Tonight I was dropping my sister and her friend off at a local event, and when she got out of the vehicle I told her loudly:

"Remember, guard your carnal treasure!"

Her friend started laughing and sis was real embarassed and yelled at me then slammed the door shut.

Little moments like these make life worth living.

From time to time.

"Cause I'm an asshole-e-ole-e-ole-oley-oley-ole..."

I've got one friend who will just look at me right in front of a crowded room (sometimes of active duty military) and say deadpan, and very loud, things like "You know, Ed, I think we should explore our mutual attraction for each other further."  

Another time in front of a building parking lot full of military,  I was getting ready to go to the gym, and noticed him on the 3rd floor balcony.  Asked if he wanted to run over to the gym, and he replied "No, but here's a little inspiration for you." At which point he pulls up his shirt and starts massaging  his chest with about 20 guys standing all around.

He really is straight, really.   He's all business with his GF, but kids everyone like this.

My wife and I play games with each other to embarass each other. Her big thing is to ask me in a loud voice "Do you need more BEANO?" when we're in the supermarket in front of people we don't know.

I recently got her back on her Nextel. She was inside the supermarket on the checkout line, waiting to pay. I was in the car outside looking in - I could see her through the window waiting on line. I raised her on the Nextel but spoke very low. She automatically raised the volume higher to hear me, upon which time I asked her in a loud, clear voice "Did you get something for your YEAST INFECTION?"

She paid and almost ran out the door, red faced.

Quoted: "Did you get something for your YEAST INFECTION?"

Right now I need the pre-ban.com "flip out rofl2" smiley.

Quoted: My wife and I play games with each other to embarass each other. Her big thing is to ask me in a loud voice "Do you need more BEANO?" when we're in the supermarket in front of people we don't know. I recently got her back on her Nextel. She was inside the supermarket on the checkout line, waiting to pay. I was in the car outside looking in - I could see her through the window waiting on line. I raised her on the Nextel but spoke very low. She automatically raised the volume higher to hear me, upon which time I asked her in a loud, clear voice "Did you get something for your YEAST INFECTION?"She paid and almost ran out the door, red faced.

!!!!!... That is AWESOME!!!

One night my wife and I were on a boat trip back from Catalina Island... very romantic... we were embraced and kissing... boat was crowded and I just looked in her eyes and yelled out.... "OOOOOOO EEEEEE YOU SURE ARE THE BEST SISTER A GUY COULD EVER ASK FOR!!!!"

I.... ummmm....... got slapped.

Do I make fun of them?
All the time.

They know its in good fun though.

As often as possible.

A few days ago, my buddy Preston was on the phone with his newest piece. I walked up and said in a deep voice "Preston, come back to bed baby".

I also like to put embarrassing things in peoples shopping carts at Walmart

Better to learn from my words than by your actions.

Tagged, thank you very much.

I have a friend in whom I once confided my anal violation story (posted here before - during a prostate exam I was subjected to some very unnatural fondling).  He loves to bring the story up at inopportune times.  I'm sorry I ever told him.

Quoted: My wife and I play games with each other to embarass each other. Her big thing is to ask me in a loud voice "Do you need more BEANO?" when we're in the supermarket in front of people we don't know. I recently got her back on her Nextel. She was inside the supermarket on the checkout line, waiting to pay. I was in the car outside looking in - I could see her through the window waiting on line. I raised her on the Nextel but spoke very low. She automatically raised the volume higher to hear me, upon which time I asked her in a loud, clear voice "Did you get something for your YEAST INFECTION?" She paid and almost ran out the door, red faced.

So, did she?

tag for evil evil ideas

I was living with a roommate once and we went to a local drug store to get more beer or something and he said he had to get something else and he would be right back. He comes back with some "anti-fungal" creme for his athletes feet. There wasn't a price on it and the barcode wasn't working. The (hot female) cashier asked over the intercom for a price check. I blurted out:

"And PLEASE hurry! His balls are REALLY itching!"...

My buddy was PISSED and the clerk almost wet her pants laughing so hard...

too funny, all of you

Quoted: I have a friend in whom I once confided my anal violation story (posted here before - during a prostate exam I was subjected to some unnatural fondling).  He loves to bring the story up at inopportune times.  I'm sorry I ever told him.

