A question for married/divorced guys.

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - A question for married/divorced guys.

Posted: 9/7/2004 1:58:45 AM EDT

If you could go back, would you have remained single? I understand that for almost everyone there is no way they could go through life without their children, but pretend you had never had any.

What I am really asking is, is marriage worth it? As a single guy standing outside looking in, I say that it no longer is. You more experienced guys need to chime in with some advice.

Posted: 9/7/2004 2:01:11 AM EDT

[#1]

Yea would do it again. Never planned on it in the first place, it just happened. Couldn't imagine going through life without my partner, best friend, and lover.

There's something to be said about not having the responsiblities and pressures of those responsibilities but then I was never one to shy away from that to begin with.

Tj

Posted: 9/7/2004 2:03:25 AM EDT

[#2]

I wouldn't do it again if you held a gun to my head. YMMV

Posted: 9/7/2004 2:03:47 AM EDT

[#3]

If my kids never existed and I had no knowledge of them, absolutely. I'd much rather live alone. I'm hard to live with. Just ask my wife.

Posted: 9/7/2004 2:07:39 AM EDT

[#4]

There are times I wish I had never gotten married. I wouldn't be paying alimony and child support right now. BUT, if you find the right woman, it could be a very rewarding choice. I thought I had met the right one at the time. I was happy for the first couple of years. Then for what ever reason we changed and drifted apart. We each wanted the same end results, but had different methods of getting there. My ex wanted it her way or hi-way. I took the hi-way option finally.

Now that I'm bitter and tainted, I have no plans to re-marry. I'm lonely at times, but Im also not pulling my hair out trying not to walk on egg shells and keep her happy.

Posted: 9/7/2004 2:08:07 AM EDT

[#5]

Well, I have been divorced since 1975 and never did it again. I still got to have my daughter around and she is grown now and we have a good relationship. My ex never played a lot of the stupid games I see other people play when it came to our daughter. In fact, me ex and I are still good friends.

Divorced in 1975 in Atlanta! Why get married, too many women, too little time.

Posted: 9/7/2004 2:40:06 AM EDT

[#6]

I didn't get married until I was 32, my wife was 27.
I had a lot of fun before I got married.
If I could do it again would I remain single?
No.

Posted: 9/7/2004 2:41:27 AM EDT

[#7]

I would marry her all over again without thinking twice. Been married 8 years, together for 10. We're more in love today than ever.

Posted: 9/7/2004 3:04:45 AM EDT

[#8]

I was married for three years, been divorced for four, no children.

Despite all the pain my marriage and eventual divorce brought me, I am still glad I went through the experience as I feel as though it helped me to gain a lot of wisdom.

I have no problem with the prospect of getting married again, and feel that if there is a next time my high standards for a partner will make it most definately worth while.

Posted: 9/7/2004 3:20:47 AM EDT

[#9]

Divorced. Wouldn't do it again.

Posted: 9/7/2004 3:33:51 AM EDT

[#10]

The smartest thing I've ever done was to marry my wife. It'll be ten years on 31 December 2004.

The caveat to that is that you absolutely HAVE to know yourself and who it is you're marrying.

Posted: 9/7/2004 3:43:50 AM EDT

[#11]

Marrying my wife is the best thing that ever happened to me, but if I had to do it over again, I probably wouldn't. I really enjoyed being single. I didn't marry until I was 30. We have no kids. I don't want any. That's a part of life I have no desire for.

Posted: 9/7/2004 3:47:34 AM EDT

[#12]

I'm getting ready to get married.

So what do I know?

Posted: 9/7/2004 3:52:13 AM EDT

[#13]

i have had 9 wives........................
only one was mine

would not do it over again, i am secure in myself not to need a partner. i am not co dependent

Posted: 9/7/2004 3:59:28 AM EDT

[#14]

Quoted:
If you could go back, would you have remained single?

No. I like being married. Having found an excellent wife (this is my second marriage, so there was a learning curve) it's hard for me to imagine life without her. The Bible speaks of a mystery in which the two become one. When we're apart it feels like something is missing. We like being together and doing things together.

What I am really asking is, is marriage worth it? As a single guy standing outside looking in, I say that it no longer is. You more experienced guys need to chime in with some advice.

It is worth it. The keys are:

1) Building the relationship on a common foundation. For my wife and I it is the principles found in the Bible. It may be an old book, but it's not outdated. These principles are timeless and they work.

2) Each person giving to the other. The biggest saboteur of marriage relationships is a thing called "self."

So, yes, being married is worthwhile and good. The problems are that people rush into it with their eyes closed, make decisions based on hormonal urges, ignore their spouses, and try to operate on two different sets of rules.

Posted: 9/7/2004 4:08:04 AM EDT

[#15]

I've been married three times..........two very short ones (months) when I was young. The last one lasted eleven years.

People ask me all the time if I plan on getting married again. Especially women! My response usually consists of me holding up my ring finger and stating : I'll cut the son of a bitch off before I get married again

You can get the same rewards of a relationship with a steady girlfriend and not have to worry about losing all your possessions. As was said above...............marriage benefits the woman.

Posted: 9/7/2004 4:11:17 AM EDT

[#16]

Tough question because if I hadn't gotten married I probably wouldn't have met my current g/f, but damn those were the longest 2 years I have ever had and I wouldn't be stuck if large amounts of credit card debt.

Posted: 9/7/2004 4:27:54 AM EDT

[#17]

Let's see before I got married, I had MONEY! I had WOMEN! Travelled, Partied, Sports Cars, Vaction house in VT, Skiiing. Did I say WOMEN?
Well I have 2 wonderful children!!!!!!
I do love my Wife of 25 years.
But, if I had it all over to do again the answer is no.

