User Panel
Posted: 7/30/2005 10:30:52 AM EDT
Some funny quotes taken from another web site I frequent. Some are dupes, some are just hilarous.
Combat for Dummies Advice and instructions taken from actual military sources. Some of these guys must have had a sense of humor "Aim towards the enemy." --Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." --U.S. Marine Corps "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." --USAF Ammo Troop "If the enemy is in range, so are you." --Infantry Journal "A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." --Army's magazine of prevention maintenance "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." --U.S. Air Force manual "Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo." --Infantry Journal "Tracers work both ways." --U.S. Army Ordnance "Five-second fuses only last three seconds." --Infantry Journal "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." --David Hackworth "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." --Infantry Journal "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." --Joe Gay "Any ship can be a minesweeper....once." --Anon "Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do." --Unknown Marine Recruit "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." --Infantry Journal "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." --USAF Ammo Troop |
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Never volunteer to drive a truck OR a Cadillac in Basic Training.
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Lewis Burwell Puller
A US Marine Legends and most decorated Marine in History Lived: 1898-1971 "Paper-work will ruin any military force" - Chesty Puller "The mail service has been excellent out here, and in my opinion this is all that the Air Force has accomplished during the war." - Chesty Puller in a letter to his wife while in Korea "Don't forget that you're First Marines! Not all the Communists in hell can overrun you!" - Chesty Puller motivating his men at Chosin Reservoir "Our Country won't go on forever, if we stay soft as we are now. There won't be any AMERICA because some foreign soldiery will invade us and take our women and breed a hardier race!" -Lt. Gen. Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC "Take me to the Brig. I want to see the "real Marines". " Major General Chesty Puller, USMC - while on a Battalion inspection. "We're surrounded. That simplifies the problem. All right, they're on our left, they're on our right, they're in front of us, they're behind us...they can't get away this time" - Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller, USMC "They are a damn site better than the U.S. Army, at least we know that they will be there in the morning." - Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller when a journalist asked him about being completely surrounded North Korean divisions. |
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Tagged. See my sig line for another Chesty gem.
ETA: Oops, already covered. Puller and Patton are the quintessential sources of military quotes. |
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Damn straight. My grandfather met him a couple times in Korea. |
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"Just drive down that road, until you get blown up".
-- General George Patton, to reconnaissance troops "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --General George S. Patton, Jr "Sure, we want to go home. We want this war over with. The quickest way to get it over with is to go get the bastards who started it. The quicker they are whipped, the quicker we can go home. The shortest way home is through Berlin and Tokyo. And when we get to Berlin, I am personally going to shoot that paper hanging son-of-a-bitch Hitler. Just like I'd shoot a snake!" -- General George S. Patton, Jr (addressing his troops before Operation Overlord, June 5, 1944) |
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Some great ones there i hadnt heard
readers digest has a great military humor section, i dont have one handy sorry |
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Only if you hit someone directly. 40mm grenades have to travel some distance before they arm. |
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A report from the other side...
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"This side towards enemy" - Claymore mine "Don't piss into the wind" - Jim Croce |
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"gear" + "M203" ??????????????????????????????????????????????????? |
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Funny stuff above ... Here is a sig line in another forum: "There are no atheists in a foxhole." |
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"In the absence of orders, find something and kill it."
-General Erwin Rommel |
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"All preplanning goes to shit as soon as the first round whizzes by your head."
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A few more:
It's not the round with your name on it...it's the one addressed "To Whom it may concern" that ya gotta worry about Combat ready units are rarely ready for inspection and inspection ready units are rarely ready for combat Killing for peace is like whoring for viginity |
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I hate this one. It's retarded. It's a hippy comment. Peace is not the absence of conflict. The US and USSR were at peace for long periods of time and we were ready to destroy each other. |
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Dude...the metaphor is FUNNY...Lighten up for the loveofGodandallthatsholy! |
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Don't think of it as being hopelessly outnumbered, think of it as having a wide shot selection.
