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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:17:45 AM EDT
[#1]
Confidence.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:18:39 AM EDT
[#2]
In on this sure to be shit show.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:19:18 AM EDT
[#3]
Just be normal and not awkward. Don't put their sexual side on a pedestal either. If you come across as desperate you will be shunned.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:20:09 AM EDT
[#4]
If you want to catch fish, you have to go fishing…not sit on the couch.
From there, it gets clear. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:21:32 AM EDT
[#5]
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:23:59 AM EDT
[#6]
lol
So in on this. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:24:01 AM EDT
[#7]
Quoted: So I am fast approaching 40 and while not the end of the world, I never had a serious relationship. Kind of never thought it would happen this way but it is what it is. However, I am not really trying to find tips on how to get a girlfriend but rather trying to understand why some people do and others don't. It appears a lot of guys tend to keep "how they met" a big secret. Oftentimes try to give well meaning advice to folks who are asking for advice but it doesn't seem like something they did. It also appears that both the men and women make good choices with each other and oftentimes their marriage seems to be really good. I do think most men and women tend to be in good viable conditions. They have jobs, look fairly good, and don't seem to be all that bad of a choice. A lot of people say looks aren't important and it's about confidence and whatnot, and while that may be true, a lot of guys seems to be "out there" and yet still cannot successfully close the gap between conversation and getting to the point of being in a relationship. So what is the "big secret" that some guys do and others don't? I know this is ar15.com and a lot of you guys are prior or current military and a lot of you guys are probably not the shy type. Confidence as the previous poster said is one thing, but there is also the fact that you either want someone in your life/are relationship material, or you don't want someone in your life and are not relationship material. For me, the latter part is true. I've realized over the years that I am just not interested in or capable of giving someone the amount of time they want or feel like they deserve. It might be selfishness, it might be something else, but most relationships I've been in have ended because I felt the other person was making demands on my time that I felt were unfair to me or that I just possibly couldn't meet. The biggest problem for me were getting involved with women who either didn't have careers that kept them as busy as mine keeps me, or just had no hobbies or interests outside of having a man in their life. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:26:51 AM EDT
[#8]
Looks + personality + luck.
Looks is black&white. You can have a great personality but be on the quiet/shy side and never meet anyone. You can be a complete ass but hook up constantly by being outgoing, funny, confident, etc. By luck I mean timing and how often you come in contact with others. Might be hard to meet someone if you work at home or in a shop/factory with a bunch of guys and don't go out much. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:26:56 AM EDT
[#9]
There was a reddit thread a while back asking how guys went from being invisible to girls to being in a relationship.
You'd be surprised (or maybe not) how many said, "I started taking showers more often" or just better hygiene in general. Other common themes were: Stopped dressing like a slob, stopped coming off as desperate for attention/approval, started working out/lost weight, started talking to girls like they're just people and not a different species. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:28:05 AM EDT
[#10]
Confidence and don’t overthink it.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:28:48 AM EDT
[#11]
I am an average looking guy and always been a tad overweight "dad bod" type dude. I have been married twice and both were/are attractive women who theoretically "done better". The thing about women even the really good looking ones is they are all suffering the same doubt and confidence issues you are.
I landed both of mine just being me. I lived my life and they happened to pass through it by way of friends or just being out in social places/activities. I am me all day every day. Most women tell me I am funny and funny goes a long way. Most women want to be around somebody that makes them laugh and enjoy the every day. So go to the grocery store, the gas station, hang out with some of your coworkers. Don't be afraid to chat a girl up. You don't have to have a pickup line. Just relax and don't "hunt". When you do, it will just happen. Just my .02 |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:29:36 AM EDT
[#12]
So I was single until age 47. I did however have a robust and active dating life.
I was quite attractive. Was in my University calendar (Mr. Feb), successful Uni professor and had a ton of swagger and game. I never dated anyone 30 or over. When I married my wife she was 23 and I was 47. Confidence and a touch of quiet arrogance work miracles. Looks do help but a successful career and swagger can substitute. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:31:04 AM EDT
[#13]
Post your picture.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:31:17 AM EDT
[#14]
You don't have to be lonely at farmersonly.com
Maybe try grinder 
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:31:46 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Confidence and don’t overthink it. This...and you never know when it'll happen......my step mother set me up with a blind date once....married for 33 years now. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:32:02 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I am an average looking guy and always been a tad overweight "dad bod" type dude. I have been married twice and both were/are very attractive women who theoretically could have "done better". The thing about women is even the really good looking ones is they are all suffering the same doubt and confidence issues you are. I landed both of mine just being me. I lived my life and they happened to pass through it by way of friends or just being out in social places/activities. I am me all day every day. Most women tell me I am funny and funny goes a long way. Most women want to be around somebody that makes them laugh and enjoy the every day. So go to the grocery store, the gas station, hang out with some of your coworkers. Don't be afraid to chat a girl up. You don't have to have a pickup line. Just relax and don't "hunt". When you do, it will just happen. Just my .02 Oh and like somebody above said, smelling nice and your clothes not looking like you rolled out of bed or and being matched/coordinated helps also. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:32:41 AM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted: If you want to catch fish, you have to go fishing…not sit on the couch. From there, it gets clear. It really is this simple. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:33:12 AM EDT
[#18]
im going to guess you never worked in sales.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:34:22 AM EDT
[#19]
Prior success helps a lot. This falls under confidence.
