I'm here perusing arfcom and the door bell goes off.

Peek through the door and see them.  Jehova's witnesses.  I open the door, the lady looks nervously at me and hands me some papers and says, "Sorry to bother you, here's some stuff to read" or something like that.  Apparently, I made them nervous.  I was wearing my "HEAVILY ARMED AND EASILY PISSED" t-shirt and had the 1911 in view strong side.

I know I know, it's not a good arfcom story.  Just thought it was funny to see that "look".

After they gave you the "stuff to read", did they run like hell?

They came to see me yesterday, nice folks. They saw my crucifix and st christophers medal and got the hint though.

Quoted: After they gave you the "stuff to read", did they run like hell?

I don't think it's possible for witnesses to run like "hell."

10 am on a sunday morning?  You were too nice.

Quoted: 10 am on a sunday morning?  You were too nice.

Yep, they usually drop by between 10 and 11 on either Saturday or Sunday.

wherere did you get thta shirt i want one


im sure it would scre more than just witnesses of your porch if they rang ant the wrong time.....

say if you just got done cleaning the ar or ak  or perhaps getting ready for a range trip.

the posibilities are endless    

Quoted: wherere did you get thta shirt i want one im sure it would scre more than just witnesses of your porch if they rang ant the wrong time..... say if you just got done cleaning the ar or ak  or perhaps getting ready for a range trip. the posibilities are endless

www.cafepress.com/cynicalblack/1045068

I think I also got a "I am my own homeland security" from here.

There is no way I could be a Jehova's witnesses, I did'nt even see the accident

Is it true that Jehovas Witnesses are not allowed to own any type of weapon?

Quoted: Is it true that Jehovas Witnesses are not allowed to own any type of weapon?

?

I heard a comedian once say in his routine...

I invited the Jehovahs Witnesses in to sit don't and talk, they sat there with blank stares on their faces.  I asked what they wanted to talk about, and they said "we don't know - we never made it this far".  

Quoted: Is it true that Jehovas Witnesses are not allowed to own any type of weapon?

I thought that was quakers....

I had a similar experience when I was in my yard one day. Witness comes up and askes if I believe in world peace. I patted my P90 on the hip and said "yep and it's right here".

Fucker came in my yard without permission THAT pissed me off.

I was always nice to the witnesses....

In college this nice black lady came around once a month... I kinda felt bad when I would have a freshly fucked girlfriend in the next room still quivering from the 'good lovin down by the fire' she just got.

Anyway - I took her pamphlet with the panda bears playing with lions and went back for seconds.

Why does a Religion need to go 'Door Banging',,,,,,,,,Hmmmm,,,

The last time they came here I was outside working on the truck with the para FAL leaning agianst the garge door frame about ten feet away--I have aneighbor that feeds bears,despite our requests that he stop-- I got up when I heard the car start up the drive (private road and drive) and picked up the FAL slung it at the patrol level (horizontal across waste--hand on pistol grip)and stepped out past the retaining wall into the drive area. The car came to a VERY abrubt halt in front of me .Inside were three males one caucaisian and one african american in the back seat and a guy driving whose race I could not determine due to the tint of the window which was up.the opposing side back door opens and the one guy gets out carrying a shoulder bag which I notice has a can of some type of CS spray --probably for dogs the folks around here are likely to "release the hounds" at the first sign of unknown visitiors.
To be fair most of us have large "NO SOLICITING"&"NO TRESPASSING" signs at our driveway entrances.
Anyway this guys gets out walks around the front of the car, I see the spray and tell him "thats far enough--is there something I can help you with?"
HE takes another step fwd and says "hello, I am from the ..."
"STOP!" I tell him louder--much louder and seem to get his attention " DO NOT TAKE ANOTHER STEP TOWARDS ME!"
HE stammers "um ,,,Ok sir well we are here from the church of the jeh...."
I cut him off with  "thank you for comming out --but as you saw we have strict no soliciting rules clearly posted throughout (Name of the place we live in) and at the entrance etc" "You are in violation of those rules I am asking you to leave NOW and if you refuse I will call the sherriff and place you under arrest pending his arrival."
" I am going to call the sherriff anyway and report YOU your vehicle and companions and the fact that you brought a weapon onto my property without my consent--IF you  ever return you WILL be arrested and charged"
 "Perhaps I could leave you a copy of "watchtower"....."
"No-Thank you,, leave --NOW"
He got back in thier car and they left --quickly-- they did not go aroung the circle and back down the other side --the driver backed down the way he had come. and then headed up hill on the road. Toward my neighbors house, I went into the bsmt and called the Irwins house and and warned em what was comming and apparently they had thier shepard and retreiver out. Two of the niceset dogs in the world but if you dont know em they are gonna growl/bark and hound you all the way from your car to the door. Anyway about 5 mins later I see them comming back down the road. I stood out in the driveway where they could see me and made sure I had the cordless phone pressed to my ear as they went by.
Havent seen them since. which is surprising since they are and have been persistant bastards previously.
Since My wife is still on the church rolls the missionarys from the LDS occasionally come by but they honor my request to leave right away and dont get pushy and seem to understand that we like our privacy/solitude. they also dont go all over the place knocking on doors. I have also asked them not to return as of thier last visit but we shall see what happens.