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Hippies aren't funny... unless they're bleeding |
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Who said anything about hippies? It's WHORE...sound it out...Phonics is your friend. |
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You're taking quite offense to me not liking your post. This is funny. Dude, lighten up. Not everyone has to like everything. Yes, the whore part is funny. The message of the quote is ridiculous though. Get over it man. P.S. I grew up in MA, Pembroke to be exact. |
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Honey...I'm no man...perhaps that's why I think it's so funny. That and it was on the Murphy's list I had tacked over my bunk in AIT. |
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And no inspection-ready unit has ever passed combat.
See sig line below. |
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Edited: Nevermind, I answered my own question. |
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Hmmm he guessed Army right...Squids are getting smarter... Advanced Individual Training No harm, no foul. |
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Don't even get me started on Army.... Actually, truth be told, I've had near zero exposure to Army. Except for a friend of mine who is a Ranger with an entirely too large ego. Yeah, I figured out after posting my question what AIT meant. For some reason I always thought it was Infantry. Thanks for the info. |
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Another fave (I was an x-ray tech in the Army) and field ops for mass casualty training were always a cluster due to the following:
Uncrating and assembly instructions are always inside the crate WTH is up with that??? I'm just askin........... |
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Pearl Harbour Radio Operator: "Is there anything that we can provide?"
Response from Marine Commander on Wake Island: "Send us more Japs!" "Artillery is the King of battle: the King cannot swim, however, which is why we need you guys." (USMC arty specialist to a group of Navy officers in an Amphib Warfare Indoc course.) The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. --George Patton-- Diplomats are just as essential in starting a war as soldiers are in finishing it. --Will Rogers-- The number of medals on an officer's breast varies in inverse proportion to the square of the distance of his duties from the front line. --Charles Edward Montague-- Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much. --Oscar Wilde-- Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision. --Blake Clark-- Discipline is simply the art of making the soldiers fear their officers more than the enemy. --Helvetius-- Hard pressed on my right. My center is yielding. Impossible to maneuver. Situation excellent. I am attacking. --Ferdinand Foch-- at the Battle of the Marne The more MARINES I have around the better I like it!" -GEN. MARK CLARK, US.ARMY "Sometimes it is entirely appropriate to kill a fly with a sledge-hammer!" -MAJ. HOLDREDGE "A ship without MARINES is like a garment without buttons." -ADM. DAVID PORTER, USN "The MARINES have landed and have the situation well in hand!" -RICHARD HARDING DAVIS "Casualties many; Percentage of dead not known; Combat efficiency: we are winning!" -COL. DAVID M. SHOUP, USMC "Come on, you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever?" -GySgt. DANIEL DALY, USMC "We're not retreating, Hell! We're just attacking in different direction!" -GEN. OLIVER SMITH, USMC We have two companies of MARINES running all over this island and thousands of ARMY troops doing nothing!" -GEN. JOHN VESSEY, CHAIRMAN OF JOINT CHIEFS "Retreat hell! We just got here!" -CAPT. LLOYD WILLIAMS, USMC "The safest place in Korea was right behind a platoon of MARINES. LORD, how they could fight!" -MAJ. GEN. FRANK LOWE, US.ARMY |
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Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn
- Unknown And so tagged. |
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See my sigline, not traditional combat but marriage is pretty close.
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"It really doesn't matter. They are all going to die anyway"
USMC LCPL reply when asked about his unit's plan of attack at Falujah. rk |
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HAHAHAHAHA! Do I win anything for knowing the website you got those from? Is the homepage "yellow"? |
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Atheists in foxholes |
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Not famous, but I had a buddy reply after I asked if he was scared as follows:
Him: Scared? Scared?!!, Mother Fuc#er, if I could have cut the buttons off my BDU's to git closer to the ground, I would've. |
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"Fuck!"
The original author is anonymous but it has been repeated millions of times. |
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Who wants peace anyways? I want to kill the enemy, burn their bodies, and crap on the ashes. |
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