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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - JOTD

Posted: 3/29/2009 7:52:03 AM EDT

So a baby seal walks into a club.......

Posted: 3/29/2009 7:52:46 AM EDT

[#1]

I laughed.

Posted: 3/29/2009 7:53:43 AM EDT

[#2]

Quoted:
I laughed.

So did I

Posted: 3/29/2009 7:56:05 AM EDT

[#3]

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Shaman walk into a bar. The bartender says, "is this a joke"?

Lame huh?

Posted: 3/29/2009 7:56:12 AM EDT

[#4]

What does one snowman say to the other?...

I'm fuckin' freezing!

So two muffins are sitting in an oven. One of em looks over and says "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Posted: 3/29/2009 7:58:26 AM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
What does one snowman say to the other?...

I'm fuckin' freezing!

So two muffins are sitting in an oven. One of em looks over and says "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Stop reading your kids popsicle sticks

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:00:12 AM EDT

[#6]

A fish swims into a wall and says "DAM"

What do you call a 1 legged waitress " ILEAN"(sound that out)
Where does she work? IHOP

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:01:12 AM EDT

[#7]

Wait I've got the worst!

Ghandi lived a very hard life, the hunger strikes left his body weak and his bones brittle, his feet were terribly callused from walking barefoot all the time, and his breath was really bad from a lack of hygene.

So Ghandi was a super callused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:01:52 AM EDT

[#8]

gotta admit I read the first line the was looking for the rest of the Joke, a little slow on my end, but still funny

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:02:21 AM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:

Quoted:
What does one snowman say to the other?...

I'm fuckin' freezing!

So two muffins are sitting in an oven. One of em looks over and says "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Stop reading your kids popsicle sticks

Shit, those are my popsicle sticks

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:05:50 AM EDT

[#10]

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was the road to socialism.

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:06:44 AM EDT

[#11]

So a guy was walking on the beach when he sees a girl with no arms or legs laying near the water.

She says "Excuse me sir I have never had a hug from such a handsome man, will you give me one?"
So he leans down and hugs her
Then she says "I've never been kissed by such a handsome man, will you kiss me?"
So he leans down and kisses her.
Next she says "What I would really like is to be fucked by such a handsome man"
So he picks her up and throws her in the water and says "You're fucked now bitch."

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:08:15 AM EDT

[#12]

What's white on the outside black on the inside and fucks everybody?

The white house

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:30:33 AM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
Wait I've got the worst!

Ghandi lived a very hard life, the hunger strikes left his body weak and his bones brittle, his feet were terribly callused from walking barefoot all the time, and his breath was really bad from a lack of hygene.

So Ghandi was a super callused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.

heh.

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:37:20 AM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
A fish swims into a wall and says "DAM"

What do you call a 1 legged waitress " ILEAN"(sound that out)
Where does she work? IHOP

Don't forget... she works with the armless, legless host at IHOP: MATT

Matt has a twin brother on the swim team: Bob

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:39:43 AM EDT

[#15]

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A Roman Catholic.

Three guys walk into a bar, the fourth one ducks.

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:40:56 AM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:

So two muffins are sitting in an oven. One of em looks over and says "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

i love that one! i havent heard that in a long time

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:47:50 AM EDT

[#17]

What's the hardest part about eating bald pussy?

Putting their diaper back on.

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:49:25 AM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
What's the hardest part about eating bald pussy?

Putting their diaper back on.

Totally uncalled for.

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:50:02 AM EDT

[#19]

You know why sex is like a Savings Account?
Because you put it in you take it out, you put it in you take it out,, and finally you lose interest.

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:52:08 AM EDT

[#20]

I always hated eating vegetables....

It was such a pain in the ass to get them back in the wheelchair

Posted: 3/29/2009 9:38:08 AM EDT

[#21]

lots of lols here

Posted: 3/29/2009 9:41:20 AM EDT

[#22]

You all hear about Rosie O'Donnell committing suicide?

They found her face down in Rikki Lake.

Posted: 3/29/2009 9:55:54 AM EDT

[#23]

What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

Depends

Posted: 3/29/2009 9:58:26 AM EDT

[#24]

This thread is just wrong in so many ways but I'm still laughing.

Posted: 3/29/2009 12:25:29 PM EDT

[#25]

What do you call a dog with steel balls and no hind legs?
Sparky.

Posted: 3/29/2009 12:45:52 PM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:
What's white on the outside black on the inside and fucks everybody?

The white house

LOL

Posted: 3/29/2009 12:49:47 PM EDT

[#27]

A man and woman enter an elevator on the 80th floor.