Awkwardness due to lack of confidence / poor social skills. These can be worked on by getting out there more. From there it's just MEET, GREET, BEAT, SKEET, DELETE, REPEAT. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:34:30 AM EDT
[#20]
I’m a shy guy, have anxiety, IT sci-fi Star Trek Star Wars loving geek, but I grew up on a farm, was very athletic and played sports growing up, but I hate watching sports with a passion. I don’t keep up with sports at all, and I look decent, but I…
1) Married the hot cheer leader from high school (12 years after high school) 2) Am a traditional gentleman, I.e. I listen, open doors for everyone, am nice to everyone 3) Dress decent, I actually started buying clothes that looked snazzy when dating, instead of t-shirt and jeans all the time (which I mostly wear) 4) Went to church as am a believer, and that’s sort of how I met my wife at 30… she was in a church class with my sister in law, and being a Godly man was her #1 must have, so we ended up talking and now have 2 kids and happy as can be, still at the same church. I’m 42, and have a friend that’s 43, never been married, and he just found a girlfriend, at church. My advice, get out there, go to church, dress and groom yourself well, pray, get a profile online, don’t be desperate, don’t be clingy, be chivalrous and respectful not to get a girl, but because it’s the right thing to do, and listen to girls more than you talk. Eventually you’ll find one. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:35:21 AM EDT
[#21]
Men who can easily find girfriends typically have a few of the following qualities. The more of these you check off, the more likely to find a girlfriend
Social/Smooth talker Funny Big bank accounts Tall, musclular,big peen Handsome High paying job Owns home(s)&car(s) travels to foreign/exotic destinations |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:37:12 AM EDT
[#22]
Here's my secret that I am willing to share with the world:
You have to have the confidence to go find them. You will fail sometimes but you will learn from the failures. Be yourself, and if that doesn't work figure out why yourself isn't attracting the women you want, and whether the women you want are really worth chasing. It's not any different than anything else in life; try until you succeed. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:39:17 AM EDT
[#23]
I met my wife at a small diner/ice cream shop where she worked. I went there because it was the local hangout in a small town, and I had a friend that also worked there.
She worked the counter, so I had her cornered. She had to talk to me. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:41:58 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted: So I was single until age 47. I did however have a robust and active dating life. I was quite attractive. Was in my University calendar (Mr. Feb), successful Uni professor and had a ton of swagger and game. I never dated anyone 30 or over. When I married my wife she was 23 and I was 47. Confidence and a touch of quiet arrogance work miracles. Looks do help but a successful career and swagger can substitute. Found DK_PROF's stealth account. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:42:23 AM EDT
[#25]
FPNI
At the end of the day most viable women do not want meek mild and nervous. If exhibit that around them in social circumstances they will cross you off their list. In my opinion NEEDY falls within those categories but add as a 4th if you want. Confidence starts it all off. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:44:56 AM EDT
[#26]
Confidence and not having crazy expatiations
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:45:03 AM EDT
[#27]
WTF is going on here....
Is this like the movie 40 Year Old Virgin? |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:46:12 AM EDT
[#28]
Don't be ugly.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:46:56 AM EDT
[#29]
We're known for divorce, so yeah no better place than here to get advice.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:47:52 AM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Confidence. This is the answer. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:48:26 AM EDT
[#31]
It's not even a woman thing. Most people in general don't actually care about other people, or want "love". They want accessories to their personality and status.
The very act of caring about feedback already implies that you think other people matter beyond what they can do for you, and that is going to be an enormous red flag for a large chunk of our society who just wants to feel like they're better than others. So you have to know what kinds of women actually want the kind of man you are, figure out where they are, and then go meet them there. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:48:32 AM EDT
[#32]
Half of the battle is not being overly 'clingy' or be a self centered prick. OP it could be that you need to lower your expectations. My brother is 100lbs overweight, balding, has a shitty job and currently lives with my Dad. He wonders why twenty something hotties aren't lining up to confess their undying love.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:48:53 AM EDT
[#33]
I knew a guy back in college, a real "player"
average looks, decent job (commission sales)...and always had more women around than he knew what to do with He approached wimmenz like he approached his sales job. He might talk to 50 women or every girl in the bar, get a drink thrown in his face, laugh it off smiling and having a good time, and relished each rejection was one-step closer to success...well, that was fun...on to the next one. "Whatever happens your toes are still tappin" i don't think he ever left the bar alone |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:49:31 AM EDT
[#34]
OP, you have been here long enough to know most of the posters here are trying to get rid of their wives, not attract one
Stay single, slay poon, keep your money and buy more toys. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:49:36 AM EDT
[#35]
My girlfriend has a birthday today
She is 29 today I am 54 Younger but mature like older guys. It helps to not be a fat fuck too |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:49:38 AM EDT
[#36]
Take care of yourself. Get fit, shave, and feel good about yourself. That's organic confidence and it will be perceived by others.