Pete,
I am sorry to hear about that. A few years back my brother and I use to go up to the ugliest, nastiest girls we can find and start talking to them and then leave one of our buddies name and phone number with them. It usually causes our buddies to entertain us with the story of the mystery girl that calls and hits on them. It is really funny. Another thing is to go into a pharmacy and ask about suppositories and ask loudly if they are always hard to swallow. Thanks Arvin

Quoted: Quoted: I have a friend in whom I once confided my anal violation story (posted here before - during a prostate exam I was subjected to some unnatural fondling).  He loves to bring the story up at inopportune times.  I'm sorry I ever told him. Pete, I am sorry to hear about that. A few years back my brother and I use to go up to the ugliest, nastiest girls we can find and start talking to them and then leave one of our buddies name and phone number with them. It usually causes our buddies to entertain us with the story of the mystery girl that calls and hits on them. It is really funny. Another thing is to go into a pharmacy and ask about suppositories and ask loudly if they are always hard to swallow. Thanks Arvin

I forgot about one we  do that was similar... We got to know a couple of the cocktail waitresses in the local club and we would find the nastiest, ugliest, homliest, fattest, toothless chick in the bar and tell the waitress to send her a drink and say it was from one of our unsuspecting buddies and then watch the romance blossom

I forgot about one we  do that was similar... We got to know a couple of the cocktail waitresses in the local club and we would find the nastiest, ugliest, homliest, fattest, toothless chick in the bar and tell the waitress to send her a drink and say it was from one of our unsuspecting buddies and then watch the romance blossom

Az_Redneck,
I have done that one too and have been a victim of that one as well. I also have been known to just walk up to girls in the bar and make a total ass out of myself just to make my buddies and family members uncomfortable. It is also fun to roll down your passenger window when riding with a friend and yell things to people walking on the sideway. That usually embarasses the passengers real good when telling strangers you want to see them naked, and the person walking thinks it was the passenger. Thanks Arvin

Quoted: I have a friend in whom I once confided my anal violation story (posted here before - during a prostate exam I was subjected to some very unnatural fondling).  He loves to bring the story up at inopportune times.  I'm sorry I ever told him.

Dude, you need to post a link so the rest of us can share in your humiliation!!......

The other day, I was at a restaurant with the wife and kids.  One of the dishes was the lobster special.  It is a chopped up, still in the shell lobster that is stir fried (Chinese restaurant) with black bean sauce, onions and bell pepper.  As we got to the last few pieces, my wife gets the tail (the end flipper part) and asks me if there is anything in it.  I say, "Sure."......and as she puts it in her mouth and starts to suck the gravy off of it, I add, "His asshole!!!"  I started to laugh my ass off and the kids do too as she drops the tail and joins us in a good laugh!!!

I try to humiliate freinds and family whenever possible.

Quoted: My wife and I play games with each other to embarass each other. Her big thing is to ask me in a loud voice "Do you need more BEANO?" when we're in the supermarket in front of people we don't know. I recently got her back on her Nextel. She was inside the supermarket on the checkout line, waiting to pay. I was in the car outside looking in - I could see her through the window waiting on line. I raised her on the Nextel but spoke very low. She automatically raised the volume higher to hear me, upon which time I asked her in a loud, clear voice "Did you get something for your YEAST INFECTION?" She paid and almost ran out the door, red faced.

bwhahahahahahahahaha

thanks, you owe me a new monitor now.

The best I have ever done was to my Brother.

This was years ago though. We were standing in line for the school bus, and I was thinking of ways to get back at him. He was being quite the little asshole that morning. When the bus pulled up, his pants came down.

I de-pantsed him in front of, like about 50 people. He was shocked, he couldn't move. He ended up running home crying.

I'm just sorry I didn't get his underwear too.

Another time I was dropping him off at school, and I was driving my Granddad's car. Mine was in the shop. So here I was driving this 79' banana yellow Ford Fairmont, It was ugly, yellow, and rusty as hell. He didn't want me to drop him off in front; he wanted me to drop him off in back. He said he didn't want anyone to see him in the Fairmont. I don’t blame him for that; I didn’t want anyone to see me either.

We left the house late (my doing), so we would get there with the maximum amount of people around. I stopped right in front of the school, and pushed him out the door. Then I sat there honking the horn for a good 20 seconds.

It's a wonder he doesn't hate me today, for some of the thing I did to him when we were young.

All of the time. Its way to much fun not to, I had a friend who used to embarrass her self in public all of the time and told me that there was no way I could ever embarrass her. Her name is ashley and still to this day she is known as 3 finger ashley, and she still hates me.

