I've told some tall tales to my 5 year old, but he usually always calls me on them.  You know the type of stuff you tell a kid to mess with him...  Squirrels are really just little dogs that nobody wants.  Point at a horse and say "that's one tall pig", or that if he holds in a sneeze his eyes will pop out.   Stuff like that.

The kid is pretty bright.  A lot brighter than his old man, I'm sure of that at least.  He almost always tells me when I'm teasing him.  I consider it good practice at determining truth and analyzing what he hears.  See, I can justify just about anything!

Today I got him though... his first tooth fell out!  Sweet.  Sadly, I went with the standard tooth fairy gig.  I thought about having tooth stealing zombies trying to reanimate themselves by swapping money for teeth, but I knew he'd call me on it.

The tooth fairy is good enough I believe, and he fell asleep clutching a little cloth bag with his tooth in it.  He'll wake up clutching a little cloth bag with enough magical money in it to buy a watermelon slushy after swimming lessons.

For the parents out there....  Sometimes it just feels right to lie to your kid .  I can't wait to tell him about the Easter Pig!

Ugly

With my girl, it's the sleep fairy. The sleep fairy is a beautiful creature with sparkly wings but won't come and kiss her on the forehead until she lies still and closes her eyes.... and before she knows it.... sleepy time.

We've got the tooth fairy too but our brand of tooth fairy leaves those gold dollar thingies (thank goodness for the stamp vending machines in the post office).

One day my daughter (DFD) and I were up in Solvang ... she was suffering from a severe case of diarhhea of the mouth... blah blah blah blah blah. I finally told her in this store, "You know that when we are born we are given so many words to use in life... when you use them all up, thats it, you cant talk anymore... use your words wisely."

Storekeeper was laughing and my daughter was quiet the rest of the night. Lady at the store said that was the best way she has ever heard a parent quiet down their kid

My sis was having pretty hard times years ago.

I came to visit pretty flush after a good fishing season. Her oldest lost her first tooth, so I asked if I could be the tooth fairy.

Instead of the dollar or whatever it was, I put a Franklin under the kids pillow!

The joke?


The kid still had 27 more teeth to go and sis had to come up with a pretty good story to cover her ass with the kid.

In my family, we play hard.

Pic, that was cruel.

When it was my turn to tell bedtime stories I used to remove the PC crap. Little red riding hood ended with grandma going to the closet for her ak and the little girl getting the drop on the wolf with her 1911. Kids turned out good, I had fun telling stories my way while getting in a second amendment message every night.

WHAT!!  Are .....Are you telling me the tooth fairy was really my parents!!??

[rocking back and fourth in the corner] You lying bastards!  The tooth fairy is real [/rocking back and fourth in the corner]

My favorite BS story for kids is about microwave ovens.  I am always able to find some kid and convince them that microwave ovens don't generate microwaves, but rather just collect them and aim them at the food.  I add that in some parts of the country with poor cell phone coverage that mw ovens don't work because there aren't enough microwave signals to "gather in."  

I tell the kid that it is important to find the best place in their house for the microwave and they have to use a cell phone.  By using the signal bars, they can find the best room and direction to point the microwave.

You would be amazed at the number of preteens who buy this hook, line and sinker.

We've got the tooth fairy too but our brand of tooth fairy leaves those gold dollar thingies (thank goodness for the stamp vending machines in the post office).

That's exactly the same as what I do with both my kids.  I've stocked up on them and have plenty thanks to the stamp vending machines

Quoted: One day my daughter (DFD) and I were up in Solvang ... she was suffering from a severe case of diarhhea of the mouth... blah blah blah blah blah. I finally told her in this store, "You know that when we are born we are given so many words to use in life... when you use them all up, thats it, you cant talk anymore... use your words wisely." Storekeeper was laughing and my daughter was quiet the rest of the night. Lady at the store said that was the best way she has ever heard a parent quiet down their kid

I wish this would work on my wife

Quoted: My favorite BS story for kids is about microwave ovens.  I am always able to find some kid and convince them that microwave ovens don't generate microwaves, but rather just collect them and aim them at the food.  I add that in some parts of the country with poor cell phone coverage that mw ovens don't work because there aren't enough microwave signals to "gather in."   I tell the kid that it is important to find the best place in their house for the microwave and they have to use a cell phone.  By using the signal bars, they can find the best room and direction to point the microwave. You would be amazed at the number of preteens who buy this hook, line and sinker.

I know an ISP sells gus that got asked how they deliver the signal if they had no cable, so he asnwered "via microwaves" and the customer said, "Oh, but I don't have a MW oven" and hung up....

I've convinced my 14-year-old that Pink Floyd was originally a country band.

I was listening to Luther Wright and the Wrongs  www.lutherwrightandthewrongs.com and she immediately wanted to know who did that awful cover of Pink Floyd's The Wall and why did it sound like country music.  (It's a country/bluegrass cover of The Wall, very well done)

In a flash of inspiration, I said, "This IS Pink Floyd."

"What?"

"Pink Floyd started out as a country band.  The Wall was originally performed at the Grand Ole Opry, but it didn't go over very well.  Roger Waters and David Gilmour re-wrote it as a rock opera and the rest is history."

"Oh, well, I guess I still like them.  Eww."

I'm still laughing over that one.

I convinced my kids that horses lay "eggs" and it worked pretty well till they took some to my wife.  I got a beating for that one.

Quoted: I've told some tall tales to my 5 year old, but he usually always calls me on them.  You know the type of stuff you tell a kid to mess with him...  Squirrels are really just little dogs that nobody wants.  Point at a horse and say "that's one tall pig", or that if he holds in a sneeze his eyes will pop out.   Stuff like that. The kid is pretty bright.  A lot brighter than his old man, I'm sure of that at least.  He almost always tells me when I'm teasing him.  I consider it good practice at determining truth and analyzing what he hears.  See, I can justify just about anything! Today I got him though... his first tooth fell out!  Sweet.  Sadly, I went with the standard tooth fairy gig.  I thought about having tooth stealing zombies trying to reanimate themselves by swapping money for teeth, but I knew he'd call me on it. The tooth fairy is good enough I believe, and he fell asleep clutching a little cloth bag with his tooth in it.  He'll wake up clutching a little cloth bag with enough magical money in it to buy a watermelon slushy after swimming lessons. For the parents out there....  Sometimes it just feels right to lie to your kid .  I can't wait to tell him about the Easter Pig! Ugly

What the tooth fairy is not real... Ya right.. Next Ill bet you would try to tell me that there is not a little penguin living in my frigatetor. That turns on the light when you open the door. I think mine died or moved because the light no longer comes on..

Quoted: What the tooth fairy is not real... Ya right.. Next Ill bet you would try to tell me that there is not a little penguin living in my frigatetor. That turns on the light when you open the door. I think mine died or moved because the light no longer comes on..

Oh, the penguin is real.  It used to sing to us when the gears broke in the icemaker.

(This thread has given me several new ideas.  heh heh heh)

I used to tell my little sister that the Pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock... in F-14s.  So she went to school and told her kindergarden class how the Pilgrims crossed the Atlantic on an aircraft carrier and landed on Plymouth Rock.  

My parents heard from the teacher that night.