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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:27:32 PM EDT
[#1]
I'll just forget you ever said that...
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:27:58 PM EDT
[#2]
So you can't edit it out... |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:28:16 PM EDT
[#3]
He is a punk arse wannabe.
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:28:48 PM EDT
[#4]
Wouldn't surprise me none if Angelina would leave Brad for Steven.
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:28:56 PM EDT
[#5]
Richard Simmons makes Chuck look like a little girl, so thats not saying much. Mr. Rogers owns all though. |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:29:54 PM EDT
[#6]
True I saw the vid. But yo are wrong about Chuck. ETA look how many people and years it took to take out teh (yes teh)Chuck. angels sang out in immaculate chorus down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris who deliver a kick which could shatter bones into the crotch of Indiana Jones who fell over on the ground, writhing in pain as Batman changed back into Bruce Wayne but Chuck saw through his clever disguise and he crushed Batman's head in between his thighs then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight and Benito Mussolini and The Blue Meanie and Cowboy Curtis and Jambi the Genie Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan all came out of no where lightning fast and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass it was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw with civilians looking on total awe and the fight raged on for a century many lives were claimed, but eventually the champion stood, the rest saw their better: Mr. Rogers in a bloodstained sweater |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:30:46 PM EDT
[#7]
Yeah, this is the asswipe who got sued because he wouldn't do "violent" movies anymore...
I suppose he figured to get parts purely on his acting ability!  I'm sure he'd get lotsa dates in Hollyweird... |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:31:08 PM EDT
[#8]
I think this calls for a chuck or steven poll.
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:31:50 PM EDT
[#9]
I remember years ago blackbelt (or some other martial arts) magazine making fun of his pathetic kicks. Plus, he runs like a girl. |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:32:28 PM EDT
[#10]
or an Angelina or Jen pole... |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:35:01 PM EDT
[#11]
are you talking about "The Ultimate Showdown"? I hate to break it to you but that was not real, how many times do I have to tell you fucking people that it was fake? Chuck is going to kick some serious ass around here one day if you guys don't quit saying that other people are tougher than him. |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:37:35 PM EDT
[#12]
Fat fake Steven Seagal would last about .2 seconds in the ring with Norris.
Assuming you could get him anywhere near the ring in the first place. |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:38:36 PM EDT
[#13]
Segal was cool way back IMO but now hes just a tool
CN is still cool even with the age and the crappy TV shows |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:38:49 PM EDT
[#14]
Dude I would rather have Jean Claude then Steven Segal. But neither could hold Chuck's ween while he is taking a wiz.
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:40:38 PM EDT
[#15]
 oh frig. Is it too late for penance? I know not what I say.
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:42:57 PM EDT
[#16]
Seagal is a fag, wanabe CIA, fat ass.
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:47:03 PM EDT
[#17]
wife beater and delusional pagan too |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:52:27 PM EDT
[#18]
Chuck Norris was born feet first........he round-housed the doc, instantly shattering the doc's skull and said "Nobody delivers Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris".
(There was a whole list of these things floating around the office and they were funny as $hi*) Segal was bad in his first few movies, I dont know what the fuc* happened to him later on down the road. I always liked the one where he threw the pool balls into the bar towel and proceeded to whip everyones ass in the joint. I think both are somewhat supportive of the second amendment, so you got to give 'em credit..... |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:53:38 PM EDT
[#19]
Seagull? You were impressed by HIS movies? Well, then perhaps you should watch the credits and see who his stuntman is and jock him. Seagull is a fake dude, I thought everybody knew that
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:55:33 PM EDT
[#20]
Steven Seagal could urinate through 1/2'' 5150 cold rolled steel.
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Posted: 1/17/2006 6:56:31 PM EDT
[#21]
OK I remembered one more......
Chuck Norris' mom called him Charles, but only once..... |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 7:05:27 PM EDT
[#22]
  Steven Seagal has an evil twin, Its Kristy Alley!  This Chuck Norris doll can kick both their ass's with one roundhouse kick. Don't fuck with Chuck... |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 7:07:23 PM EDT
[#23]
When John Wayne was in a good mood, he'd let all those punks shovel horse shit in the stable...and they were grateful.