Quoted: Quoted: I have a friend in whom I once confided my anal violation story (posted here before - during a prostate exam I was subjected to some very unnatural fondling).  He loves to bring the story up at inopportune times.  I'm sorry I ever told him. Dude, you need to post a link so the rest of us can share in your humiliation!!......

I had prostatitis once.  I had already been in for one prostate exam.  The drill is as follows:  the physician lubes his finger with K-Y, pulls your cheek aside, and sticks his finger in.  Fair enough, not the favorite part of the day for either of us.

Anyway, I had gone back for a checkup, and my normal doc was on vacation, so I saw this indian guy.  Rather than pull my cheek aside, he had lubed up his whole hand and was slowly rubbing up and down along the entire length of my ass crack.  As he rubbed up and down, he slowly worked his way until his rubbing was up against my asshole.  Then he slid his finger in and did the exam.  Even the sound was obscene.  

Normally, when you are done you wipe the little bit of K-Y off of your ass, but I spent several minutes wiping the K-Y off of my fucking lower back, and way down below where my asshole was.  I was covered in fucking lube.

I was young at the time (20) and didn't fully realize what had happened to me until much later.  At the time I thought it was supposed to be a "more gentle" technique or something, but I realized that there is no way it's normal for someone to massage your ass crack, working your way in like youre finger fucking a woman.  

To this day it sort of bothers me, I don't know if I was molested or this guy was just a fuckup.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I have a friend in whom I once confided my anal violation story (posted here before - during a prostate exam I was subjected to some very unnatural fondling).  He loves to bring the story up at inopportune times.  I'm sorry I ever told him. Dude, you need to post a link so the rest of us can share in your humiliation!!...... I had prostatitis once.  I had already been in for one prostate exam.  The drill is as follows:  the physician lubes his finger with K-Y, pulls your cheek aside, and sticks his finger in.  Fair enough, not the favorite part of the day for either of us. Anyway, I had gone back for a checkup, and my normal doc was on vacation, so I saw this indian guy.  Rather than pull my cheek aside, he had lubed up his whole hand and was slowly rubbing up and down along the entire length of my ass crack.  As he rubbed up and down, he slowly worked his way until his rubbing was up against my asshole.  Then he slid his finger in and did the exam.  Even the sound was obscene.   Normally, when you are done you wipe the little bit of K-Y off of your ass, but I spent several minutes wiping the K-Y off of my fucking lower back, and way down below where my asshole was.  I was covered in fucking lube. I was young at the time (20) and didn't fully realize what had happened to me until much later.  At the time I thought it was supposed to be a "more gentle" technique or something, but I realized that there is no way it's normal for someone to massage your ass crack, working your way in like youre finger fucking a woman.   To this day it sort of bothers me, I don't know if I was molested or this guy was just a fuckup.

Holy crap dude.  That sucks.  And you didn't even get dinner out of it?  

Whenever I can.

My friend luke was in the mall being a complete moron.  I had enough so I went to him and picked him up over my shoulder and started to walk out the front of the mall.  Now, you must understand, I'm 6'7 and had a good foot on Luke.  He is enjoying the whole goings on til we pass one of the mall cops (who are at this time off duty town LEO's).  

Cop:  So Brian, how are you doing?  Have a good time at the mall?

Me: Yup, I found myself a new boyfriend and gonna take him home to break him in.

Luke:  *blinking repeatedly*

Cop:  Thats nice, have a great time.

Luke:  *Proceeds to yell his head off for help and the cop just walks away grinning.*

Me:  Shut up bitch, your mine.

Oh dear, oh dear oh dear...

There was the time when I spotted a girl I worked with having lunch with her cousin who I went to college with. The restaurant had windows open to the mall at the time. I was with my buddies who were plotting amongst themselves to dare me to take some food off someone's plate through the window as we were headed to the exit. When I veered over to say "hi" to the girls, Mike yelled," Oh shit, heard us! Grab him!" Tommy and George got on either side of me, picked me up, and hauled me off while I was waving to them and yelling,"I'll see you later!" One of them had a shocked expression on her face and the other tried to hide under the table. Neither of them talked to me much after that. That pretty much blew my chances with either of them...super-cool moment turned into bizarro-world...

