You might be a redneck if your at wally-world and you open a box of 2 3/4 inch game loads and make the remark to the lady behind the counter that ''These shells look kinda small, like a possum's pecker.

You might be a redneck if you use a saw-zaw to cut out PVC pipe from under the sink and then trim a smoked ham all in the same operation.

You might be a redneck if you give your mother-in-law a box of remington .22 yellowjackets for christmas and she tells you with a smile on her face that it is the best present she has gotten in years.

You might be a redneck if you use go-joe as a pre-sexual interlude lubricant.

You might be a redneck if you go to the recycling center to sell cans and it takes three mexicans fifteen minutes to sweep them bad boy's  out of the back of your hunter green 94 powerstroke dually.



What are yall's tru-life redneck stories???
Inquiring minds have just got to know!!!

Like Jeff Foxworthy huh?

watch it some1 might cal you a

just warning you

You might be a redneck if this is the first time you have heard of "You might be a redneck if..."

Quoted: You might be a redneck if your at wally-world and you open a box of 2 3/4 inch game loads and make the remark to the lady behind the counter that ''These shells look kinda small, like a possum's pecker. You might be a redneck if you use a saw-zaw to cut out PVC pipe from under the sink and then trim a smoked ham all in the same operation. You might be a redneck if you give your mother-in-law a box of remington .22 yellowjackets for christmas and she tells you with a smile on her face that it is the best present she has gotten in years. You might be a redneck if you use go-joe as a pre-sexual interlude lubricant. You might be a redneck if you go to the recycling center to sell cans and it takes three mexicans fifteen minutes to sweep them bad boy's  out of the back of your hunter green 94 powerstroke dually. What are yall's tru-life redneck stories??? Inquiring minds have just got to know!!!

You might be a redneck if ya spell "sawz-all " as "saw-zaw"  

You might be a redneck if you can't spell go-jo or sawzall...



ETA: awww, beat me to it.

Quoted: You might be a redneck if you can't spell go-jo or sawzall... ETA: awww, beat me to it.

Quoted: Like Jeff Foxworthy huh?

What do you know about Jeff Foxworthy Luger your from god damn new jersey!!!

You might be at a red-neck wedding if . . .
      the bride is 8.95 months pregnant
      the best-man is wearing a tank-top
      the music is on a boom-box that "accidently" gets switched to the local rap station during the recessional
       the reception consists of a bag of pretzels and a case of bud

True story:  I was the preacher at this wedding.  

Quoted: You might be at a red-neck wedding if . . .       the bride is 8.95 months pregnant       the best-man is wearing a tank-top       the music is on a boom-box that "accidently" gets switched to the local rap station during the recessional        the reception consists of a bag of pretzels and a case of bud True story:  I was the preacher at this wedding.

What? no shotgun?

These jokes are used up as much as a pair of jumper cables at a red-neck family re-union.

Quoted: You might be at a red-neck wedding if . . .       the bride is 8.95 months pregnant       the best-man is wearing a tank-top       the music is on a boom-box that "accidently" gets switched to the local rap station during the recessional        the reception consists of a bag of pretzels and a case of bud True story:  I was the preacher at this wedding.

Can you give us a total tooth count for the bride and groom?  On one hand or two?  

Woody

Nope, no shotgun.  Though I was probably packing.

Complete sets of teeth on both bride and groom.  Can't say that for the rest of the wedding party.

I did remember this:

I show up at the wedding (which was at a local park) and ask.  So where's the groom?

He's in the woods.

Why?

Well, the bride showed up and he's not suppossed to see her before the ceremony so he ran into the woods.  (Now remember, she's 8.95 months pregnant.  She's been seen!)

Much discussion ensued.  Then we hung a tarp between two trees (one of those cheap blue things you pick up at Wally World).  I went into the woods and found the groom.  I brought him back out and we carefully maneuvered him and the bride to keep the tarp between them until the ceremony began.  I still chuckle about that.

Quoted: You might be a redneck if this is the first time you have heard of "You might be a redneck if..."