-Bruce Willis wasn't so much 'born' as 'spawned;' he is, however, older than time itself.
-Bruce Willis' house was once broken into by a burglar when he was younger. He confronted the intruder by sort of squinting at him, whereupon the burglar killed himself in shame.
-He tried this manuever again, when he was mugged in an alley. It didn't work this time, so he just created an MP5 out of thin air and shot the mugger, which did work.
"Die Hard" was made when the Nakatomi Building in LA was captured by German terrorists, and they decided to send in Bruce Willis and a camera crew. All of the ass-kicking is real, except for the part where he steps on the broken glass. They made one of the terrorists do that.
-While on location in Africa shooting "Tears of the Sun," Bruce Willis fed all the starving children in Zimbabwe by sort of squinting at them. They haven't had to eat again to this day.
-To perform his death scene in "Sin City," Bruce Willis shot himself in the head. When he saw it and noticed that they turned it into a cartoon scene, he went to have a chat with the production staff. There were no survivors.
-Bruce Willis would never fight either Chuck Norris or Vin Diesel, because he refuses to hit women.
-Bruce Willis once owned a farm that grew corn, but his crops were ruined when he sort of squinted at them and the corn all turned into awesome.
-Bruce Willis once emptied a landfill by pulling out an MP5 and shooting the garbage to death.
-Bruce Willis actually killed himself for his role in "The Sixth Sense." He later came back to life by sort of squinting at his body.
-For his role in "Unbreakable," he actually crashed the train in the opening scene, by pulling out an MP5 and shooting the rails to death.
-In "Pulp Fiction," Bruce Willis was supposed to have thrown the boxing match, but he actually killed the actor playing the other boxer, so Quentin Tarantino decided to keep it in. The Gimp was actually also played by Bruce Willis, because he's the only man who would have dared getting that close to himself.
-Bruce Willis meets with God every weekend to play poker, but he always manages to get God to fold by sort of squinting at Him.
-One time Bruce Willis tried roundhouse-kicking somebody in the face, then stated "this kicking shit is for pussies," and just sort of squinted at the person until they exploded. Every woman in a five mile radius simultaneously climaxed and didn't know why.
-Bruce Willis invented Diet Coke after crapping out his daily meal of cigarettes and MP5s. He then proclaimed it "a drink fit for Chuck Norris and other pussies." Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face upon hearing this, whereupon Bruce just sort of squinted at him until he pissed himself.
-Every year, on his birthday, Bruce Willis finds a child with cancer, and just sort of squints at him until the cancer is cured.