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Posted: 1/11/2006 8:16:28 PM EDT
[#1]
Homer simpson
Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you? |
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Posted: 1/11/2006 8:21:21 PM EDT
[#2]
"Beer!...is there anything it can't do?" Homer Simpson.
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Posted: 1/11/2006 8:24:36 PM EDT
[#3]
"wait wait...call me His Royal Freshness, oh oh thats fly" The Fresh Prince of Bel Air
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Posted: 1/11/2006 8:27:51 PM EDT
[#4]
I'm out the Jerry and loving every minute of it.
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Posted: 1/11/2006 8:28:22 PM EDT
[#5]
Dad had one great dream, a dream that had been handed down from generation to generation of male Bundys: to build their own room and live separately from their wives. Sadly, they all failed.
Well, according to my research, the cost of raising a baby from birth to college is approximately seven hundred and eighty thousand dollars. Thanks to my actually selling a shoe last week, I'm proud to say we're now just short seven hundred eighty thousand dollars. Thank you. You know what I would do if I was President? I'd take a big empty state, that nobody's using, y'know, like Idaho, and I'd pack every pregnant woman in the country into donut trucks, and convoy 'em all to Boise. And since Idaho means nothing anyhow, I'd change the name to Preg-naho. Look, Steve. Why don't you do this? Go home, wake up Marcy and say, "Hey, I lost my money. I screwed up, it won't happen again, and what's for supper?" That's what being a man is all about, Steve. Making mistakes and not caring. |
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Posted: 1/11/2006 8:30:40 PM EDT
[#6]
Scrubs
Dr. Cox's Ex-wife: Ya know I hate it when you look me in the eye me during sex. It bugs me and gets in the way of why I came over here. Dr. Cox: Quit turning around 
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Posted: 1/11/2006 8:30:47 PM EDT
[#7]
"No, that dress doesn't make you look fat. The fat makes you look fat!" --Al Bundy, "Married With Children"
*The GREATEST show ever. 
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Posted: 1/11/2006 8:34:37 PM EDT
[#8]
"Kids, you tried your best. And you failed. The lesson is: never try." -Homer Simpson
Monica: (watching video of her fat days) The camera adds 10 pounds. Chandler: So how many cameras are actually on you? |
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Posted: 1/11/2006 8:53:40 PM EDT
[#9]
Homer has ENDLESS quotes that are jewels of wisdom:
"All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer." "Dear Lord, the gods have been good to me. As an offering, I present these milk and cookies. If you wish me to eat them instead, please give me no sign whatsoever ... thy will be done." (munch munch munch) "And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?" "Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."  "Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them." "Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races." "I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four." "Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!" "No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American Way." |
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Posted: 1/11/2006 9:03:23 PM EDT
[#10]
From 'cheers'.
Diane had sent in a ballet audition video tape. She was rejected, but the guys in the bar intercepted the letter and changed it so the rejection was less harsh. Diane takes the soft letter as encouragement. So they're sitting at the bar, she puts the video tape in to watch it right in front of the tv. Everyone is behind her, laughing at how awful she is at ballet. And then comes a line that is so simple and so perfectly set up: Diane: (staring wistfully at the TV) "I've always wanted to dance so badly...." Norm: (holding back laughter) "It looks like you got your wish." |
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Posted: 1/11/2006 9:09:17 PM EDT
[#11]
"Like a frightened turtle!"
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Posted: 1/11/2006 9:17:03 PM EDT
[#12]
LOL! If I know where that is from, does that mean I have no life? |
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Posted: 1/11/2006 9:18:28 PM EDT
[#13]
One I always remember.
Charles in Charge. Scott Baio's character is talking to Nicole Eggert. "Don't worry, in a few years you will stop playing with barbie dolls and start looking like one". A few years later, Nicole Eggert grew up, and out, and got implants.... |
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Posted: 1/11/2006 9:18:53 PM EDT
[#14]
Gloria: Do you know that sixty percent of all deaths in America are caused by guns?
Archie Bunker: Would it make you feel any better, little girl, if they was pushed out of windows? |
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Posted: 1/11/2006 10:25:57 PM EDT
[#15]
Reporter: "Apu, is it true that you're an Indian?"
Apu: "By the many arms of Vishnu, I swear it is a lie!" -- "Shut up." "SHUT UP!" "I cannot believe that you do not shut up!" - Apu -Troy |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 3:09:27 AM EDT
[#16]
my fav quote from a sitcom is "i did NOT have sex with that woman!"
cracks me up everytime! |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 4:46:02 AM EDT
[#17]
Delta Burke, to a friend that she discovered was a lesbian:
"If we can put a man on the moon, we can put a man on you." |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 4:47:48 AM EDT
[#18]
"Ahhhh... Bach!" |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 4:50:15 AM EDT
[#19]
"Meathead...dead from the neck up..."
