**Rant Mode = On**
Dear Offended Co-Workers,
I would like to take this opportunity to whole-heartedly apologize for today's unforgiveable transgression. There are no excuses for my actions and I take full responsibility for them.
I sincerely apologize for currently experiencing a mild stomach illness which causes periodic eruptions of fecal discharge the likes of which make Krakatao's eruption look like backyard fireworks. Furthermore, I grovel in shame at the fact that feeling the seismic pre-cursors to another eruption and finding the men's room locked, I went into the Ladies' facility wherein I detonated like all the tannerite on ARFCOM.
I know that even though the men's rooms and the ladies' rooms are identical in every way, have only a commode and sink, and located immediately adjacent to one another, fit only one person, and have locking doors, I should have been sensitive enough to your needs to not use my gastric event as justification for my heinous and sinister violation of your sacrosanct abode.
Oh, and my sincerest thanks for asking the Director of the department to pull me aside and have a little 'chat' about my wicked deed and asking me to reform my ways lest one of you call HR and file a complaint for harassment. The Director has reminded me that the two restrooms on this floor are marked with the appropriate gender and I should be sensitive to that demarcation. He even was so helpful as to remind me that the distant downstairs bathrooms are not marked as gender-specific and I may use either at my discretion.
In conclusion, next time I have such an unfortunate digestive event, I will walk downstairs to the other two identical bathrooms which do not have signs on them and are, therefore, fair game to members of any particular gender or lack thereof even if it means soiling myself in or near your office, probably in your top drawer.
Sincerely,
Your humble Co-Worker
** Rant Mode = OFF **
The sad part is that the story is true.