Just curious, because I'm about to face a review on an old child support order and I don't think it's going to be pretty, as my income has gone up since the "old order."

I don't have any other children, this is my one and ONLY daughter, but my ex is currently on her second marriage with THREE kids from this marriage.  She was previously married, but that marriage blew up like a nuclear warhead and she lost custody of her boy because the guy had money and a lawyer.

My daughter is currently 15 and we have a good relationship.  She's been voicing that she wants to come live with me, but doesn't want to leave her mother.  


ETA:  Supposedly my ex made like 80,000 in the real estate market, or whatever it is that she does, last year.  I made something like around 60,000, but I don't have any debt and no car payment, so I don't things will look good for me.  

If you think your home would be better for your daughter do it.

Speak to her about it first.  Have a serious 1v1 sit down, and ask her why she's aired those concerns to you.

If you don't try to get custody you need to pay the money, BUT make sure your daughter knows how it works.  Make sure your kid knows the ex is spending your daughter's money on YOUR daughter, NOT on the ex.

If she makes more money than you do why would you be required to have a very large (if at all) child support bill?

sorry, never been through a divorce so I'm not 100% on the rules.

Well, they have a shit load of bills and my duaghter tells me that my money isn't always spent on her, but on their bills.  This is what irks me.  

And it's crazy how much they "calculate" how much the guy needs to pay.  Some amounts are just freaking crazy.

I buy her clothes, pay for band stuff when she needs it and give her a lot of love and attention, but that stuff isn't "factored in."

Quoted: If she makes more money than you do why would you be required to have a very large (if at all) child support bill? sorry, never been through a divorce so I'm not 100% on the rules.

Well, before she got into the real estate game she was selling phones for Verizon.  But, from what my daughter tells me, her mother is very good at selling homes and SUPPOSEDLY she makes a lot of money doing it.  My daughter (her telling me, not me asking, cuz I give a rat's ass about my ex), has told me that she made up to 100,000K supposedly, but I think that's her mom just exagerrating to our daughter.  Her mom is such a liar, I don't know what the truth is.

ETA:  First my car gets stolen and burned, now this.  Geez.  I hope I don't get killed when I go to New York next week.

For most of us, you are always trying to swim upstream.  

vmax84

Ain't THAT the truth, brother.

Quoted: If she makes more money than you do why would you be required to have a very large (if at all) child support bill? sorry, never been through a divorce so I'm not 100% on the rules.

Because he OWES it to her.

If your 15 year old daughter wants to come live with you, it's because she thinks she can get her way at your house. Let her move in and when she finds out she can't get her way, see how fast she goes back to mom's.

Marriage just doesn't seem like a good deal. Too many ways to fail.

Quoted: If your 15 year old daughter wants to come live with you, it's because she thinks she can get her way at your house. Let her move in and when she finds out she can't get her way, see how fast she goes back to mom's.

No, it's NOT because of that.  I have rules and a schedule of things (basic chores) that she needs to do in order to show her some responsibility.  The reason she wants to come live with me is because she doesn't get along with her step-dad.  I've already have had to "talk" to hime once.  Plus, she is always stuck babysitting her three younger siblings.  At my house she is the ONLY kid, so she has peace and quiet and only has to take care of her chores, nothing else. As long as she does what she needs to do then she gets rewarded with little things here and there.

I'm a mental health therapist, so I know how to set rules, limits and expectations for my daughter.  Plus, how to have a positive relationship with her.

Quoted: Marriage just doesn't seem like a good deal. Too many ways to fail.

Seriously.  I'm never getting married.  Even before i joined arfcom i saw so many failed marraiges where friends lost all toys it wasnt even funny.

I don't know about your state, but here anywhere from 20-25% of your income for ONE kid.

A friend of mine pays nearly 4k a month in alimony and child support for one kid

edit: and he still sees the child on every weekend, so he pays for stuff then, too.

GEEZUS.

Quoted: I don't know about your state, but here anywhere from 20-25% of your income for ONE kid.

Holy crap.  

i bet the op is crying.

More like this, dude:  

i agree its ridiculous.

My guess is you will pay between $600-$800 a month. Depends on the state laws though.

I was paying 400 a month for one that ended last month on the 9th of June

Quoted: If your 15 year old daughter wants to come live with you, it's because she thinks she can get her way at your house. Let her move in and when she finds out she can't get her way, see how fast she goes back to mom's.

happened to me, just like that

All I know is the guy always get screwed by the courts, PERIOD!