Quoted: Quoted: I'm here perusing arfcom and the door bell goes off. Peek through the door and see them.  Jehova's witnesses.  I open the door, the lady looks nervously at me and hands me some papers and says, "Sorry to bother you, here's some stuff to read" or something like that.  Apparently, I made them nervous.  I was wearing my "HEAVILY ARMED AND EASILY PISSED" t-shirt and had the 1911 in view strong side. I know I know, it's not a good arfcom story.  Just thought it was funny to see that "look". Sounds pretty classy.

Quoted: The last time they came here I was outside working on the truck with the para FAL leaning agianst the garge door frame about ten feet away--I have aneighbor that feeds bears,despite our requests that he stop-- I got up when I heard the car start up the drive (private road and drive) and picked up the FAL slung it at the patrol level (horizontal across waste--hand on pistol grip)and stepped out past the retaining wall into the drive area. The car came to a VERY abrubt halt in front of me .Inside were three males one caucaisian and one african american in the back seat and a guy driving whose race I could not determine due to the tint of the window which was up.the opposing side back door opens and the one guy gets out carrying a shoulder bag which I notice has a can of some type of CS spray --probably for dogs the folks around here are likely to "release the hounds" at the first sign of unknown visitiors. To be fair most of us have large "NO SOLICITING"&"NO TRESPASSING" signs at our driveway entrances. Anyway this guys gets out walks around the front of the car, I see the spray and tell him "thats far enough--is there something I can help you with?" HE takes another step fwd and says "hello, I am from the ..." "STOP!" I tell him louder--much louder and seem to get his attention " DO NOT TAKE ANOTHER STEP TOWARDS ME!" HE stammers "um ,,,Ok sir well we are here from the church of the jeh...." I cut him off with  "thank you for comming out --but as you saw we have strict no soliciting rules clearly posted throughout (Name of the place we live in) and at the entrance etc" "You are in violation of those rules I am asking you to leave NOW and if you refuse I will call the sherriff and place you under arrest pending his arrival." " I am going to call the sherriff anyway and report YOU your vehicle and companions and the fact that you brought a weapon onto my property without my consent--IF you  ever return you WILL be arrested and charged"  "Perhaps I could leave you a copy of "watchtower"....." "No-Thank you,, leave --NOW" He got back in thier car and they left --quickly-- they did not go aroung the circle and back down the other side --the driver backed down the way he had come. and then headed up hill on the road. Toward my neighbors house, I went into the bsmt and called the Irwins house and and warned em what was comming and apparently they had thier shepard and retreiver out. Two of the niceset dogs in the world but if you dont know em they are gonna growl/bark and hound you all the way from your car to the door. Anyway about 5 mins later I see them comming back down the road. I stood out in the driveway where they could see me and made sure I had the cordless phone pressed to my ear as they went by. Havent seen them since. which is surprising since they are and have been persistant bastards previously. Since My wife is still on the church rolls the missionarys from the LDS occasionally come by but they honor my request to leave right away and dont get pushy and seem to understand that we like our privacy/solitude. they also dont go all over the place knocking on doors. I have also asked them not to return as of thier last visit but we shall see what happens.

