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Posted: 9/23/2019 9:26:59 AM EDT
Alimony is indentured servitude.

Typically you have to pay alimony for half the duration of the marriage.

In my case, married for 30 years so that will be 15 years.

I'm 57 now, so that will mean working until I am 72 to pay off the alimony.

So let's face it, the rest of my life is fucked. No retirement.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:29:27 AM EDT
[#1]
It’s quite telling that you never hear feminists rail against the inherent sexism of alimony or insist that females be required to register for Selective Service.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:29:43 AM EDT
[#2]
Sorry to hear that OP .
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:29:57 AM EDT
[#3]
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:31:16 AM EDT
[#4]
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:34:24 AM EDT
[#5]
Quoted:
Alimony is indentured servitude.

Typically you have to pay alimony for half the duration of the marriage.

In my case, married for 30 years so that will be 15 years.

I'm 57 now, so that will mean working until I am 72 to pay off the alimony.

So let's face it, the rest of my life is fucked. No retirement.
View Quote
Maybe a dumb question, but how is alimony or "T.S.S" calculated in your circumstance?  Can it go up or down or is a number settled on and that's it until you are 72?
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:37:01 AM EDT
[#6]
I don't understand why it is so one sided. If she is entitled to money because she spent her time taking care of the house why is he not entitled to maid sevice from her for the same amount of time?
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:37:05 AM EDT
[#7]
No ring without a prenup.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:39:26 AM EDT
[#8]
There's a hit country song in this somewhere...
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:39:27 AM EDT
[#9]
what happens if you say fuck it and live off the grid somewhere as a hermit and dont pay? can you be arrested for not paying alimony?
That is a shitty situation to be in, I feel bad for you OP.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:40:31 AM EDT
[#10]
I'd probably say fuck it and retire today.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:43:07 AM EDT
[#11]
[Deleted]
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:45:24 AM EDT
[#12]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Strictly speaking, “alimony” is until the recipient dies or remarries.

What you are talking about is “temporary spousal support.”

Yea, I am this pedantic IRL

And I agree that both are effectively indentured servitude.
View Quote
Thankfully NJ changed that, at 67 alimony can be either reduced or eliminated.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:46:16 AM EDT
[#13]
the fuckin you get for the fuckin you got
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:47:32 AM EDT
[#14]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
And they rant about the gender imbalance in STEM careers but are silent about it in nursing or elementary/middle-school education.
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Quoted:
Quoted:
It’s quite telling that you never hear feminists rail against the inherent sexism of alimony or insist that females be required to register for Selective Service.
And they rant about the gender imbalance in STEM careers but are silent about it in nursing or elementary/middle-school education.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:50:03 AM EDT
[#15]
I'm a woman that has been divorced before. I agree with you OP. Unless there are children that need financial support and to see both parents on a regular basis. Once you are divorced, there should be no need to have contact in any way, shape or form.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:50:57 AM EDT
[#16]
I with ya man.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:51:06 AM EDT
[#17]
Either I was smart or lucky, but I married a woman that has always made as much or more than me.

Relationship dynamics are so much different when your wife isn't reaching into your wallet for everything.

Good luck, OP. Did your ex work?
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:53:26 AM EDT
[#18]
I was talking to a young man yesterday who told me a story about his wife running off with their 3 little kids.  She moved in with her trainer she met at the gym.
After the divorce she was awarded alimony and child support to the tune of $3400 a month and the guy only makes $4200 a month. He is trying to live on $800 a month and she just went to court again asking for more money
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:58:13 AM EDT
[#19]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Either I was smart or lucky, but I married a woman that has always made as much or more than me.

Relationship dynamics are so much different when your wife isn't reaching into your wallet for everything.

Good luck, OP. Did your ex work?
View Quote
This
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:58:16 AM EDT
[#20]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
what happens if you say fuck it and live off the grid somewhere as a hermit and dont pay? can you be arrested for not paying alimony?
View Quote
Apparently not, in my BIL's case
He never pays. My sister has to waste time going to court to fight. Courts do nothing. He gets paid under the table and claims zero income

If there's no children to care for, I say pull a Keyser Söze
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:58:45 AM EDT
[#21]
Al Bundy was right!
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 9:59:09 AM EDT
[#22]
And people wonder why I don’t really want to get married lol
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:00:06 AM EDT
[#23]
My brother in law in South Carolina is looking at LIFETIME alimony.  Yes, that's a thing.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:00:28 AM EDT
[#24]
Make better choices? In Florida, you would be paying for the rest of your life. I've never heard of "pay for half the length of the marriage."
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:04:07 AM EDT
[#25]
No.   It isn’t indentured servitude.