I was real lucky and negotiated with my ex to pay less than what the f'd up court system said i should pay. I pay about 60%(still substantial $'s) of what the law would have required. But I'm also the one that will be buying cars, insurance, college, etc.

I will say she is a good mother and my boys are very well taken care of. Again, i think my case is the exception to the rule.

Good Luck!

I pay $880.00 a month on two kids,that's $100.00 a week to the ex-girlfriend,who had my son. and $120.00 to the ex wife who has my daughter,who by the way is 18 -just graduated from high school and my ex saved almost every support check for her college fund. Which is cool but I still gotta pay till' that's done.Oh, and to get to the point..It dosn't matter what she spends it on,you still have to pay.So just keep paying or battle it out in court.But know this you got a long uphill battle because the system is for the ,well it doesn't really matter because your kids are worth any amount of money or pain or greif you might be going through.The most importent thing is spending as much time with them as you posibly can...So they know and love they'er daddy Forever.I'm rambling and I'm drunk but if you can sort out any of that..well I treid to help,and I meant well.GOOD LUCK.

I do spend time with her.  Granted, it wasn't always this way while I was away at school completeing my undergrad and graduate school work, but I've made major strides in my relationship with her since then.

Quoted: I do spend time with her.  Granted, it wasn't always this way while I was away at school completeing my undergrad and graduate school work, but I've made major strides in my relationship with her since then.

                                                                                                                                                                                                     That's good,I wasn't there when my kids were young.but just keep doing that spending time with her thing,she needs it just as much as you do.I always spent all my time at work and missed out on a lot,and teenagers need you more than they know.

Quoted: If she makes more money than you do why would you be required to have a very large (if at all) child support bill?

Duh... he's a guy.  Probably one of those white bastards, too.  Anyone who walks around with a weapon of rape between their legs deserves to get soaked for every penny.

Don't you know anything?

Quoted: Quoted: If she makes more money than you do why would you be required to have a very large (if at all) child support bill? Duh... he's a guy.  Probably one of those white bastards, too.  Anyone who walks around with a weapon of rape between their legs deserves to get soaked for every penny. Don't you know anything?

LOL.  Nope, not white, but a second generation Latino bastard.    My daughter's step-dad is white, though.  He's really jealous of the relationship I have with my daughter and hates it when she calls me dad, because as HE sees it she should be calling him dad. My ex is like third-fourth generation here in the states, but she looks more Mediterrean than anything.  I think it's more, like, if your a upstanding, middle class citizen THEN you get fucked.

ETA:  Oh, and by the way I'm not an illegal, speak English, identify myself as an AMERICAN citizen and feel that Americans of Hispanic descent that believe in Aztlan are about as stupid as they come!  

My brother pays something like 500.00 a month--it is based on his pay I think..

And although he wants to, his ex-- wife never lets him see my niece...Oh she is a bitch...I can't stand her...

ETA: that important Ex in front of wife...Did I mention I hate her?

my dad paid $650.00 a month from 1999 to this past June, for the two of us.

The fuckbag of a spermdoner for my stepson shells out 600 a month to my wife and boy.  He hasn't seen him in two years and wasn't around at all until he was 3.  Hell for the year he did see him it was only 1 weekend maybe every 2 months.


He keeps telling me he will sign the adoption papers if my wife will waive away the 32,000 in back support he owes.

It pisses of my wife that I won't adopt him, but I say FUCK HIM.

Drug Dealing, Multiple DWI THUG.  Fuck him.  Let him pay.


No way in hell he will ever see his boy again.

$425 a month for my daughter.

As a stepfather of two, I can't imagine anyone worthy of being called a man would not pay as much as he could to support his children.  Set up a college fund if you are not comfortable giving more money to your ex, but by all means support the children you are responsible for putting on this F'd up planet.  Be a man, dude.

Agreed.

Quoted: As a stepfather of two, I can't imagine anyone worthy of being called a man would not pay as much as he could to support his children.  Set up a college fund if you are not comfortable giving more money to your ex, but by all means support the children you are responsible for putting on this F'd up planet.  Be a man, dude.