Errr...any chance you live at a car wash?

-1 didnt answer the door naked and covered in ketchup
-1 or not drawing down
-5 for not using pepper spray
-1 for no pics or video

I give this  JW encounter thread a 2


I personally just tell them I am a Baptist and they never come back.

Quoted: -1 didnt answer the door naked and covered in ketchup -1 or not drawing down -5 for not using pepper spray -1 for no pics or video I give this  JW encounter thread a 2

I just love internet tough-guy stories.



Next on Arfcom:

Girl scouts delivering cookies - Claymores or full-auto?

If they ever make it to the door to speak to me, I just tell them, "Hey, if this here religion of yours is so good why do you have to sell it door to door like a cheap vaccuum?"

That usually gets them to shut up, and going back inside usually gives them the idea that they should leave.

Quoted: The last time they came here I was outside working on the truck with the para FAL leaning agianst the garge door frame about ten feet away--I have aneighbor that feeds bears,despite our requests that he stop-- I got up when I heard the car start up the drive (private road and drive) and picked up the FAL slung it at the patrol level (horizontal across waste--hand on pistol grip)and stepped out past the retaining wall into the drive area. The car came to a VERY abrubt halt in front of me .Inside were three males one caucaisian and one african american in the back seat and a guy driving whose race I could not determine due to the tint of the window which was up.the opposing side back door opens and the one guy gets out carrying a shoulder bag which I notice has a can of some type of CS spray --probably for dogs the folks around here are likely to "release the hounds" at the first sign of unknown visitiors. To be fair most of us have large "NO SOLICITING"&"NO TRESPASSING" signs at our driveway entrances. Anyway this guys gets out walks around the front of the car, I see the spray and tell him "thats far enough--is there something I can help you with?" HE takes another step fwd and says "hello, I am from the ..." "STOP!" I tell him louder--much louder and seem to get his attention " DO NOT TAKE ANOTHER STEP TOWARDS ME!" HE stammers "um ,,,Ok sir well we are here from the church of the jeh...." I cut him off with  "thank you for comming out --but as you saw we have strict no soliciting rules clearly posted throughout (Name of the place we live in) and at the entrance etc" "You are in violation of those rules I am asking you to leave NOW and if you refuse I will call the sherriff and place you under arrest pending his arrival." " I am going to call the sherriff anyway and report YOU your vehicle and companions and the fact that you brought a weapon onto my property without my consent--IF you  ever return you WILL be arrested and charged"  "Perhaps I could leave you a copy of "watchtower"....." "No-Thank you,, leave --NOW" He got back in thier car and they left --quickly-- they did not go aroung the circle and back down the other side --the driver backed down the way he had come. and then headed up hill on the road. Toward my neighbors house, I went into the bsmt and called the Irwins house and and warned em what was comming and apparently they had thier shepard and retreiver out. Two of the niceset dogs in the world but if you dont know em they are gonna growl/bark and hound you all the way from your car to the door. Anyway about 5 mins later I see them comming back down the road. I stood out in the driveway where they could see me and made sure I had the cordless phone pressed to my ear as they went by. Havent seen them since. which is surprising since they are and have been persistant bastards previously. Since My wife is still on the church rolls the missionarys from the LDS occasionally come by but they honor my request to leave right away and dont get pushy and seem to understand that we like our privacy/solitude. they also dont go all over the place knocking on doors. I have also asked them not to return as of thier last visit but we shall see what happens.

Do you frisk the meter reader?