Doors close, the cable snaps, the elevator plunges.

As her last act, woman rips off her clothes and pleads

"Please, make me feel like a woman"

Man rips his shirt off and says

"Hey, iron this shirt bitch"

Posted: 3/29/2009 7:35:34 PM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:
What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

Depends

What's the worst part about having sex with an 80 year old?

Ever pulled apart a grilled cheese?

Posted: 3/29/2009 8:16:37 PM EDT

[#29]

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It dosen't matter, he won't come anyway.

Posted: 3/29/2009 9:54:56 PM EDT

[#30]

You know what the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year girl is?

Slicking her hair back and making her look like a 12 year old boy.

Posted: 3/29/2009 9:59:40 PM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:

Quoted:
What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

Depends

What's the worst part about having sex with an 80 year old?

Ever pulled apart a grilled cheese?

Sexy

Posted: 3/29/2009 10:06:06 PM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:

Quoted:

A fish swims into a wall and says "DAM"

What do you call a 1 legged waitress " ILEAN"(sound that out)

Where does she work? IHOP

Don't forget... she works with the armless, legless host at IHOP: MATT

Matt has a twin brother on the swim team: Bob

And don't forget their brother that hangs on the wall: Art.

Posted: 3/29/2009 10:10:29 PM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:

Quoted:
A fish swims into a wall and says "DAM"

What do you call a 1 legged waitress " ILEAN"(sound that out)
Where does she work? IHOP

Don't forget... she works with the armless, legless host at IHOP: MATT

Matt has a twin brother on the swim team: Bob

And don't forget their brother that hangs on the wall: Art.

And their sister who is a lifeguard at the beach: Sandy.

Posted: 3/29/2009 11:06:42 PM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:
You know what the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year girl is?

Slicking her hair back and making her look like a 12 year old boy.

Wait, what the fuck? That's just....

Posted: 3/29/2009 11:09:44 PM EDT

[#35]

Quoted:
What's the hardest part about eating bald pussy?

Putting their diaper back on.

I was told that one before and when I relayed it to someone else, I was called a pedophile for like a month. Pissed me off.

Pretty wrong, but then again some types of jokes are only good for shock value.

Posted: 3/29/2009 11:10:07 PM EDT

[#36]

Quoted:
What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

Depends

Posted: 3/29/2009 11:14:33 PM EDT

[#37]

Whats blonde, brown, blonde, brown,......fake blonde doing a cart wheel

What do fish smoke? Seaweed

Posted: 3/29/2009 11:23:45 PM EDT

[#38]

Quoted:

Quoted:
A fish swims into a wall and says "DAM"

What do you call a 1 legged waitress " ILEAN"(sound that out)
Where does she work? IHOP

Don't forget... she works with the armless, legless host at IHOP: MATT

Matt has a twin brother on the swim team: Bob

And don't forget their brother that hangs on the wall: Art.

And their sister who is a lifeguard at the beach: Sandy.

and their 2 cousins that hang out in front of the window all day: Kurt and Rod

Posted: 3/29/2009 11:52:48 PM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:
So a baby seal walks into a club.......

C'mon, now! That's my favorite joke!

Posted: 3/29/2009 11:56:16 PM EDT

[#40]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung!

Posted: 3/30/2009 12:01:59 AM EDT

[#41]

The entire house is awake now...

Ok you guys enough––the hubby is trying to watch TV––and he can't hear...*LOL*

Posted: 3/30/2009 12:49:22 AM EDT

[#42]

What did the left butt cheek say to the right buttcheek?

....between you and me, something stinks....

My girlfriend said she thought I was a pediphile.......I said, thats a pretty big word coming from a six year old.

Posted: 3/30/2009 5:50:50 AM EDT

[#43]

Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay-gulls. (sound it out)

Posted: 3/30/2009 5:55:57 AM EDT

[#44]

What do you call an Ethiopian with a venereal disease?

Quarter pounder with cheese.

Posted: 3/30/2009 5:57:49 AM EDT

[#45]

A skeleton walk into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

Posted: 3/30/2009 6:12:04 AM EDT

[#46]

Quoted:

Quoted:

So two muffins are sitting in an oven. One of em looks over and says "It sure is hot in here!" The other muffin replies "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

i love that one! i havent heard that in a long time

This has been one of my favorites on here.

Posted: 3/30/2009 8:16:41 AM EDT

[#47]

What is the difference between a Rooster and a Whore?
The Rooster says,"Cock a doodle do".
The whore says, " any cock will do".

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - JOTD

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