One time me and another bunch of friends were talking about something at another buddy's house. John comes walking up to break into our conversation to bring up something completely different like he usually does, that irritates the crap out of us. All of a sudden I blurted out,"Not now, John. The big people are talking!" My friends fell to the floor laughing and John's mouth opens and closes like a dying fish. I had gotten into the habit of saying it to my son when he figured out how to talk..

John, Andy, myself and our wives were eating at a steak house. John's my friend that weighs about 400+. He needs to wear an oxygen mask hooked up to a machine for his sleep apnea. Andy asked John,"Do you still have to wear the mask at night?" John tersely said,"YES!" I popped out,"Do you fight crime in it?" All of us just burst out laughing, except for John who tersely said,"NO!"

We pick on John unmercifully. My wife's first time to dine out with us and our wives was interesting. At one point in the dinner conversation, Andy said,"John, you are so damn stupid!" It took Leslie about a year to agree with Andy and joins in with us to tear him down. He does get to zing us back, though..

I got my daughter the other day.  I hated too but I felt it was necessary to teach her a lesson.  She likes to wear low waisted pants.  I am constantly getting after her to pull her pants up.  Well at a party in front of her friends I told her in a loud and clear voice "Whitney, pull your pants up, I can see pubic hairs!"  Needless to say she went scarlet.  I hope she keeps her pants pulled up better now though.

I read a book [very funny book] last winter called "Me speak pretty now" by David Sedaris.  In the book he describes a scene where he's riding the elevated train in Chicago with his sister.  She has to get off a stop or two before he does so when her stop comes she turns and announces loudly "Good luck with that rape conviction" and hopes off.  I laughed so hard!  That's bad.

Patty

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I have a friend in whom I once confided my anal violation story (posted here before - during a prostate exam I was subjected to some very unnatural fondling).  He loves to bring the story up at inopportune times.  I'm sorry I ever told him. Dude, you need to post a link so the rest of us can share in your humiliation!!...... I had prostatitis once.  I had already been in for one prostate exam.  The drill is as follows:  the physician lubes his finger with K-Y, pulls your cheek aside, and sticks his finger in.  Fair enough, not the favorite part of the day for either of us. Anyway, I had gone back for a checkup, and my normal doc was on vacation, so I saw this indian guy.  Rather than pull my cheek aside, he had lubed up his whole hand and was slowly rubbing up and down along the entire length of my ass crack.  As he rubbed up and down, he slowly worked his way until his rubbing was up against my asshole.  Then he slid his finger in and did the exam.  Even the sound was obscene.   Normally, when you are done you wipe the little bit of K-Y off of your ass, but I spent several minutes wiping the K-Y off of my fucking lower back, and way down below where my asshole was.  I was covered in fucking lube. I was young at the time (20) and didn't fully realize what had happened to me until much later.  At the time I thought it was supposed to be a "more gentle" technique or something, but I realized that there is no way it's normal for someone to massage your ass crack, working your way in like youre finger fucking a woman.   To this day it sort of bothers me, I don't know if I was molested or this guy was just a fuckup.

Damn dude thats not even funny!!!!  I can see why that upset you!!!...

Quoted: I got my daughter the other day.  I hated too but I felt it was necessary to teach her a lesson.  She likes to wear low waisted pants.  I am constantly getting after her to pull her pants up.  Well at a party in front of her friends I told her in a loud and clear voice "Whitney, pull your pants up, I can see pubic hairs!"  Needless to say she went scarlet.  I hope she keeps her pants pulled up better now though. Patty

Good call Patty!  Sometimes the little buggers just need a little reminder such as that.

bump

I was at the mall with a friend at Christmas time and we were walking into some sort of gourmet kitchen store looking for stocking stuffers for our wives. I said to him almost shouting " Hey buddy lets look for things to shove
up each others ass "  My friend stopped in his tracks and looked around at the people looking at us. He we not thrilled about it.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I have a friend in whom I once confided my anal violation story (posted here before - during a prostate exam I was subjected to some very unnatural fondling).  He loves to bring the story up at inopportune times.  I'm sorry I ever told him. Dude, you need to post a link so the rest of us can share in your humiliation!!...... I had prostatitis once.  I had already been in for one prostate exam.  The drill is as follows:  the physician lubes his finger with K-Y, pulls your cheek aside, and sticks his finger in.  Fair enough, not the favorite part of the day for either of us. Anyway, I had gone back for a checkup, and my normal doc was on vacation, so I saw this indian guy.  Rather than pull my cheek aside, he had lubed up his whole hand and was slowly rubbing up and down along the entire length of my ass crack.  As he rubbed up and down, he slowly worked his way until his rubbing was up against my asshole.  Then he slid his finger in and did the exam.  Even the sound was obscene.   Normally, when you are done you wipe the little bit of K-Y off of your ass, but I spent several minutes wiping the K-Y off of my fucking lower back, and way down below where my asshole was.  I was covered in fucking lube. I was young at the time (20) and didn't fully realize what had happened to me until much later.  At the time I thought it was supposed to be a "more gentle" technique or something, but I realized that there is no way it's normal for someone to massage your ass crack, working your way in like youre finger fucking a woman.   To this day it sort of bothers me, I don't know if I was molested or this guy was just a fuckup.