Posted: 9/7/2004 4:33:31 AM EDT

[#18]

I like the idea of a lifetime companion.

I've been married twice and if something happened and I wasn't anymore I would probably do it again.

Posted: 9/7/2004 4:35:08 AM EDT

[#19]

I plead the 5th

Posted: 9/7/2004 4:39:41 AM EDT

[#20]

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

A lot of people don't know who they are, who they're getting married to, or what either of them really want, and then they get married for all the wrong reasons. And that always ends bad.

Remember the Alamo, and God Bless Texas...

Posted: 9/7/2004 4:46:26 AM EDT

[#21]

This year will make 13 for the wife and me. Yeah, I'd do it again.

Woody

Posted: 9/7/2004 4:46:33 AM EDT

[#22]

Surely would!

With all the aches and pains, and disappointments!

Why?

Cause of my daughter and granddaughter are well worth anything I ever endured!

Eric The(Granddaddy)Hun

Posted: 9/7/2004 4:48:07 AM EDT

[#23]

Yes, I've been married for 22years, and knew my wife for 10 year before that. I have 3 beautiful children, and of course we had our ups and downs, but thats part of life.

Posted: 9/7/2004 4:53:00 AM EDT

[#24]

Married for 6 years with our first child on the way. Yes, I would do it agian. If you consider yourself a good judge of character, trust your gut feeling.

Posted: 9/7/2004 5:08:04 AM EDT

[#25]

for my ex wife, i'd prefer getting skinned alive and dunked in an alchol vat instead of getting hooked up with her.

For mona, it's all good.

Posted: 9/7/2004 5:15:38 AM EDT

[#26]

25 years. All I can say is she completes me and I her. When we added little Ramjet, we as a couple were one.

I have found that communication is the one of the keys to a good relationship.

Posted: 9/7/2004 5:21:26 AM EDT

[#27]

Been married 31 years now. My missus and I have had a great relationship. I do exactly what the tells me to do!

She is an extraordinary woman, very self sufficient and easily capable of doing everything on her own. As a Naval officer's wife she did exactly that for many years while I played silly sailor games. We've had our little bumps, but nothing really bad.

The key for both of us was to take our marriage vows seriously and ALWAYS tell the truth and NEVER do anything to cause the other to lose trust in each other. Even though certain "opportunities" presented during our lives, and in spite of hearing the siren call, we never bit into the apple. In the end, it was well worth it.

We have two grown kids and are raising two grandkids, a beautiful girl of seven and a completely whacked out nutcase testosterone-poisoned BOY of five. (MY boy!)

Would I do it again...???

You bet!

Posted: 9/7/2004 5:22:54 AM EDT

[#28]

Yeah, it's great (most of the time). Pleasure spiked with pain.

Posted: 9/7/2004 5:28:51 AM EDT

[#29]

Yes, even after 20 years I would marry my husband again. We too enjoy being together and it also does not feel right when the other is not there. We have had our ups and downs,but I think that is what has made us stronger.

Posted: 9/7/2004 5:51:59 AM EDT

[#30]

AS stated in this thread, marriage 9 times out of 10 benifit's the woman. Security they call it........a house, and $$$$$$, that what theyre looking for. Would I do it again.NO!

Posted: 9/7/2004 5:55:28 AM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:
Yea would do it again. Never planned on it in the first place, it just happened. Couldn't imagine going through life without my partner, best friend, and lover.

Tj

+1. Nothing wrong with being single, but I woeld DEFINITELY marry again. I have a woman that I have been thru the ups and downs of life for 18 years. She is my best friends and lover...my SOUL MATE. She literally is as much a part of me as I am.

I really don't understand why so many marriages end in divorce, but I do know thatr it is the mans fault just as much as the womans...maybe more since they are the onces that ask them to marry.

YMMV

Sgatr15

Posted: 9/7/2004 6:01:35 AM EDT

[#32]

I've been married 10 years. No way in hell I would do it again.

Posted: 9/7/2004 6:03:58 AM EDT

[#33]

Surely I would marry again.

In fact, I'm sweet on a hellufa woman now. She loves me for me, I don't ever have to put on any acts, and she can shoot with the best of us.

But in terms of whether I could call a mulligan on the marriage I had, but which failed? I can't say that I would. First, there is the matter of my daughter, my most precious gift. Second, there is the fact that my marriage, the failure of that marriage, and my divorce really transformed me as a man. I'm more of my own person now, and it took the utter depths of hell to get me back to knowing who I really am and what I want to be.

Perhaps I'll marry the woman I'm seeing now. (She certainly wants to). Perhaps not. Whatever the case, its not the institution that is flaw, it is the society and how it views committed relationships. If this woman turns out to be trustworthy, etc., then she's in. If i have the slightest doubt, she's out.

Posted: 9/7/2004 6:07:58 AM EDT

[#34]

I have never wanted kids so getting married was not ever my playlist.
Same girl 3 years of dating , 5 years of living together I considered myself married in every way.
The wife didnt see it that way. I almost got killed one day and that shook her up pretty bad so after that she got all about getting married for real. A goverment or a shama blessed type of wedding, something that says if I am in a coma she is the switch holder. Things have not changed between us.

Posted: 9/7/2004 6:19:31 AM EDT

[#35]

No. I've been married for 30 years to a WONDERFUL woman who treats me like a king, but I'd rather be alone.

Posted: 9/7/2004 6:28:25 AM EDT

[#36]

I can't honestly answer.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - A question for married/divorced guys.

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