Quoted: I just love internet tough-guy stories. Next on Arfcom: Girl scouts delivering cookies - Claymores or full-auto?

Easy, Claymores make too much of a mess, full auto is the only way to go in that situation.

I never get JWs. Mormons are fun though, I always ask them for some reading material. I think I have 3-4 copies of the book of Mormon around here somewhere...

Quoted: I just love internet tough-guy stories.

+1

Well, you have to admit... JW's a better religion than Islam.  At least they don't try to behead you.

I like this one.

I was out rotating the columns on my front porch and reading the latest Totally Tactical SWAT Team Digest and Special Forces Snake Eater Jihadi-Killer Review when I notice that the paper boy came by our house to deliver the Sunday paper.  I usually wear Marpat on Sundays so he didn't see me as he rode his bike past my property line.  As usual, his front tire veered from the road when he threw the paper and he rode at least a good six inches or so onto my property.

Fortunately, I had my Fairborn-Sykes Commando knife clenched between my teeth and I jumped out at him from behind my hedge.  I made two quick stabbing motions and deflated both of his tires while simultaneously knocking him off the back of his bike and back onto the public access.

I drew down on him as he turned and ran away screaming.




Pussy.  I'm keeping his bike.

They would get a lot farther if it was the hot JW womenz going door to door.

I've had a few hot JW women come knocking on mine......I wonder what the chances are of inviting one in and smoothing the panties off are???

I've got a good friend (he's a member here BTW) who is a Witness. He is about as serious as they come, but he doesn't go thumping door to door..... In fact, the only time he ever references his religion at all is when I bring it up. His take on it is that there are assholes in every religion..

I usually take a few minutes to listen to their speech and take the phamplet. If they believe it helps their religous beliefs than I can spare a minute to listen.

The last time they came by I was changing a water pump on my truck and cussing GM engineers at the same time. They came up and said they knew I was busy but they wanted to ask one question. What would you think of a world with no violence, anger or war?  I regret that I said it, but I did.... without even looking up from under the hood I said, "Sounds like it would be pretty Goddamn boring place to live in."  

Quoted: I was always nice to the witnesses.... In college this nice black lady came around once a month... I kinda felt bad when I would have a freshly fucked girlfriend in the next room still quivering from the 'good lovin down by the fire' she just got. Anyway - I took her pamphlet with the panda bears playing with lions and went back for seconds.

Quoted: I never get JWs. Mormons are fun though, I always ask them for some reading material. I think I have 3-4 copies of the book of Mormon around here somewhere...

I like how polite the Mormons are.  They usually leave me alone when I tell them that (a) I'm not interested, and (b) I'm good friends with one of their bishops.

But I usually offer them bottled water or a snack or something.

I've lived in my house since the mid 80's and back in around 91 or 92 they knocked on the door around 11AM. I answered in my speedo's while holdin' a Baccardi's and OJ and told them I was a practicing hedonistic. They ain't knocked on the door since.

Still at the same address....

One of the state senators in Indiana, a few years ago, kept a black bear as a pet.  The thing was friendly as all get out and had a habit of jumping on visitors like a poorly trained pup.  When JW's came calling, he just turned the bear loose.  Seemed to work pretty well.

A friend of mine used to say, "Well, I'd love to listen, but I was just a)splitting wood, b)painting the house, c)weeding the garden, etc.  I guess I could listen if you'd help me.  He always got an hour or two of work out of 'em.

"My dogs don't know a command to attack, so I just gave them the signal they're allowed to eat you. Not sure what'll happen, but I'm curious to find out."

Of course the last lady they sent out was hot as hell so I listened to the whole speil just cause I had nothing better to do.

Quoted: Next on Arfcom: Girl scouts delivering cookies - Claymores or full-auto?

Claymores mess up the cookies.

What's best to keep anyone away is this....

