Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared
for the answer.


In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.  He approached her
and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"


She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams.  I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me.  You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs.  You think you're a big shot when you
haven't the brains to realize you will never amount to anything more than
a two-bit paper pusher.  Yes, I know you."


The Lawyer was stunned!  Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"  She
again replied, "Why yes, I do.  I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster too.  He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.  He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one
of the worst in the entire state.  Not to mention he cheats on his wife
with three different women.  One of them is your wife.  Yes, I know him."


The defense attorney almost died.


The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet
voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll
throw your sorry butts in jail for contempt."