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Posted: 1/12/2006 4:55:14 AM EDT
[#20]
Beat me to it!!!  Archie was a gifted man of considerable wisdom.
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Posted: 1/12/2006 5:00:42 AM EDT
[#21]
Well, Sledge Hammer! is my favorite comedy of all time.
Sledge Hammer! Season 1 audio files Sledge Hammer! Season 2 audio files Hammer: You know what I'm going to do to you? I'm going to stick your head in that microwave and set it on "sandwich." Doreau: Hammer, you can't do that. Hammer: What? There's no setting for sandwich? BTW Anne-Marie Martin ... 
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Posted: 1/12/2006 5:02:31 AM EDT
[#22]
"These pretzels are making me thirsty."
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Posted: 1/12/2006 5:11:45 AM EDT
[#23]
From Cheers.
Norm: "It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm the one wearing the milk-bone underpants." |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 5:15:52 AM EDT
[#24]
MASH? ETA: Judging from what Strats said below me, I'm thinking that was right 
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Posted: 1/12/2006 5:17:36 AM EDT
[#25]
That's highly significant. |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 5:27:11 AM EDT
[#26]
HOMER: Burkina Faso? Disputed zone? Who called all these weird places?
HOMER'S BRAIN: Quiet, it may have been you. I can't remember. HOMER: No, I'm gonna ask Marge. HOMER'S BRAIN: No, no! Why embarass us both? Just sign another check and I'll release some more endorphins! HOMER: *signs check* Eeep! . . . Ahhhhh . . . Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help films as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Confident, Stupid!" Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such road safety videos as "Alice's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot." |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 5:42:28 AM EDT
[#27]
"Locker Room Towel Fight: The Blinding of Timmy Turner" |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 6:24:12 AM EDT
[#28]
"I sense great vulnerability. A man-child crying out for love. An innocent orphan in the post-modern world."
"I see a parasite. A sexually depraved miscreant who is seeking only to gratify his basest and most immediate urges." "His struggle is man's struggle. He lifts my spirit." "He is a loathesome, offensive brute. Yet I can't look away." "He transcends time and space." "He sickens me." "I love it." "Me too." |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 6:26:18 AM EDT
[#29]
June Cleaver, " Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver."
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Posted: 1/12/2006 6:35:38 AM EDT
[#30]
"She caught me"- George on Seinfeld
"The sea was angry that day my friend"-George "Your an anti-dentite"-Kramer |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 6:38:31 AM EDT
[#31]
SSSSHHHHhhhhh......Mozart. |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 6:40:21 AM EDT
[#32]
+1 |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 6:45:20 AM EDT
[#33]
"As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."
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Posted: 1/12/2006 6:45:52 AM EDT
[#34]
My sig is currently my fave right now..
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:13:22 AM EDT
[#35]
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:23:52 AM EDT
[#36]
Best... episode... EVER.
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:29:32 AM EDT
[#37]
Homer : No beer or tv make Homer something something...
Marge: Go crazy? Homer: Don't mind if I do! "I am out there Jerry and I am loving every minute of it" |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:30:33 AM EDT
[#38]
Peg Bundy: Al, what are you thinking?
Al Bundy: If I wanted you to know, I'd be talking instead of thinking. |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:33:37 AM EDT
[#39]
"That's because I'm talking to you in English and you're listening to me in dingbat!"
Archie Bunker.
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:34:17 AM EDT
[#40]
My very favorite tirade was from Scrubs...
I must have laughed out loud for ten solid minutes after that... IIRC, I even posted something here about it the next morning. 
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:38:15 AM EDT
[#41]
George on Seinfeld: "It's not a lie...if YOU believe it."
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:43:01 AM EDT
[#42]
I have to admit I actually enjoy that show. I need to try to start catching it. I watched the back-to-back episodes last week but i can't remember what day. |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:43:21 AM EDT
[#43]
I am so smart, I am so smart. S M R T, I mean S M A R T.
Homer. |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:50:53 AM EDT
[#44]
Elaine on Seinfeld, "It SHRINKS???!!!!!"
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:56:54 AM EDT
[#45]
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Posted: 1/12/2006 11:57:31 AM EDT
[#46]
See Sigline
\/ \/ \/ \/ |
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Posted: 1/12/2006 12:07:26 PM EDT
[#47]
Haha! Charles in Charge! That reminds me of when somebody is talking about moving in to a basement and that one annoying guy Buddy chimes in completely serious,“I used to live in a basement! Then the people upstairs found out.” |
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Posted: 1/13/2006 3:06:15 AM EDT
[#48]
Scott wound up banging her for a while after the show ended and she was 18... |
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Posted: 1/13/2006 5:55:29 AM EDT
[#49]
from Cheers:
Bar patrons: "NORM" Woody: "Hello Mr.Peterson, how's the world treating you?" Norm: "Like a baby treats a diaper" |
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Posted: 1/13/2006 6:04:36 AM EDT
[#50]
tag
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