It’s Slavery.  Pure and simple.

-edit- It’s actually far Worse than slavery.

Because with Slavery, the slavemaster has a responsibility to feed, house and protect you.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:04:56 AM EDT
[#26]
Women are property and property cannot be recognized as a plaintiff in a trial, therefore alimony is unconstitutional.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:07:51 AM EDT
[#27]
Quoted:
Alimony is indentured servitude.

Typically you have to pay alimony for half the duration of the marriage.

In my case, married for 30 years so that will be 15 years.

I'm 57 now, so that will mean working until I am 72 to pay off the alimony.

So let's face it, the rest of my life is fucked. No retirement.
View Quote
That's why I don't kiss them on the mouth ...
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:07:54 AM EDT
[#28]
I know a guy who gave up his professional state licensing, necessary to work in his field, took a $100k+/yr pay cut and started delivering pizzas to support himself, just so they'd have to refigure his alimony. He already lived a smaller rent house that was paid off he got in the divorce when his ex got the main residence... that she could never pay off the mortgage without his money.

He said there was no way he was going to work his ass off in a professional field just so his ex could sit on her ass all day. If he was going to have to work the rest of HIS life, so was she.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:11:05 AM EDT
[#29]
move to poland
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:14:23 AM EDT
[#30]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Women are property and property cannot be recognized as a plaintiff in a trial, therefore alimony is unconstitutional.
View Quote
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:15:20 AM EDT
[#31]
When I finally divorced my wife she was pissed as her friends in her cult told her she would get alimony and child support.  She got neither.  The only child, a son aged 14 1/2, was on shared custody, one week with her, one week with me, so no money there.  As for alimony, she had her own small business and if working it full time her income would have equaled or been slightly more than mine so no alimony.

BTW At age 18 son moved in with me, he couldn't stand her.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:15:58 AM EDT
[#32]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Make better choices? In Florida, you would be paying for the rest of your life. I've never heard of "pay for half the length of the marriage."
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I don't even know what this means.

Maybe the OP is entirely at fault for the divorce.  Maybe the wife decided the grass looked greener with Pablo the pool boy.  It is incredibly presumptuous of you to post that, though.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:16:23 AM EDT
[#33]
Don't get divorced?

Don't get married?
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:19:59 AM EDT
[#34]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I was talking to a young man yesterday who told me a story about his wife running off with their 3 little kids.  She moved in with her trainer she met at the gym.
After the divorce she was awarded alimony and child support to the tune of $3400 a month and the guy only makes $4200 a month. He is trying to live on $800 a month and she just went to court again asking for more money
View Quote
She got full custody?
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:23:21 AM EDT
[#35]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Maybe a dumb question, but how is alimony or "T.S.S" calculated in your circumstance?  Can it go up or down or is a number settled on and that's it until you are 72?
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Quoted:
Maybe a dumb question, but how is alimony or "T.S.S" calculated in your circumstance?  Can it go up or down or is a number settled on and that's it until you are 72?
We would negotiate the number and it would be for a fixed term.  Of course if circumstances changed like I lost my job or something it would have to be renegotiated.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:23:26 AM EDT
[#36]
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Quoted:
Women are property and property cannot be recognized as a plaintiff in a trial, therefore alimony is unconstitutional.
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That come from the sovereign citizens guide to family court?
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:24:21 AM EDT
[#37]
Cryptocurrency isn't good for much but I think it'd have an application here.  Lock a good chunk of money up on a physical wallet like a stamped or engraved piece of stainless steel and bury it.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:24:37 AM EDT
[#38]
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Quoted:
Make better choices? In Florida, you would be paying for the rest of your life. I've never heard of "pay for half the length of the marriage."
View Quote
If you dont think people change over 15 to 20, you're naive.

The hope is when two people change they're still compatible.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:25:06 AM EDT
[#39]
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:25:45 AM EDT
[#40]
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:25:47 AM EDT
[#41]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Either I was smart or lucky, but I married a woman that has always made as much or more than me.

Relationship dynamics are so much different when your wife isn't reaching into your wallet for everything.

Good luck, OP. Did your ex work?
View Quote
No, our grown daughter has some health issues that she provides care for, but it's not like it's full time care or anything like that.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:26:52 AM EDT
[#42]
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:29:37 AM EDT
[#43]
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Quoted:
That come from the sovereign citizens guide to family court?
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Quoted:
Quoted:
Women are property and property cannot be recognized as a plaintiff in a trial, therefore alimony is unconstitutional.
That come from the sovereign citizens guide to family court?
Am I being detained? If so I do not recognize your authority to ask me these questions as I am traveling the information superhighway not driving on it.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:29:39 AM EDT
[#44]
The fact that they can set an amount that has to be paid indefinitely, or at least that’s my understanding, is BS.  Buddy wanted to take another job that would reduce his income in the short run but offered more opportunity in the long run and said he couldn’t due to alimony.