Don't dress like an arfcommer. Throw your cargo shorts and jorts in the fucking trash. Go online and see what men your age are wearing. You don't need the expensive clothes to dress like a million bucks. Clothing should fit well and be reasonably fashionable. Get out of the house. You aren't going to find women on your couch. Go eat dinner with friends. Keep your eyes and ears open at work. Some folks have luck at church. Clean your house. Clean your vehicle. I'm 44 and I know the "good woman" dating pool can be shallow, but it ain't dry. You've got to put in work on yourself first. Genuine confidence will cause prior desperation to disappear. Desperation makes you awkward and clingy...which drives women away. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:50:20 AM EDT
[#37]
A main reason is because they were not strong and confident and did not learn how to attract women when they were young. Like a lot of skills it is much harder to learn later in life.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:50:37 AM EDT
[#38]
What you need to find is a boyfriend-free girl. The rest just falls into place.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:52:02 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Confidence and not having crazy expatiations And able to spell. 
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:52:07 AM EDT
[#40]
At that age who knows. I’m an introvert and I only made out ok because of the target rich environment of my youth and married in my 20s. Once everyone is married off, that pool gets a lot smaller. I would think anyone who can consistently hookup at that age is good looking and an extrovert or is very successful in life, like way above average.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:52:59 AM EDT
[#41]
Quoted: So I am fast approaching 40 and while not the end of the world, I never had a serious relationship. Kind of never thought it would happen this way but it is what it is. However, I am not really trying to find tips on how to get a girlfriend but rather trying to understand why some people do and others don't. It appears a lot of guys tend to keep "how they met" a big secret. Oftentimes try to give well meaning advice to folks who are asking for advice but it doesn't seem like something they did. It also appears that both the men and women make good choices with each other and oftentimes their marriage seems to be really good. I do think most men and women tend to be in good viable conditions. They have jobs, look fairly good, and don't seem to be all that bad of a choice. A lot of people say looks aren't important and it's about confidence and whatnot, and while that may be true, a lot of guys seems to be "out there" and yet still cannot successfully close the gap between conversation and getting to the point of being in a relationship. So what is the "big secret" that some guys do and others don't? I know this is ar15.com and a lot of you guys are prior or current military and a lot of you guys are probably not the shy type. The big “secret” is stop being creepy and weird! |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:53:10 AM EDT
[#42]
Wrong place to ask for dating advice
And good fucking luck, the crazy is stronger than ever. I'm done fishing for a while....... |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:53:40 AM EDT
[#43]
Between the rise of hook-up culture and the increasingly misandric nature of our legal system (divorce court, sexual assault, etc.)... the risk-vs-reward calculus of pursuing a real relationship has changed significantly for men.
When there's plenty of free milk, and every 5th cow is wired to explode..... |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:54:58 AM EDT
[#44]
FPNI again. Height helps too, but confidence is huge. Not arrogance, conceit, false bravado, etc.
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:54:59 AM EDT
[#45]
90% of women want the top 10% of men and flat out think they'd never lower their standards to even consider 70% of the men out there. That means a lot of guys are out of luck at passing along their genetics to the next generation
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:56:30 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted: There was a reddit thread a while back asking how guys went from being invisible to girls to being in a relationship. You'd be surprised (or maybe not) how many said, "I started taking showers more often" or just better hygiene in general. Other common themes were: Stopped dressing like a slob, stopped coming off as desperate for attention/approval, started working out/lost weight, started talking to girls like they're just people and not a different species. The best advice I’ve seen is find a hobby, something that you really love. In no time women will show up to ruin it. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:56:43 AM EDT
[#47]
Guys I knew who went out with a lot of women were confident and didn't really care if a girl turned them down. It didn't mean any more than casting a line and not catching a fish.
Other than that I don't know either. We have some family friends who are successful, attractive women who have not been married and have no children. I think maybe they're shy and just aren't in social situations where they get approached very often by men. At your age if you are fit, don't have substance abuse, financial or mental health problems as a never married, no kids man you're a bit of a unicorn. You might be dealing with women who are divorced or broke up with a baby daddy |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:58:04 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Confidence. This and letting go of the outcome. Too many people are afraid of putting themselves out there because they afraid of rejection, getting, hurt, looking stupid. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:58:38 AM EDT
[#49]
Strength, wit, confidence, money, and interest while not being clingy.
Women will gravitate towards that naturally. It’s up to guys to determine long term worth. |
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Posted: 8/12/2022 8:59:32 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Confidence. I know it comes off as trite, but I find this is exactly the difference. Confident people exude that “I’m going to win,” aura. People pick up on it. It helps in pretty much every aspect of life. Im self aware enough to know I project confidence, and competence. And I know both of these have helped me achieve beyond what others that, on paper, would seem more prepared or qualified. (I’m also aware of my flaws, no doubt about that. But I’m confident enough to not give a shit… )And those things matter, but it’s the follow through that seals the deal. I know it sounds atavistic and/or simplistic, but people are hard wired to either lead, or follow. Not everybody is a leader, even if it’s just of a relationship. |
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