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Posted: 1/17/2006 7:30:38 PM EDT
[#24]
Don't forget to include womanizer and sexual harrasser. |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 9:13:27 PM EDT
[#25]
I see a roundhouse kick to the face in someone's immediate future... 
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Posted: 1/17/2006 9:17:55 PM EDT
[#26]
 
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Posted: 1/17/2006 10:18:27 PM EDT
[#27]
Seagal was never in the military OR the CIA. He's another Hollywood liar about that.
He married a Japanese woman who's family is BIG and VERY respected in Japanese martial arts circles. She and her family introduced him in Japan and allowed him to use them to build his skills and reputation. He lived and taught in Japan for some years, so he's definitely no fake. He's also not a very nice man. After using her family to build a genuine rep in Japan, he abandoned her and his son and came home to the US to make movies. As far as I know, he never gave her or his son the time of day, much less some of the money he made in Hollywood. He's also no fake with real guns. He can shoot real well and fast with a gun case full of custom 1911's. But he does run like a girl. |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 10:26:17 PM EDT
[#28]
Ditto!  Bring on the poll!
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Posted: 1/17/2006 10:35:20 PM EDT
[#29]
Segal used to be the real deal, one of the few Gaijin to run a successful dojo in Japan.
And he demonstrates some good technique in his early films like Above the Law. Then he went Hollywood, started to believe his own BS, got fat and is now a parody of himself. Sad really. Chuck is still pretty much Chuck after all these years. |
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Posted: 1/17/2006 10:49:36 PM EDT
[#30]
Unlike Seagal, he's by all accounts a decent person too.
Then there's that Antony Pellicano/Seagal/Mafia deal with the LA reporter. My best buddy had the best take on Norris movies: "Lots of action, but no excitement". |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 1:44:39 AM EDT
[#31]
Fat fuck goober what ever . Cal lhim what you will . That dude has some axes I would almost kill to own .
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Posted: 1/18/2006 1:53:18 AM EDT
[#32]
Chuck would choke Segal unconcious like Gene LeBell did.
Hope Chuck doesn't come across this thread. He'll delete the internet.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 1:59:30 AM EDT
[#33]
To all you nay sayers out there about Chuck.... Be scared, you are about to be Chuck fucked....
"Forgive them Lord for they know not. ", May God have mercy on your soul, for Chuck Norris will NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WarDawg |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 2:08:30 AM EDT
[#34]
My money is on the Muscles from Brussells: Jean-Claude Van Damme. For Pete's sake, his scowl alone is mmore threatening than the sound of a pump shotgun being worked. That, and he is respected by the Rift Berbers.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 2:21:21 AM EDT
[#35]
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Posted: 1/18/2006 2:23:55 AM EDT
[#36]
Forget about Chuck and Segal, the best man of all was Bruce Lee. When he arrived in CONUS he stomped Chuck like a wet noodle.
Segal was not around back then but I bet Lee would have taken care of him too. Bruce Lee was the man !! |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 2:35:57 AM EDT
[#37]
Definately agree with that! I love Segal's movies, but I'm sure he's quite the jerk/A$$ hole, Norris is boring in stupid movies but he's a great guy (so I've heard from two people who have met him...) |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 2:37:50 AM EDT
[#38]
Segal is a LOSER. What great fight scenes he has in his movies, could we edit them and speed them up a bit more too please? he has ballooned up and is a blimp! The last film I saw with him in it looked like it was made in China with the funky screen display; it looked like they tried to increase the height of the picture to make Segal look less fat. What a joke! We won't even mention his outstanding acting abilities....