I am so glad I have never had to play that game.  My sons Mother and I worked it out a long time ago that it wouldn't be necessary to pay child support to one another etc etc.  We decided that since we were both doing OK money wise it wouldn't be needed for the other parent to pay X amount a month.  She tells me when he needs something like new school clothes( if he has outgrown them during the year), money for camps,  vacation , etc etc etc and I take care of what he needs , and then when he comes to stay with me during the summers, I buy all of his school clothes for the year and provide whatever he needs while he is with me. He says when he is 12 (3 years away)  he is coming to live with me. I also let her claim him on taxes every year, even though we were supposed to switch off. When he comes to live with me at 12 we will vice versa everything. So it has worked out really well for us and we havn't had to have the courts step in and tell us how to live as adults. It is ashame not all  
can get along and work it out on their own once they realize they have nothing left for each other but only share an interest in the child.  I can tell you how much my Uncle pays for 2 kids though,  he is paying 1200 a month.

My wife's dumb ass ex pays only $400/month for 2 children, and the state had to garnish his check to get that.  Oh well, I am glad there is a hell for bastards like that.
Carry on.

Quoted: As a stepfather of two, I can't imagine anyone worthy of being called a man would not pay as much as he could to support his children.  Set up a college fund if you are not comfortable giving more money to your ex, but by all means support the children you are responsible for putting on this F'd up planet.  Be a man, dude.

I firmly there is a LINE that needs to be drawn here, because the NON-CUSTODIAL parent needs to have enough money to live their fucking lives, too, man.  Plus, when you know your EX and the piece of shit step-dad aren't doing the best job as parents, well, you get the point.

Plus, when you have your own mortgage and are taking care of your aging parents, a big increase in child support is not a very good thing.  Especially when you are already paying a decent amount, spend time with your ONE KID and still buy her the things that she  needs the increase can be a very trying thing to accept.  Understand?

Hell, I only have ONE kid, she punched out FOUR more in her two marriages.  I almost feel like I'm getting penalized because she couldn't make the smart decision not to have more kids.

Oh, and did you not read the part that my daughter's step-dad gets pissed when she calls me Dad, but not him?  I already spoke to the son-of-a-bitch about that when he began to complain to me about the issues he was having with my daughter.  And the reason he has issues with her is because he is trying to replace me as the biological father, which only fuels my daughter's dislike for him.  Like I told him, you will never be able to take my place in my daughter's eyes, but you can work on being a better STEP-dad.  What a fucking douche bag.

Look man, I don't know your situation, and don't want to.  I am just saying that on average the father's get off dirt cheap.  I was a child of divorce, and know all about that bullshit so don't lecture me please.  You can't calculate the cost of raising a child.  there is always something they need from school clothes to food, so how could you not agree that most divorced non custodial parents don't pay enough.  I am done, argue all you want, but kids are expensive and both parents need to share that cost equally.

Quoted: Look man, I don't know your situation, and don't want to.  I am just saying that on average the father's get off dirt cheap.  I was a child of divorce, and know all about that bullshit so don't lecture me please.  You can't calculate the cost of raising a child.  there is always something they need from school clothes to food, so how could you not agree that most divorced non custodial parents don't pay enough.  I am done, argue all you want, but kids are expensive and both parents need to share that cost equally.

I am not arguing that.  I am always there to help out when my ex asks (like band instruments, braces, field trips, fucking etc), BUT I do feel there's a freaking limit to what you should get hit with.  Plus, I also buy her clothes and do other things for her.  

When I get custody and she is on the other end of the gun, we'll see how she feels about having to pay child suppoirt.  But to tell you the truth, I would not want shit from her.  I don't need her fucking money.  

Good luck, and God bless you man.  You obviously care about your child, and that makes you a man in my eyes.  

My one night stand costs me 259 a month in support and 5K-10K a year to enforce my visitation rights.  The laws are surely slanted to the women because if you have a penis you must be guilty.

Quoted: Good luck, and God bless you man.  You obviously care about your child, and that makes you a man in my eyes.

Thanks, man, I really do, but I also have my parents to take care of and just when I think I'm breaking even on all my responsibilities this happens.  I mean, there's only so much I can fucking do.  

I hear you man.  Hang in there.  Life is long and hard, but what fun would it be if it was candy coated bullshit, right?  You know what to do.  I will be praying for you, me, and everyone of us.  We're all in this clusterfuck together man.  Just keep on keepin' on and enjoy the many blessings that life has to offer.  Watching a child grow is about at the top of the list.  