It can be a shitty deal for both involved.  My wife has her masters, but she became a housewife shortly after graduation.  We made a deal when we married to act as partners with the best interest of our family at the head of our decisions.  One of those decisions was her foregoing monetary gain to raise the kids and keep the house while I worked to pay for things.   If we were to divorce tomorrow should she be left high and dry to start her career over a decade later with no compensation from me?  That doesn’t seem right to me.  Should I be forced to work for my entire life to make up for it?  Absolutely not.  Should I be able to quit my job tomorrow and leave her high and dry out of spite? I don’t agree with that either.  Should I have to work more than I currently do while she’s off galavanting on the town?  Absolutely not.  Should she be given pennies on the dollar while I’m out making bank, all the while her sacrifice is what allowed me to do so?   We’ve made all of our decisions as a couple, with the families best interest at the heart of our decision making.  How do you move forward from that as two singles with two different set of finances and priorities.  That I do not know.

I pray I never have to find out first hand.  But the system I think is fair is not what I’ve seen implemented.  Normally someone gets royally screwed.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:31:38 AM EDT
[#45]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

That come from the sovereign citizens guide to family court?
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Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:34:33 AM EDT
[#46]
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Quoted:
No ring without a prenup.
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Useless.   Judges break them all the time.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:37:30 AM EDT
[#47]
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Quoted:

in a lot of states, the judge won't fall for that, and state laws allow the judge to impute income to the payor based on the payor's ability to earn.  Men try that all the time in child support cases and the court says "nice try, keep paying."
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And people wonder why courts might end up targets of violence?
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:37:44 AM EDT
[#48]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:

in a lot of states, the judge won't fall for that, and state laws allow the judge to impute income to the payor based on the payor's ability to earn.  Men try that all the time in child support cases and the court says "nice try, keep paying."
View Quote
As a guy that’s had sole custody of his two kids since 05, when my son was one and I was recovering from a nasty motorcycle crash, to this date I’ve received 137.38 for two children. Nobody did shit. All child support is a racket. They had to figure out who would pay what amount to set hers, and they didn’t have a good answer when I asked why it costs more to raise the kids if she has them than me, i say fuck the courts.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:40:38 AM EDT
[#49]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
I know a guy who gave up his professional state licensing, necessary to work in his field, took a $100k+/yr pay cut and started delivering pizzas to support himself, just so they'd have to refigure his alimony. He already lived a smaller rent house that was paid off he got in the divorce when his ex got the main residence... that she could never pay off the mortgage without his money.

He said there was no way he was going to work his ass off in a professional field just so his ex could sit on her ass all day. If he was going to have to work the rest of HIS life, so was she.
View Quote
That is not how it works. They will base it off what he should be making and if he voluntarily takes a pay cut, support will not be reduced.
Link Posted: 9/23/2019 10:41:18 AM EDT
[#50]
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Quoted:
The fact that they can set an amount that has to be paid indefinitely, or at least that’s my understanding, is BS.  Buddy wanted to take another job that would reduce his income in the short run but offered more opportunity in the long run and said he couldn’t due to alimony.

It can be a shitty deal for both involved.  My wife has her masters, but she became a housewife shortly after graduation.  We made a deal when we married to act as partners with the best interest of our family at the head of our decisions.  One of those decisions was her foregoing monetary gain to raise the kids and keep the house while I worked to pay for things.   If we were to divorce tomorrow should she be left high and dry to start her career over a decade later with no compensation from me?  That doesn’t seem right to me.  Should I be forced to work for my entire life to make up for it?  Absolutely not.  Should I be able to quit my job tomorrow and leave her high and dry out of spite? I don’t agree with that either.  Should I have to work more than I currently do while she’s off galavanting on the town?  Absolutely not.  Should she be given pennies on the dollar while I’m out making bank, all the while her sacrifice is what allowed me to do so?   We’ve made all of our decisions as a couple, with the families best interest at the heart of our decision making.  How do you move forward from that as two singles with two different set of finances and priorities.  That I do not know.

I pray I never have to find out first hand.  But the system I think is fair is not what I’ve seen implemented.  Normally someone gets royally screwed.  
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Voluntarily deciding to help an ex out is vastly different than being forced to by the bureaucracy.
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