And yet, once more with feeling...
Top Ten reasons why a Handgun is better than a Man
1.) You can buy a handgun with a longer barrel, and your other handgun won't get jealous.
2.) Most handguns will shoot more than once, without having to "rest".
3.) If you use your handgun to defend your life, you don't have to listen to it brag about it, and embellish the story for the next 20 years.
4.) Handguns rarely smell bad.
5.) An older handgun becomes a classic, and doesn't get fat, bald, and/or unable to shoot.
6.) You can have a whole safe full of handguns, and they won't fight with each other.
7.) A handgun never complains if you want to take it shopping with you all day.
8.) You can toss a handgun in a drawer, and it doesn't feel "taken for granted".
9.) If a handgun misfires, it doesn't get a complex about it, and wonder if it can ever "perform right" again.
10.) A handgun doesn't get a midlife crisis at 45 years old, and dump you for a younger owner and a Corvette.