many other churches and these seem fairly universal
btw, by these definitions, im a RELIC
Subject: Catholic Dictionary
AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.
BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.
CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the
Congregation to lip-sync.
HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.
HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than
that of the congregation's range.
HYMN, RECESSIONAL : The last song at Mass often sung a little more
quietly, since most of the people have already left.
INCENSE: Holy SMOKE
JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges
with good basketball teams.
JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.
JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.
KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize
besides gyros and baklava.
MAGI: The most famous trio ever to attend a baby shower.
MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered
by an HMO. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always
been rough.
PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.
PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass
consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.
RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led
by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.
RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually
know when to sit, kneel, and stand.
TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David
Letterman.
USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating
capacity of a pew.