Quoted: I hear you man.  Hang in there.  Life is long and hard, but what fun would it be if it was candy coated bullshit, right?  You know what to do.  I will be praying for you, me, and everyone of us.  We're all in this clusterfuck together man.  Just keep on keepin' on and enjoy the many blessings that life has to offer.  Watching a child grow is about at the top of the list.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.  I just had to vent a little.

I will face tomorrow/today with a brighter attitude, cuz I am still better off than a lot of people and I AM DOING what I need to do as father, son and a man.

Wanna win?

Listen up.

Courts I have dealt with ALL operate from this principle: "Parents? Who cares? Kids come FIRST."

Like it, hate it, don't matter, that's the equation that drives the field you are playing on.

How do you make that work for you?

First, understand the general, basic formula that determines how child support is paid.

Mom's income (we'll get to a definition of "income" shortly), plus dad's income, equals the "pot", and the kids get a percentage of the pot. Around here, that percentage runs approximately 12.5 percent of the pot, after tax.

Mom's and dad's share are calculated by how much they individually contribute to the pot. If both are equal they contribute equally. Figure then on paying out one quarter of your after tax income per kid, UNLESS you make a LOT more than mom, or she makes a LOT more than you.

Income...well it MIGHT be based on your and her tax returns, and then again, it might not be. What a judge REALLY wants to know is how well you LIVE, both mom and dad. see, you might be bringing home pennies, but if you live in a paid off house, in a cheap city for utilities gas and food, you're LIVING better than your tax retrun says you should, and the judge will MAKE SURE the kid gets his share of all that bounty.

Before you bitch, this actually helps guys more often than women, because if the ex re-marries, and doesn't work or only works part time, HER income is calculated by how well she LIVES, not how much her tax return shows, IF you understand the process, AND play the game right, AND have competent counsel.

Side note, judge DON'T CARE how mom spends the money, EXCEPT when the kids look like ragamuffins. Long as the kids get fed, judge figures the support all goes into the pool, and if mom spends support on clothes for MOM, then mom's OTHER money all goes to thenkids, because now mom has clothes. (If the kids AREN'T fed, you have grounds for a custody change AND MASSIVE LEVERAGE over mom).

Playing the game right means you look like a shiny armor knight to the judge. Three steps pretty much tells the tale.

1. Guys who show up in court with bottom dollar attorneys (or none at all) obviously don't care about the kids, and since the judge ONLY cares about the kids (y'all are adults and are on YOUR OWN, the kid needs an ADVOCATE), that $100 an hour ambulance chaser who advertises on late night TV will end up costing you WAY more than you save. For the record, both the judge and the bailiff referred to my attorney as "Your Honor" because he was the sitting judge in that courtroom until 6 months before our trial. That kind of weight costs money, penny wise, pound foolish.

2. Deadbeat dads, are defined on ONE SIMPLE PRINCIPLE. How regular do they pay support? If they pay half the time, what's to stop the judge from doubling support so the half the kids actually GET makes up for the half deadbeat dad doesn't pay? Miss two-three payments, show up in court even one penny behind, YOU become "deadbeat dad" who IGNORES THE VOICE OF GOD (judge's order) AND MUST BE PUNISHED. Pay on time, every time, and you become dad the shining knight, just by NOT being a normal fuck-up. The secret to winning then, is to pay every time, just a fuzz MORE than the judge ordered. Seriously, you show up in court with an unblemished string of receipts (NO RECEIPT- NO SUPPORT- PERIOD) for 2 to 5 percent more than the judge ordered, and your shit don't stink. You become SUPER DAD, and judges love super dads.

3. Visit the kid regularly, EVERY time, show you care, and then you are NOT an ABSENTEE FATHER who need to make up for the love he's denying his kids with HARD CASH.

You do these three things, and the absolute worst you come off in court is dead equal with the poor, hardworking, perfect single mother.

As for out of court, you've already set half the stage for a win by paying MORE than the court ordered. If mom LOSES MONEY by going back to court, mom does NOT look forward to going to court.

You're going to pay what the formula says you pay, whether you go to court or not. Attorney's aren't cheap, attorney fees equals LOSE. Period. For ten minutes of attorney time, you can get the SAME worksheet the court uses, figure out the bill YOURSELF, put the lawyer fees in YOUR POCKET, and save mom, the kids AND YOU all the heartache of going to court.

To lock in the win, make sure mom knows from day ONE that support (a little extra, remember?), plus any court ordered payments are ALL SHE GETS, period. Stick to that from DAY ONE. Thge court figures you two don't like each other, so they're going to simplify the finances with ONE PAYMENT that covers as much of everything as is possible.