Take some of their pass-outs, glue then to your porch.  Then you make a chalk outline next to them, they get the hint  

i had somebody from some type of organization come by my apartment the other day

they weren't JWs or Mormons but they had a bunch of religion type of books for sale

i bought a book for 10 bucks that was bedtime stories for kids


anybody had any experience with them? i pretty much bought the book so they'd buzz off but I'd like to know who they are

Quoted: I was out rotating the columns on my front porch and reading the latest Totally Tactical SWAT Team Digest and Special Forces Snake Eater Jihadi-Killer Review when I notice that the paper boy came by our house to deliver the Sunday paper.  I usually wear Marpat on Sundays so he didn't see me as he rode his bike past my property line.  As usual, his front tire veered from the road when he threw the paper and he rode at least a good six inches or so onto my property. Fortunately, I had my Fairborn-Sykes Commando knife clenched between my teeth and I jumped out at him from behind my hedge.  I made two quick stabbing motions and deflated both of his tires while simultaneously knocking him off the back of his bike and back onto the public access. I drew down on him as he turned and ran away screaming. Pussy.  I'm keeping his bike.

I told the last group that stopped by that I was a born-again pagan and they were welcome to come in and visit. They gave me a hand out and told me to have a nice day.

true story: 12 or 13 years ago when i live in cape coral, It was a saturday morning. I was in the garage with the door up cleaning my shotgun. i had been out shooting it friday evening. this was back before I found about some of the kick ass cleaners out there so here I am laboresly scrubbbing the bore with hoppes. I've got the talk radio on , local car maintance show is on. I am totally spaced out cleaning this shotty. for some reason I felt a presence. I look up and 1/3 up the drive way is a male JW. he sees the shotty i'm cleaned and stops dead. he turns around and heads back down the drive way. I never said a word. He never said a word. The JWs never came back again.

Quoted: true story: 12 or 13 years ago when i live in cape coral, It was a saturday morning. I was in the garage with the door up cleaning my shotgun. i had been out shooting it friday evening. this was back before I found about some of the kick ass cleaners out there so here I am laboresly scrubbbing the bore with hoppes. I've got the talk radio on , local car maintance show is on. I am totally spaced out cleaning this shotty. for some reason I felt a presence. I look up and 1/3 up the drive way is a male JW. he sees the shotty i'm cleaned and stops dead. he turns around and heads back down the drive way. I never said a word. He never said a word. The JWs never came back again.

Surprised you didnt get a fine for having your garage door open for more than 3 minutes. I think they call out the Swat team if its open for an hour, or is that if you dont cut the grass every other day? Cape Coral. Nice town, fudged up ordinances.

Quoted: The last time they came here I was outside working on the truck with the para FAL leaning agianst the garge door frame about ten feet away--I have aneighbor that feeds bears,despite our requests that he stop-- I got up when I heard the car start up the drive (private road and drive) and picked up the FAL slung it at the patrol level (horizontal across waste--hand on pistol grip)and stepped out past the retaining wall into the drive area. The car came to a VERY abrubt halt in front of me .Inside were three males one caucaisian and one african american in the back seat and a guy driving whose race I could not determine due to the tint of the window which was up.the opposing side back door opens and the one guy gets out carrying a shoulder bag which I notice has a can of some type of CS spray --probably for dogs the folks around here are likely to "release the hounds" at the first sign of unknown visitiors. To be fair most of us have large "NO SOLICITING"&"NO TRESPASSING" signs at our driveway entrances. Anyway this guys gets out walks around the front of the car, I see the spray and tell him "thats far enough--is there something I can help you with?" HE takes another step fwd and says "hello, I am from the ..." "STOP!" I tell him louder--much louder and seem to get his attention " DO NOT TAKE ANOTHER STEP TOWARDS ME!" HE stammers "um ,,,Ok sir well we are here from the church of the jeh...." I cut him off with  "thank you for comming out --but as you saw we have strict no soliciting rules clearly posted throughout (Name of the place we live in) and at the entrance etc" "You are in violation of those rules I am asking you to leave NOW and if you refuse I will call the sherriff and place you under arrest pending his arrival." " I am going to call the sherriff anyway and report YOU your vehicle and companions and the fact that you brought a weapon onto my property without my consent--IF you  ever return you WILL be arrested and charged"  "Perhaps I could leave you a copy of "watchtower"....." "No-Thank you,, leave --NOW" He got back in thier car and they left --quickly-- they did not go aroung the circle and back down the other side --the driver backed down the way he had come. and then headed up hill on the road. Toward my neighbors house, I went into the bsmt and called the Irwins house and and warned em what was comming and apparently they had thier shepard and retreiver out. Two of the niceset dogs in the world but if you dont know em they are gonna growl/bark and hound you all the way from your car to the door. Anyway about 5 mins later I see them comming back down the road. I stood out in the driveway where they could see me and made sure I had the cordless phone pressed to my ear as they went by. Havent seen them since. which is surprising since they are and have been persistant bastards previously. Since My wife is still on the church rolls the missionarys from the LDS occasionally come by but they honor my request to leave right away and dont get pushy and seem to understand that we like our privacy/solitude. they also dont go all over the place knocking on doors. I have also asked them not to return as of thier last visit but we shall see what happens.