Holy shit bro, you got molested! Did you see where his other hand was?

Some funny stuff here.

Several years back the wife, in-laws and myself are sitting around the kitchen table at the in-laws house playing cards. We're talking about mundane things and the subject of prefered bed sizes comes up (we both have kings). This leads into prefered sleeping positions and as the conversation goes into a lull I announce that my wife "likes to do it doggy style".

You could have heard a pin drop. My mother-in-law has a look on her face like I just announced that the parrish priest and I are having a gay affair. My father-in-law gets an evil grin (he was a rascal, may he rest in peace, sometime I'll have to tell you about taking him to a titty bar in his wheelchair). And my wife who is a redhead turns just about the color of her hair.

About three heartbeats of complete silence, and I further announce; "Yeah, when it's cold she makes me sleep at the foot of the bed so she can warm her feet up on me like I was her dog."

Three more heartbeats and the neighbors could hear us laughing.

Vic out.

Quoted: I'll have to tell you about taking him to a titty bar in his wheelchair

That is classic.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I have a friend in whom I once confided my anal violation story (posted here before - during a prostate exam I was subjected to some very unnatural fondling).  He loves to bring the story up at inopportune times.  I'm sorry I ever told him. Dude, you need to post a link so the rest of us can share in your humiliation!!...... I had prostatitis once.  I had already been in for one prostate exam.  The drill is as follows:  the physician lubes his finger with K-Y, pulls your cheek aside, and sticks his finger in.  Fair enough, not the favorite part of the day for either of us. Anyway, I had gone back for a checkup, and my normal doc was on vacation, so I saw this indian guy.  Rather than pull my cheek aside, he had lubed up his whole hand and was slowly rubbing up and down along the entire length of my ass crack.  As he rubbed up and down, he slowly worked his way until his rubbing was up against my asshole.  Then he slid his finger in and did the exam.  Even the sound was obscene.   Normally, when you are done you wipe the little bit of K-Y off of your ass, but I spent several minutes wiping the K-Y off of my fucking lower back, and way down below where my asshole was.  I was covered in fucking lube. I was young at the time (20) and didn't fully realize what had happened to me until much later.  At the time I thought it was supposed to be a "more gentle" technique or something, but I realized that there is no way it's normal for someone to massage your ass crack, working your way in like youre finger fucking a woman.   To this day it sort of bothers me, I don't know if I was molested or this guy was just a fuckup. Holy shit bro, you got molested! Did you see where his other hand was?

I didn't feel his other hand and he never touched my balls or anything, but it is still suspicious.

Quoted: I didn't feel his other hand and he never touched my balls or anything, but it is still suspicious.

Did you think it was suspicious when you felt two hands on your shoulders?  

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I have a friend in whom I once confided my anal violation story (posted here before - during a prostate exam I was subjected to some very unnatural fondling).  He loves to bring the story up at inopportune times.  I'm sorry I ever told him. Dude, you need to post a link so the rest of us can share in your humiliation!!...... I had prostatitis once.  I had already been in for one prostate exam.  The drill is as follows:  the physician lubes his finger with K-Y, pulls your cheek aside, and sticks his finger in.  Fair enough, not the favorite part of the day for either of us. Anyway, I had gone back for a checkup, and my normal doc was on vacation, so I saw this indian guy.  Rather than pull my cheek aside, he had lubed up his whole hand and was slowly rubbing up and down along the entire length of my ass crack.  As he rubbed up and down, he slowly worked his way until his rubbing was up against my asshole.  Then he slid his finger in and did the exam.  Even the sound was obscene.   Normally, when you are done you wipe the little bit of K-Y off of your ass, but I spent several minutes wiping the K-Y off of my fucking lower back, and way down below where my asshole was.  I was covered in fucking lube. I was young at the time (20) and didn't fully realize what had happened to me until much later.  At the time I thought it was supposed to be a "more gentle" technique or something, but I realized that there is no way it's normal for someone to massage your ass crack, working your way in like youre finger fucking a woman.   To this day it sort of bothers me, I don't know if I was molested or this guy was just a fuckup.

