I was at a large party (500+ people) last night on a friend's farm complete with all the music, fighting, fucking and drinking you'd expect from a function that size. However, that is beside the point. As the night wound down and sunrise approached, a lot of the people had left, passed out or were puking and the massive bonfire collapsed into a mound of coals 5 feet tall, my brother began the toasts to those still there, conscious and drinking. Here are a few of the good ones from various drunks:
Here's to heat! Not the kind that brings down shacks and shanties, but the kind that brings down bras and panties.
Here's to honor. To gettin' on her. To stayin' on her. And if I can't cum in her, I'm cummin' on her.
Here's to sleeping triple, seeing double, living single, and testing negative.
May your coffin be made of a 100 year old tree planted tomorrow.
Be good.
If you can't be good, be careful;
And if you can't be careful,
Name it after me.
A man may kiss his wife goodbye,
The rose may kiss the butterfly,
The wine may kiss the frosted glass,
And you, my friends, may kiss my ass.
And here are the two my drunken Irish ass bellowed, which ended the night and dispersed the remaining crowd to their respective vehicles, initiating the convoy down winding backroads into civilization:
Raise 'em up!
May you quietly slip through the gates of heaven fifteen minutes before the devil knows you are dead.
Raise 'em up!
Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking.
If you cheat, may you cheat death.
If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart.
If you fight, may you fight for a brother.
And if you drink, may you drink with me.
Which brings me to the question at hand: what are your favorite toasts?