you're like 5'4", aren't you?

Quoted: Quoted: The last time they came here I was outside working on the truck with the para FAL leaning agianst the garge door frame about ten feet away--I have aneighbor that feeds bears,despite our requests that he stop-- I got up when I heard the car start up the drive (private road and drive) and picked up the FAL slung it at the patrol level (horizontal across waste--hand on pistol grip)and stepped out past the retaining wall into the drive area. The car came to a VERY abrubt halt in front of me .Inside were three males one caucaisian and one african american in the back seat and a guy driving whose race I could not determine due to the tint of the window which was up.the opposing side back door opens and the one guy gets out carrying a shoulder bag which I notice has a can of some type of CS spray --probably for dogs the folks around here are likely to "release the hounds" at the first sign of unknown visitiors. To be fair most of us have large "NO SOLICITING"&"NO TRESPASSING" signs at our driveway entrances. Anyway this guys gets out walks around the front of the car, I see the spray and tell him "thats far enough--is there something I can help you with?" HE takes another step fwd and says "hello, I am from the ..." "STOP!" I tell him louder--much louder and seem to get his attention " DO NOT TAKE ANOTHER STEP TOWARDS ME!" HE stammers "um ,,,Ok sir well we are here from the church of the jeh...." I cut him off with  "thank you for comming out --but as you saw we have strict no soliciting rules clearly posted throughout (Name of the place we live in) and at the entrance etc" "You are in violation of those rules I am asking you to leave NOW and if you refuse I will call the sherriff and place you under arrest pending his arrival." " I am going to call the sherriff anyway and report YOU your vehicle and companions and the fact that you brought a weapon onto my property without my consent--IF you  ever return you WILL be arrested and charged"  "Perhaps I could leave you a copy of "watchtower"....." "No-Thank you,, leave --NOW" He got back in thier car and they left --quickly-- they did not go aroung the circle and back down the other side --the driver backed down the way he had come. and then headed up hill on the road. Toward my neighbors house, I went into the bsmt and called the Irwins house and and warned em what was comming and apparently they had thier shepard and retreiver out. Two of the niceset dogs in the world but if you dont know em they are gonna growl/bark and hound you all the way from your car to the door. Anyway about 5 mins later I see them comming back down the road. I stood out in the driveway where they could see me and made sure I had the cordless phone pressed to my ear as they went by. Havent seen them since. which is surprising since they are and have been persistant bastards previously. Since My wife is still on the church rolls the missionarys from the LDS occasionally come by but they honor my request to leave right away and dont get pushy and seem to understand that we like our privacy/solitude. they also dont go all over the place knocking on doors. I have also asked them not to return as of thier last visit but we shall see what happens. you're like 5'4", aren't you?

and off the meds

Things would be a lot easier if you would just join the Jehovahs Witness Protection Program.