 We won't even mention his personal attributes  BTW Kirstie Alley has a new look going on and I must say she has done wonders and looks great! She lost a person or two! LOL |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:15:25 AM EDT
[#39]
Van Damme is a gymnist, not a fighter. so is Jackie Chan/Jet Li. They went to the same school of performing arts in China.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:35:03 AM EDT
[#40]
Jean-Claude, The Frog?? He's from Holland...good heavens, that's in EUROPE! All Seagal has to do is simply give the Frog the evil eye, and it's frog legs for dinner tonight!! Already cooked and everything. Segal is real, The Frog is simply another pretty-boy eunuch ballet dancer that tried to convince the world he has what it takes. You got a pretty mouth, boy. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:39:40 AM EDT
[#41]
he also owns a shitload of full-auto SMGs and other SBR rifles in Montana. I'd guess he is VERY pro-gun. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:41:53 AM EDT
[#42]
jean claude is from Belgium (born in Brussels). There are predominantely two types of people in Belgium. One that speaks French and the other that speaks German / Dutch. I had a prof that was from Belgium and he would chat with us about employment after college, going to the bar for a beer, etc... Looking at some of the weapon designs from Belgium, Austria, Switzerland, and Germany - they all appear to have similar traits within each time period close to the 21st century (it could be that weapon designers were hired/fired by these countries so the influence was taken to the new company). I.e. excessive use of polymers in Austrian Steyr TMP / AUG (HK first used polymers). The Belgium P90 internals appear to resemble the Austrian AUG. etc... DK Prof would know more about this. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:42:21 AM EDT
[#43]
Chuck Norris has never fought with Steven Segal.
If such a fight were to happen, Teh Chuck! would obviously win. Teh Chuck! would still win in a 4 way deathmatch between himself, Segal, Chan, and Van Damme, but such a battle could never take place. Why? The angry stares exchanged between those four alone would be enough to cause the universe to implode. A few years ago Teh Chuck and Segal were in the same hotel at the same time, and Chuck briefly caught a glimpse of one another. The result? The San Fransisco earthquake. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:45:17 AM EDT
[#44]
There are 2 types of people in the world. Those that suck, and Chuck Norris.
Fact. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 3:45:34 AM EDT
[#45]
Segal was a bona fide badass in back in the day. While his "CIA" background is extremely doubtful his martial arts background is real and lengthy. I would hesitate to take him on. Some of my older instructors were fat too but that just made you underestimate them. They still had tremendous hand speed and refined technique. My guess is Segal could still kick the asses of about 95% of the internet tough guys. Joint locks hurt.
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Posted: 1/18/2006 5:04:28 AM EDT
[#46]
Let me sum it up about Segal:
1. He's gotten as fat as Col. Kurtz. 2. He does run like a girl. 3. In his latest "action" movies, his moves consist of basic techniques taught in a woman's self-defense class, ie. kick to the balls. 4. He currently appears on film to walk, talk and perform mechanical motions that faintly resemble what he used to do 15 years ago. Anything that requires any form of fluid, high-speed motion is currently done by a stunt double. If you doubt this, check out any of his "movies" that seem to head directly to TNT. He didn't move like a meth'd-up ninja 15 years ago, so why should I believe it now? Chuck has proven himself in actual competition (and has won championships), while Segal hides behind his status and veils of secrecy. Do you think he was really a CIA operative and that's why he can't talk about his past? Look at them now. Chuck is as fit as ever (and I'll bet he's tagging Christie Brinkley) while Segal is regretting he ever let Kelly LeBrock make his career decisions. She deserved to be slapped around, especially since Segal's latest "moves" posed no danger. |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 5:08:09 AM EDT
[#47]
BAHHHHHH
even steven segal thinks steven segal is a pussy |
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Posted: 1/18/2006 5:54:45 AM EDT
[#48]
Is Chuck anti?
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Posted: 1/18/2006 8:08:35 AM EDT
[#49]
I thing you have a serious, fundamental misuderstanding of the backgrounds of Jackie Chan and Jet Li. While the school they went to were perfomance art schools, the focus of those performing arts were martial (Peking Opera for example). And to say they don't know how to fight is about like saying Mike Tyson was just a sports athlete and knows nothing about fighting. |
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