When YOU throw in a "little bit more" for book rental, or school clothes, YOU teach mom that the horn-o-plenty is NEVER EMPTY, and YOU teach the judge that he GUESSED WRONG about your standard of living.

Don't do that.

Now, with all this in mind, remember that there are some states, and some judges, who HAVE THEIR HEAD UP THEIR ASS. Don't know what to tell you guys, except YOU elected them, and YOU CONTINUE to fund their salary by staying there and paying taxes. If you don't like where you're at, get the fuck out. Leaving may not fix your fucked up situation, but at the very least, it doesn't propagate a fucked up system and who knows, you might get "lucky" and the ex follows you to a jurisdiction that PUTS THE KIDS FIRST.

I have a buddy who pays like 215 a month for his kid. and he still bitches about it

Quoted: If she makes more money than you do why would you be required to have a very large (if at all) child support bill? sorry, never been through a divorce so I'm not 100% on the rules.

Their usually is a forumla that says 1 kid = XX%, 2 = XX% and so on

You guys need to lighten up!!! It costs WAY more to stay married and raise the children!! But I for one think its money and time well spent.

In January i learned i have a 8 yr old son who i did not know of. I payed $919 a month till i was hurt and could not work. The state granted a lower payment. Was fired because i could not work. Made every payment. We are learning to spend time together. He is welcome to the home anytime. The state just took my checking account so that i cannot pay for any food for my 2 daughters or pay other bills. Plus my 5 yr old is supposed to have her tonsils and adenoids out on the 28 of this month. I am facing a possibly serious medical condition called Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. Basically the state said we do not care about anything but the money. I had a savings but that was burned up on getting my surgery done on my left arm. It is all women in the child support office and they are not very nice to men. Very nice to the women though. It is stacked against men. I am trying my hardest to make all payments on time but when my girls cannot eat something is wrong with the system. We appleid for wic on the 2 yr old do to all that is going on and hope to be off before long.

One of my buddies pays $800 to $850 for 1 kid. His ex, and her lawyer, wanted 2k a month. She has one other kid, and the poor bastard that knocked her up is paying almost as much. She didn't want to get a job, the ones she had when they were married would last a few months then she'd quit. Or get fired. Major bitch here. Anyway, she didn't want to work, so the state paid for her to go to school. When she got out, she worked just enough to make it look good. And suckered in some other poor dumb bastard. So she's living good off the effort of 3 different guys. And last I heard was trying to get the new guy to adopt.

Before she met the new guy, she lived with her grandmother and got welfare. She never helped grandma out, and part of the money my buddy pays was/is for day care. She 'needed' someone to watch the kid(s) while she was at school. The state also paid $200 towards that. This sounds like she's gaming the system, I asked my buddy if there was some way to nail her for it. His lawyer said no. Where he works, his job is either going to mexico, or india or china. So he looked into changing jobs. It would be a pay cut to start, but he gets sent home now due to lack of work. Anyways, the people in domestic (or whatever they're called) said there'd be NO reduction in payment since he'd be leaving on his own. So he's stuck until the company throws him out.

Also, fwiw, she's a REAL bitch. One day she made her 1st kid stay outside during the winter without a coat because he was young at the time, and had an accident. She said 'if youre going to act like an animal I'll treat you like one.' This is no bullshit either. She even fucking TOLD me about it that night when I stopped by. My buddy wanted this brought up. But it seems around here, that kind of thing doesn't matter. He can't prove it, but he's sure she bashed in the head of the weiner dog they had. She said it got out and ran into traffic before she could stop it.

Dude, the system is so fucking rigged against guys. I don't know where you're at, but if its PA run like the fucking devil is on your tail!! Otherwise you'll get ass-raped a dozen different ways.

Quoted: As a stepfather of two, I can't imagine anyone worthy of being called a man would not pay as much as he could to support his children.  Set up a college fund if you are not comfortable giving more money to your ex, but by all means support the children you are responsible for putting on this F'd up planet.  Be a man, dude.

What you apparently fail to understand is that in the vast majority of cases that "child support" money is going to buy mommy new shoes, and not towards the welfare of the child.  Most (if not all) dads would much rather put their money into a fund that mommy can't touch.  The way the system should be set up is with a debit card for dear old mommy, the child support check goes into the account, and dad (and his lawyer) get a detailed itemized statement each month of what she spends the money on.