Hahaha....haha....haha......


This ABSOLUTELY makes you gay.

No doubt, no question.

To get back to the original topic, yes!  A couple years back, my wife car got hit by a dumbass 16-year-old driver, so we borrowed my parents' old station wagon.  Yellow 1984 Olds wagon with the third seat, no power windows, headliner was hanging down in about 10 places, belched black smoke when it started, made noises like rocks in a blended when it drove past.  I loved it.

I took my daughters to their weekly church youth group meeting in it   My middle daughter, Grace, had just reached the age where image was everything.  She was mortified to be seen in the station wagon.  Her sisters didn't care.  She cried and begged until I agreed to drop them off at the far edge of the parking lot instead of at the door of the building.  Youth group was over at 8:15, so around 8:05 I found the primo parking spot right in front of the doors and sat on the tailgate to wait for the kids.

8:15 - the doors open and the kids start streaming out.  I stood on the tailgate and wave my arms.  "Gracie!  The cars over here!"  Grace does her best to look anywhere but at me while her sisters laugh and head towards the car.  I climbed on the roof of the car and wave some more.  "Gracie!"  Grace stomped over to the car and slouched in her seat until she couldn't be seen.

I hopped down, climbed in and cranked up the car, making sure to give it enough gas to create a smoke screen large enough to hide the Pacific Fleet.  Windows down, AM radio cranked, we clanked and wheezed our way out of the parking lot.  Grace was mad all the way home, and even madder when my wife thought it was funny as well.

If only I could have gotten the engine to backfire.  That would have been perfect.

Quoted: To get back to the original topic, yes!  A couple years back, my wife car got hit by a dumbass 16-year-old driver, so we borrowed my parents' old station wagon.  Yellow 1984 Olds wagon with the third seat, no power windows, headliner was hanging down in about 10 places, belched black smoke when it started, made noises like rocks in a blended when it drove past.  I loved it. I took my daughters to their weekly church youth group meeting in it   My middle daughter, Grace, had just reached the age where image was everything.  She was mortified to be seen in the station wagon.  Her sisters didn't care.  She cried and begged until I agreed to drop them off at the far edge of the parking lot instead of at the door of the building.  Youth group was over at 8:15, so around 8:05 I found the primo parking spot right in front of the doors and sat on the tailgate to wait for the kids. 8:15 - the doors open and the kids start streaming out.  I stood on the tailgate and wave my arms.  "Gracie!  The cars over here!"  Grace does her best to look anywhere but at me while her sisters laugh and head towards the car.  I climbed on the roof of the car and wave some more.  "Gracie!"  Grace stomped over to the car and slouched in her seat until she couldn't be seen. I hopped down, climbed in and cranked up the car, making sure to give it enough gas to create a smoke screen large enough to hide the Pacific Fleet.  Windows down, AM radio cranked, we clanked and wheezed our way out of the parking lot.  Grace was mad all the way home, and even madder when my wife thought it was funny as well. If only I could have gotten the engine to backfire.  That would have been perfect.

Reminds me of UNCLE BUCK.

as often as possible...................................


a few months back i was in the store with my wife walking around shopping(god i hate shopping) so anyway as we are walking around i notice the security guard is a buddy of mine (working some secondary) well as the wife gets a little ahead of me further and further and near the cashier i yell out

"HEY LADY GIMMIE BACK MY WALLET" since it really was in her purse at the time..................needless to say i have since found the most comfortable position to use while sleeping on the couch.

Reminds me of something I read in a book where a guy was on the elevated train with his sister.  She had to get off a stop or so before him and as she was leaving she turned and called "Well good luck with that rape charge."

I would have died!

My fondest memories of my first husband [its been long enough I can remember a few] were back when we were in college grocery shopping.  It was an on going joke of ours to put cases of condoms or jello parfait into people's shopping carts when they weren't looking.  Okay we were young and immature but it always brought a sustained giggle to us to see a Granny walking around with a mega pack of ultra thins & parfait!

Patty